Pretend You are Elin: What Would You Do Now?
Dec 7th, 2009, 05:22 PM
#281
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,405
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Love - you are one of the wisest people I know - in this online cyber sort of way!!
I actually think its possible that Tiger loves her - in his deeply flawed way. It sounds inconsistent but I think its very possible. I think its possible that he regrets hurting her, loves her and still betrayed her, wishes he didn't, and its more complicated that his just being a jerk.
Or ...he is just a jerk.
I do agree that you never know what you would do until you are in the situation. Its easy to second guess. I imagine she is still in shock .. but who knows unless you are there..
Linda - I know you believe you and your husband would never cheat. I hope that comes true forever. But - does anybody ever think they would? I have seen many people who thought it would never happen to them live to learn otherwise. Life changes, people change, etc.
I actually think its possible that Tiger loves her - in his deeply flawed way. It sounds inconsistent but I think its very possible. I think its possible that he regrets hurting her, loves her and still betrayed her, wishes he didn't, and its more complicated that his just being a jerk.
Or ...he is just a jerk.
I do agree that you never know what you would do until you are in the situation. Its easy to second guess. I imagine she is still in shock .. but who knows unless you are there..
Linda - I know you believe you and your husband would never cheat. I hope that comes true forever. But - does anybody ever think they would? I have seen many people who thought it would never happen to them live to learn otherwise. Life changes, people change, etc.
Dec 7th, 2009, 05:36 PM
#282
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 45,322
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Hello dear chicgolori, I am always so glad to see a post from you as I think of you so often as I hope you know.
I don't consider myself one of the wisest people although I thank you for the comment but I do feel I am rather street smart so to speak. And I just wanted to say even when I was in high school the "super jocks" didn't appeal to me, I got along with them but I wasn't interested in their "it is all about me" type of attitude. Your comment regarding Elin possibly being in shock, I would sure think that is true. Inspite of her wealth I wouldn't trade places with her for a moment. I so often think that when I read about celebreties and their spouses.
Anyway, dear chicagolori I send you my good wishes and I hope you will have a gentle holiday season.
I don't consider myself one of the wisest people although I thank you for the comment but I do feel I am rather street smart so to speak. And I just wanted to say even when I was in high school the "super jocks" didn't appeal to me, I got along with them but I wasn't interested in their "it is all about me" type of attitude. Your comment regarding Elin possibly being in shock, I would sure think that is true. Inspite of her wealth I wouldn't trade places with her for a moment. I so often think that when I read about celebreties and their spouses.
Anyway, dear chicagolori I send you my good wishes and I hope you will have a gentle holiday season.
Dec 7th, 2009, 05:54 PM
#283
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,405
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Hi Loveitaly - thanks for the kind words. I wish you a good holiday season as wel.
In terms of being street smart - I need to get "street smarter". Despite seeing this type of thing many times, I still tend not to believe it at first and I continue to be shocked and surprised by stuff like that. For goodness sake, I am over 50 and you would think I would be less naive but every time things like this happen, I am taken aback. I guess I want to believe that most people are trustworthy ... or have a strong sense of guilt like me...but that can be a very naive outlook.
My friends make fun of me. I recently heard that a guy at work was having an affair with another co-worker.
My first reaction was "Oh - I thought he had long time live-in girlfriend?" Everyone just looked at me and said "He does..."
In terms of being street smart - I need to get "street smarter". Despite seeing this type of thing many times, I still tend not to believe it at first and I continue to be shocked and surprised by stuff like that. For goodness sake, I am over 50 and you would think I would be less naive but every time things like this happen, I am taken aback. I guess I want to believe that most people are trustworthy ... or have a strong sense of guilt like me...but that can be a very naive outlook.
My friends make fun of me. I recently heard that a guy at work was having an affair with another co-worker.
My first reaction was "Oh - I thought he had long time live-in girlfriend?" Everyone just looked at me and said "He does..."
Dec 7th, 2009, 05:58 PM
#284
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 23,813
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Hi chicagolori,
I sympathize. I'm like that too. My friends in high school used to make fun of me because I was certain that the young girls standing around on a street known for prostitutes were just waiting for their ride home.
I guess that's why I'm so disappointed in TW. I really thought he was different.
I sympathize. I'm like that too. My friends in high school used to make fun of me because I was certain that the young girls standing around on a street known for prostitutes were just waiting for their ride home.
I guess that's why I'm so disappointed in TW. I really thought he was different.
Dec 7th, 2009, 06:06 PM
#285
Original Poster
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 7,559
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
chicagolori, So true...."I have seen many people who thought it would never happen to them, live to learn otherwise." That is an astute observation on both sides of the equation: Some people who thought they would never cheat, do cheat; People who thought they would never be "cheated on", find out they are married or living w/ someone who is having an affair ( or affairs).
It's an interesting psychological study: Why do people cheat on their romantic partners?
It's an interesting psychological study: Why do people cheat on their romantic partners?
Dec 7th, 2009, 06:24 PM
#286
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,405
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Ocean - I think its the age old question. There are some interesting studies about the power of sexual chemistry - and how we are primitively hard wired to feel lust/attraction for the sheer purpose of procreation. One study I read said that the initial romantic attraction lasted 2 to 4 years - just long enough to have a few kids - and then wore off once its purpose was served.
How unromantic!!!!
I think its partially true - but I would like to believe that people are attracted to each other for more reasons that those in the longer term. I do believe that the initial attraction may lead some people to believe that the high will always continue - and then when it naturally waxes and wanes - bad things happen.
Once, when I fell in love for the first time, a wise married girlfriend told me not to make any long term decisions until after the madly -in -love- sick -to- your- stomach phase was somewhat waning. She said "there will be times when you don't feel like you love him so don't panic...it will come back." The first time it happened and I wanted to throw something at my boyfriend, her words came in handy.
How unromantic!!!!
I think its partially true - but I would like to believe that people are attracted to each other for more reasons that those in the longer term. I do believe that the initial attraction may lead some people to believe that the high will always continue - and then when it naturally waxes and wanes - bad things happen.
Once, when I fell in love for the first time, a wise married girlfriend told me not to make any long term decisions until after the madly -in -love- sick -to- your- stomach phase was somewhat waning. She said "there will be times when you don't feel like you love him so don't panic...it will come back." The first time it happened and I wanted to throw something at my boyfriend, her words came in handy.
Dec 8th, 2009, 08:44 AM
#287
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 9,285
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
why people cheat: I think it is a combination/balance of having your needs met tempered by morality/integrity.
If all your sexual and emotional needs are met, I doubt you would cheat. If they are not met, then only your morality/integrity telling you it is wrong would keep you from cheating.
I think it would take a failure of both to have cheating occur.
If all your sexual and emotional needs are met, I doubt you would cheat. If they are not met, then only your morality/integrity telling you it is wrong would keep you from cheating.
I think it would take a failure of both to have cheating occur.
Dec 8th, 2009, 08:53 AM
#288
In some cases men who cheat do not get enough attention from their wives and are treated like a money machine.
In some cases, the wife is not interested in sex. If a husband has a high libido, no matter how moral he is, he will cheat. Interesting thing is, these women expect the poor horny guy to be faithful, though they deny him sex.
Some cases, the man grows out of love because the wife let's herself go and is not pleasant to be around.
All these cases could also be the reasons for the cheating wives.
In some cases, the wife is not interested in sex. If a husband has a high libido, no matter how moral he is, he will cheat. Interesting thing is, these women expect the poor horny guy to be faithful, though they deny him sex.
Some cases, the man grows out of love because the wife let's herself go and is not pleasant to be around.
All these cases could also be the reasons for the cheating wives.
Dec 8th, 2009, 09:13 AM
#289
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 9,285
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
yup, I think all those cases you cited are consistent with my premise, cigale.... their needs are not met.
If you want to avoid be cheated on:
-pick someone with needs lower than you can deliver on, and...
-if that fails, pick one with moral compass/fear/or integrity to keep him/her on the straight and narrow path when your delivery does not exceed his/her needs.
If you want to avoid be cheated on:
-pick someone with needs lower than you can deliver on, and...
-if that fails, pick one with moral compass/fear/or integrity to keep him/her on the straight and narrow path when your delivery does not exceed his/her needs.
Dec 8th, 2009, 09:40 AM
#290
But ncounty, there is the exceptional cad who has no stops on morality. His world is his needs, his wants, everything revolves around him, and the more conquests the better.
No woman will be happy with him.
No woman will be happy with him.
Dec 8th, 2009, 09:41 AM
#291
Some people have "needs" for attention that may not be ever met by just one person. Not sex, necessarily, but attention. There was a discussion about Tiger on a morning show. A man's POV was that if, at almost every moment of the day, a woman is standing there offering herself...well, few men are capable or willing to refuse. And, yes, I think the reverse could be true as well. I just don't think the reverse happens as often.
That's why I love Paul Newman so much!
That's why I love Paul Newman so much!
Dec 8th, 2009, 11:10 AM
#294
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 770
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Dec 8th, 2009, 11:12 AM
#295
Dec 8th, 2009, 11:15 AM
#297
Well, that's disappointing. I didn't know that. But, as the article said...
"That is as bad as it gets. But if Joanne Woodward, his wife of 50 years, could forgive that atypical trespass, then so can we."
I'm glad JoAnne forgave him and they had 39 more years together.
"That is as bad as it gets. But if Joanne Woodward, his wife of 50 years, could forgive that atypical trespass, then so can we."
I'm glad JoAnne forgave him and they had 39 more years together.
