Pretend You are Elin: What Would You Do Now?
Dec 6th, 2009, 07:23 PM
#261
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Lucie, Lucie, Lucie! Are you effing kidding? You must have me confused with another effing poster. I come from a swearing family. Swearing is our second language. When we send kids off to kindergarten, we have to sit them down and have a talk about 'school words' and 'home words'!
Dec 6th, 2009, 07:41 PM
#263
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LucieV and goddesstogo, thanks for your posts..love them! I am another one that isn't attracted to the Hollywood handsome or pretty boy. And LucieV knows I can swear when I want to to do so, right LucieV?
Dec 6th, 2009, 09:27 PM
#265
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I'm sorry- we hosted a huge party here tonight and I didn't get back to you. I just hate it when women say "oh, you can't trust that they'll never cheat!" I am not saying you were right about those guys, Love Italy. I do believe you had a good man, right?
I want you to consider for one moment... when I met my DH, his heart was shredded. He had experienced terrible heartache. We dated or 3 years before marrying in our 40's. We both knew heartache and betrayal. The basis of our relationship is absolute trust. We talk about it all the time. Shoe is on the other foot, men can be betrayed as well.
The one thing we absolutely hold dear in our marriage is trust and I can tell you with 100% certainty that neither of us will ever cheat. There is no reason. I just hate to hear women and men saying "never say never!" They have not gone through what we have.
I don't think you are a fool...bad choice of words. But I think to assume that all men will cheat is foolish and degrading. I am sorry, LoveItaly, I didn't mean to make that statement about you , but for people who are so scarred and cynical that they don't believe in fidelity.
I want you to consider for one moment... when I met my DH, his heart was shredded. He had experienced terrible heartache. We dated or 3 years before marrying in our 40's. We both knew heartache and betrayal. The basis of our relationship is absolute trust. We talk about it all the time. Shoe is on the other foot, men can be betrayed as well.
The one thing we absolutely hold dear in our marriage is trust and I can tell you with 100% certainty that neither of us will ever cheat. There is no reason. I just hate to hear women and men saying "never say never!" They have not gone through what we have.
I don't think you are a fool...bad choice of words. But I think to assume that all men will cheat is foolish and degrading. I am sorry, LoveItaly, I didn't mean to make that statement about you , but for people who are so scarred and cynical that they don't believe in fidelity.
Dec 6th, 2009, 10:27 PM
#267
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Linda, Linda, Linda, LoveItaly never said, or even implied, that "all men will cheat". Where did you get that???
Go back & read her post. She was talking about specific guys who were known cheaters. Not all men.
Go back & read her post. She was talking about specific guys who were known cheaters. Not all men.
Dec 6th, 2009, 11:21 PM
#268
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No one can guarantee with absolute 100% certainty that another person will or will not do something, it is impossible. I have had to hold my mouth shut when I have heard women saying their husbands (or vv) will never do this or that when I know for a fact they do. Not to say your husband would, I have no idea who you two are, Linda. Reread Loveitaly's post tomorrow when the effects of the party have worn off.
Dec 7th, 2009, 05:39 AM
#269
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I cast my vote on the side of "just about any man would cheat."
NOT saying that EVERY man will cheat.
Just saying that, in the face of a "perfect storm" , 99.9% of men could easily be unfaithful.
Perfect storm: argument with wife, alcohol, the rapt attention of a pretty girl who laughs at his jokes, being out of town, bad day at work, death of someone close....etc.
NOT saying that EVERY man will cheat.
Just saying that, in the face of a "perfect storm" , 99.9% of men could easily be unfaithful.
Perfect storm: argument with wife, alcohol, the rapt attention of a pretty girl who laughs at his jokes, being out of town, bad day at work, death of someone close....etc.
Dec 7th, 2009, 06:03 AM
#271
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Cold, yes some guys are just overly thoughtful and generous, bless their hearts! Btw, there is snow in the SF/BayArea and some of the Central Valley so it is colddownhere.
Thank you dear Fodorites, I am glad that my post was clear to most of you. I just reread it and I sure don't see where I gave any indication that I thought all men would cheat. But those two fellows sure did and that what was so ironic about their carrying on about husbands that did. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! And another comment, what WERE they thinking since they knew they had hit on a few of us women that were at the dinner table. Did they think we had forgotten. Or maybe they had had too much to drink and they didn't remember?
Thank you dear Fodorites, I am glad that my post was clear to most of you. I just reread it and I sure don't see where I gave any indication that I thought all men would cheat. But those two fellows sure did and that what was so ironic about their carrying on about husbands that did. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! And another comment, what WERE they thinking since they knew they had hit on a few of us women that were at the dinner table. Did they think we had forgotten. Or maybe they had had too much to drink and they didn't remember?
Dec 7th, 2009, 06:14 AM
#272
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>>NOT saying that EVERY man will cheat.
Just saying that, in the face of a "perfect storm" , 99.9% of men could easily be unfaithful>>
LOL vickib2 - that leave .1 percent of a guy left who doesn't cheat.
I think men are wired differently than women, and in the "perfect storm" a large percentage of men would cheat, and maybe feel justified. I don't know. Just a guess.
Just saying that, in the face of a "perfect storm" , 99.9% of men could easily be unfaithful>>
LOL vickib2 - that leave .1 percent of a guy left who doesn't cheat.
I think men are wired differently than women, and in the "perfect storm" a large percentage of men would cheat, and maybe feel justified. I don't know. Just a guess.
Dec 7th, 2009, 06:32 AM
#276
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Dec 7th, 2009, 06:44 AM
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None of the recent conversation on being a potential cheater pertains to Eldrick Wood's situation.
He is a serial philanderer. It sounds as if he has psychological and emotinal problems. It also sounds as if he is incapable of forming committed, loving relationships. Which does not bode well for his children.
He is a serial philanderer. It sounds as if he has psychological and emotinal problems. It also sounds as if he is incapable of forming committed, loving relationships. Which does not bode well for his children.
Dec 7th, 2009, 06:53 AM
#278
ditto the "perfect storm" comments
I watched it at work many times as a road warrior. I was shocked (SHOCKED, I tell ya), at the "Perfect Family Men" who slipped off their wedding rings as soon as the plane landed and got "busy" when on the road. The wives at home were The Perfect Wives and Mother too. In all that time, there were only 3 men who I KNOW didn't cheat on their wives while on the road. We would have teams fly into Florida for months long campaigns and reps would leave their territories elsewhere in the country to work a week or two.
I had been in these guys' HOMES and met their wives and kids and thought I knew what dutiful husbands and fathers they were. Get them on the road with a couple of their buddies... all bets were off! Dawn, I had to wonder (based on your post above) if they had been guys who encountered as a cocktail waitress in Tampa. They were so out of line, they were told to pick up a VIP at the airport (while the rest of us were entertaining key customers). They took this very distinguished middle aged woman to Hooters for dinner! Talk about being called on the carpet! LOL! It was as they had lost their minds and reverted to middle school boys. The boss of them all had the MOST perfect wife - clothes, hair, even boobs that he picked out and paid for himself. She was never "allowed" to shop for her own clothes. He did that on the road too. But, this particular guy's "dates" were not with women. And, all the time, we are supposed to pretend that we don't see what's going on. Talk about being uncomfortable at holiday parties at the City Clubs. So many times, I wanted to pull a wife aside in the restroom and ask "Do you have any IDEA what's going on?!?!" I think most of them probably did...just didn't want to face it.
I still agree with janiekins. If they are talking loudly about never cheating, I'd worry more - not less.
I watched it at work many times as a road warrior. I was shocked (SHOCKED, I tell ya), at the "Perfect Family Men" who slipped off their wedding rings as soon as the plane landed and got "busy" when on the road. The wives at home were The Perfect Wives and Mother too. In all that time, there were only 3 men who I KNOW didn't cheat on their wives while on the road. We would have teams fly into Florida for months long campaigns and reps would leave their territories elsewhere in the country to work a week or two.
I had been in these guys' HOMES and met their wives and kids and thought I knew what dutiful husbands and fathers they were. Get them on the road with a couple of their buddies... all bets were off! Dawn, I had to wonder (based on your post above) if they had been guys who encountered as a cocktail waitress in Tampa.
They were so out of line, they were told to pick up a VIP at the airport (while the rest of us were entertaining key customers). They took this very distinguished middle aged woman to Hooters for dinner! Talk about being called on the carpet! LOL! It was as they had lost their minds and reverted to middle school boys. The boss of them all had the MOST perfect wife - clothes, hair, even boobs that he picked out and paid for himself. She was never "allowed" to shop for her own clothes. He did that on the road too. But, this particular guy's "dates" were not with women. And, all the time, we are supposed to pretend that we don't see what's going on. Talk about being uncomfortable at holiday parties at the City Clubs. So many times, I wanted to pull a wife aside in the restroom and ask "Do you have any IDEA what's going on?!?!" I think most of them probably did...just didn't want to face it.I still agree with janiekins. If they are talking loudly about never cheating, I'd worry more - not less.
Dec 7th, 2009, 06:58 AM
#279
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Totally agree, Placename. LoveItaly - I have been where you were when you were sitting at the dinner party table. A good friend's (now) ex-husband put the moves on me when they were still married, and there is no way in H*** I would ever say anything to her about it. If I did, she would assume it was all MY fault.... Another good friend's husband did the same thing and they are still married. Both times, both men had had too much to drink. No way would I ever say anything. When both incidents happened (years apart), I just shook my head and walked away.
Dec 7th, 2009, 04:52 PM
#280
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Well, the responses here are diverse but most seem to believe that if they were Elin, they would leave. Somebody(Vickib) commented that you really do not know what you wld do unless you are in the situation & that may be true. I hope we will never have to make that decision.
