Freaky Friday Rants and Raves 8-25-06
Aug 30th, 2006, 04:46 AM
#103
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ucsun -- i too had my spouse served with divorce papers recently. he had asked for a divorce while we were in counseling, saying he didn't love me anymore. but then, he did not move out of the house and treated us poorly. it's emotionally hard in so many unexpected ways. for example, my mental state will be good, but my physical self will not respond sometimes. my prayers and wishes are with you. honestly, no one should have to go through this. there's got to be an easier way.
Aug 30th, 2006, 05:55 AM
#104
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corwin and ucsun, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I know you have heard it before, but REALLY try to take care of yourself physically. And be VERY careful driving, and don't unless you are super alert and untired, if you can help it at all. The stats are so hard at this time and reflect it everywhere.
When you lose a spouse or parent or close family member in death, you get to mourn and have ritual in most cases. You just don't with this in our modern lives, and it is really worse psychologically. I lost a business too at the same time after a 22 year marriage's end. Situation was very similar to corwin's.
Do know that when you lay your head down at night and can't think of a thing that doesn't seem black and lonely, that there will come a day that the experience will result in over-making you into a bigger and better, and immensely stronger person inside. You will end up knowing who you are, far, far more than you would have ever believed possible. And you wil see light and light-heartedness again.
When you lose a spouse or parent or close family member in death, you get to mourn and have ritual in most cases. You just don't with this in our modern lives, and it is really worse psychologically. I lost a business too at the same time after a 22 year marriage's end. Situation was very similar to corwin's.
Do know that when you lay your head down at night and can't think of a thing that doesn't seem black and lonely, that there will come a day that the experience will result in over-making you into a bigger and better, and immensely stronger person inside. You will end up knowing who you are, far, far more than you would have ever believed possible. And you wil see light and light-heartedness again.
Aug 30th, 2006, 10:38 AM
#105
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ucsun, JJ5's advice about being very careful when driving is so good. Having been in the insurance business I am so aware how bad stress can cause accidents, and not just auto accidents either.
I also wanted to say that you need to give yourself time to get over this tragedy, and divorce is a tragedy, especially when you add in all the legal and finanacial matters that have to be settled. A divorce is another kind of death.
Be good to yourself and know that what you are feeling right now will not last forever. That does not mean you will not regret the fact that you need to get divorced but do know there is a future for you. Please believe this even if it doesn't seem true right now.
Ucsun, my dear daughter was told by her husband the father of their two young sons that he was going to move out of the house. This was on a Saturday morning. Late that evening (I did not at that point know about what her husband had said) had to call her to tell her that her father was at the hospital due to a massive heart attack.
So within less than 24 hours she lost her husband and her father. And I loss my husband and what I thought was a wonderful son-in-law.
But here we are sometime later. We both made it through so very terrible trying times. I must say that life has never been the same but life does go on and somehow the human spirit manages to adjust and to carry on. My very best to you.
I also wanted to say that you need to give yourself time to get over this tragedy, and divorce is a tragedy, especially when you add in all the legal and finanacial matters that have to be settled. A divorce is another kind of death.
Be good to yourself and know that what you are feeling right now will not last forever. That does not mean you will not regret the fact that you need to get divorced but do know there is a future for you. Please believe this even if it doesn't seem true right now.
Ucsun, my dear daughter was told by her husband the father of their two young sons that he was going to move out of the house. This was on a Saturday morning. Late that evening (I did not at that point know about what her husband had said) had to call her to tell her that her father was at the hospital due to a massive heart attack.
So within less than 24 hours she lost her husband and her father. And I loss my husband and what I thought was a wonderful son-in-law.
But here we are sometime later. We both made it through so very terrible trying times. I must say that life has never been the same but life does go on and somehow the human spirit manages to adjust and to carry on. My very best to you.
Aug 30th, 2006, 11:45 AM
#106
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Another lovely thing that happens at such hard times is we are constantly surprised by unexpected help and support often from the most surprising sources.
My FIL died last year and we were legally accused of "Hastening his death". As the people who had taken care of the poor ill man at our own expense this was a terrible blow to my DH. The accuser was one of his sisters which made it much worse.
Guess what, everyone from the other siblings, aunts, friends etc. rallied round my DH. It was a terrible time and I'd never want to do it again, but it was wonderful to see so many people come around to help my DH.
Count on your friends and family (and your confidants here at Fodor's) to be there for you too.
About being careful driving - When my father was ill, towards the end, every single one of us kids had a Uh-oh driving moment. Thankfully there were no accidents, but there could have been.
Hang in there (rather than hand in there). Feel free to vent here or in the other topics forum - before we get yelled at. I'll be looking.
My FIL died last year and we were legally accused of "Hastening his death". As the people who had taken care of the poor ill man at our own expense this was a terrible blow to my DH. The accuser was one of his sisters which made it much worse.
Guess what, everyone from the other siblings, aunts, friends etc. rallied round my DH. It was a terrible time and I'd never want to do it again, but it was wonderful to see so many people come around to help my DH.
Count on your friends and family (and your confidants here at Fodor's) to be there for you too.
About being careful driving - When my father was ill, towards the end, every single one of us kids had a Uh-oh driving moment. Thankfully there were no accidents, but there could have been.
Hang in there (rather than hand in there). Feel free to vent here or in the other topics forum - before we get yelled at. I'll be looking.
Aug 30th, 2006, 01:12 PM
#107
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I must say that life has never been the same but life does go on and somehow the human spirit manages to adjust and to carry on. My very best to you.
Loveitaly, that's the truth. It never really is the same...and the hurt never really goes away...but you just learn to live with it.
Funny enough, I have never regretted getting divorced. I have however regretted getting married!
Loveitaly, that's the truth. It never really is the same...and the hurt never really goes away...but you just learn to live with it.
Funny enough, I have never regretted getting divorced. I have however regretted getting married!
Aug 30th, 2006, 01:15 PM
#108
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Actually I had a real stupid auto accident a few months after I loss my husband.
I was tired, stressed, in mourning, worried sick about my daughter and little grandsons etc. Overloaded with legal work to settle the estate.
I had to rush some legal papers to the PO as I had to send them certified and the PO was going to close in about 20 minutes. I jumped in my vehicle and backed out of the driveway and CRASHED into the right rear and back end of the mailman's truck!! Fortunatly he was out of the truck. The worse damamge was to my vehicle. Those postal trucks must be built like Sherman Tanks! It could have been a disaster though.
I always look behind me before backing up but I didn't that afternoon. It sure taught me a lesson and reminded me of what I already knew..high stress can cause so many problems.
I was tired, stressed, in mourning, worried sick about my daughter and little grandsons etc. Overloaded with legal work to settle the estate.
I had to rush some legal papers to the PO as I had to send them certified and the PO was going to close in about 20 minutes. I jumped in my vehicle and backed out of the driveway and CRASHED into the right rear and back end of the mailman's truck!! Fortunatly he was out of the truck. The worse damamge was to my vehicle. Those postal trucks must be built like Sherman Tanks! It could have been a disaster though.
I always look behind me before backing up but I didn't that afternoon. It sure taught me a lesson and reminded me of what I already knew..high stress can cause so many problems.
