Would you invite your 17 yo son's girlfriend on a family vacation?
Dec 23rd, 2003, 11:14 AM
#61
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 33
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
My goodness...... You go Jennifer and Wednesday!!!!
You Can't pretect them from everything. You just have to instill your values when they are young and hope and pray it sunk in. I have an 18 year old son, he is a great kid. But I know his hormones are raging.
My advice is go with your gut instinct. If you know your child well enough everything will be fine. Life isn't perfect!!!!!!
You Can't pretect them from everything. You just have to instill your values when they are young and hope and pray it sunk in. I have an 18 year old son, he is a great kid. But I know his hormones are raging.
My advice is go with your gut instinct. If you know your child well enough everything will be fine. Life isn't perfect!!!!!!
Dec 23rd, 2003, 11:45 AM
#62
Guest
Posts: n/a
yes you can't protect your kids from everything..playing soccer, getting on a bus, going to school, etc..that's called living a life.
taking a kid/teen whose family you DON'T KNOW on a vacation is not part of everyday living (the original poster said she doesn't know the girl since they don't leave in same town, therefore we can safely assume she doesn't know the girl's family. and chances are the dad doesn't know them as well - please correct me if i'm wrong, original poster). this is a HUGE responsibility with so many ramifications. if you're ok with taking the responsibility/risks, then more power to you.
but for people to compare your own kid doing everyday life stuff to caring for someone's kid, that's simplifying a very serious issue.
let us know what you decide, i'm certainly curious!
taking a kid/teen whose family you DON'T KNOW on a vacation is not part of everyday living (the original poster said she doesn't know the girl since they don't leave in same town, therefore we can safely assume she doesn't know the girl's family. and chances are the dad doesn't know them as well - please correct me if i'm wrong, original poster). this is a HUGE responsibility with so many ramifications. if you're ok with taking the responsibility/risks, then more power to you.
but for people to compare your own kid doing everyday life stuff to caring for someone's kid, that's simplifying a very serious issue.
let us know what you decide, i'm certainly curious!
Dec 23rd, 2003, 12:48 PM
#63
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,126
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I probably wouldn't do it. Not fair to the two other siblings who may or may not get along with this girl. Also, are there plane tickets involved? What if you buy her a ticket and the 17 year old puppy love disolves before the trip? If and when the relationship becomes serious, you will have plenty of time to get to know the girlfriend.
Dec 23rd, 2003, 12:49 PM
#64
wsoxrebel,
Seems like you've gotten lots of reasons not to include the boy's girlfriend including some liability issues that had not occured to me.
For me, it would distill down to how family oriented is this trip is meant to be. If the boy gets to take a friend, then the two girls ought to be able to as well. How far away the destination and for how long would be factors as well.
If I read between the lines correctly, sounds like this vacation was planned as family-only and that the GF is a concession to making the boy happy.
jenifer, A while back in this thread you appeared to congratulate Gekko for calling people "over-anxious hypocrites & prudes." Not very civil of you if that's what you meant.
You may be generating some negative feedback because of that.
Seems like you've gotten lots of reasons not to include the boy's girlfriend including some liability issues that had not occured to me.
For me, it would distill down to how family oriented is this trip is meant to be. If the boy gets to take a friend, then the two girls ought to be able to as well. How far away the destination and for how long would be factors as well.
If I read between the lines correctly, sounds like this vacation was planned as family-only and that the GF is a concession to making the boy happy.
jenifer, A while back in this thread you appeared to congratulate Gekko for calling people "over-anxious hypocrites & prudes." Not very civil of you if that's what you meant.
You may be generating some negative feedback because of that.
Dec 23rd, 2003, 12:53 PM
#65
Guest
Posts: n/a
obxgirl - You're right, it does look like that. I apologize, as that was not at all what I meant!
What I meant was well said was:
"so please take all of our advice, certainly including mine, with a tiny grain of salt. Your situation is unique; there is no right or wrong answer."
I should have been more clear, as I agree, the rest of gekko's statement is presented with quite a rude tone to it which is not something I applaud.
What I meant was well said was:
"so please take all of our advice, certainly including mine, with a tiny grain of salt. Your situation is unique; there is no right or wrong answer."
I should have been more clear, as I agree, the rest of gekko's statement is presented with quite a rude tone to it which is not something I applaud.
Dec 23rd, 2003, 02:35 PM
#70
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 3,107
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
You stated it is to be a "family vacation". Not your son's vacation, certainly not the girl's vacation, but a family vacation. If the son doesn't wish to go without her, leave him at a relatives. Enjoy YOUR family vacation.
Friends of mine took son's gf along (both in early 20's) and the battle of all battles broke out and RUINED their vacation - everyones. Take her when (if) she becomes "family".
Friends of mine took son's gf along (both in early 20's) and the battle of all battles broke out and RUINED their vacation - everyones. Take her when (if) she becomes "family".
Dec 23rd, 2003, 02:48 PM
#71
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 314
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I was allowed to do both. A short weekend trip with seperate sleeping spaces and the expectation nothing would happen (and nothing did!). Family vacations were just for family and I was just as happy with that.
I think if the rules are clear, no kissy kissy in 'public' - it is just plain rude, and bedtime is enforced, and the expectation that they behave (and be good role models for younger(?) sisters is in place then go for it. If the son hasn't lived up to those types of rules and expectations in the past then obviously he isn't ready to have a friend on vacation.
If you wanted just family time then just say not this time and maybe next time she can come along. Since this is coming at holiday time I am guessing that family time might be more important right now and she could come another time.
Can't comment on the liability stuff - I assume you would talk to her parents before she left to lay down your rules and be sure you have their numbers and to help them feel more comfortable with you.
Good luck making the decision.
I think if the rules are clear, no kissy kissy in 'public' - it is just plain rude, and bedtime is enforced, and the expectation that they behave (and be good role models for younger(?) sisters is in place then go for it. If the son hasn't lived up to those types of rules and expectations in the past then obviously he isn't ready to have a friend on vacation.
If you wanted just family time then just say not this time and maybe next time she can come along. Since this is coming at holiday time I am guessing that family time might be more important right now and she could come another time.
Can't comment on the liability stuff - I assume you would talk to her parents before she left to lay down your rules and be sure you have their numbers and to help them feel more comfortable with you.
Good luck making the decision.
Dec 23rd, 2003, 03:00 PM
#72
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,803
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
One of my fondest memories is when I was 17 and I went to Disney World with my boyfriend's family. I, too, slept with his little sisters. We had a wonderful time, and it was completely innocent. Sometimes I think adults tend to project too much on teenagers.
As the mother of recent college grad who just turned 21, I'dn say it depends on how confident you are in the values you have taught your child. I would have had not qualms taking my daughter's high school boyfriend on an overnight trip and I have allowed her to travel with his parents.
As the mother of recent college grad who just turned 21, I'dn say it depends on how confident you are in the values you have taught your child. I would have had not qualms taking my daughter's high school boyfriend on an overnight trip and I have allowed her to travel with his parents.
Dec 23rd, 2003, 03:41 PM
#73
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 6,149
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I'd say probably not unless you are a family that gets many vacations together and they have been "an item" for so long she is part of the family. IMO, you have maybe one year left to take truly family vacations..savor it!The older I get, the more insistent I aabout these things..oh dear!
Dec 24th, 2003, 02:00 PM
#74
Original Poster
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,014
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
With the upgrade to a 3 bedroom condo which can sleep up to 10 people, the 'beach house' concept has begun to take root.
Because the two teenage stepkids live near Orlando, this happens to be one of the few trips where the kids do not need plane tickets.
DH and I are mulling this new twist - letting both teenagers invite a friend to join us for part of the week. This would let us have time together as a family but also allow us to meet our teens' friends. Before this blows your minds, both stepkids routinely travel in their social circles to concerts in Orlando at the Hard Rock Cafe, etc. They and their friends are comfortable driving and navigating around the city.
Thanks to all that brought up the legal issues. Those were really good points.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
Because the two teenage stepkids live near Orlando, this happens to be one of the few trips where the kids do not need plane tickets.
DH and I are mulling this new twist - letting both teenagers invite a friend to join us for part of the week. This would let us have time together as a family but also allow us to meet our teens' friends. Before this blows your minds, both stepkids routinely travel in their social circles to concerts in Orlando at the Hard Rock Cafe, etc. They and their friends are comfortable driving and navigating around the city.
Thanks to all that brought up the legal issues. Those were really good points.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
Dec 24th, 2003, 02:13 PM
#75
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 15,749
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Well in the spirit of the holidays, I think it would be nice if you rented a couple of 3 bedroom condos and invited all those who helped work through this to be part of the family vacation as well? Whaddaya think?
Dec 24th, 2003, 02:18 PM
#76
Original Poster
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,014
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Patrick, what a great idea! If you post your home address, I'll mail you a gift certificate for a 3 bedroom condo reserved just for you (of course there will be a small processing fee of $2000 to cover expenses)
Seriously, thanks for all the insightful comments on this issue.
Seriously, thanks for all the insightful comments on this issue.
Dec 24th, 2003, 02:55 PM
#77
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 4,639
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
When our three teens were younger, it was strictly "family time." As they entered the teen years they begged to bring friends on our trips. We have had some of our best times when the kids brought their friends along. This summer my middle son brought his friends on a two week vacation. It was great to have him around and we really got to know him.
My son's girlfriend (he's 19) has been invited on many of our recent trips. She is a joy to be around and is friends with my younger daughter and I have grown very fond of her. She comes to our condo with us every chance she gets and shares a room with our daughter while the two boys have a separate room.
We have had as many as eight teens with us up at our condo. Everyone got along great and we had a wonderful time. This past week our family took a vacation to Oregon and my son brought his friend along. I really enjoy getting to know the kids.
This summer my daughter was invited on a family vacation to Arizona for a week. My oldest son vacationed with his best friend in Newport every summer while growing up. Don't miss out on a great opportuinty to expand your horizons. The more the merrier, IMO!! Merry Christmas!! And tell that girl to get packing!! ***kim***
My son's girlfriend (he's 19) has been invited on many of our recent trips. She is a joy to be around and is friends with my younger daughter and I have grown very fond of her. She comes to our condo with us every chance she gets and shares a room with our daughter while the two boys have a separate room.
We have had as many as eight teens with us up at our condo. Everyone got along great and we had a wonderful time. This past week our family took a vacation to Oregon and my son brought his friend along. I really enjoy getting to know the kids.
This summer my daughter was invited on a family vacation to Arizona for a week. My oldest son vacationed with his best friend in Newport every summer while growing up. Don't miss out on a great opportuinty to expand your horizons. The more the merrier, IMO!! Merry Christmas!! And tell that girl to get packing!! ***kim***
Dec 24th, 2003, 03:41 PM
#78
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 90
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
As the mom of a 17 y.o. daughter and 21 y.o. son, I say "no". I wouldn't even take a girlfriend for my daughter or guy-friend for my son when he was younger. It's a FAMILY vacation. They spend plenty of time with the friends. This is time with their family, and at their ages, there is precious little of that time available.
Dec 26th, 2003, 01:24 AM
#80
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 80
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!!
He will act differently with you and the rest of the family members if she is around. He will be focused on her the whole time, and not on spending time and having fun with you and the rest of the family members.
Plus, you and your husband are paying the bill, so you should get him to yourselves.
He will be out of the house and married in a few years probably, and then you will no longer be able to have him alone anymore. This may be one of the last vacations with him alone.
If she went along, and then this relationship with this girl doesn't work out, he won't want to think about or look at pictures of this vacation in the future.
There are many, many reasons not to take the girl along. So, definitely, "NO!"
He will act differently with you and the rest of the family members if she is around. He will be focused on her the whole time, and not on spending time and having fun with you and the rest of the family members.
Plus, you and your husband are paying the bill, so you should get him to yourselves.
He will be out of the house and married in a few years probably, and then you will no longer be able to have him alone anymore. This may be one of the last vacations with him alone.
If she went along, and then this relationship with this girl doesn't work out, he won't want to think about or look at pictures of this vacation in the future.
There are many, many reasons not to take the girl along. So, definitely, "NO!"
