Would you invite your 17 yo son's girlfriend on a family vacation?
Dec 23rd, 2003, 07:41 AM
#41
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wsoxrebel
I would say no. This would be a good oportunity for son and father to spend some quality one on one time together. This won't happen with a girlfriend along. It can be a great time for family bonding and creating memories that does last a lifetime.
I would say no. This would be a good oportunity for son and father to spend some quality one on one time together. This won't happen with a girlfriend along. It can be a great time for family bonding and creating memories that does last a lifetime.
Dec 23rd, 2003, 07:44 AM
#42
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Been there done that and that was in the late 60's.Evan flew done to the island just the two of us alone on good old Trans Caribbean Air.We behaved as people of that age would.She stayed with my parents in the cottage and I slept in a newly constructed condo.How sweet it was>
Dec 23rd, 2003, 07:53 AM
#43
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i never quite understand why people feel the need to name-call when others have different opinions/values than them. the original poster did ask for personal opinions...and i'm sure was planning all along to make the decision that's right for her family.
Dec 23rd, 2003, 08:44 AM
#44
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As for my comment about the kids being lovers, which seems to have stired some things up - if this kid wants to invite his girlfriend, then they are more than likely in love, hense, the term lovers. Whether or not they are having sex is immaterial.
Dec 23rd, 2003, 09:02 AM
#45
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wsoxrebel-You stated you are a non-custodial step parent who does not know this girl. Why would you take someone along you don't know? She may be perfectly sweet and then again she may be the bride of chuckie. And any parent that would let their underage daughter go with someone they don't know or have never met should have their head examined. As to the two of them being inseperable, that may or may not last.
Dec 23rd, 2003, 09:21 AM
#47
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If you invite her, you will see less of your son. Of COURSE they'll sneak off to fool around or spend private time together (whatever)...they're 17 and in love! I remember just going to my boyfriend's house when I was that age, or him coming to my house...we didn't hang around with our parents! We were off to the den or the basement or anywhere AWAY from the parents!
Really...it will feel like less of a family vacation with this girl around. And you haven't even met her!
Really...it will feel like less of a family vacation with this girl around. And you haven't even met her!
Dec 23rd, 2003, 09:25 AM
#48
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A side note, anyone who volunteers with kids has to have a background check and be fingerprinted. What would happen if this girl you don't know points a finger at your husband and says he harrassed or assaulted her?
Dec 23rd, 2003, 09:51 AM
#50
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buckeyemom and other with similar point of view, I'm genuinely curious about this -
Do you never invite your children's friends over to your house for fear that they might accuse you or your husband of abusing them? Do you never take them anywhere without their parents in case something happens to them while you're out? I don't understand the difference between doing those things at home and doing them on vacation.
The risk that a lawsuit-happy parent will target you is there if you interact with children other than your own. Period. I would not be inclined to limit myself because of it. At least not to the extent that I'd never travel with my child's friend, etc. Where do you draw the line?
Do you never invite your children's friends over to your house for fear that they might accuse you or your husband of abusing them? Do you never take them anywhere without their parents in case something happens to them while you're out? I don't understand the difference between doing those things at home and doing them on vacation.
The risk that a lawsuit-happy parent will target you is there if you interact with children other than your own. Period. I would not be inclined to limit myself because of it. At least not to the extent that I'd never travel with my child's friend, etc. Where do you draw the line?
Dec 23rd, 2003, 09:58 AM
#51
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Jennifer-I DO NOT have kids over to my house IF I do not know the parents AND IF I do not know the kid. It's a different world out there today. People are lawsuit happy. How naive can you be???? I am glad everything is perfect in your little corner of the world. It must be tough seeing through your rose colored glasses.
Dec 23rd, 2003, 10:03 AM
#53
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Please chill out and stop with the snide comments.
I'm serious. No, of course you wouldn't have a perfect stranger's child over to your house or take them on a trip. But I would also not require that I know all of my child's friends' parents as well as my children know their friends in order for them to play together or travel together. Before sending my child away with another couple I would certainly want to know them well.
Or perhaps you and I just define "knowing them well" differently.
In this particular case I would imagine that the son's mother knows the girlfriend and her family. I'm guessing they live in the same town and would therefore have had a chance to meet. If the boy's mother and father are on reasonable speaking terms, this would seem enough of an introduction to me to allow the child to come for a visit. Maybe not on this particular vacation - that requires more info to decide, but certainly sometime.
I don't know. Maybe I'm so naive that I don't realize everyone else is out to get me. If you want to believe that, it's your business. Though you could be nicer about it. Perhaps accept that not everyone views the world the way you do, and that different does not equate with "naive" and "rose-colored glasses" and "my little corner of the world". Alas, I guess I can't expect civility from everyone.
I'm serious. No, of course you wouldn't have a perfect stranger's child over to your house or take them on a trip. But I would also not require that I know all of my child's friends' parents as well as my children know their friends in order for them to play together or travel together. Before sending my child away with another couple I would certainly want to know them well.
Or perhaps you and I just define "knowing them well" differently.
In this particular case I would imagine that the son's mother knows the girlfriend and her family. I'm guessing they live in the same town and would therefore have had a chance to meet. If the boy's mother and father are on reasonable speaking terms, this would seem enough of an introduction to me to allow the child to come for a visit. Maybe not on this particular vacation - that requires more info to decide, but certainly sometime.
I don't know. Maybe I'm so naive that I don't realize everyone else is out to get me. If you want to believe that, it's your business. Though you could be nicer about it. Perhaps accept that not everyone views the world the way you do, and that different does not equate with "naive" and "rose-colored glasses" and "my little corner of the world". Alas, I guess I can't expect civility from everyone.
Dec 23rd, 2003, 10:05 AM
#54
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FYI - I had a friend when I was younger whose father was imprisoned because he would molest the little girls that came over to play with her. I was not one of them thankfully. But it happened in their home. Not out of town on vacation.
I'd venture a guess that, collectively, you spend much more time with your children's friends at your house than you would if you took them out of town for a week. Much more time for you or your spouse to allegedly commit some heinous act on the child.
I'd venture a guess that, collectively, you spend much more time with your children's friends at your house than you would if you took them out of town for a week. Much more time for you or your spouse to allegedly commit some heinous act on the child.
Dec 23rd, 2003, 10:14 AM
#55
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Let's approach this from another angle. Wsoxrebel said this is a 2 bedroom condo. There are two daughters and one son along, which means the son is out in the living room on the sofa bad. That's already crowded without adding another person into the mix. And how about fair is fair?? If the son is allowed to bring someone along, shouldn't the same courtesy be extended to the daughters?
All those people squished in a condo sounds like a bad vacation in the making, irregardless on anything else going on.
All those people squished in a condo sounds like a bad vacation in the making, irregardless on anything else going on.
Dec 23rd, 2003, 10:14 AM
#56
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That is a good point buckeymom about the lawsuit.
In a similar vein, when I was little, my friend that lived down the street and I would spend the night at each others house.
Our parents occaisionally saw each other socially.
Her parents divorced and she moved 5 states away with her mom and her dad moved to Akron, Ohio.
About 20 years ago, they found out he had been raping, molesting, and murdering women.
He got the electric chair last year.
Nothing ever happened to me but it goes to show you can NEVER be too careful.
In a similar vein, when I was little, my friend that lived down the street and I would spend the night at each others house.
Our parents occaisionally saw each other socially.
Her parents divorced and she moved 5 states away with her mom and her dad moved to Akron, Ohio.
About 20 years ago, they found out he had been raping, molesting, and murdering women.
He got the electric chair last year.
Nothing ever happened to me but it goes to show you can NEVER be too careful.
Dec 23rd, 2003, 10:54 AM
#58
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No. I've been the girl on one of those vacations and yes, we just sneak around trying to get time alone and didn't spend too much time with everyone else. And big surprise-14 years later I am not with that guy now and would rather trade that time in to have more time with my parents.
As for the "what if, what if, what if" Iwould not let that be my complete deciding factor. If you are afraid of all of that, you may as well stay home all the time, speak to no one, don't let your kids go to school as the teacher could be dangerous, don't let them ride the bus because the driver could kidnap them, don't let them play sports because the coach may molest them, don't let them go to college because you can't protect them 24 hours a day and they may make mistakes and walk alone at night, don't let them fly anywhere because the plane may be hijacked and don't let them drive because they may get in an accident with other people in the car and the friend's parents may sue you. Be cautious but not paranoid.
As for the "what if, what if, what if" Iwould not let that be my complete deciding factor. If you are afraid of all of that, you may as well stay home all the time, speak to no one, don't let your kids go to school as the teacher could be dangerous, don't let them ride the bus because the driver could kidnap them, don't let them play sports because the coach may molest them, don't let them go to college because you can't protect them 24 hours a day and they may make mistakes and walk alone at night, don't let them fly anywhere because the plane may be hijacked and don't let them drive because they may get in an accident with other people in the car and the friend's parents may sue you. Be cautious but not paranoid.
Dec 23rd, 2003, 11:10 AM
#60
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Leaving aside the discussion of do you trust them - we take several family vacations a year and there is a certain amount of stress involved in being together as a family 24 hours/day - it always takes some adjustment. Even if they are like most 17 year olds in love who think they would like to be together 24 hours/day, the reality may not live up to their expectations.
It also depends on length of vacation - a weekend skiing, maybe - a longer trip out of town, I wouldn't do it.
It also depends on length of vacation - a weekend skiing, maybe - a longer trip out of town, I wouldn't do it.
