vickib2

I am traveling to a women-only family event, next month, about 500 miles from here. I assumed I would drive myself and a few other family members. Last week, my sister-in-law announced that her daughter would also be going, and therefore, she would be happy to drive, since her vehicle is much bigger and more comfortable. Actually, she didn't ask -- she just said "I'll drive."

I said "oh, no...I was planning to drive." She said "I'll drive because I have an SUV, and it's so much more roomy than your car." Anyway. I can barely tolerate my sister-in-law and cannot tolerate my niece, whom I suspect will be doing a good part of the driving, AT ALL. The niece makes racial slurs, tailgates slow drivers and flashes her lights, and loves to flip the bird at drivers who offend her. She also is sullen and moody. I cannot really understand why she is even making this family trip, but suspect that the idea of being a dominant force to a few captive passengers might have something to do with it.

*sigh* I hate long road trips anyway, and now this. I tell myself, "just suck it up and forget about it. There is no way you can justify taking two vehicles to this." She has an Explorer, so I guess it is better suited to four people riding a long distance than my sedan.

I tend toward depression, anyway, and this has made me really sad.

Any thoughts that would help my attitude?

Vicki

SAnParis

Just say you have other plans &/or don't want to be left w/out transportation while you are there & drive yourself.

Dayle

Vicki,

Simple solution. Just drive yourself, no big deal. Don't subject yourself to a situation you know will be miserable.

Have fun!

TheWeasel

Vicki - there's no reason you have to drive with anyone, especially someone you don't like. Just tell them you're driving by yourself, or with another family member if that is what you prefer. Doesn't matter who has the bigger, more comfortable vehicle. Let your SIL and her daughter take their SUV, and go on by yourself and enjoy the drive.

If you need an excuse, tell them you prefer to drive your own car, you like to make frequent stops, or whatever, but don't back down from driving yourself (without the niece). If you have to, tell them you don't like the way she drives. If it bothers them, so what?

TheWeasel

" I tell myself, "just suck it up and forget about it. There is no way you can justify taking two vehicles to this." "

P.S. You don't have to "justify" taking two vehicles to anyone. Just go ahead and do your own thing.

GoTravel

Drive yourself if your family bothers you that much.

Really, who cares? You'll be much happier and be on your own time table.

If they do ask, just tell them you get car sick if you don't drive.

cherie1

Don't go with them. Why torture yourself. As far as justifying to yourself taking your own car--you already have, in my opinion. As far as justifying it to them--it's easy, just think of any excuse that works. Tell them at the last minute you have to leave later due to work concerns or something. Or mysteriously contract some "sniffles" that you don't want to expose them to. Don't take no for an answer. Or find some other family members who need you to drive them. Put some thought into it, and it will work out just fine--just don't subject yourself to that.

cd

I agree with SAnParis. You could even say, "We can caravan if you want to but I have to drive, I can't stand being somewhere without my own car". If you HAVE to go with her, buy an Ipod and use your earplugs for the duration of the trip.

starrsville

Say "thanks for the offer, but I will be driving myself". You really don't need to offer any additional information or justification. If you feel uncomfortable being that upfront, then be vague about another stop you plan to make en route.

TravelingMom

What about finding a location on the way to or close to your destination that you'd like to check out? Extending your trip by a few days on either end more than justifies taking your own car!

J_Correa

I agree - you don't have to justify taking your own car, just do it. I wouldn't even offer any explantions. Just tell them you have decided to drive yourself.

NJriverchick

One of the perks of being an adult is making your own choices.

You are not a child & you are not powerless & you dont have to be nice. You prefer not to travel with them....so be it. Done.

They may night "like" your decision but will have to respect it.

suze

The situation you describe is an "accident waiting to happen".

Simply firmly say, thanks for the offer, but I will be more comfortable driving myself. No explanations, no caravans, no therapy needed.

P_M

You said you tend toward depression, is this because you allow others to pressure you into doing things you don't want to do? You have choices, so stand up for yourself. You don't have to please everyone else all the time. Simply tell them you will drive your own car. You don't owe anyone an explanation, but if they insist, just tell them you have your reasons why you want to have your own car on this trip. Good luck, and please post back. I hope we have helped.

wtm003

There is no reason to do something that is making you really sad. Just a simple "No thanks, I'm driving myself" is all you need. If they don't like it - too bad. Your spirits will definitely improve.

Also, you mentioned that you hate long road trips. Is there any reason why you can't fly?

nytraveler

It sounds like you might have some assertiveness issues as well as depression. You're an adult and don;t have to "justify" yourself to anyone. You're not causing them any inconvenience - they're the ones causing the problem.

Simply say I prefer to drive myself. No matter what they say - or how many times - just keep saying "I prefer to drive myself". Eventually they will give up. As an adult you have the perfect right to make decision best for your own your own preferences and comfort.

dsquared

vicki, life it too short to allow other people to impose their wishes on you.

"There is no way you can justify taking two vehicles to this." Sure there is: being stuck in a car with an intolerable SIL and a sullen and moody niece is definitely justification for driving by yourself (or taking someone you like with you!).

Vicki, you weren't too sure about your trip to NYC, but you handled it like a pro. You can do this too.

vickib2

I am just stunned by your responses! I expected, "oh, don't let them get under your skin....just chill out, etc."

You all are so...so... ASSERTIVE! : )

You have definitely made me think that maybe there is a way out of this. I checked airfares, but unfortunately they are very high because my destination is a smallish city in Tennessee.

But, there ARE some relatives I could visit on my way there....and it IS Easter weekend!

I appreciate your responses very much.
Vicki

starrsville

Vicki, please don't be offended and I promise you that this is coming from a good and caring place. Consider therapy. I recognize myself and other female family members in you. We were WELL TRAINED to be people pleasers. It is a miserable way to live.

It is incomprehensible to others when you start saying "No". That's it. Simply "no". No apologies, explanations, justifications, ramblings on and wringing of hands. A nice friendly smile and "Thanks for the offer. No".

PLEASE consider it. If that's too big a step, buy one of the varied "people pleasers" books. Oprah battled this - with great success...obviously!

colombiana

Vicki: like they say better alone than in bad company,who knows once you stick to your plan and say you are driving maybe one of the other ladies will want to go with you. I do not allow anyone to take over my time you do not need to make up any excuses just tell her you want to take your own car. Good luck do let us know how it goes. Remeber the only thing we have to do in this world is die EVERYTHING else is optional.