traveling with other people....
Mar 14th, 2006, 02:46 AM
#42
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vicki
why go on vacation with people just because they are your relatives? I would never again go on vacation with my sister and her children/husband, she is a pain in the butt princess but she is ok when she comes to visit us from Syracuse every once in a while.
why go on vacation with people just because they are your relatives? I would never again go on vacation with my sister and her children/husband, she is a pain in the butt princess but she is ok when she comes to visit us from Syracuse every once in a while.
Mar 14th, 2006, 05:58 AM
#43
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Vicki, I was wondering - do you need to work for economic reasons? I know this was already mentioned, but if you don't need to work you could spend the day taking ASL courses. It would be a great skill to have in an area that needs it. Here's one place in Baltimore you could look into:
http://www.hasa.org/signlanguageclasses.htm
Taking classes would give you a reason to get out and meet new people too. I don't know why exactly, but it's very hard to move here and develop social connections. In fact, it's almost impossible unless you have a necessity to interact with others, like having children in school.
Have you decided to drive yourself to Tennessee yet? Is it your SIL or your husband who would object the most? Does he take it personally if you don't want to spend that much time in a car with his sister? If that's not the problem, you could remind him that driving your car was the original plan so nothing's really changed. If it's your SIL, don't even bother with an excuse. No matter what you say, she'll probably just press you for details unless she gets the answer she wants.
http://www.hasa.org/signlanguageclasses.htm
Taking classes would give you a reason to get out and meet new people too. I don't know why exactly, but it's very hard to move here and develop social connections. In fact, it's almost impossible unless you have a necessity to interact with others, like having children in school.
Have you decided to drive yourself to Tennessee yet? Is it your SIL or your husband who would object the most? Does he take it personally if you don't want to spend that much time in a car with his sister? If that's not the problem, you could remind him that driving your car was the original plan so nothing's really changed. If it's your SIL, don't even bother with an excuse. No matter what you say, she'll probably just press you for details unless she gets the answer she wants.
Mar 14th, 2006, 06:55 AM
#44
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Kingerfisherqueen,
Wow -- thanks for that link. The classes are taught about 10 miles from my house! I think I really need to do this.
It is hard to say whether I need to work financially. My husband and I are poles apart on where we believe discretionary money should be spent. He believes that money should go to golf and/or trips to Las Vegas which he thinks is about the funnest place in the world. (Not me!) Anything left should go into savings to pay for golf and Las Vegas trips when we retire. Every five or six years, he will agree to use some discretionary income to replace extremely gray and tattered underwear, but clothes-wise, that's about it.
I, on the other hand, would like to spend discretionary income on new drapes for our condo, new rugs, new blinds, new dining room table, trips to NYC !!!, staying in hotels when we travel rather than bunking with friends or relatives, helping my son and daughter-in-law pay for their wedding this summer, and some new cute summer clothes! And maybe some Mephisto walking shoes!
So, as you can see, it is difficult to say whether or not I really "need" to work.
: )
Vicki
Wow -- thanks for that link. The classes are taught about 10 miles from my house! I think I really need to do this.
It is hard to say whether I need to work financially. My husband and I are poles apart on where we believe discretionary money should be spent. He believes that money should go to golf and/or trips to Las Vegas which he thinks is about the funnest place in the world. (Not me!) Anything left should go into savings to pay for golf and Las Vegas trips when we retire. Every five or six years, he will agree to use some discretionary income to replace extremely gray and tattered underwear, but clothes-wise, that's about it.
I, on the other hand, would like to spend discretionary income on new drapes for our condo, new rugs, new blinds, new dining room table, trips to NYC !!!, staying in hotels when we travel rather than bunking with friends or relatives, helping my son and daughter-in-law pay for their wedding this summer, and some new cute summer clothes! And maybe some Mephisto walking shoes!
So, as you can see, it is difficult to say whether or not I really "need" to work.
: )
Vicki
Mar 14th, 2006, 09:53 AM
#45
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Drive yourself, Vicki. Life's too short to torture yourself for sixteen hours round trip.
My wife and I have sort of the same problem with her older sister. We vacationed with her a few years back and it was the worst vacation we ever had. She's a forty year old spinster and very set in her ways. She's a know-it-all and a killjoy. She almost never drinks. She assumes to have parenting advice for my wife, who is the mother of five. Personal relations between my wife her her older sister are full of tension that is wearing. Whenever my wife or I think about relenting on our no-vacation policy regarding her sister, we have to remind ourselves of all the tension experienced in our last vacation together.
My wife and I have sort of the same problem with her older sister. We vacationed with her a few years back and it was the worst vacation we ever had. She's a forty year old spinster and very set in her ways. She's a know-it-all and a killjoy. She almost never drinks. She assumes to have parenting advice for my wife, who is the mother of five. Personal relations between my wife her her older sister are full of tension that is wearing. Whenever my wife or I think about relenting on our no-vacation policy regarding her sister, we have to remind ourselves of all the tension experienced in our last vacation together.
Mar 14th, 2006, 11:29 AM
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Spinster? Who are you calling a spinster?!?
I'm single and I don't need a man to validate my existance. I own a home (well, with a mortgage), a car, have a career, good friends, with enough money left over to travel. Since I'm single I get to make all the decisions about what I want to do. Call it set in my ways, but to a lot of people it's called freedom. I'm not dependent on anyone. And I'm probably no more set in my ways than you.
And when I reach 40, I assume it will be the same.
I'm single and I don't need a man to validate my existance. I own a home (well, with a mortgage), a car, have a career, good friends, with enough money left over to travel. Since I'm single I get to make all the decisions about what I want to do. Call it set in my ways, but to a lot of people it's called freedom. I'm not dependent on anyone. And I'm probably no more set in my ways than you.
And when I reach 40, I assume it will be the same.
Mar 14th, 2006, 11:29 AM
#48
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Just when I get completely fed up with this board because of all the many snotty think-they-know-it-all comments, I read a thread like this and realize that there are still decent people who post here. Thank you.
Vicki, I hope you end up doing what YOU want to do and not what your outlaw rellies think you should do. I'm glad some of the nasties who are around did not rake you over the coals.
Vicki, I hope you end up doing what YOU want to do and not what your outlaw rellies think you should do. I'm glad some of the nasties who are around did not rake you over the coals.
Mar 14th, 2006, 11:51 AM
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Your SIL said she'd drive.....Great now you don't even have to have her in your car!
Don't be a captive passenger in her car that would be a miserable start to the family event.
Excellent advice here from everyone I hope you feel able to use it....
You could always truthfully use the excuse "My Fodorite friends recommended that I drive myself!"
Don't be a captive passenger in her car that would be a miserable start to the family event.
Excellent advice here from everyone I hope you feel able to use it....
You could always truthfully use the excuse "My Fodorite friends recommended that I drive myself!"
Mar 14th, 2006, 12:30 PM
#51
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Modification to advice from highflyer - (My family calls people on this board my imaginary friends).
So say "My imaginary friends say I should drive myself" That should end all discussion on the subject.
So say "My imaginary friends say I should drive myself" That should end all discussion on the subject.
Mar 14th, 2006, 01:35 PM
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vickieb2 - the replies by your Fodor's friends are so poignant and on the mark. I, too agree with them.. "No thanks, I'll see you there..."
I did notice something though, from your last post re your husband and how to spend discretionary money. He sounds like a carbon copy of his sister! I believe once you are able to be assertive and tell her no thanks, you will develop the skills to tell him that you get to chose what you want to do half the time with the money because you are half of the relationship. And you DESERVE IT! All your friends here believe it
.
I did notice something though, from your last post re your husband and how to spend discretionary money. He sounds like a carbon copy of his sister! I believe once you are able to be assertive and tell her no thanks, you will develop the skills to tell him that you get to chose what you want to do half the time with the money because you are half of the relationship. And you DESERVE IT! All your friends here believe it
.
Mar 14th, 2006, 02:33 PM
#54
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Don't drive.
Don't ride with them either.
Make reservations to do something YOU want to do that weekend, which doesn't involve a 500 mile road trip that you hate anyway.
Remember that you will still be stuck with them, even if you drive. You'll have a LOT more fun doing something for YOU.
BTW- "I assumed I would drive myself and ..." Need I remind you about "assume"? "Last week, my sister-in-law announced that ..." - notice that she did not "assume" anything. Learn her methods to beat her to the draw in the future.
Don't ride with them either.
Make reservations to do something YOU want to do that weekend, which doesn't involve a 500 mile road trip that you hate anyway.
Remember that you will still be stuck with them, even if you drive. You'll have a LOT more fun doing something for YOU.
BTW- "I assumed I would drive myself and ..." Need I remind you about "assume"? "Last week, my sister-in-law announced that ..." - notice that she did not "assume" anything. Learn her methods to beat her to the draw in the future.
Mar 14th, 2006, 03:54 PM
#55
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Oh, I MUST go! It is a surprise bridal shower for my soon-to-be daughter-in-law. I will be glad once I get there -- it is just the long drive that I hate.
I grew up in West Virginia and was never out of the state until I was 18. The only roadtrips my family ever took was to visit my grandparents who lived 90 miles away, which took THREE hours to drive. Yes, three! That was back before interstate highways, and I got violently car sick riding those curvy mountain roads. I threw up many many times in a paper bag held by my anxious mother, or by the side of the road, or once down the back of my dad's shirt as he drove (I TOLD him I felt sick). To me, taking roadtrips meant feeling sick and needing to go to the bathroom but having to "hold it." There were no rest stops then...if you had to "go", you squatted beside the road, between the car doors, with your mother standing guard.
Oh, I am getting off track here.
OK. Here is the status of my trip. I have made the decision that I will drive my daughter and me as originally planned. Yea! I feel SOOOO much better about the whole trip now. I told my husband and he said whatever I want to do is fine. Next step is to tell my SIL (and yes, my husband and his sister have quite similar personalities). I am going to tell her face-to-face since I don't really like deliving negative news via email. I am pretty sure I will see her this weekend. If not, I will call her. At any rate, I promise not to come back to the board until the deed is done! I know you all are tired of hearing me go on about this ( I'm tired of dwelling on it, too )and are ready for me to pull the trigger!
I can't believe that yesterday I had resigned myself to the fact that I had to go along, riding in the back seat. I truly was expecting that most of you would share some coping techniques that would help me tolerate the trip. What a shock. You truly showed me that I am not totally powerless. I appreciated all your suggestions and will be acting on some of them. My mindset has changed since yesterday, not in a major major way, but some very positive thoughts have crept in that weren't there yesterday. I hope they stay!
But, still -- I'm wondering -- what if she gets mad and says "well, forget it, then...we're not going...."
yikes -- I know, I know...let's not go there at this point.
Anyway...I will return after I have told her. I am determined to keep it short and sweet and not babble on with excuses.
Vicki
I grew up in West Virginia and was never out of the state until I was 18. The only roadtrips my family ever took was to visit my grandparents who lived 90 miles away, which took THREE hours to drive. Yes, three! That was back before interstate highways, and I got violently car sick riding those curvy mountain roads. I threw up many many times in a paper bag held by my anxious mother, or by the side of the road, or once down the back of my dad's shirt as he drove (I TOLD him I felt sick). To me, taking roadtrips meant feeling sick and needing to go to the bathroom but having to "hold it." There were no rest stops then...if you had to "go", you squatted beside the road, between the car doors, with your mother standing guard.
Oh, I am getting off track here.
OK. Here is the status of my trip. I have made the decision that I will drive my daughter and me as originally planned. Yea! I feel SOOOO much better about the whole trip now. I told my husband and he said whatever I want to do is fine. Next step is to tell my SIL (and yes, my husband and his sister have quite similar personalities). I am going to tell her face-to-face since I don't really like deliving negative news via email. I am pretty sure I will see her this weekend. If not, I will call her. At any rate, I promise not to come back to the board until the deed is done! I know you all are tired of hearing me go on about this ( I'm tired of dwelling on it, too )and are ready for me to pull the trigger!
I can't believe that yesterday I had resigned myself to the fact that I had to go along, riding in the back seat. I truly was expecting that most of you would share some coping techniques that would help me tolerate the trip. What a shock. You truly showed me that I am not totally powerless. I appreciated all your suggestions and will be acting on some of them. My mindset has changed since yesterday, not in a major major way, but some very positive thoughts have crept in that weren't there yesterday. I hope they stay!
But, still -- I'm wondering -- what if she gets mad and says "well, forget it, then...we're not going...."
yikes -- I know, I know...let's not go there at this point.
Anyway...I will return after I have told her. I am determined to keep it short and sweet and not babble on with excuses.
Vicki
Mar 14th, 2006, 04:14 PM
#56
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Vicki, you sound so much better in this post! I am glad to hear that you are going to do what YOU want to do Life is too short to always cater to other people. Think of this as a new start for you, as well as special bonding time with your daughter. Enjoy!
Life is too short to always cater to other people. Think of this as a new start for you, as well as special bonding time with your daughter. Enjoy!
Mar 14th, 2006, 04:38 PM
#57
<<I am going to tell her face-to-face since I don't really like deliving negative news via email>>
No, remember it's *positive* news... you are driving yourself because you want to and you feel better about that plan.
<<what if she gets mad>>
Doesn't matter because you're happier with your plan (remember you were planning to drive yourself all along before Miss Bossy pants butted in).
No, remember it's *positive* news... you are driving yourself because you want to and you feel better about that plan.
<<what if she gets mad>>
Doesn't matter because you're happier with your plan (remember you were planning to drive yourself all along before Miss Bossy pants butted in).
Mar 14th, 2006, 05:17 PM
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vicki,
If your SIL gets 'snitty' that's not your responsibility and once you have told her you will be driving yourself you can't back down or it will be 500 miserable miles where she will harp on about sensible you were to realise her how idea was the best
If they decide not go to the shower - that's their decision not yours and won't reflect badly on you.
You have received some very good suggestions on this thread. My suggestion is keep it simple and honest - if she can catch you out on an 'untruth', she will and from the sound of it she'll use it against you time and time again.
Look at it this way - I'm sure your daughter would like to spend some quality time with you? So, you're doing it for her I'm sure you won't let her down.
BTW is there anywhere along the route that your daughter would like to visit? You could have a nice roadtrip - just the 2 of you
If your SIL gets 'snitty' that's not your responsibility and once you have told her you will be driving yourself you can't back down or it will be 500 miserable miles where she will harp on about sensible you were to realise her how idea was the best
If they decide not go to the shower - that's their decision not yours and won't reflect badly on you.
You have received some very good suggestions on this thread. My suggestion is keep it simple and honest - if she can catch you out on an 'untruth', she will and from the sound of it she'll use it against you time and time again.
Look at it this way - I'm sure your daughter would like to spend some quality time with you? So, you're doing it for her
I'm sure you won't let her down.BTW is there anywhere along the route that your daughter would like to visit? You could have a nice roadtrip - just the 2 of you
Mar 14th, 2006, 06:16 PM
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I know different people have different ideas of email etiquette, but I find no problem with your delivering the great news via email or a phone message on answering machine when you know she will not be there.
While not Ms. Manners perfect, these tactics are used by many spined (as opposed to spineless) people who just would rather avoid the inevitable battle - but not avoid the issue. It might be good practice for you - and you will discover the anticipation of telling her is far worse than the reality. To send and email is good practice for when you must tell someone something in person.
If she gets mad, that is not necessarily bad - it will take people a while to recognize the new you.
Remember - polite, but firm. And no excuses. Do not apologize. Be strong - you can do this.
While not Ms. Manners perfect, these tactics are used by many spined (as opposed to spineless) people who just would rather avoid the inevitable battle - but not avoid the issue. It might be good practice for you - and you will discover the anticipation of telling her is far worse than the reality. To send and email is good practice for when you must tell someone something in person.
If she gets mad, that is not necessarily bad - it will take people a while to recognize the new you.
Remember - polite, but firm. And no excuses. Do not apologize. Be strong - you can do this.
