oh yuck! cat's eating on the table? with the people and guests? now that IS funny (& gross). and i'm a big cat lover.

George Bernard Shaw once said,"Staying at a relatives home is like a dead fish, after three days it smells".

This is fascinating.

My wife and I live in a desirable place (Nantucket) and have a nice comfortable, if not luxurious, house with four bedrooms and four baths.

One of our great pleasures in life is having people come to stay with us. A number of these have been cousins and other family members whom we have not known well, if at all. We have had a wonderful time with them, and they must have had a good time with us, since they have returned.

We have also had a number of business associates who have become friends by staying with us. Many of them have been Scottish or English where the tradition of staying with comparative strangers may be stronger.

But if all these people followed the advice that most of you are giving, we would have missed out on a lot of pleasure and a lot of friendship.

More cynically, one of the few non-taxable advantages that rich people have over the not rich is knowing people they can stay with. Most people, going to London, agonize over the cost of a hotel. People who entertain a lot of others don't because you always have an invitation to "come stay with us next time you are in the UK." This is certainly not part of our reason for entertaining people, but we have definitely benefited from it many times.

If you are open to possibilities, you have a lot of possibilities. If you are worried about bad beds or cats that are too friendly, just limit your visit the first time.

But enjoy!

Ack?

Can mrlani and the viszla and I come visit rather than stay at the Boat Basinthis coming june or sept?

kidding, but refreshed by your response!

oh the possibilities, if one only opens themselves to what may be...

'lani

Ackislander -- LOL. I loved your post.

I forgot to say that I think there are definitely two different scenerios, and a vacation home is definitely a different ball game.

Indeed, we love renting an ocean or lake house with friends. And if we or they owned one we'd all be there together I'm sure. (Family works sometimes too.)

There's just something different about a "regular" house...

"they must have had a good time with us, since they have returned."

Or maybe they liked having free board.

And who amongst us hasn't said, "you must come here to ____ and stay with us," either not really meaning it or knowing that the offer is never going to be accepted?

I like having company but it is extra work. We have had friends come and bring their SO with them, and sometimes we don't know the SO. It is sometimes a challenge to get on famously with someone you don't know.

We were fortunate a few years back to be invited to stay with a high school friend [and his wife] of DH in ST. John, USVI. I had never met either of them. Another couple [whom I did know ] joined us; the husband also high school friend. It was nice to see the 3 high school buddys together.

The wife was most gracious, we got along well. We were their 23, 24, 25 and 26th visitor that winter! I didn't even think about that, but knew we wouldn't be able to avail ourselves again of such a nice offer.

Deb

To me this is a no-brainer for one resaon--pgh1974 said

"The hotel isn't that expensive and you can cut it and prefer your privacy instead of staying at the relatives house. What would you do? You are trying not to be rude. My thing is I rather do the hotel. "

He/she prefers a hotel!

Be perfectly gracious and say to the relative that you (or traveling partner, if you have one) have already made the arrangements this time, but you would like to get together for dinner/lunch/touring one day, whatever. If you get along with the relative, you can always say, I hope "I'll be back another time" and you may be invited back.

I have close relatives I adore, but would not stay with (because of allergies, not enough space for guests, incompatible schedules, etc)and relatives who I like and would/have stayed with.

Depends on the nature of the trip and the place you're going, too.
If you're going for a beach vacation, you still may not want to stay at the gorgeous suburban house of your favorite aunt.

Thanks for the replies. To answer some questions some posters asked we are staying for 3 nights 4 days. This will be me and my daughter. We are visiting my father that I havent seen in 30 years I am now in my mid 30's. They live in a small house. He is married with children. So I am very for the hotel. One poster said you spend the waking hours with them you need down time. (I totally agree) Also I dont think the wife is all that crazy about us.

pgh1974, I think in your case, you are very wise to stay at a hotel.

Even more so, now that you have added info -hotel! Is the purpose of this trip strictly to reaquaint or is there another purpose?

If you are wanting to renew the relationship with your father - staying at hotel and meet on neutral grounds is a good thing.

Maybe just meet for a short time with your father first, alone. Not his wife, his kids, not your daughter.

Depending on how that goes; add your daughter to the second meeting. Meeting his wife - maybe just her,you and your father alone , [but with you daughter may be easier and level the playing field]

Then add in their kids.

One step at a time and use your gut to decide if and when to add others into the mix.

Step mothers, step kids, half siblings - all can be tricky.

I wish you all the good luck in the world.

Really been there, done that.
Deb

Definitely do the hotel. Good luck with meeting your dad. I hope for a good meeting and a future friendship.
About the other wife and kids, I can only imagine they are older as well. So, there shouldn't be too many hard feelings depending on the circumstances of course.
But stay in the hotel and try and enjoy getting to know this man. I also agree that going solo may be best for the first meeting. Best wishes.

Debit NM we are trying to get to know each other being as the last time he seen me I was a preschooler. As far as meeting alone I dont see that happening.

Now that you have filled in the details, I would definitely not stay with your father and his wife. It could be very awkward.

Just find a gracious excuse. "My daughter sleepwalks and I like her to be confined in a hotel room." I need to have my special equipment for my sleep apnea." I/we arise very early/sleep very late and often disturb people when I/we are houseguests.

(Just kidding...I have often wanted to tell the truth. I am NEVER comfortable sleeping in somebody else's house, except for a dear SIL and BIL, with whom we travel, as well.)

Hello pgh, under the circumstances you describe I too would stay at a hotel. And it sounds like that would work best for your father's wife from what you have said.

As far as inviting people to stay in my home I have never even invited someone for dinner unless I sincerely meant the invitation. I have a friend who I invited if it works out for her to stay with me in a few weeks. An invitation I sincerely meant.

I have some family members I do not want to stay with for various reasons. And other family members that I love to stay with. The same with friends. It does depend on so many situations doesn't it.

I hope the visit with your father goes well pgh. Best wishes to you and your daughter.