Had to connect at New York on an American 747. Got a little nervous when I was the only one forced to drink breast milk. No problem though. I told them to keep my bra when they seemed so impressed with the size. Sat next to an obese family who were reading The Adventures of Spiderman to their children. Muttered something about sparing their children from actual literature. Thought I'd sttle down for a nice nap, but wouldn't you know it, everyone on the flight got drunk on free booze, and stoned from Ambien! I had pre-ordered edible food for my meal and still don't know why I didn't get it. Can't possibly recommend the lasagna or the chicken. No movies with plots or acting. More like the Fox network. All eyes were glued to the screen during Fear Factor. Something about doing anything for $50,000. After a bumpy landing I got a cab ride. Make sure you negotiate the price first or they might drop you off in a neighborhood where you'll get shot. Sadam must be some kind of god in these parts because they keep talking about his all encompasing evil. Thought I'd tour the numerous mansions I passed but the security guards at the gates wouldn't let me. I wonder if all the suburban mansions under construction are for all the people I see sleeping on the streets? Had dinner at McDonalds. Servers were slow and the hamburgers bland. Shopped at Walmart and picked up some crap made in China. When I made notes to compare prices with other stores the security guards threw me out. Something about free enterprise and open market competiton. Gotta get to the army surplus store so I can buy survival supplies for the coming armegedom. The Bush family is at it again! Ta ta!

Of course, I ate in other restaurants than McDonald's. I think I was being waited on, but perhaps these were long lost children of mine. They squatted down as they introduced themselves, and then proceeded to tell me why they were working in a restaurant in the first place. Their reasons ranged from actor/screenwriter/sitcom-wanna-be on the West Coast to actor/screenwriter/Sex in the City-wanna-be on the East Coast.<BR><BR>I was then regaled about their boss, the corporate working environment, and the specials, which were really confusing since they seemed to combine two or three cuisines in one dish. (How do you translate vitello with a compote of smoked chipolte tartar sauce topped and a side of steamed bok choy topped with canned onion rings tossed in Campbell's cream of mushroom soup?)<BR><BR>Now for dress. You should know that except in the fly-over states (anything between NY and the Left Coast), everyone is in black. Yes, black. And high spike heels. Boots. Furs. Apparently, the entire nation (at least in the two cities that really matter) have been reading some internet forum on how people dress, and now they all dress as if their mother or hairdresser just died. I do understand from outposts and watching early morning network talk shows, that the people in between may be known to wear jeans and white tennis shoes, but this could just be a rumor. I hear they also eat ketchup on their mesquite-grilled tuna burgers, for what it's worth. <BR><BR>Have fun.

Very, very weak. Leave the attempts at humor to the professionals. This didn't ven raise a smile.

Yawn...

I wish there was a magazine that would accept the work of everyone, no matter how terrible. Because there isn't, the untalented writers of the world look for forums like this that don't have editors. <BR>The author of the post actually thinks this is funny stuff.<BR><BR>

Since we didn't think the Baghdad post was funny, guess he's trying again. Isn't it a rule somewhere 2 strikes your out--if not there should be.

Just wanted to let you know Shad, that I (back from Baghdad) am not flyer ([email protected]). Believe it or not, I actually write (and make a nice living at it) for a an offbeat humor periodical. Sophomoric at times yes, but often humor can make us see how bdadly we can behave due to our cultural or religious differences.

Excuse the typo. The correct spelling is badly.

If you really do make a living writing humor, MT, then the Baghdad post must have been one of your weaker efforts. It really wasn't funny. Not offensive or anything, just not funny.