Strange/amusing pilot announcements?
Aug 7th, 2001 | 01:31 PM
#42
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Two: <BR>1) On a flight from Guilin to Guangzhou. Cast of characters: myself and my family, the only non-Asians on a full plane. We are in flight, and suddenly, smoke starts coming out of the ceiling of the airplane. An announcement is made, in Chinese (of course). Everyone starts gathering all of their things together, quickly, talking and fussing. We have no idea what is going on; no one around us speaks English. <BR> <BR>The pilot clearly remembers that he saw foreigners getting on the plane, and says cryptically, "The plane not landing in Guangzhou." Huh? <BR> <BR>The plane lands in a field in the middle of nowhere...but that's another story. <BR> <BR>2) The pilot comes on the intercom to make the more conventional cruising-at-whatever-feet announcements. He finishes off by saying, "Oh, and I just got the news that the Soviet Union has collapsed." Everyone on the plane laughed. Only when we landed did we realize it wasn't a joke.
May 21st, 2003 | 01:31 PM
#45
Joined: May 2003
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couple of years ago :
Lufthansa flight early morning out of Hamburg to London Heathrow.
Captain welcomes everybody aboard "our flight to Seattle, flying time approx. 15 hours". There certainly was some irritation among passengers- shuffling to review their boarding passes!
Same flight after landing in Heathrow:
Pilot over the intercom "Welcome to London. We would like to introduce you to our new service called 'Lufthansa Easy- Leave". We kindly ask every passenger to wipe off all crumbs from their respective seats and place the seatbelts crossed-over on the seats.
Also, the last passenger unboarding is asked to lock the plane and deposit the key at a Lufthansa service counter of his choice!"
Lufthansa flight early morning out of Hamburg to London Heathrow.
Captain welcomes everybody aboard "our flight to Seattle, flying time approx. 15 hours". There certainly was some irritation among passengers- shuffling to review their boarding passes!
Same flight after landing in Heathrow:
Pilot over the intercom "Welcome to London. We would like to introduce you to our new service called 'Lufthansa Easy- Leave". We kindly ask every passenger to wipe off all crumbs from their respective seats and place the seatbelts crossed-over on the seats.
Also, the last passenger unboarding is asked to lock the plane and deposit the key at a Lufthansa service counter of his choice!"
May 21st, 2003 | 04:12 PM
#46
Joined: May 2003
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A friend of mine related this story from a flight from Lima Peru to Cuzco.
About halfway through the 60 minute flight, several passengers noticed that one of the engines appeared to be on fire! They alerted the flight attendants who disappeared into the cockpit for a pow-wow with the captain. After about 5 minutes, the flight attendant emerged and came up to my friend. "Since you're American, the captain wanted to know your opinion of what to do. The engine's on fire and he can't decide to turn back to Lima or continue on to Cuzco?" My friend, astonished, said "How the heck should I know?" The crew decided to continue to Cuzco, and landed safely.
About halfway through the 60 minute flight, several passengers noticed that one of the engines appeared to be on fire! They alerted the flight attendants who disappeared into the cockpit for a pow-wow with the captain. After about 5 minutes, the flight attendant emerged and came up to my friend. "Since you're American, the captain wanted to know your opinion of what to do. The engine's on fire and he can't decide to turn back to Lima or continue on to Cuzco?" My friend, astonished, said "How the heck should I know?" The crew decided to continue to Cuzco, and landed safely.
May 21st, 2003 | 05:00 PM
#47
Joined: Mar 2003
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We were scheduled to fly from LAX to Acapulco on Aero Mexico in the early 90s. As we backed out of the gate area, there was a large thump. After a couple of minutes the pilot came on the speaker and said, "We are sorry to inform you, but the plane is broken."
After a two hour delay, we took off, and needless to say, much tequila was consumed on our flight as we hoped they had glued together our "broken" plane. Fortunately, we lived to tell the tale.
After a two hour delay, we took off, and needless to say, much tequila was consumed on our flight as we hoped they had glued together our "broken" plane. Fortunately, we lived to tell the tale.
May 21st, 2003 | 05:35 PM
#48
Joined: Feb 2003
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Flying Virgin Blue just post 9/11 (October 2001) we were coming in to land at Melbourne's Tullamarine - uneventful flight so far. As we were about to or just having touched the tarmac, the plane all of a sudden sped up and took off again at a very, very steep angle. You have no idea the looks exchanged amongst the passengers (and of course there were no crew as they were all strapped into their seats awaiting landing).
We all spent a very nervous 5 minutes - but what seemed like 20 - until the pilot came on (much too late) to explain that we had come in way too close on the tail of the plane landing in front of us so had to take off to avoid hitting him. You have no idea of the sighs of relief and nervous laughter (not from the fact that we had narrowly avoided what would of been a serious accident, but rather that we had not been hijacked.)
I remember taking a flight in India. We had started to taxi along the runway and were starting to speed up stewardess ran up the aisle calling out - the door had been left open and she and a few passangers had to struggle to pull it closed before the plane became airborn - however as the wheels were beginning to leave the ground, everyone was thrown forward as the plane slammed to a halt and another passenger plane coming from the runway on our left took off right in front of us. As we were coming in to land on the same flight the no smoking lights came on and the fellow sitting in front of us promptly lit up a cigarette. We were tapping him on the shoulder and pointing at the sign and shaking our heads but he just shrugged his shoulders and shook his head in that way that Indians do. We alerted the stewardess - who did exactly the same thing!!!???
We all spent a very nervous 5 minutes - but what seemed like 20 - until the pilot came on (much too late) to explain that we had come in way too close on the tail of the plane landing in front of us so had to take off to avoid hitting him. You have no idea of the sighs of relief and nervous laughter (not from the fact that we had narrowly avoided what would of been a serious accident, but rather that we had not been hijacked.)
I remember taking a flight in India. We had started to taxi along the runway and were starting to speed up stewardess ran up the aisle calling out - the door had been left open and she and a few passangers had to struggle to pull it closed before the plane became airborn - however as the wheels were beginning to leave the ground, everyone was thrown forward as the plane slammed to a halt and another passenger plane coming from the runway on our left took off right in front of us. As we were coming in to land on the same flight the no smoking lights came on and the fellow sitting in front of us promptly lit up a cigarette. We were tapping him on the shoulder and pointing at the sign and shaking our heads but he just shrugged his shoulders and shook his head in that way that Indians do. We alerted the stewardess - who did exactly the same thing!!!???
May 21st, 2003 | 07:42 PM
#49
Joined: Mar 2003
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The funniest thing that ever happened to me on an airline was of course on Southwest. As we started our takeoff and steep ascent, the pilot came on and announced that the cabin crew was going to roll us our snack packs down the center aisle. Sure enough, the crew stood by the cockpit and sent them down the aisle, as everyone in aisle seats reached out to grab them as they whizzed by! It was hysterical.
May 21st, 2003 | 08:17 PM
#50
Joined: Jan 2003
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Not a pilot, but another amusing Southwest steward:
During the safety announcement, the person said: "In the unlikely event of a water landing . . . actually, I just want to point out that we believe a water landing is EXTREMELY unlikely, otherwise none of us would have come to work this morning!"
During the safety announcement, the person said: "In the unlikely event of a water landing . . . actually, I just want to point out that we believe a water landing is EXTREMELY unlikely, otherwise none of us would have come to work this morning!"
May 22nd, 2003 | 07:09 AM
#51
Joined: Jan 2003
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I'm enjoying this thread immensely. My addition - A Continential flight from Houston to New Orleans. As we leave the terminal the pilot begins weaving around the runways prior to take off, like a New York cab driver gone beserk. My partner and I are clutching one another when the pilot comes on to make the following announcement, this is true. (Note: we are still careening toward the runway, this man sounds like a farm hand just in from plowing the back 40) "This is your captain speaking we will be flying at an altitude of 30,000 feet and will might catch a tail wind at that elevation so we might shave off 10-15 minutes - hope we don't overshoot New Orleans, ha! In the meantime, I would like to introduce to you to our flight attendants, Billy Jo, Bobby Sue, and Mary Jane, three of the prettiest little phillies you'll see this side of the Mississippi. These ladies are here for your safety only." Thank God someone to rescue us from this madman. This in the year 2000, the flight landed safely, with no feminists aboard apparently.
Denise
Denise
May 22nd, 2003 | 07:24 AM
#52
Joined: May 2003
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Not a pilot announcement, but from a very camp steward. (I hope I don't offend anyone, but it was amusing and everyone laughed!)
When it came to instruction on the use of the life jacket, he said in an effeminate way "please use the whistle to attract the attention of any passing SAILORS!"
When it came to instruction on the use of the life jacket, he said in an effeminate way "please use the whistle to attract the attention of any passing SAILORS!"
May 22nd, 2003 | 09:28 AM
#54
Joined: Mar 2003
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I have one more. My parents and I were flying from San Francisco to L.A. on PSA (Pacific Southwest Airlines for those who don't remember). About half the plane had boarded when the pilot came on and said he was going to play a little prank on the next people who came on board. He told all the passengers not to say anything and play along when he made the next announcement.
When the next couple entered the cabin of the airplane, the stewardess (not flight attendant in those days) alerted the pilot
who then came on the speaker and said, "Welcome to PSA Flight 234, nonstop to Denver, Colorado." As we all held our laughter, the couple stared at each other with shocked looks and started grabbing for their tickets.
"Oh no, we're supposed to be going to Los Angeles," the woman shouted. Before they got too flustered, the pilot came back on and let them in on the joke. Everybody started cracking up including the hapless couple who were on the receiving end.
Unfortunately, if a pilot tried pulling a prank like that today, he would probably get sued for causing emotional distress.
When the next couple entered the cabin of the airplane, the stewardess (not flight attendant in those days) alerted the pilot
who then came on the speaker and said, "Welcome to PSA Flight 234, nonstop to Denver, Colorado." As we all held our laughter, the couple stared at each other with shocked looks and started grabbing for their tickets.
"Oh no, we're supposed to be going to Los Angeles," the woman shouted. Before they got too flustered, the pilot came back on and let them in on the joke. Everybody started cracking up including the hapless couple who were on the receiving end.
Unfortunately, if a pilot tried pulling a prank like that today, he would probably get sued for causing emotional distress.
May 22nd, 2003 | 11:50 AM
#55
Joined: Jan 2003
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On a United flight from San Francisco to Maui, we are sitting at the gate when the pilot comes on the intercom saying, "Due to severe headwinds, we need 6 volunteers to take the next flight as the plane weighs too much and there will not be enough fuel to make it to Maui". Needless to say, there was no shortage of volunteers.
May 22nd, 2003 | 12:33 PM
#56
Joined: Mar 2003
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Late 70's.
Aeroflot, Moscow to Lenningrad.
At gate waiting to push back.
Pilot comes on PA and says they are just finishing up the checklist and then we'll be off.
I look out my window to see a mechanic on the wing, with a wrench, tightening bolts.
Some checklist!
Aeroflot, Moscow to Lenningrad.
At gate waiting to push back.
Pilot comes on PA and says they are just finishing up the checklist and then we'll be off.
I look out my window to see a mechanic on the wing, with a wrench, tightening bolts.
Some checklist!
May 22nd, 2003 | 08:03 PM
#57
Joined: Jan 2003
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There is one pilot on United who tells a lot of jokes--I will definitely try to catch his name next time I get him as my pilot. This same guy bought the entire flight a round of drinks during a period when United was having a lot of late arrivals & departures. Nice touch!
May 24th, 2003 | 08:57 PM
#58
Joined: Apr 2003
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Try this site for a hilarious audio of "foreign names announced in airports" Some funny Brits had a good time. www.twilight3d.com/humour/temp
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
Aug 7th, 2003 | 07:53 PM
#60
Joined: May 2003
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On our EXTREMELY early flight to Jamaica, it must have been 5 or 6 AM when we boarded. Getting up so early and getting to the airport, I didn't get much coffee but didn't worry as I would get more on the plane. Aside from the fact it was FREEZING on the plane, just after take-off the flight attendant announced that they had plenty of coffee but no coffee pots. I thought some were going to hijack the plane to a Starbucks! 
