Strange/amusing pilot announcements?
 

Inspired by the "best excuse for a delayed flight" thread: What's the wackiest, funniest, or maybe scariest announcement you've ever heard a pilot make? <BR> <BR>Here's mine. <BR> <BR>The flight: a 20-minute hop from Portland, Maine to Boston enroute to New York during a bad lightning storm. The plane: a 15-seater. Number of passengers: 2. Pilot comment: We were told to ignore our seat assignments and remain in the rear of the plane to serve as a counterweight to the weight of the pilot and copilot up front. <BR> <BR>It was a looonnnggg 20 minutes!

I don't know about amusing, but ... Once on a flight home, we flew over Mt. Saint Helens. The pilot made the announcement that it was below so everybody could look at it if they wished. A few seconds later, a panicked "oh, no" came over the microphone. About 30 seconds later there was a click as the microphone was turned off. Apparently the cockpit had not turned off the microphone after their announcement and it was still broadcasting. Don't know why the "oh, no", but, thankfully, the flight was uneventful. Have to admit,though, I was pretty frightened until the wheels hit the tarmac!

Flew on Xmas day once and pilot told everyone to look to the left and look to the right , that Rudolf and santa were passing by--and within 10 minutes, the pilot came out of the cockpit dressed as Santa handing out candy--it really made the flight and the kids loved it and the adults were cracking up.

I almost lost my dentures once when I heard a pilot ask "Does anyone know how long it takes to get from Venice to Milan?" <BR>

This wasn't funny at the time (I laugh about it now) but 3 years ago flying from Tokyo to Bangkok on a huge jumbo jet-Northwest Airlines, the flight attendant anounced "We are short 250 meals, if you are willing to forgo your meal, please ring your call button!!" Not sure how many passengers this plane held but I doubt too many passengers ate during the 5 hour flight! Actually, this was so pathetic, I've never flown NW again.

Last February, my daughter and I were on a Southwest flight to Tampa for a family wedding. Although the day was clear and sunny, the flight was a bumpy one. As we were about to land, the plane was really rocking, and just as were to touch down, we suddenly dropped and WHAM hit the runway hard. It really scared everybody, and there was a general intake of breath...Before anybody could say a word, the flight attendant quickly said "Ladies and gentlemen, that was not the captain's falut...that was not the first officer's fault...that was the AS-phalt!" Evewryone roared with laughter, the tension was broken, and we were suddenly very happy to be on the ground in Florida! <BR> <BR>

Returning from Florida with American Transair.... <BR> <BR>Plane lands, Pilot applies reverse thrust, Pilot says over PA 'WHOA, WHOA, <BR>ATTAGIRL !'. <BR> <BR>Incidentally I think this is the same year that some kids played the Emergency <BR>'Aircraft about to ditch' video for a prank, terrorising the other passengers.

Continental flight from San Diego to Newark last year. "This is Captain Beyondo......" <BR> <BR>

On a KLM flight between Amsterdam and Norway, the flight attendant went through the seat belt routine in Dutch then again quickly in English. I don't know what she said in Dutch, but in English when she was talking about the seat belts, she started by saying, "for those of you who haven't been on an airplane since 1972 and have never seen a seatbelt before..."

A much beloved senior Captain on Alaska Airlines (back when that airline had soul instead of Starbucks) would play the harmonica over the speakers once the plane was at cruise altitude. He was extremely accomplished - oldies, classical, country - and the passengers would inevitably roar their approval when he'd sign off with something like "Well, I guess I should try to find Juneau now" or something like that. People would book their flights based on his schedule, he never had an empty seat. Plus he always found Juneau.

Slightly off message ... <BR> <BR>Many, many moons ago, a Lufthansa flight radioed the control tower at Heathrow, asking for permission NOT to land, as they could not find one of their passengers. After a pause, the ever helpful ATC suggested - "Have you looked in the ovens?" <BR> <BR>I heard that the German government formally informed the British government that it felt this remark was in poor taste.

Continental flight last spring from Houston to Phoenix: Terrible storms to the west of Houston caused a 3 hour delay- all spent in the aircraft in the lovely Houston humidity/heat, thank you. Everyone is very frustrated, including the pilot, who comes on periodically to assure us that we will take off as soon as we get clearance. Finally, the pilot announces, "We have just been cleared for take-off. We will have to circle the storms, which will increase our flight time. There is also the possibility that we will run out of fuel...but we will deal with it when the time comes." Luckily, we all landed safe and sound in Phx! <BR>

On our recent return flight on Alitalia from Milan to Boston, it seemed that all passengers had boarded and we were waiting to depart. When it was apparent that we were not leaving, the captain announced, in Italian, that a passenger whose luggage was on board had not boarded the plane even after numerous pages. He then said that they were removing all 300 pieces of luggage to check them. After about an hour, he asked a group of passengers who had boarded in Damascus to leave the plane so they could identify their luggage. After about another hour, the captain announced that he "thought" they had located the "offensive" luggage, removed it and we were now ready to depart. The final statement was, "I hope we all have a good flight."! I saw someone make the sign of the cross. It was a good flight after all. The applause that broke out upon landing in Boston was genuine.

Not really strange or amusing, but still an announcement we will always remember. We were flying from SFO to Dallas during the Olympics many years ago. The pilot announced that the US hockey team had beaten the Russians and the passengers went wild. <BR> <BR>Still remember that everytime we see any reference to that hockey team; see the movie or a documentary, etc.

The United jumbo glided to a whisper-soft landing in Chicago, with hardly any perceptible dips, lurches, bumps or thumps -- didn't even know exactly when we touched the runway. It was without question the most perfect landing I've ever experienced, and the pilot was impressed with it himself: <BR> <BR>"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your pilot. You'll never have a landing like that on American!"

mine is a little different. In a flight from Lisbon to Marrakesh via Casablanca, we made the check in in Lisbon, already for Marrakesh, even thow we had to change airplane. My seat was number 30, and the plain from casablanca to marrakesh had only 25 seats. <BR>The flight attendant, very gently, and very firmly told me: <BR>- ok... see that door on your right!! you have to leave, and there´s another plane parked back there... and it´s seat numer ...5. <BR>( they decided for a free seating !!!)

Years ago, when I was working for Lockheed Aircraft in Burbank, I used to commute from Burbank to Palmdale each day in a Lockheed-owned DC-3. The flight was notoriously turbulent as we passed over the mountains into Antelope Valley. <BR>On one day in particular, the turbulemnce was noticeably worse than normal, and even an experienced Navy pilot who I worked with was hanging on to the armrests for dear life. After landing in Palmdale, the pilot walked down the aisle to open the door. As he left the cockpit, he wiped his brow and said, "Well, we cheated death again".

Waiting on a runway for take-off on a Northwest Airlines flight, the pilot was doing the whole schtick--weather in Denver (our destination), altitude for flight, etc., & then in a calm voice said "if those of you on the right side of the plane will look out your windows, you'll see a raging fire." Those of us on the right could see bright orange flames. The airport fire department was performing an extinguishing exercise on the runway off to our right! <BR>BC

2 stories come to mind: <BR> <BR>1) Flying at night from Ft. Lauderdale to Toronto on Eastern ("The Dregs of Man") the Captain came on and said "Many of you have asked why there are no reading lights - this plane is only meant to fly during the day". That was it - no other explanation offered. Of course we were left to ponder what other "options" Eastern had neglected to purchase!! Flaps? Brakes? Altimeter? <BR> <BR>2) On a Mexicana flight from Los Cabos to LA - via PV - in 1978 (only one commercial flight per week then) we were sitting on the runway, doors closed, waiting to taxi. This is a sound I'd never heard before or since on a plane - "knock knock". 2 passengers were knocking on the door of the (full) plane. The flight attendants opened the door and after much discussion with the pilots the first officer came on to announce that the two passengers would be STANDING in the aisle for the PV leg of the journey. It was like taking the subway!

Another story. The announcement was normal. The reaction was anything but. I was flying from Japan to the US on a military-chartered airline. The flight had started in Korea, stopping in Japan to pick up a few passengers. You must understand first that the passengers from Korea (by far the greatest percentage of the passengers) were mostly young men, all military. Almost all of them had been out of the US for an entire year, away from family and all that was familiar, many for the first time, and most of them were not in Korea by choice. <BR> <BR>As soon as we landed in California the pilot came on the speaker and said, "Welcome to the U.S.A." The reaction bordered on pandemonium. The joy felt at finally being home was almost tangible in the cheers and hugs that raged thru the aircraft. <BR> <BR>This was not my first homecoming, but certainly my most memorable.