We have my husband's college roommate visiting us for a few days. Yesterday morning after he and my husband left for a day I changed sheets, put fresh towels, place fresh flowers in the bedroom and bath, clean the bathroom. This morning I got scolded and told I am not allowed to go to "his" room as long as as he is there. This never happened before. I wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize long friendship my husband and his roommate have but am I missing something? When you have guests staying with you do you ever go to "their" room? Do you ever do things for them?

He's right -- entering "his" room should only be done with his permission, IMHO.

Wow. Well I personally would be quite taken aback. He is a guest in your house. All you did was freshen up the room; its not like you went digging through his things. It sounds like you were being quite thoughtful and his reaction was uncalled for.

Tracy

It's your house. In my opinion, he was out of line.

wow -- he's a guest in your home -- he's got a lot of nerve scolding you when you're going out of your way to be hospitable and cleaning up after him. Does he yell at the maid for coming into his hotel room and cleaning up??? What a dork.

IMO, when I have houseguests, their room is "their space" until they leave. If they're here for only a few days, I wouldn't be changing their sheets at all! I certainly don't see myself as their maid.

Of course you have a right to go in the room and freshen up. It is your home, not a hotel. And even in a hotel, the staff and housekeeping have the right to enter.

If it happened as you are describing, then this is one rude house guest, to scold you for your hospitality and tell you what you can and can't do in your own home when you were trying to be a good hostess. If you can let the rudeness roll off of you for the sake of your husband's friendship, I would do so. Although if it was my husband and he heard or got wind of anyone who is staying in our house telling me that I am not allowed to go in the rm. to freshen up, my husband would nicely tell the person they were out of line, and that next time he might just want to stay in a hotel (where he can tell the housekeepers not to come in and clean the room!)

Your houseguest was obviously raised in a barn. He is visiting you; the house is yours. His behavior is loutish and completely uncalled for.

Question: would he have had the same reaction if a maid changed the sheets at a hotel in which he was staying?

He may be doing something in the room he would rather you not know about. I believe this person would be a one-time guest in MY house.

funny--I think we all answered at once in a sort of Greek chorus.

I would go in the room one more time to leave the phone book on the bed opened to the pages of hotels that are available in the area.

I certainly do not feel like a maid when I make a house guest more comfortable, change sheets, etc., but for some folks I can understand perhaps why they might feel that way.

I agree that one provides as much privacy and personal space as possible to any houseguest..ideally. However, I think your houseguest was kinda stupid to make such a big deal about this. IMO he should have taken your actions in the spirit in which they were offered rather than confusing this as some sort of personal privacy invasion.

But sometimes you cannot win for losing.

=D> =D> =D> =D>

"This morning I got scolded and told I am not allowed to go to "his" room as long as as he is there."

Did he scold you, or was your husband passing along his thoughts? If he did it, he was out of line and should have been a bit more diplomatic in stating his desire for privacy (or whatever he wanted).

FWIW, I do think houseguests are entitled to some privacy in "their" room while they're staying with you. I would have told him where the clean sheets are (or put some in the room before arrival) and let him change or not change them. It sounds like you're going out of your way to be hospitable, which is great, but I would let him take care of his space while he's there.

that was for chasechow...

I agree with Intrepid...and I like chasechow's idea.

Perhaps he did feel that you were snooping. BUT that does not, in anyway, excuse his reaction. He's a guest. He should have thanked you and then politely suggested that you not bother doing it again.

Roommate or not, I don't think I would ask him back.

I am wondering if he felt like he put you out...felt bad that you had to clean up after him when he wasn't expecting it. Maybe he was embarassed or "not allowed" meant not allowed to let him make extra work for you.

I'm not saying he handled it well but some men do react weird when women clean up for them.

Since it's a long friendship I would either ask him about it directly (over a glass of wine in the evening) or just give him the benefit of of the doubt.

I probably would of asked if he wanted his sheets changed, but I really don't see a big issue with you cleaning it. FYI, our guest room is also where we store stuff so we are in and out of there anyway. Although, they all know that, LOL.

When is he leaving? I hope you told your husband that his friend is no longer welcome in your home after this visit.

Are you sure he's not a serial killer? What's he got to hide? Did he even thank you for refreshing the room you were kind enough to allow him to use?

Unbelievable! Why don't you print this page & leave it in his room along w/ the hotel phone numbers?LOL Hope he leaves you a good tip! What a jerk.