Emily's Post does NOT SAY it is ok to wait a year. Here what it says

How soon should I send a gift?
Preferably, send the gift to the bride before the wedding or to the couple soon thereafter. In some regions gifts are brought to the reception and placed on a special table. Contrary to a current RUMOR that you have a year to send a gift, it really should be sent RIGHT AWAY or within three months of the wedding.

jlm, I was not impliying anyone wll feel I am 'bad' - it just felt like if I feel I do not want to freeload I am wrong!!! No gift, small gift is fine. Fare gift amount is still in discussion. JJ5 said what I thought about $25 nowadays from travelers all over the globe. Cheap! Wooff, I said it...and no cousin come from college, he comes with parents, doesn't he? And IF he is really a poor cousin - he will just come with a kiss and hug and will be excepted.

Ziana - Actually, you specifically asked "does that make me a bad person", so I was answering that directly. And yes, cousins do come to weddings from college, not necessarily with their parents. When my husband and I were in college, we did give gifts from us at some weddings we went to, not necessarily from our parents.

And not everyone who gives gifts at weddings can afford to travel the world, so to them a $25 gift might be a lot. Even if they're here, they might be planning their one trip for their entire lifetime, that they've been saving for the last 30 years to afford.

If people stopped making assumptions about everyone and stopped making judgements about gifts, everyone would probably be happier, and no one would have to stay home from a wedding for lack of funds.

Plus, consider that in some cultures/areas a $25 might be the norm, even if it's not the case in your neck of the woods. Just like in your area, it's customary to cover the costs, it's different somewhere else.

And jlm mi, I just had someone here read this thread and they LOL at your inferring that I AM the angry one. Go re-read these early answers from sylvia and several others. They are very angry answers. I am just telling you what IS near me. In immigrant Chicago they also have HUGE, HUGE balls for the Hispanic girls when they come out at 16- with similar mores. I am not angry, just trying to get you to understand that could be another way oftentimes. That's what makes movies like "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" so funny, because it is so true. I see those kinds of weddings and will be closely involved within some feature of one at least 3 times a year.

Statia, in Chicago and lots of other places, like NY/NJ and all the big wedding reception land places- the poor cousins or college students or whatever or whoever friends are not censured, even giftless. I've never seen that. Even dresses are bought for participants if necessary- if they are in the bridal party. Many of you are assuming so much negative, just because it is not your style or traditions, and it seems to have hit a monetary or social pariety nerve.

And I took no notice of what gifts given to my kids were. But I would feel myself, totally unloving to give $25 for a celebration for any of my friends or their children. I don't go to weddings of mere acquaintances; I don't think many invite them any more. Most people are downsizing weddings just because of their costs and prefer only the closest people to them now.

I guess you don't want to hear about the wedding showers, huh!

Ziana, JJ5 - how much money you earn and spend on yourself is your own business. Just because I went to Europe twice last year and bought a new car doesn't mean I am obligated to give large gifts.

For the most part, my husband and I are very generous in all kinds of situations. But we will not be "forced" to do this.

And I'm sure you won't be.

Why would anybody be so mad to "feel" forced, because others are generous. That's what I don't understand.

If you are happy with that as a gift, then there is no problem.

oops sorry
taste in music a box set, or you could engrave anything sterling.
enjoy the wedding and hopefully some warm weather...

Allright...you receiving invitation and you see that place booked is expensive West Coast Hotel Ball Room. What crosses your mind? I will wear $2 shoes and $10 dress and will do my hair and makeup myself and will bring $25.00 to the wedding? Which then seems enough...Hardly...
There is 'I need to run and buy a dress for few hundreds (?) dollars and shoes for...well...you know girls and shoes and I need to have my hair done and makeup done and it will cost me...after I do it all I will have $25.00 left on my bank account. But regardless i will enjoy my filet mignon that alone cost $42.50 plus all the music and i will dance my head off all night long...It is NOT F_U_N_N_Y!!! (actually it is)

I suppose these rules could vary in different parts of the country. Maybe that explains it.

I grew up and worked in the wedding reception/bridal consultation business for more years than I care to count or remember. Out of planning/working/attending several weddings a week during those years (from the simple to the extremely elaborate, for people from lower and middle class to the very wealthy) I honestly have never heard of "covering your plate" or ensuring that you purchase a gift equal to the amount the hosts have spent on you as a guest.

Obviously this is the way that some people look at gift giving, so I'm wondering if maybe this is more of a regional thing?

Sounds to me like someone likes to out-do the bride, lol.

Ziana - You're hard to understand - hope I "get" you right.

The quality of my clothing does not change depending on the quality of the event. And, if we are so inclined, my DH and I will give our usual very generous gift, but NOT because we feel pressured to or because, "this place is so fancy, they must have spent a lot."

hmm i seem to be having a hard time using the boards tonight. my post was intended to read:
golly, such a lot of bickering over such a thoughtful question.
a couple ideas i had are - an engraved leather photo album, a clock, a watercolor or a piece of art glass, blankets, tickets to some sports or arts event, engraved sterling or if you know their taste in music a box set.
enjoy the wedding...

You are lucky I have too much time to waste today so I will explain.
Wedding or BDays...we are trying to bring enough cash so BDay friend won't have to pay for the party so it's his/her scenario but our cost/covering, like if we threw Surprise party for them. Because we just love each other enough to care about them not to get into extra expense because of us, friends. Isn't is easier for all of us to share cost of the party then for one person to pay for it? Simple 'my treat' principal. What is so difficult to understand?

Wedding is the same principal...you as a loving relative/friend trying to chip in and take small role in this play. Got it now?

See what happened here, frankie asked if she can give desent gift of respect and EVERYONE knew it was a decent gift but NO! Let's make person feel like she is overspending? Why? Why not to tell her 'good thinking, go ahead, treat your niece'? I don;t understand people...

an engraved leather photo album, a clock, a watercolor or a piece of art glass, blankets, tickets to some sports or arts event, engraved sterling or if you know their taste in music a box set.
????????????????????????????????????
Who needs this junk nowadays? Gosh...

oh no, don't even get me started on wondering what to wear!!! Thank goodness it's not my kids getting married yet! I think I'll start pounding the eloping to Vegas route into their heads now!!! LOL!

JJ5 - just to clarify something you assumed about me. I don't feel obligated to give a larger gift because other givers are generous.

My point is that I refuse to yield to the social pressure of giving a gift that's equivalent to the cost of my meal or to help pay for the wedding at which I am a guest.

Wow! I'm amazed at the responses to this topic. I think it really goes to show how different everyone is (culture, economics, etc.).

When I was first divorced with two small children, a very good friend from high school married for the first time. I think (and hope) that she understood that my $25 gift was not a "cheap" gift nor a monetary reflection of my affection for her. I went through a period where buying fresh fruit to put in my kid's lunches was difficult, so coming up with an extra $25 for a wedding gift wasn't easy. And, I certainly don't think that she invited me expecting anything more than what I could give. Should I have declined to attend because I couldn't "afford" to attend her wedding? The thought never crossed my mind. I believed she wanted me there to share in her joy and I wanted to be there for the same reason.

ziana - I will forgive your rudeness (commenting on "not wanting that junk")only because you seem very young and immature.

Gifts should be given and received with no strings attached.

This thread is hilarious!

Now - let's add fuel to the fire...
What if Frankie gives $250, and doesn't even receive a timely thank-you note?

Or, if there is no food at the reception should frankie get a $225 reimbursement?

Some of the posts about giving at least $250 for a gift are ridiculous. If a wedding is strictly a financial exchange in some cultures, then what's the point of even having the wedding? Why beat around the bush...it would be much more efficient to have a shake down without putting on dinner and arranging for a cake.

Seriously, give what you feel is appropriate. I usually give a present worth $100 or so, just because that is what I feel comfortable with.

And the idea that someone shouldn't waste the bride and groom's time if they don't ante up to some level is ridiculous. Is there some trap door at the reception to use when cheap guests don't deliver the goods?