Going to A wedding this Month! Gift Ideas?

Jan 3rd, 2006, 08:37 AM
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Going to A wedding this Month! Gift Ideas?

Hi all,
The post about whether or not to throw a big wedding got me thinking about getting advice on what to give to a family member as a present later this month...
It's on the west coast at a nice restaurant, this is not a close relative, but a relative. I was thinking about cash because they're not "registered"...but wondering how much to give...
This couple is a little older with children from previous relationships...but a first marriage.
How much moola or what kind of gift would you give?
Is $250 enough? $300? More...
Little_Man is offline  
Jan 3rd, 2006, 08:39 AM
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I should have invited you to my wedding!

What about a case of their favorite wine?

It sounds as though they don't need for anything to set up their home so go for a self indulgent item.
Jan 3rd, 2006, 09:20 AM
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CAsh is best, but the amount depends on how close you are.
offlady is offline  
Jan 3rd, 2006, 09:48 AM
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Just be aware that cash is not appropriate south of the Mason-Dixon line.
bardo1 is offline  
Jan 3rd, 2006, 09:52 AM
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thank you 3 very much!! Gotravel, the wine would be an excellent idea, except that they don't drink wine. (it'd be a great idea if it was for me, though !)
it will probably end up with cash -- thanks for Emily's advice, Scarlett! Now I just have to figure out my level of affection, lol!
Little_Man is offline  
Jan 3rd, 2006, 09:53 AM
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Give what you feel comfortable giving and what you can afford. I think $250 is very generous. I probably wouldn't give more than that unless it was immediate family.
wyatt92 is offline  
Jan 3rd, 2006, 09:54 AM
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whoops, didn't see your reply, bardo --thank you too...it's in southern California!
Little_Man is offline  
Jan 3rd, 2006, 09:55 AM
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it's for a niece...
Little_Man is offline  
Jan 3rd, 2006, 10:21 AM
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Cash is fine for California - the "South" I was referring to is really Louisiana and points east.
bardo1 is offline  
Jan 3rd, 2006, 10:52 AM
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Unless you are Oprah or you are very close to the couple, $100 would be a more normal amount!
got2travel2 is offline  
Jan 3rd, 2006, 10:58 AM
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Two of our daughters were married in the last year and they were thrilled with even $25. It was the aunts and uncles that gave $100. They were elated with that too.
bnesseth is offline  
Jan 3rd, 2006, 11:05 AM
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I would say $100 per prson attending is sufficient. It suppose to cover your food and some should be left extra so if you talking $250 I assume you are comfortable with this sum, go for it, feel good about yourself and do now wonder sfter all 'should I have given more?' Have fun!
I just read 'West Coast nice restaurant' - food alone will cost them about $100 p/p so i was close enough...enjoy
Ziana is offline  
Jan 3rd, 2006, 11:08 AM
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bnesseth wrote

Two of our daughters were ... thrilled with even $25.
I assume you as a parents paid for the wedding so girls were glad for whatever gifts they were getting.
And how did you feel with $25 given? For all your spending? Unless you had pretzels and water it would be just unapropriate small gift.
Ziana is offline  
Jan 3rd, 2006, 11:37 AM
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We in the Chicago/ Midwest area have a legacy of huge weddings/al a' my "BIG GREEK" etc. Our family has had big, small and in between. The best was a home made affair in a small town VFW with about 250 people, and costs were not great.

I am invited to at least 5 a year, most are good friends' children. They are not strongly ethnic usually, but for the most part are Catholic or Christian weddings in a church with some kind of evening reception, just to put it into perspective.

I myself was just asking this question of myself and to others close to me. I did a short survey and got a few handouts from the last 3 places that I attended as a guest. Prices have once again greatly changed.

The wedding I attended on Dec. 17 had a minimum fee of $63.75 per person served and this did not include the sweets table and all the other perks we enjoyed, like drinks and a small place gift. (Both of which could have been omitted.) And this does not include cake, band, dj and the gorgeous surroundings extras like chair drapes to match or flowers. They do have LOTS of categories.

So for a couple attending and giving the gift of $125.00 (as I did)- it didn't even cover the cost of the basic wedding. This is something that doesn't seem to be a concern in most of the USA, but it is in many cultures, some NOT in the USA as well.

In my part of the country if you are invited to a wedding and give them $25? Well, I don't think you should go to the wedding here for that kind of gift.

If your belief system is different, I don't think they will condemn you, but it just isn't customary.

It is not unusual for close relatives, like aunts or a cousin, to give much more. These are people who do not make huge wages either. It would be middle or lower middle class by Fodors standards.

Most Uncles/Aunts or close friends give much more. My brother gave each of my kids at least $500 to $1000 when they married and that was 3, 9, or 11 years ago.

This seems extremely relative to the situation and location.
JJ5 is offline  
Jan 3rd, 2006, 11:40 AM
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A wedding gift is not predicated on the amount spent by the hosts. (And in this day and age, an assumption that grown women, often having had a college education paid for by parents, working, living on their own or even living with the groom beforehand,have weddings paid for by their parents is painfully out of touch.) A gift is just that, a gift, not a "payback" for food and drink. A wedding is a celebration of vows before witnesses, not a trolling for presents. Get married the way you can afford, invite those with whom you wish to share your solemn vows; if you are a guest, give what you want, trying to be as thoughtful as possible, or what you think you can. If someone sneers at your gift, they are tasteless, tactless, and not worth your worries. And please, no one lecture me personally, because I won't be here to read it.
sylvia3 is offline  
Jan 3rd, 2006, 11:42 AM
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JJ5, how do I join your family?

here_today_gone2Maui is offline  
Jan 3rd, 2006, 11:48 AM
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Sylvia, hope you stay around long enough to read that you are 100% correct. It is a gift, not a payback.
ronkala is offline  
Jan 3rd, 2006, 11:56 AM
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I would think frankie has a close relationship with the family because of the amount frankie wants to give.

Depending upon the socio-economic makeup of the attendees and the bride and groom, $250-$300 could be on the low end of the spectrum.

We simply don't know enough about the situation.

frankie? Give details please. Why that particular range in the monetary amount?
Jan 3rd, 2006, 12:17 PM
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Not a payback but simply civil understanding and appreciation for people's time and their worries to make this event pretty and tasty for their guests, simple 'thanks' in monetary form...'Because if it was that wonderful as sylvia wants it to be - why give a gift then? Just come over and knock yourself out with intertainment and food. LOL
Ziana is offline  

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