bellastarr, I think the easiest way to eliminate (or at least mitigate) the stigma of solo travel is to travel solo. Americans have been brainwashed for decades because the leisure travel industry promotes its wares exclusively for couples and families. That actually stigmatizes and denigrates soloists far more than the "single supplement," since most people are completely unaware of that penalty because they've never encountered it.

Brochures from tour and cruise operators include pictures of romantic couples and happy families. Visitors bureau publications and Web sites (and those of hotels and resorts) have lengthy discussions of their destinations' virtues for couples, families, honeymoons, anniversaries, romantic getaways, groups, family reunions.... but never any mention of "solos and singles." The solo traveler is even more commonly stigmatized passively by being ignored than actively by being made to pay double or share accommodations with a stranger. The solo traveler is thus regarded suspiciously simply because he or she doesn't fit the pervasive image of the vacationer incessantly portrayed in the media.

On my recent cruise, nearly everyone who talked to me (and there weren't many, since I'm a solo male) expressed some combination of surprise and shock when I revealed that I was alone. Even the one couple with whom I did spend some time confessed that neither one of them would ever have the guts to cruise alone. Certainly not a scientifically-valid sample, but possibly a representative cross-section of "normal" vacationing couples. Maybe you have an easier time because you're a woman with "good social skills," but I generally find that couples, families, and groups seldom have any interest interacting with me when I'm traveling solo (and I very rarely see any other solo travelers of either gender).

That's why I think the only real way to eliminate the stigma is to travel solo. Once the "normal" couples and families become accustomed to seeing significant numbers of soloists enjoying themselves right alongside them, we won't be dodgy "loners" but people just like themselves. And the travel industry will have no choice but to see us as valued customers to be served rather than as troublesome aberrations to be ignored and penalized. It won't happen overnight, but given today's demographics it's bound to happen eventually.

Bellastar - your reasons for traveling alone are pretty much the same to me.

Unfortunately, I don't think it's a scarlet letter to travel solo - it's there for anyone doing anything solo.

Living alone, eating out alone, shopping alone, going to the movies alone, etc. - they all create this sense of "sympathy" in others. People immediately think "poor you, you're alone" when they see a solo person. Then when you tell them you're happy, they think "oh (s)he's a loner". They have a VERY hard time seeing anything inbetween those extremes.

P.S. At a get together this weekend, I watched my sister (over 40) spend the entire day avoiding all the guests. She spoke only to the children and her BIL the entire day. I thought "now she's the 'loner' that SeaUrchin defined".

Hi toedtoes,
Yes, I have experienced that "sympathy" or false "pity" thing many times, even in NY where there are lots of single independant types. Sometimes it's amusing to me, because many of these people will also be the ones who say they can't imagine having the courage to actually do anything by themselves, without their "other half"! I agree with you that many people who are coupled have a really hard time figuring out how to "deal with" someone who happens to be able to function and go to movies, dinner, concerts, or other things alone, but is not necessarily lonely. I used to annoy me, but now I've learned to see it as a sign of the limited thinking that can sometimes happen in a couple.
I actually felt really sorry for Seaurchin's friend who admitted that she couldn't imagine driving 20 miles by herself to go to the beach solo. Yikes! The poor thing!

I am defintiely someone who loves people, but also really enjoy my private times, because I live in a crowded busy city. I don't mind the idea of having a traveling companion if one comes along, but I never go hunting very hard to find one, because it's not a big enough issue for me to think about often. And I function well on my own in any case. At times, whie I am traveling, I might get together with someone and travel for part of a trip if the occasion arises, it can be fun. And I often have people ask to come with me here or there.
So enjoying solo travel to me is not about disliking the company of others as much as it's about having freedom to follow my own paths.

JB, I think you have hit on a very good word in your well written response....soloist! I like the sound of it, and the connotation which is very musical and positive!

Hope you had a nice beach day SU!

I like soloist too. Standing solo on the stage of life singing our hearts out sounds good to me!

Yes, the beach was great, I got some nice greasy dripping tacos and sat on the pier with my feet on the railing and watched the surfers. A perfect afternoon.

Mr. Hapgood, I am surprised that single women weren't overjoyed to have a single man on their cruise. Didn't they used to offer special rates to single men so they would dance with the ladies? Maybe better not to get involved with that, lol.

It is so interesting to read everyone's thoughts here.

SeaUrchin, the term "soloist" isn't original to me. I can't recall where I saw it or who the author was, so I can attribute credit properly. But I like it better than "singleton," the only other non-pejorative term I've seen.

As for those single women on my cruise, they weren't overjoyed because <i>there weren't any</i> (at least not that I could find). The ones I talked to, and who were shocked that I was alone, were senior couples (younger people never approached me). And whenever I saw an (apparently) single woman eating breakfast or lunch in the buffet, I'd walk up to her table and ask to join her. The inevitable response was &quot;I'm waiting for my husband&quot; or &quot;I'm waiting for my boyfriend.&quot; The sixth or seventh time this happened, I replied &quot;Oh... I'd like to meet him, too.&quot; The resulting scowl taught me the lesson I presumably needed. So much for the friendliness and sociability I had expected on a cruise. On this one at least, everyone was into their own couples, families, or groups.

For the sake of my own sanity (to the extent that I have any), I'm going to assume that my experience was <i>atypical</i> of cruises and the result of bad luck. Maybe a singles cruise would be better, as it would at least assure that I'm not the only soloist on the ship. But I'm not in any hurry to find out.

And, yes, the cruise line did offer me a special rate. The supplement was only 200%. Fortunately, the double-occupancy price was low enough so that it was still reasonable even though I paid double. Don't get me wrong, though. I had a pretty good time and even considered it good value for money. But I have enough experience with solo travel to know how to keep myself entertained, and how to cope with being the only single in a crowd of couples and families. But someone without that experience, perhaps someone taking their first solo vacation, may not have an enjoyable time in that situation.

But you brought the word soloist to us! thank you!

Your story reminds me of one my male friend told me about his first cruise, years ago. He and his buddie were overjoyed at all the young pretty women on board, they were making plans in their minds for the joyous days ahead.

Then when the whistle blew for all visitors to go ashore, off went the pretty single women. Seems like they were just biding their mothers and grandmothers a bon voyage. They laughed later, about how they sat playing cards together for most of the cruise.

At least your friend had someone to play cards with....

Even so, he and his buddy surely missed out. Despite the absence of other singles and sociable company, I did not lack for things to do on my cruise. I could have played solitaire on my PDA, but I never once felt the need to do that. On the other hand, I've had some great trips with a friend where the most memorable experiences were spending time with him that distance and lack of time would normally preclude. So maybe your friend had a good time anyway?

More generally, I think if you take any trip with the expectation of &quot;meeting someone,&quot; you're apt to be disappointed. That's one reason a singles cruise doesn't appeal to me, since it capitalizes on that expectation (I've done one singles tour, which was an eye-opener). Conversely, if you choose to travel somewhere alone just because it interests you, with no specific social or romantic expectations, you're probably more likely to &quot;meet someone&quot; if you're open to that.

Of course, if you're a true loner none of that matters.

It was an Atlantic crossing and they got really bored after a while. They sat poolside until the weather turned.

I am glad you found things to keep yourself interested. I don't think I would ever cruise by myself and probably not with someone else either. An exception would be a yacht in the Med. but I would need a crew.

cheers!

Just like anyone else, I have periods of time whereby I just want to be by myself, and times when I want to be part of a group and socialize. Some of my hobbies are solitary -- reading, collecting stamps, sewing, knitting. But I'm known for being very gregarious and comfortable in any social setting. I just choose to be with -- or without -- company, whether it's for grocery shopping, traveling or sipping coffee at Starbucks. I travel solo because I tend to take advantage of my business trips to have my own vacation and most of my friends can't afford to be away from office/family for such long period (minimum 2.5 weeks). So I plan my own travels and have fun. I enjoy making plans, hare off somewhere and have an adventure. That to me is not being lonesome, that's being independent ... and, yeah, head-strong ;-)