I have posted this elsewhere, but thought you guys could be of assistance.

I have already booked my three-week trip to go In Search of the Holy Grail. I am flying into King Arthur Airport in Spamalot and renting some coconuts (through European Swallows Coconuts.com).

Although, as Dennis said so eloquently, "...strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government," I think this could be a good way to go back in history.

I will skip meeting people who bring out their dead, the Bridge of Death, knights who say "nih" and those cute, Killer Rabbits. Too touristy, I believe.

However, I hear a must-see is the Castle Anthrax with it's very interesting mix of hot Virgins. I believe this should make a terrific base to see the area. The proprietor, Zoot, said I could stay as long as I want, and I could have my choice of beds. She told me she is also a nurse and admitted she could perform various types of operations if I should ask. I will be staying in the Lancelot Suite.

Hopefully, on my daytrips I will not run into a Frenchmen who farts in my general direction because he might think my mother was a hamster and my father smelt of elderberies. Are there any other dangerous areas I should stay away from while visiting?

Do you guys have any other suggestions of places to visit or restaurants during my stay there? Thanks for your help.

No suggestions, but I nearly choked on the grape I was eating as I read this! Thanks for the laugh!! Love monthy python...

As for restaurants, any place that serves rabbit should be fine!

Thanks Patrick. When my wife and I want to share a rabbit dish, I will just ask the waiter to please split hares for us.

"Love monthy python..."

TexasAggie, so do I. A buddy of mine got tickets to Spamalot in New York and it just put me in the mood.

They are no longer the Knights Who Say "Ni"!

They are now the Knights who say "Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-z'Bang,
zoom-Boing, z'nourrrwringmm".

"They are now the Knights who say "Ekky-ekky-ekky-ekky-z'Bang, zoom-Boing, z'nourrrwringmm""

Thanks for the heads up. Running into that bunch could have ruined my trip, except my wife loves SHRUBBERY!

Have you put together your wardrobe by now? I am sure that you wont be able to pack ligth for this trip considering that the only appropriate dress code for Camelot is full armor. You might want to talk to the TSA before you try to board the plane with two-handed swords and crossbows.

If your timing is right maybe you can participate in the spring jousting tournament.This is the proper event for a well born knight to start the Search of the Holy Grail. There are some other opportunities but if you can make it I strongly recommend it. It will look great on your Knighting resume.

I would also recommend hiring a local squire as soon as you arrive. A good one should be well versed in court behavior (and gossip) and play at least two intruments, so that when you launch into a poetic ballad he can provide a musical background. And yes, I do say 'he' because even though there has been some progress for women in the field many cannot take being called a squirette and abandon the career. They also get mistaken for 'camp followers' fairly often so I think it might take a few centuries before we can have a squirette assigned to the Round Table.

Maybe you could make prearrangements with a blacksmith in case your armor gets dented or scratched by the airline. The good and fashionable ones are booked months in advance so maybe you want to pay a retainer fee.

Marigross, Thanks for the advice regarding the TSA. I think I'll rent all the knight equipment after I arrive. I believe the store is called Armor All.

On another note, Zoot and Dingo from the Castle Anthrax e-mailed me this morning and told me that my bed has special sheets. She said I will be one of the knights in white satin, especially if I arrive on Tuesday afternoon.

Listen to The Voice or you 'll find yourself steppin' in a slide zone.
Isn't life strange? Please think about it in your wildest dreams.

I do have a
QUESTION. I have heard Camelot is a silly place. I'll be Watching and Waiting for a reply.

The keys of the kingdom are yours...
say what you mean.

I hear they frown upon American visitors. Is it true that the Black Knight Customs officials repeatedly tell visitors that "None Shall Pass"?

Just back from NYC and was able to see the new production of "Spamalot" on Broadway..it is a GREAT show...almost as good as some of the ones on this site!

Fear not, American visitor. You have proved yourself worthy.

(Plus...
King Arthur removed all the Black Knights's limbs.)

Intrepid1 - I'm glad you liked it. We are trying to put together a trip to NY this Spring to see it. I think the hard part will be getting tickets.

Starspinners - Thanks for the news about the Black Knight. I shall try to bypass the French taunter because I have an irrational fear of being crushed by flying cattle and I hate to be taunted a second time.