Hello everyone, another couple and ourselves are considering a 2 or 3 week trip together to Italy. We've never travelled together, but are pretty compatible. So far (their idea)- is 1 base (a small villa or something with 2 bed/bath)and do things from there, and 1 rental car (my husband would be the driver - their request). Before we go much farther in this planning,and especially before commiting to anything specific, wondered if any of you who have travelled with friends have any advice which make make things go 'smoother'. Don't want to ruin a friendship!! Thanks so much.

Well, already you are going along with their ideas. Do you have any qualms about what they have suggested? If so, speak up now and not later. Do you want to stay in one place, does your husband want to do all the driving?

The best way to avoid broken friendships (or just an uncomfortable trip) is to communicate with each other before the fact.

I would be hesitant to spend 2/3 weeks in a house in once place in the country with only one car and your hsuband the driver.

Traveling with people you don;t know that well is easier if you're in big cities, everyone is maneuverable on their own - and you can each do what you want and not be joined at the hip every moment.

Also - do you relaly WANT to spend 2/3 weeks in a house in the country? Will you be doing hiking or biking or ?? Or just you hubby acting as chaffeur for visits to dfferent places every day - and for every meal.

Sounds like their vacation - and the two of you at their beck and call.

Figue out what YOU want - then see if any part of it matches what they want. But make sure there are ways you can separate at times with no hard feelings - and not so much work for your hubby.

Having travelled with family and friends....

Determine what your and their interests are. Some people like museums, some hate it...some likk shopping, some don't. Plan to either accomodate both, or plan for time where...the men go to the XXX while the women go to the YYY.

Are there any costs you should discuss up front?

Before you go any further take a long weekend together. See if you are compatible for that. If not do not do it.

We've done that. My husband likes to drive so that wasn't a problem but we like to stay in a different base for each week we're there. That worked well for us. I would never do it for longer though (3 weeks).

We have done this very successfully with friends on a number of occasions, but you have to agree on a lot, some of which the other posters have raised as issues. Other things that can kill a friendship:

1. early rising vs sleeping in
2. one last castle vs calling it a day 3. grabbing a sandwich vs a two hour lunch
4. familiar food vs local cooking
5. "I had the fish, so my share is $11.93 and my share of the tip is . . ." vs splitting the bill evenly and figuring it will average
out

I am sure others will have other issues.

I, too, would question having just one car...

One other thing to think about is the fact that in a 2-bedroom villa there will likely be one master bedroom and one lesser bedroom. Will that cause any problems? I would investigate the layout of the villa in detail to discuss any issues that might arise..try to get good pictures.

Do you all want to be where you MUST get in the car each time you leave the house for someplace? That can turn into a drag, and if only one is driving (the only one comfortable with a standard shift?) then he is definitely turned into a chauffeur.

If you can locate a house or apartment CLOSE to a town or inside the walls, you may find that better. For one thing, you see more of the people, get accustomed to the food shops, etc. You'll have a cafe or two to choose from, one will become your hangout. Each can go on his or her own energy to pick up something for lunch or for that first coffee of the day.

Among all the country houses with pools out there for rent, there are many great apartments in towns like Asissi, Todi, etc. - if you base yourselves in a PLACE rather than a house in the middle of a field, you'll have a lot more flexibility.

Otherwise, just be sure you all give one another plenty of room to make your own choices. Adults who are used to privacy and their own quirks can find others' really maddening after a few days or a week - let alone 3. Then have a good time and really DO split up on a regular basis. Go to different restaurants when visiting one town, report back later. It gives you something to talk about and time alone with your other half.

Yes, definitely get another car or use public transportation. Maybe stay in 1 area for a week, move to a new villa for the next week - change the scenery and see new things? I think you spend time together seeing sights and doing day trips, but also go for a romantic dinner as separate couples, wives go shopping in a little town while husbands ride their bikes. Time together and time apart will make things run smoothly and you won't get on each other's nerves.

Best Regards,
Julia
Blog: spasandadventures.wordpress.com

Understand how the finances will be handled before you leave; will you trade off paying for meals, have a kitty to draw from, separate checks? It may sound petty but if one couple enjoys wine and the other doesn't, feelings can get hurt if the check is split evenly. Do they want to have a schedule of what to see and when? Do you like doing things rather ad hoc? If you're in the country with one car, it could get uncomfortable; you might want to split the trip into a city and a country part - start in the city so you can each have your own hotel room, do sightseeing either together or independently and then venture out to tuscany.

Ackislander pretty much nailed it. It's all those little details that start to turn a trip sour.

Nothing's worse than getting up early to hit the streets and then having to wait while someone else decided to sleep in.

When we're with other couples we plan our next day the night before. We decide on a morning meeting time, and we figure out what we want to see over breakfast.

It's not a hardcore plan, and we are flexible, but you do have to be on the same pages where the basics are concerned.

Hi onthegogo,

Love your name!

My first question is whether you have been to Itay before? It doesn't sound as if you have. Are you expecting to see the major cities via day trips from your villa?

Personally, I would get bored staying in the same place for 3 weeks on a first trip and want to see more. Driving back and forth every day would get old very fast too! Too much backtracking for me.

I'm one of those who loves cities, countryside, mountains and beach, so I lke to mix it up!

If I were you, assuming a first trip to Italy itinerary, I would start with a rough outline of:

fly into Venice
3 nts Venice
train to Florence
2 nts Florence
rent car
1 week at villa in Tuscany or Umbria
drop car, train to Rome
5 nts Rome

spend remainder of nts in either Amalfi Coast, Lakes, or Ligurian coast

or, just add more nights to other locations if you don't want to move around as much

Just some thoughts to add to all the points already raised by the others.
Lots of opportunities for major conflicts here if you don't agree on much in the planning stage.

Also I completely agree on having 2 cars for your villa stay!

Buon viaggio!

onthegogo,

Count me in the group asking "are you SURE only 1 car?". What about couple time or boys/girls time? On vacation "splitting up" from time to time is an absolute necessity.

Big fan of working out finance details before hand too. Things like deciding "hey lets have drinks here and eat later" can can upset the others' plans and budget.

Or even preparing meals in--it seems like it's always the same one(s) who do the cooking.

It's the little things that make people the most crazy, but if you've got the kind of relationship where speaking up and asserting yourself is encouraged, the you go girl!

Rather than question the car, I'm questioning the villa. Do you want to be stuck out in the middle of nowhere all that time? Where will you take your meals? If you were in a hotel in town, any of you, singly or in combination, could step out and walk or take public transport to anyplace you wanted to go. Instead, even the simplest trips are going to be coordinated four-person car trips.

I suspect you'll end up sitting in your villa reading in a guidebook about all the exciting places you're not seeing.

I think you should stay in hotels, and make arrangements to meet up with the other couple for dinner, and allow yourself the freedom to sightsee with them some days and without on others -- and always be in touch by cell phone. And move around a little; don't just stay in one place.

And agree before you leave that all shared meals will be split 50-50, no discussion.

Sounds like this couple want a driver (your husband) and maybe you'll end up being their cook?

I think 3 weeks in one place would be boring and it's a loooong time to spend with another couple if things aren't working out....

How about 3 different bases; make at least one a city so transport isn't an issue and stay in an hotel. This allows you all some time to do as you please.

The most important thing is discuss as much as you can beforehand. Use this thread as a 'what if' scenario and if they wonder why you have so many questions just say you really want things to go smoothly so that you all have a wonderful vacation and don't ruin your friendship!

I think it can always be dangerous to be around people all the time you aren't used to, you just never know. If you aren't used to being around other people all the time in general, this can get on your nerves. But I don't have the negative take on this that some others do, and don't think it's fair to immediately think these folks are rude or greedy or whatever the idea is about how they are having what they want and have your husband be a servant.

It is possible they just aren't comfortable driving in foreign countries and with other cars, and that is where this is coming from. And they think it overkill (and maybe you do, to) to rent two cars for a vacation if you mainly plan to do minimal traveling. Car rental on vacation can be pretty expensive, I don't think there's anything wrong with that per se -- but you know them better, if it's not at all a matter of being cautious about driving in another country and just being really cheap, two cars might be a good idea.

I haven't traveled with friends that much, and not on this type of vacation, so don't have a lot to offer about experience with villas in Italy. I'm just not big on the whole vacationing with friends thing, but for a large villa, it does make sense.

Hi ON,

>We've never travelled together, ...Don't want to ruin a friendship!! <

Don't do it until you have traveled together over a few weekends.

We were great friends with a couple for years, until we went away with them for a week.

I would not go with another couple for 2-3 weeks anywhere no matter how compatible you think you are.

My husband and I did try that with another couple and one car, so I know what can happens. The trip was a disaster!!! I was expected to sit in the back seat at all times, which had very little leg room, and those head rests block your view. When I finally did get in the front seat, the guy of the other couple complained he couldn't see things. They did not want to do the same things that we wanted to do. They had their own agenda and expected us to follow along.

Personally, I would plan a trip for my husband and myself. In that plan, I would select a hotel in a town and tell the other couple the dates we would be there if they wanted to meet us for a dinner.

You will waste time and energy trying to decide what to do so the feelings of the other couple are not hurt. Sounds as if the other couple has already taken control of the trip, and you and your husband are just along to share expenses and do the driving. Maybe they will let you carry their bags, too.

Good luck in whatever you do.

I applaud your optimism in considering this trip. Optimism certainly eases things and makes trip planning more fun. I'm too much of a realist to take on such an adventure. The reality is, I find it annoying to deal with my own quirks, and dealing with the quirks of 3 others for 3 weeks is unthinkable.

This is not to say that the 4 of you should cancel your plans. But I would definitely do a week long trip with the other couple prior to making plans for Italy. This will allow enough time for you to see the whole gambit of their quirks, hear all their stories at least once, and get clues as to potential problems. Put aside your rose colored glasses for the trip and be honest about how the 4 of you will gel for 3 weeks.

In lieu of this you might want to spend a few days with a two year old as this will give you insight into your own tolerance for noise, disruption, and forced togetherness. You will also gain insights about dealing with dawdlers, picky eaters, annoying phrases, and endless questions. Conflicts over music selection, choice of destination, and sleep habits will prepare you for the challenges of living as one big happy family for 3 weeks.

Now is the time to be frank about your expectations for this trip. Each one of you should generate a list of must do, must see, must have, and work from there. This will tell you a lot about expectations and you'll be able to negotiate or compromise, if necessary, from the comfort of your own home. Waiting to discuss plans in Italy when you may be hot, hungry, thirsty, and tired from your travels will not enhance group harmony.