TOO FUNNY !!
Nov 15th, 2003, 07:21 AM
#1
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TOO FUNNY !!
A Laugh a Day Keeps the Doctor Away !!!!!
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the joy.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the joy.
Thank you Kismet!!
Nov 15th, 2003, 10:01 AM
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I disagree that cats cannot be baptized.
We had two cats, Charcoal and Funny Girl. One male; one female.
When flea season came, before some of the new oral flea eradicators hit the market, my wife would give both cats a flea bath in the sink.
Neither cat liked it, but they did not scratch or bite her, not ever. And they did not carry a grudge.
On #9, the advice is doubly true for baptisms involving full body immersion. Don't wade into the dunking pond with polka dots under white trousers, particularly if a lot of children are present. (I remember well the polka dots that Brother Shirer wore at the baptisms at the Cowart's fishpond, and the tittering of the children destroyed the solemnity of the moment. We were banished from the scene and told we were going to roast for our wicked ways.)
We had two cats, Charcoal and Funny Girl. One male; one female.
When flea season came, before some of the new oral flea eradicators hit the market, my wife would give both cats a flea bath in the sink.
Neither cat liked it, but they did not scratch or bite her, not ever. And they did not carry a grudge.
On #9, the advice is doubly true for baptisms involving full body immersion. Don't wade into the dunking pond with polka dots under white trousers, particularly if a lot of children are present. (I remember well the polka dots that Brother Shirer wore at the baptisms at the Cowart's fishpond, and the tittering of the children destroyed the solemnity of the moment. We were banished from the scene and told we were going to roast for our wicked ways.)
Nov 15th, 2003, 04:55 PM
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A few more that I found!!
a)When your dad is mad and asks you, ?Do I look stupid?? Don?t answer him ?
b)Never tell your mom her diet?s not working ?
c)Stay away from prunes ?
d)Don?t squat with your spurs on ?
e)Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment ?
f)Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac ?
g)If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse ?
h)Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick ?
i)Don?t pick on your sister when she?s holding a baseball bat ?
j)When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she?s on the phone ?
a)When your dad is mad and asks you, ?Do I look stupid?? Don?t answer him ?
b)Never tell your mom her diet?s not working ?
c)Stay away from prunes ?
d)Don?t squat with your spurs on ?
e)Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment ?
f)Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac ?
g)If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse ?
h)Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick ?
i)Don?t pick on your sister when she?s holding a baseball bat ?
j)When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she?s on the phone ?
