We are good tippers for wait staff, drivers, etc. Last time in Spain, we tipped more than was reasonable ( in my opinion ).My wife insists on tipping by US standards. Should I try to stop this ?

Well you're spending oney you don;t need to - but only you know your wife's reason for doing this (lack of knowledge, uncomfortable leaving less or ???). People won;t turn down the money or hate you for it.

But I would worry more about the reason behind it and discussing with her than the cash involved, which is minimal in terms of a whole trip.

Yes you should try. If she insists on 15-20% then all you can do is eat and drink less to keep the tip down.

Tip at US levels . . . <u>when you are in the USA</u>.

Why does your wife feel she needs to throw money around????

It does make one look a bit odd to be tipping way over the normal in a country.. 5-10 percent is generous in most Europeon countries.. exceptional almost.. most locals do not over tip.. a bit of change for a coffee( just rounding up) and 5 percent for a meal.. 10 percent for an awesome meal with awesome service.

Does your wife understand that servers in Europe do not make 2 or 3 bucks an hour like they do in the States( where tipping is far more important )

The nice thing is when the bill is 13.70. Then you give 15.

I like 9.40 even better. You simply give 10. Simple. Tasteful.

If it's 12.90? You can give 14. But if the server is like a god, or goddess, then you give 15. Not rocket science.

But if its 39.20, it is big time trouble. 42 would be OK, but what if they were really nice? Then maybe 43 or 44 - - but that seems so niggly - - you almost have to give 45 if they were really nice.

Life is so damn challenging, especially, like, if it's 48.80.

Please PLEASE <b><u> please </b></u> do <b><u>NOT</b></u> tip when tipping is not expected -- it actually is a REALLY <b><u> BAD </b></u>thing to do. Round up just the tiniest bit.

Tipping in a culture where it is not expected can:
a) be deemed insulting to professional staff;
b) contribute to a sense that Americans are rich, wasteful, and disrespectful of local norms; and
c) undermine services, with service personnel coming to differentially and preferentially serve those they believe will tip, rather than those they don't think are likely to do so (and that includes locals).

Really, just DO NOT DO IT!!!

Lots of threads on this issue on other Fodors forums, especially on the China board....

When in Rome...

And when in Spain..

Not same as When at home..

jeterray: psst -- keep this post secret from your wife . . .

Is even a tiny part of the reason your wife overtips is it makes her feel like a 'big shot' and to show off?? If so . . . when you inappropriately (over) tip they will snicker behind your back 'Look at them . . . silly Americans'.

I doubt anyone's going to laugh at you. Still less mumble "silly Americans"

European waiters encounter customers with personal problems all day, every day. Customers might bully them, show off their greater gastronomic expertise than mere waiters, waste busy professionals' time in pointless conversation, demonstrate how powerful they are in "big man" (or woman gestures), or...

And, European restaurants virtually anywhere tourists might visit mostly being ethnic melting pots, those people with problems are as likely to be Russian, or Indian, or from the country next door as from your country.

Most of the time, waiters just brush the misbehaviour off. When it results in unnecessary amounts of extra cash, they'll just put into their pocket, or collective tronc, without too much concern about why someone feels compelled to hurl money around.

The misbehaving customer isn't their problem. But he or she IS a problem for his or her companions. Your wife is troubled: helping her deal with it is your responsibility.

I SO agree with kja. When enough people overtip it changes the culture, and why would anyone want to create a tipping culture where one does not exist? If the locals wanted it, they could do it themselves. I just wish we could get rid of it in the US and actually pay waitstaff a proper wage.

Small anecdote - I was in Ferrara a couple of days ago, eating at a restaurant recommended by my B&B, a little off the main square. With the 10% discount for being sent by my B&B the bill was around 36 euro. I paid by credit card, at the register (as was the restaurant's custom) and then offered a couple of euro "for the staff" only to be told, with a blend of surprise and horror, that service was included in the bill. I had not previously tipped in Italy, aside from a few cents if a coffee didn't come to a round number, and had eaten three times at the same restaurant in Trieste without tipping and without my welcome or the service suffering.

I agree that you should try to find out why your wife has this culturally inappropriate urge. I have found myself, as a long time US resident, that it can feel strange not to tip (and I grew up elsewhere!), but habits can be broken.

"I doubt anyone's going to laugh at you. Still less mumble 'silly Americans'" -- well, I've certainly heard both -- and worse! -- from wait staff as they watch tippers leave. Yes, I'm sure that most waiters, whether in Europe or the US or anywhere else, encounter people with all sorts of problems, and many may simply be happy to pocket the extra change. I don't know how that provides an excuse for inappropriate tipping.

And I don't think that all (or even most) Americans who tip do it to "show off" -- I suspect that many of them sincerely believe that it is a good thing, or at least a thing that is not harmful. And THAT is where they are wrong. As thursdaysd put it: "why would anyone want to create a tipping culture where one does not exist?"

One of the things I love about Fodors is that it offers an opportunity to educate people about travel, and one bottom line message here is that there are reasons to learn about local norms before traveling and then follow them. As justineparis said, "When in Rome...."

BTW, thanks, jeterray, for asking!

Does your wife over tip in the US? If not, then why does she want to over tip in Spain? This practice seems prejudiced against American waitstaff who could also benefit from some extra money. US economy needs some boosting. If she tips 20% in Spain then she should be tipping 40% in the US. It's the fair thing to do.

I think adrienne is giving a misleading analogy here, as there is a fundamental difference between U.S. waitstaff and waitstaff just about anywhere else in how they are paid and taxed. (Sorry, adrienne -- I usually find your comments so on-point!)

U.S. waitstaff are paid less than the minimum wage on the <b>assumption</b> that a substantial proportion of their income will come from voluntary tips, and their taxes also reflect this assumption. Waitstaff in other countries are paid and taxed with the assumption that they will NOT be tipped. That's a very important distinction! It means, for example, that if you fail to tip someone in Spain, that server will still get the pay for his/her service that s/he expected, namely, a wage that is at least the minimum legal wage within Spain, while failing to tip a server in the U.S. is a <b>VERY</b> big deal, as it means that s/he -- and perhaps his/her fellow waitstaff -- will be paid less than expected (since tips are, in fact, expected in the U.S.) and so, perhaps, LESS than the "minimum wage" in the U.S.

So I don't think that "fairness" is best understood by reference to the percentage of the bill that is provided as a tip. I think it's much simpler: <b>Follow the local norms!</b> And that means that one should tip 15% or more for decent service in the U.S. and nothing (or just enough to show that you aren't counting "pennies") when in Spain.

Just think about how often you tip your lawyer, your realtor or your politician and then realise how "culture" is part of what you a visiting and therefore how easy it is to damage.

kja - it's irony.

@ adrienne -- sorry, it's a topic that is so frequently misunderstood and misrepresented that I failed to detect your nuance.

Yeah - irony doesn't always work on the internet. I thought the 40% tip was a clue! LOL

I'm going back to sleep. When I awake my serious side will once again emerge.

Actually, rather than thinking of it as "throwing money around" some of us actually think of it as showing appreciation for what we feel is a job that was well-done. Now, if you think your "wife" is some sort of jerk then I strongly suggest you have that conversation <B>with your wife</B>.