No kids, but going to Europe regularly?
Dec 29th, 2006, 08:54 AM
#41
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I have a girlfriend... now in her early 50s... divorced and childless. She is a VP at a very large computer company - so has considerable financial means to travel as she wishes.
She seems very happy... but sometimes enjoys travelling with a younger person, as it can be quite fun to see places thru "the eyes of a child". When she gets this urge, she takes her niece. They've done some wonderful trips to Europe together (and wouldn't you love to have such an aunt?!).
She seems very happy... but sometimes enjoys travelling with a younger person, as it can be quite fun to see places thru "the eyes of a child". When she gets this urge, she takes her niece. They've done some wonderful trips to Europe together (and wouldn't you love to have such an aunt?!).
Dec 29th, 2006, 11:51 AM
#42
OK then, you can hear from me... since I'm no kids & loves travel. Honestly I can't imagine my life any other way. I'm single so the question never really seriously came up for me. It's not something I set out to do, or not do, just how things turned out in my life.
Dec 29th, 2006, 11:58 AM
#43
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Fishee, you're quite right to be thinking about the possibility of becoming a single parent, both for parenting and for income purposes. My advice would still hold - if you were to break up, would the father still be interested in being a full participant in parenting?
I have to admit that when I was younger, I gave little consideration to having a child with a disability or illness. Both my kids have very good health (knock wood), but I now see how many parents worry and struggle when this isn't the case. If you have a trustworthy extended family, that would help relieve some of the worry on this front.
I have to admit that when I was younger, I gave little consideration to having a child with a disability or illness. Both my kids have very good health (knock wood), but I now see how many parents worry and struggle when this isn't the case. If you have a trustworthy extended family, that would help relieve some of the worry on this front.
Dec 29th, 2006, 12:19 PM
#44
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I don't have kids and love to travel, but I never really equated the two. However, I do feel that I can budget for trips (and believe me, as a not-wealthy teacher, it is budgeting!)with money I am not theoretically spending on the needs of my child/children.
However, my parents traveled with three kids (dad worked for an airline, but there were still obviously travel expenses) and we flew stand-by all over the world and we all survived. I agree with the "it is attitude" opinion...we just made the best of each situation and had plenty of disasters, believe me. But they bonded us like nothing else.
I have friends with three boys (two of whom are now doing a 'gap year' in Australia) who have driven across Canada, driven across the US, spent a few months in Australia, had many trips to Hawaii, camped around Western Europe, traveled to Mexico, etc. They spend money on travel, but buy used cars, don't spend on clothes, don't buy the latest gadgets and techno toys. Travel is the priority. And some of my favorite travel experiences have been with this family, enjoying the different experience of traveling 'en masse.'
In other words, if you don't want children then make that choice and graciously ignore the nay-sayers. But you can definitely travel, and enjoy traveling, with children.
However, my parents traveled with three kids (dad worked for an airline, but there were still obviously travel expenses) and we flew stand-by all over the world and we all survived. I agree with the "it is attitude" opinion...we just made the best of each situation and had plenty of disasters, believe me. But they bonded us like nothing else.
I have friends with three boys (two of whom are now doing a 'gap year' in Australia) who have driven across Canada, driven across the US, spent a few months in Australia, had many trips to Hawaii, camped around Western Europe, traveled to Mexico, etc. They spend money on travel, but buy used cars, don't spend on clothes, don't buy the latest gadgets and techno toys. Travel is the priority. And some of my favorite travel experiences have been with this family, enjoying the different experience of traveling 'en masse.'
In other words, if you don't want children then make that choice and graciously ignore the nay-sayers. But you can definitely travel, and enjoy traveling, with children.
Dec 29th, 2006, 01:22 PM
#45
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Hi,
I'm 32 years old and am in the same boat. I know exactly how you feel. It's not easy making the decision to not have children especially when you do like kids. I think that it is easier to travel when you don't have children for a lot of reasons. First, money always flows easier because kids are expensive. Second, you have so many schedules with school and activities to contend with when you have children. Third, vacations are geared toward locations that the children enjoy.
Although being able to travel (which I never could have done with kids and my limited resources) is a perk to not having kids. It isn't the reason I decided not to have kids. I know that emotionally that my husband and I would not be the kind of parents that I would want to be if we did have kids.
Yes, in a way, it is selfish because I value peace and quiet and extra money more than I value giving life to another human being. However, in the end, I think it is truly unselfish because it is not good to bring children into this world unless you know deep down that your life wouldn't be complete without having them.
When I made this decision, I dug deep down and tried to pinpoint my main reason for wanting to have a kid. It was not being alone when I was older and having someone I could call mine.
Then I thought about the relationships between my parents and I and my sisters. I thought about the relationship my friends and cousins had with their parents. Yes, it is nice to have family. If they have a good relationship, it would be worth it. But my experience has taught me that there is no guarantee. Just because you have children does not mean that they will be the family you want them to be when you both are older.
I think its about whether or not you want to take that risk.
For me, I didn't. I think that things like travel, volunteer work, pets (I have three dogs and a cat - they are my babies too) and friends will fill the void that not having children is leaving.
Hopefully, I will look back on this time period 30 or 40 years from now and still feel like it was a good choice.
There is no real good answer. Just go with your gut. Don't worry what others want you to do - in the end you and your spouse are all that matters.
I'm 32 years old and am in the same boat. I know exactly how you feel. It's not easy making the decision to not have children especially when you do like kids. I think that it is easier to travel when you don't have children for a lot of reasons. First, money always flows easier because kids are expensive. Second, you have so many schedules with school and activities to contend with when you have children. Third, vacations are geared toward locations that the children enjoy.
Although being able to travel (which I never could have done with kids and my limited resources) is a perk to not having kids. It isn't the reason I decided not to have kids. I know that emotionally that my husband and I would not be the kind of parents that I would want to be if we did have kids.
Yes, in a way, it is selfish because I value peace and quiet and extra money more than I value giving life to another human being. However, in the end, I think it is truly unselfish because it is not good to bring children into this world unless you know deep down that your life wouldn't be complete without having them.
When I made this decision, I dug deep down and tried to pinpoint my main reason for wanting to have a kid. It was not being alone when I was older and having someone I could call mine.
Then I thought about the relationships between my parents and I and my sisters. I thought about the relationship my friends and cousins had with their parents. Yes, it is nice to have family. If they have a good relationship, it would be worth it. But my experience has taught me that there is no guarantee. Just because you have children does not mean that they will be the family you want them to be when you both are older.
I think its about whether or not you want to take that risk.
For me, I didn't. I think that things like travel, volunteer work, pets (I have three dogs and a cat - they are my babies too) and friends will fill the void that not having children is leaving.
Hopefully, I will look back on this time period 30 or 40 years from now and still feel like it was a good choice.
There is no real good answer. Just go with your gut. Don't worry what others want you to do - in the end you and your spouse are all that matters.
Dec 29th, 2006, 09:47 PM
#46
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beckyboop74 - That is a very insightful, well-thought-out answer.
fishee - I think it is great that you are thinking about the lifestyle you want to have and your motivations and desires in life. You (and your friend) are right that children are hard work. The first few years are brutal, in fact, in terms of lack of freedom and structure. Children require and demand so much attention. (For me, it was 200% worth it, but I have to agree that it wasn't always easy and there were times I felt like the worst and least loving mother in the world.)
A relative of mine told me when she was about 28 that she wasn't sure if she could see herself with kids. At the age of about 38, she and her husband started adopting kids. Now at the age of 42, they have adopted 4 babies internationally. She seems happy with her life, but I'm sure she misses the freedom she used to have. I would love to know the process she went through, what changed her mind, but it seems too personal to ask.
Anyway, I know you weren't asking whether or not you should have kids, so sorry that this has somewhat evolved into that discussion. I hope you find peace with the decision that is right for you.
People can be very judgmental, especially because they will often be feeling that they have to defend the choice they have made. Don't let them get to you! You have to make the best decision for you based on the information you have at the time.
If you choose not to have children, then later decide that you would like a child's presence in your life, there are lots of ways to accomplish that. The obvious one is to adopt a child. Other ways might be to be a favorite aunt to a young relative or the child of a friend. (I know that we would have welcomed that relationship for my kids.) Or maybe sign up with the Big Sister program and mentor a child or young woman. Or volunteer at a preschool or public school. Volunteer to tutor a needy child one-on-one. Etc, etc, etc.
I think people have provided lots of thought-provoking comments. It's a hard decision, so I hope just reading through these posts has been helpful to you.
Best of luck, whatever you decide!
fishee - I think it is great that you are thinking about the lifestyle you want to have and your motivations and desires in life. You (and your friend) are right that children are hard work. The first few years are brutal, in fact, in terms of lack of freedom and structure. Children require and demand so much attention. (For me, it was 200% worth it, but I have to agree that it wasn't always easy and there were times I felt like the worst and least loving mother in the world.)
A relative of mine told me when she was about 28 that she wasn't sure if she could see herself with kids. At the age of about 38, she and her husband started adopting kids. Now at the age of 42, they have adopted 4 babies internationally. She seems happy with her life, but I'm sure she misses the freedom she used to have. I would love to know the process she went through, what changed her mind, but it seems too personal to ask.
Anyway, I know you weren't asking whether or not you should have kids, so sorry that this has somewhat evolved into that discussion. I hope you find peace with the decision that is right for you.
People can be very judgmental, especially because they will often be feeling that they have to defend the choice they have made. Don't let them get to you! You have to make the best decision for you based on the information you have at the time.
If you choose not to have children, then later decide that you would like a child's presence in your life, there are lots of ways to accomplish that. The obvious one is to adopt a child. Other ways might be to be a favorite aunt to a young relative or the child of a friend. (I know that we would have welcomed that relationship for my kids.) Or maybe sign up with the Big Sister program and mentor a child or young woman. Or volunteer at a preschool or public school. Volunteer to tutor a needy child one-on-one. Etc, etc, etc.
I think people have provided lots of thought-provoking comments. It's a hard decision, so I hope just reading through these posts has been helpful to you.
Best of luck, whatever you decide!
Dec 30th, 2006, 02:16 AM
#48
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I can tell you absolutely that I would not be able to travel (in the manner I've become accustomed to) if I had children.
There are a variety of reasons why I chose a childfree lifestyle, one of which I was not willing to sacrifice my freedom. That, of course, includes the freedom to travel (to Europe).
I see children (of my own) as a burden. Also,the thought of pregnancy and childbirth horrifies me.
But this is how I feel. If you don't want 'em, don't have 'em.
I'm 37 with no regrets. I wouldn't change my childfree life for all the champagne in Paris.
There are a variety of reasons why I chose a childfree lifestyle, one of which I was not willing to sacrifice my freedom. That, of course, includes the freedom to travel (to Europe).
I see children (of my own) as a burden. Also,the thought of pregnancy and childbirth horrifies me.
But this is how I feel. If you don't want 'em, don't have 'em.
I'm 37 with no regrets. I wouldn't change my childfree life for all the champagne in Paris.
Dec 30th, 2006, 02:31 AM
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Hi all,
Well, I'm not sure there is a singular and definitive "choice," or there wasn't in my case. I was so focused on my career that I didn't really think about a spouse or children until I woke up one day and realized I was over 50.
I think that we make our choices every day, and it is our nature and our (perhaps unspoken) innate desires that lead us to make those choices.
I'm pretty happy with the choices that led me to where I am -- in an apartment in Mittenwald and considering a permaent move to Europe.
Of course, I see families around me and wonder at the blessings I'm missing. Seeing families is especially poignant for me because I lost my only sibling, then my parents, and then my beloved 18-year-old cat in the last few years, leaving me quite alone and vulnerable to self-pity.
So my advice to you is to make sure you follow your heart/your bliss. But also make sure that you pay attention to your family and never stop building one, whether at church, or volunteering, or in your neighborhood. Protect yourself now against that self-pity.
Oh, by the way, I don't let that pity stay here for long -- a walk in the beautiful Karwnedels does a good job of banishing it!
Best of luck!
s
Well, I'm not sure there is a singular and definitive "choice," or there wasn't in my case. I was so focused on my career that I didn't really think about a spouse or children until I woke up one day and realized I was over 50.
I think that we make our choices every day, and it is our nature and our (perhaps unspoken) innate desires that lead us to make those choices.
I'm pretty happy with the choices that led me to where I am -- in an apartment in Mittenwald and considering a permaent move to Europe.
Of course, I see families around me and wonder at the blessings I'm missing. Seeing families is especially poignant for me because I lost my only sibling, then my parents, and then my beloved 18-year-old cat in the last few years, leaving me quite alone and vulnerable to self-pity.
So my advice to you is to make sure you follow your heart/your bliss. But also make sure that you pay attention to your family and never stop building one, whether at church, or volunteering, or in your neighborhood. Protect yourself now against that self-pity.
Oh, by the way, I don't let that pity stay here for long -- a walk in the beautiful Karwnedels does a good job of banishing it!
Best of luck!
s
Dec 30th, 2006, 03:34 AM
#51
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Hi F,
>Why do you pose not having children as being akin to being alone and driftless, without any community or social network? <
I didn't intend to.
I only meant that that could have been a choice for me. I don't think of it as being "alone and driftless, without any community or social network".
I have several friends who are in the midst of multi-year 'round-the-world cruises on small boats.
My older daughter and her husband had decided that they did not want children.
At age 39 she had a daughter.
Quite frankly, I find it sickening the way they drool over that child.
Anyone want to see pix of my grandchildren?
>Why do you pose not having children as being akin to being alone and driftless, without any community or social network? <
I didn't intend to.
I only meant that that could have been a choice for me. I don't think of it as being "alone and driftless, without any community or social network".
I have several friends who are in the midst of multi-year 'round-the-world cruises on small boats.
My older daughter and her husband had decided that they did not want children.
At age 39 she had a daughter.
Quite frankly, I find it sickening the way they drool over that child.
Anyone want to see pix of my grandchildren?
Dec 30th, 2006, 04:04 AM
#52
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I am 50 and made my first trip to Europe as an exchange student at 17. I honestly never once considered having children and have not given it a moments thought.
I love to travel and my careers have given me many opportunities to do so. When I am around my friends with kids who are much more restricted in their life styles than I, I know I made a great decision for me and am grateful to ahve done so!
I love to travel and my careers have given me many opportunities to do so. When I am around my friends with kids who are much more restricted in their life styles than I, I know I made a great decision for me and am grateful to ahve done so!
Dec 30th, 2006, 04:08 AM
#53
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FISHEE...Why are you apologizing!!!!! There is an old Ann Landers column talking about the
"sad people who don't have children'...LOL. it mght have been written tongue in cheek, but it talks about their tans,stress free lifestyle, numerous vacations they take, etc. etc. Now that we are passed the kids moving out...we can do it, but we lost all those years and the other question Ann wrote was "if you could do it all over again would you have children"......What do you think the answer was by the MAJORity of respondents.....NO!!...
Find a friend who will take your beloved dogs into their home (we have) and GO--Go now while you can afford it and your health allows it...and have no regrets....
"sad people who don't have children'...LOL. it mght have been written tongue in cheek, but it talks about their tans,stress free lifestyle, numerous vacations they take, etc. etc. Now that we are passed the kids moving out...we can do it, but we lost all those years and the other question Ann wrote was "if you could do it all over again would you have children"......What do you think the answer was by the MAJORity of respondents.....NO!!...
Find a friend who will take your beloved dogs into their home (we have) and GO--Go now while you can afford it and your health allows it...and have no regrets....
Dec 30th, 2006, 05:41 AM
#54
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I'll be 55 next year (wow! is that really true?) my husband is 60.
Years ago when trying to make the decision as whether or not to have kids, I was talking it over with a sister-in-law. I told her that I kept thinking about what I would miss if we didn't have kids. She said " true, but think of what you will miss if you do have kids."
I realized that although I wanted kids when I saw them, when I came home or went back to my work and everyday life, I never really thought about kids.As someone else said I just didn't have that burning desire, and neither did my husband.
I'm lucky too as I have a younger brother 2 hours from me with 2 gorgeous girls. And since both of their Grandmothers have passed, not only am I an Aunt, but I get to be their stand-in Grandmother!
We now travel to Europe once a year, hopefully more in the future if we can get away. We get along well and like to do the same things which helps. We are able to choose where we want to go and where we want to stay, without considering the needs of children.
If you are basically a happy person, my guess is that you will be happy no matter what you decide.
Years ago when trying to make the decision as whether or not to have kids, I was talking it over with a sister-in-law. I told her that I kept thinking about what I would miss if we didn't have kids. She said " true, but think of what you will miss if you do have kids."
I realized that although I wanted kids when I saw them, when I came home or went back to my work and everyday life, I never really thought about kids.As someone else said I just didn't have that burning desire, and neither did my husband.
I'm lucky too as I have a younger brother 2 hours from me with 2 gorgeous girls. And since both of their Grandmothers have passed, not only am I an Aunt, but I get to be their stand-in Grandmother!
We now travel to Europe once a year, hopefully more in the future if we can get away. We get along well and like to do the same things which helps. We are able to choose where we want to go and where we want to stay, without considering the needs of children.
If you are basically a happy person, my guess is that you will be happy no matter what you decide.
Dec 30th, 2006, 06:40 AM
#55
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Interesting discussion. Bottom line is, of course, do what's best for you. And it sounds like you're feeling your way through what that "best" is.
DH and I both love to travel, and did so quite a bit before kids, and since we've had kids. Since kids, we've taken quite a few trips without them and with them, and have enjoyed both. For the trips without them, we've been able to swing a Europe trip every other year or so (more often in the last 2 years), plus random long-weekend trips in the U.S. With the kids, mostly trips long and short throughout the U.S., though we've started taking the oldest with us on some Europe trips. We've been able to travel without them so much because both sets of grandparents are willing and able to watch them when we go - not everyone has that option. To be honest, I wouldn't want my kids with me on EVERY trip. I think all (most?) parents need a break once in a while. One thing I noticed with our son (10 at the time) on his first European trip was that despite the fact that he's pretty self-reliant, as a parent, you're always "on." So even if we were sitting at a cafe drinking wine (in his case, Schweppes), I was still having to make sure, mentally, that he was taken care of.
While we really enjoy our family trips, they are of course MUCH different from our "grownup-only" trips. And that's true even though we're not the types to go to Club Med or rent a condo on a beach and sit there for a week with the kids; in fact, most of our U.S. trips have been to big cities (because we live in a more rural area). But there is a positive value in experiencing a vacation through their eyes, and doing activities that I might not have otherwise, but I end up enjoying just the same. (Though, really, you could probably say the same about traveling with other adults as well, though the activities would be different.)
If it feels like having children would cut too much into something you truly enjoy (travel), then view that as a sign to yourself that any desire that you have FOR kids is not strong enough to make up for what you would miss out on.
DH and I both love to travel, and did so quite a bit before kids, and since we've had kids. Since kids, we've taken quite a few trips without them and with them, and have enjoyed both. For the trips without them, we've been able to swing a Europe trip every other year or so (more often in the last 2 years), plus random long-weekend trips in the U.S. With the kids, mostly trips long and short throughout the U.S., though we've started taking the oldest with us on some Europe trips. We've been able to travel without them so much because both sets of grandparents are willing and able to watch them when we go - not everyone has that option. To be honest, I wouldn't want my kids with me on EVERY trip. I think all (most?) parents need a break once in a while. One thing I noticed with our son (10 at the time) on his first European trip was that despite the fact that he's pretty self-reliant, as a parent, you're always "on." So even if we were sitting at a cafe drinking wine (in his case, Schweppes), I was still having to make sure, mentally, that he was taken care of.
While we really enjoy our family trips, they are of course MUCH different from our "grownup-only" trips. And that's true even though we're not the types to go to Club Med or rent a condo on a beach and sit there for a week with the kids; in fact, most of our U.S. trips have been to big cities (because we live in a more rural area). But there is a positive value in experiencing a vacation through their eyes, and doing activities that I might not have otherwise, but I end up enjoying just the same. (Though, really, you could probably say the same about traveling with other adults as well, though the activities would be different.)
If it feels like having children would cut too much into something you truly enjoy (travel), then view that as a sign to yourself that any desire that you have FOR kids is not strong enough to make up for what you would miss out on.
Dec 30th, 2006, 07:01 AM
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fishee-- I could had written your post (just switch the word "dogs" by "cats"
. I come from a loving, big family. Surprise, surprise: I always knew I did not wanted children. I am happily married and feel very satisfied with my life. I just took to the airport the last of the six nieces/nephews that came over to visit as part of their collge Christmas break. Yes, I am the Cool Aunt and my house has a revolving door during Christmastime. I was also able to help provide a nice Christmas for my Godson whose parents are going through hard times.
Yes, we travel frequently mostly due to good financial managment and having no kids. I guess the point I am trying to make is there are many paths to fullfillment and while the joys of children is (I imagine) unequalled, there are tremendous joys outside that path as well.
There are needs for all types and in my family I definitely fill a spot...at least they make me feel that way. I have never heard ONE WORD disapproval for my choice....to their credit.
. I come from a loving, big family. Surprise, surprise: I always knew I did not wanted children. I am happily married and feel very satisfied with my life. I just took to the airport the last of the six nieces/nephews that came over to visit as part of their collge Christmas break. Yes, I am the Cool Aunt and my house has a revolving door during Christmastime. I was also able to help provide a nice Christmas for my Godson whose parents are going through hard times. Yes, we travel frequently mostly due to good financial managment and having no kids. I guess the point I am trying to make is there are many paths to fullfillment and while the joys of children is (I imagine) unequalled, there are tremendous joys outside that path as well.
There are needs for all types and in my family I definitely fill a spot...at least they make me feel that way. I have never heard ONE WORD disapproval for my choice....to their credit.
Jan 2nd, 2007, 03:24 PM
#57
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I hesitated a long time writing a response to some of these posts since I was fairly appalled at some of the assumptions made about people who don't have children.
I'll offer an unsolicited observation: having children because you fail to make and maintain meaningful friendships (and your kids are your captive community) -- that's really sad. Especially with the majority of people I know bitching and complaining after visiting their parents...
Anyway, thanks so much for the heartfelt replies. I think society is very tough on women who have decided to not have children and I really appreciate hearing from you. I know some of you are saying you didn't really choose, but I think it is a choice. There's so much pressure to marry and have kids that if a woman is doing something else, it's hard not to see it as a determined effort on her part to ignore that enormous pressure and pursue other possibilities.
I'll offer an unsolicited observation: having children because you fail to make and maintain meaningful friendships (and your kids are your captive community) -- that's really sad. Especially with the majority of people I know bitching and complaining after visiting their parents...
Anyway, thanks so much for the heartfelt replies. I think society is very tough on women who have decided to not have children and I really appreciate hearing from you. I know some of you are saying you didn't really choose, but I think it is a choice. There's so much pressure to marry and have kids that if a woman is doing something else, it's hard not to see it as a determined effort on her part to ignore that enormous pressure and pursue other possibilities.
Jan 2nd, 2007, 04:05 PM
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Wow, what a thread! I need a drink!! 
!!!
I think about this topic a lot. I am the quintessential independent, career-minded, free-spirited travel around the world, late 30 something American woman.
I make my own schedule, and spend as much money as I want, when I want. I spend several weeks in Europe every summer, experiencing things that most people only dream of. I've met more interesting people traveling in one month than many people meet in a lifetime. My travels have shaped me as a person, and made me into who I am. My travels without children, to places that would only be appropriate for adults (too risky, or risque ;-) ) have molded me into a unique individual, one that world-wide travelers can relate to, but one that your average soccer mom will never understand.
After traveling abroad every summer for the past 10 years, I can look back and say I've had a blast - every time! Now I feel like I'm ready to share my experiences with others (could it be that I want to bring a family along next time?) Maybe, but I'm at the top of the ladder career-wise, and I worked my balls off (lol) to get there. There is no stopping me now, because the postitions I hold will not be there if & when I decide to have a baby & then come back to my profession later. I feel like I will make a great mother, when I retire & have the time to do it right! So, for now, I will remain childless & look forward to adopting a 15 year old when I'm 55. lol!
If you really want kids & also really want to travel, you will find a way to afford it, but it will certainly change the spontaneous part of your life. Imagine waking up to catch a plane, and one of your kids has a stomach flu and/or fever. Could happen to anyone, sure, but you'd better have some good trip insurance. On the other hand, my parents never went on exotic trips until they had me! (My mom flew for the first time when we went to China together on my youth orchestra tour!)
Times have changed, and women have opportunities that were never possible a few generations ago. Make a decision based on how much you are willing to compromise, because that is what it comes down to. Living on a tighter budget, keeping a certain schedule, choosing vacation destinations based on family oriented activities, rather than what you as an individual would really prefer. Taking the risk that your kids might not be able to travel, for some reason. Or, if you had to give up travel for some reason, would you be cool with it?
My parents are getting older, and I am facing the realization that their limitations & needs may put a limit on my travel time, in the future. I will happily sacrifice, if necessary. Family is family, after all!
!!! I think about this topic a lot. I am the quintessential independent, career-minded, free-spirited travel around the world, late 30 something American woman.
I make my own schedule, and spend as much money as I want, when I want. I spend several weeks in Europe every summer, experiencing things that most people only dream of. I've met more interesting people traveling in one month than many people meet in a lifetime. My travels have shaped me as a person, and made me into who I am. My travels without children, to places that would only be appropriate for adults (too risky, or risque ;-) ) have molded me into a unique individual, one that world-wide travelers can relate to, but one that your average soccer mom will never understand.
After traveling abroad every summer for the past 10 years, I can look back and say I've had a blast - every time! Now I feel like I'm ready to share my experiences with others (could it be that I want to bring a family along next time?) Maybe, but I'm at the top of the ladder career-wise, and I worked my balls off (lol) to get there. There is no stopping me now, because the postitions I hold will not be there if & when I decide to have a baby & then come back to my profession later. I feel like I will make a great mother, when I retire & have the time to do it right! So, for now, I will remain childless & look forward to adopting a 15 year old when I'm 55. lol!
If you really want kids & also really want to travel, you will find a way to afford it, but it will certainly change the spontaneous part of your life. Imagine waking up to catch a plane, and one of your kids has a stomach flu and/or fever. Could happen to anyone, sure, but you'd better have some good trip insurance. On the other hand, my parents never went on exotic trips until they had me! (My mom flew for the first time when we went to China together on my youth orchestra tour!)
Times have changed, and women have opportunities that were never possible a few generations ago. Make a decision based on how much you are willing to compromise, because that is what it comes down to. Living on a tighter budget, keeping a certain schedule, choosing vacation destinations based on family oriented activities, rather than what you as an individual would really prefer. Taking the risk that your kids might not be able to travel, for some reason. Or, if you had to give up travel for some reason, would you be cool with it?
My parents are getting older, and I am facing the realization that their limitations & needs may put a limit on my travel time, in the future. I will happily sacrifice, if necessary. Family is family, after all!
Jan 2nd, 2007, 05:38 PM
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What an interesting thread!
I have two children (son - almost 7 and daughter - 3 1/2). I always knew that I wanted to have children, and I had them, what I am sure most people will consider, "young" (I was 25 with my first).
BUT, I also knew from when I was little that I would be a traveller.
Noone in our family ever travelled (except for a move from Montreal to Vancouver way back when) and family trips consisted of random summer camping a few miles outside of the city. Noone in the family seemed motivated to go and travel to far off lands, to experience difficult cultures and see the world around them...except me.
Since out on my own I have been to Mexico, Montreal, Hawaii, Phoenix, LA...
...and I went to Europe for the first time in 2005, by myself. The hubby took care of the kids so I could wander through Italy on my own...what an experience!!!
I took hubby to Italy with me this past October for two weeks - without the kids and are planning an Ireland trip sans children.
I agree with the poster that said that sometimes it is nice to take a break from the kids (and the kids get a break from you too!).
We, of course, do NOT regret having our wonderful children, but sometimes I DO think about how much I could be saving every month if I didn't have the daycare costs, school fees, 3 pairs of runners worn through in 3 months.
I do wonder sometimes that if I didn't have children if I would be off living in Paris, or Florence, or Rome, or somewhere...but then I snap back to reality to get the kids into bed.
Having children will certainly not stop me from travelling, with or without them....and one day I look forwarding to packing them along with us. But for now I am determined to have one trip to Europe a year with the hubby..meanwhile making other sacrifices like not buying a house - shocker!!)
I have two children (son - almost 7 and daughter - 3 1/2). I always knew that I wanted to have children, and I had them, what I am sure most people will consider, "young" (I was 25 with my first).
BUT, I also knew from when I was little that I would be a traveller.
Noone in our family ever travelled (except for a move from Montreal to Vancouver way back when) and family trips consisted of random summer camping a few miles outside of the city. Noone in the family seemed motivated to go and travel to far off lands, to experience difficult cultures and see the world around them...except me.
Since out on my own I have been to Mexico, Montreal, Hawaii, Phoenix, LA...
...and I went to Europe for the first time in 2005, by myself. The hubby took care of the kids so I could wander through Italy on my own...what an experience!!!
I took hubby to Italy with me this past October for two weeks - without the kids and are planning an Ireland trip sans children.
I agree with the poster that said that sometimes it is nice to take a break from the kids (and the kids get a break from you too!).
We, of course, do NOT regret having our wonderful children, but sometimes I DO think about how much I could be saving every month if I didn't have the daycare costs, school fees, 3 pairs of runners worn through in 3 months.
I do wonder sometimes that if I didn't have children if I would be off living in Paris, or Florence, or Rome, or somewhere...but then I snap back to reality to get the kids into bed.
Having children will certainly not stop me from travelling, with or without them....and one day I look forwarding to packing them along with us. But for now I am determined to have one trip to Europe a year with the hubby..meanwhile making other sacrifices like not buying a house - shocker!!)
