Geordie

For me travel doesn't have to finish with having children.

I have a 2 year old child and so far we've taken him from Germany to Australia x 2, 3 x Malaysia, Singapore & Thailand, Las Vegas, New York & DC, Dubai and to numerous places within Europe.

Since he reached 12 months I always buy him a seat, I couldn't imagine not doing this on a long journey for instance to Australia which is about 22 hours flying time.

Bringing up children isn't for everyone, it does change your priorities and it is a full time job.

So, in order to pay us back, we're hoping he becomes the next Tiger Woods. I've already signed him to a contract that clearly states that I'm entitled to 10% of his lifetime earnings. (This actually happened to a golfer called Sean O'Hair)

Geordie

barbmike

Hi G,

Sean O'Hare fired his father as his caddy and got that "contract" voided.

Leely

My parents took us to live in Spain for a year before we started school. We also traveled throughout Mexico in a VW bus.

I got the impression from my parents that it wasn't lack of ease but rather lack of money that sometimes prevented us traveling as a family. Of course, my sister and I were always perfect angels. I doubt your children would be nearly as well behaved.

travelgirl2

Of course, this is a personal decision, and you know best how you would feel, but...

My experience has been that while children are a great deal of trouble, especially in their early years, they are also responsible for most of the enjoyment I have received out of life. So, to me the tradeoff has been more than worth it.

While I love the occasional trip without the children (for the reasons you've described), I actually much prefer to travel with them. Seeing the world with fresh eyes is priceless to someone as old (43) and jaded as I am.

I agree with previous posters that the decision whether or not to have children is a choice of a lifestyle, not just how easy it would be to travel often.

highflyer

Fishee,
You mentioned friends with children taking hours to get out of the house just to go to the grocery store... these may be what the VERY early days of parenting are like especially with the first child but it gets much easier. Kids are remarkably independent quicker than you think.

My kids love travelling as much as I do and have adapted well to challenging itineraries. I'm less than 10 years older than you but have to admit my 16yr old and 9 yr old kids now have more energy than me and generally now I have to consider whether logistically I can handle the travelling not them!!!

nytraveler

I don't think the two issues are related at all - nor is there any reason they need to be.

If you don;t want children that's fine - but I certainly wouldn't use the desire to travel as the reason why.

It's perfectly possible to do both - although perhaps not travel so often or so luxuriously. But that's really not a reason to make such a major life decision.

If I were you - and you're really concerned you might have regrets later on - I would explore this with a counselor before deciding what to do about having kids. And continue to travel, and enjoy it - either way.

mjs

I agree with travelgirl2. I was equivical about having children but now that have them I cannot imagine not having them. Despite their costs in time, finance etc they give me much joy. Traveling with them since age 7 has been alot of fun. Millions of people travel with children so why not you too? Now this does not mean that everyone or you should have children. I do think that not being able to travel to Europe as often as you wish probably should not be your justification for not wanting children.

Pegontheroad

I suspect that one should desperately want to have children, rather than just having them because it seems like that's what you're supposed to do. Maybe I'm off base here, but that's what came to my mind as I read this post.

I never had that desire and never had any great desire to marry, either. I didn't actively NOT want children or marriage. What I DID want as a young person was a life of adventure, and travel was an essential part of that for me. It still is.

I am now 70 years old and am very happy with the choices I have made.
I love my nieces and nephews and especially grandnieces and nephews, but my reaction when I leave them is always one of gratitude for the ensuing peace and quiet.

Wasn't it Edith Piaf who sang, "I regret nothing"?

althom1122

I'm 50, divorced, and have one 25-year-old daughter - who is the joy of my life. The OTHER joy of my life is traveling. When she was young, my husband and I were too poor to travel much. We started taking trips when she was 9 and managed three visits to Europe during her teen years. We divorced when she left for college, and I've since taken her (just the two of us) to Paris/Brugge, Italy, and Thailand/Laos/Cambodia. Combining the two loves of my life - Julie and traveling - is absolutely awesome. The joy of sharing a trip with her is a top-of-the-world experience. She shares my passion for travel. If I had to give up one or ther other (heaven forbid), it would certainly be traveling.
No one can make the decision for you, but you asked for personal perspectives - and I know how very much richer my own life has been for having a daughter. And traveling is all the sweeter.
I'm definitely NOT trying to persuade you - just sharing my own experience. I believe each of us should follow our own path.

lemidi

Since travel is the best educator (more so than school lessons imo) I hope to be able to continue to take our children on all our travels. My parents took us round the world even though they were not always what some would consider weatlhy but they made it a priority. I am thankful for the great education I received from this.

It is definitely attitude that makes travel with children possible although money wouldn't hurt. Travelling with our three children and seeing new things through their eyes is almost a greater joy than if we travelled without them. We definitely travel differently with children but that is part of the fun. Some of the differences that you may recognize from my previous posts: 1)renting apartments or villa because two hotels rooms and dining out for all meals can be cost prohibitive 2)needing a minivan versus compact car so sometimes foregoing the car at all due to cost 3)taking a shuttle or taxi from CDG to Paris instead of RER because of all the luggage 4)waiting breathlessly (like watching the stock market) for CHEAPER airfares.
I'd rather sacrifice other things at home to be able to travel with my children. And, I am not looking forward to the day when my children no longer travel with us...

What I do find to be more of a hinderance than my children is what we are going to do with all our pets while we are going to be away. Now that's a problem but it always works out and I wouldn't trade them in for anything either.

cafegoddess

This is a personal decision and only you will know what is right for you.

Personally, I wish I could have children so that I can travel with them all over the world. I am 46 years old, I know the odds are against me, but everyday I wish that miracle will come. I will give up traveling to have children.

Pausanias

As was said of WC Fields: "Anyone who hates dogs and children can't be all bad."

But people who prefer dogs should be in the lounge.

LoveItaly

Hi fishee, having or not having children is such a personal decision I don't believe anyone here on Fodor's or off of Fodor's can say what is right for you.

I wanted a baby, and I had the most precious daughter. No, she did not stop me from travelling, she was just under 4 months old when I flew with her for the first time on a prop plane no less to S CA.

It wasn't our daughter but our business and budget that kept us from travelling more than we did. But we sure travelled more than most people so I am not complaining.

And like some other Fodorites have said I felt our daughter added to our trips..beautiful memories..and we saw the world through her eyes. Priceless.

I have also travelled with my grandsons and that too has been a joy.

Regrets..well my stepdaughter decided not to have children. And yes she does have regrets which I found out about some months ago when she called me and sobbed for an hour. It broke my heart, but we all have to live with the decisions we make in life.

Again, IMHO, I think having or not having children is such a personal decision. I would never judge another person regarding their decision and I would not listen or respond to anyone that judged my decision. Best wishes to you with making your decision.

susanna

To answer your question, I am in my 50's, didn't have any children, and I have no regrets. I must say that I had wanted to have children but it didn't work out that way, so I've made the best out of the situation. I too worried that I would look back one day and think that it was a mistake, but, it hasn't happened yet, nor do I think that it will.

Here is something that I tell my nieces and nephews. If you have a passion for something, follow it, what ever it is, life is about passion. And if your passion changes, you can change too, nothing has to be forever and there is no disgrace in changing your course in life, no matter how old you are.

If you make this decision now it doesn't have to be forever, it just has to be for as long as it feels good, and it just might feel good for a very long time...or not!

SLMJD

If you don't have the emotional impulse to be a mom and don't want to be "bothered" with raising children, then you should not have them. However, traveling with a child is entirely possible and is actually (IMO) quite rewarding because you get to experience things that you wouldn't when traveling w/out children. Granted you will not do the same thins when travelling without kids, but it is really special. Europeans (again IMO) are warmer to people with children and travelling with them can be a great experience. I will never forget being in a children's clothing store in Paris with my 2 year old daughter chasing French boys around yelling "bonjour boys". She was having the time of her life and we got to meet people who we never would have talked to without her being there.

caroline_edinburgh

"what is the "no kids + travels a lot" lifestyle like?"

Fantastic ! I'm now 50 & I can honestly say that the older I get, the less I understand why people want to have children (BTW in case anyone thinks it's relevant, I am married but didn't marry until I was 43.)

The only thing which I find a bit of a shame is that some of our best friends have had kids, so are less available for going away with us.

I know that some people do still travel a lot with kids, and that it is partly dependent on attitude. But it seems to me that caring parents tailor their holidays to what their children will enjoy - and children wouldn't enjoy my holidays of mainly either looking at art or lazing around doing not very much at all.

I'm with Peg - "one should desperately want to have children, rather than just having them because it seems like that's what you're supposed to do." I do wonder how many people have them just because it's what you do.

And Pausanias - how about people who hate children *and* dogs, like me ?

ira

Hi F,

Interesting question.

Unfortunately, it is akin to, "what is the sound of one hand clapping?".

Instead of a wife and kids, I could have bought a boat and spent my life as an itinerant bachelor.

My life would have been different.

Would I have been happier? Only God knows.

Vicky

I do not have kids and it does give me alot of freedom for travel and lifestyle. Children mean sacrifice. I did want them but the marriage/family thing did not work out for me and in a way I am glad. You miss out on some things but gain others. I hate surprises and love planning and kids dont' come with guarantees so it would be terrifying to me.

fishee

Hey, some interesting replies -- walkingaround sounds grouchy.

To clear one thing up, I'm not asking Fodors whether or not I should have children. (I'd be going from asking which SLR camera I should purchase to asking "oh, and should I have kids?&quot Perhaps I provided more backstory for my question than necessary but I wanted to hear from the "no kids, loves travel" people on the forum and make it clear I'm coming from a non-judgemental, empathetic place in my inquiry.

WillTravel, I'm not considering a single parenting situation now, but I'd note that it doesn't mean it won't eventually become one -- it seems quite easy for many fathers to visit a few times a month and that looks like single parenting to me.

OBVIOUSLY, I have no doubt that once you actually have children, you love them and can't imagine life otherwise -- you'd be horrid parents if this weren't the case. Most people really want to reproduce and of course wouldn't trade that in for a few trips to SE Asia (look walkingaround!). But there's another (and smaller) group of people who are on the fence -- no strong drive to have a family, it's not what they've always dreamed about, and it's not central to their identity -- to be a mother or father. There's a question mark for these people and while I don't think travel is the *only* issue up for consideration -- I think it's very symbolic of a kind of mobility and autonomy that isn't at all the same once you have kids. (Notwithstanding the great people on this board who *do* pull it off -- everyone that I personally know with young kids spend all their travel budget/vacation time on visiting grandparents and extended family, or, visiting themeparks. It's nice to know it doesn't have to be that way, even if it pisses off your family)

I've had a close relative and a girlfriend be honest enough to say that they really questioned what they got themselves into during those first few years -- and that they really missed their former lives (while of course still loving their kid). Both were highly educated professionals with professional husbands so it wasn't about financial strain.

I guess this is a situation where once a choice is made either way, one is really compelled to say, "I wouldn't have it any other way". Although older women *can* adopt so a decision to not be a parent isn't as irreversible as the choice to have children -- once you have them, cat's out of the bag, so to speak.

fishee

"Instead of a wife and kids, I could have bought a boat and spent my life as an itinerant bachelor.

My life would have been different.

Would I have been happier? Only God knows."

Ira -- this wasn't my question. My question is a little closer to, "If neither you or your partner are aching to have kids, what do you think of just buying the boat -- and a vacation home?" Why do you pose not having children as being akin to being alone and driftless, without any community or social network?