Conky, maybe this is one reason you have been married for 30 years. I believe that some time and distance do help us to appreciate each other more when we reunite and share the lives we have enriched and brought back to share. jg

Oh gulp, SeaUrchin and also jgarvey, you both have brought a lump to my throat.

I am so touched SeaUrchin, my dear friend, thank you. And jgarvey, if in any way I helped you with your decision that is good.

Love, relationships, marriage, being close, time apart, is all something that each of us needs to figure out for ourself and with our partner. What is right for one couple is not right for another couple. I was blessed, and still feel blessed regarding my late husbaznd.

Now did I ever tell you about the horrible argument we had in the Gucci store in Rome...LOL.

Why, yes, LoveItaly, I believe you did tell me once that you almost killed your husband in the Gucci store! Seriously, though, it sounds like you are blessed with so many happy memories of your late husband. Love, Travelgirl

WE have different ideas about holidays too so we do some separate things and try to compromise a bit when we are away together.
His ideal holiday is to just sit around in the hotel all day or drive around looking at stuff, then go to a restaurant in the evening - mine is to get out there and see and do everything! So, when we away together I have to curb my active 'get out of the room by 8am' instincts and he has to stir himself a bit more. It's not unknown for me to 'park' him in the car or a cafe while I go off for an hour or so. Just got back from a weekend away and he got bored at a museum so went and sat in the cafe while I finished looking around, and sat in the car while I walked round a forest trail for an hour (it was raining a bit or he might have come otherwise, but he is also a weather wimp).
Funnily enough we do seem to both enjoy ourselves. He thinks I am barmy for enjoying what I do, I think he is barmy for enjoying what he does, but it seems to work out ok.
I do go away without him twice a year though - once to a music festival with 'the girls' and once on an annual farm working holiday I've been going to for years. He sooner cut off his own leg than go on those.

Hi jg,

>Ira, my friend, "La vie est breve."

and "Ars longa".

Nona, you have it right. It's all about appreciating and respecting our differences rather than complaining and criticzing each other. One person's preferences for travel are not "bettter than" or "worse than" another's--just different! Yes, it is nice when you can find activities that you enjoy doing together, but if travel (or certain types of travel)isn't one of them, then that's all right too! Another key point you address here is compromise. "I'll go into the bookstore while you are in the jewelry store, and we'll meet back here at 3 o'clock." Only problem with my DH is that he keeps poking his head into MY store and pointing at his watch! Or, if I'm 10 minutes late with the meet-up, I catch hell about it. Told you, there are some mighty good reasons we are trying this new way. Perhaps we will discover that we miss each other enough to work on the compromise and flexibilty--and patience--part of traveling together. Thanks for your supportive note. jg

Yes, Ira. The years are long, as confirmed by my achy joints and numerous trips to the dentist. Here is the rest of that short poem I learned in college (over 40 years ago). Spelling may be off.

La vie est vaine
Un peu d'amour
un peu de haine
Et puis, Bonjour

La vie est breve
Un peu d'espoire
Un peu de reve
Et puis, Bonsoir

Ah, the lessons of Youth! jg

I'd check out his "crew" before left port so to speak.

Degas, his "crew" is his sister and her husband, and two cousins and their spouses--all well-known to me. But thanks for your concern. Nothing like someone warning you about something new to worry about. BTW, have you read this whole thread?? I think not.

Don't get your knickers all in a bunch - I was just joking. I'm sure all of you will have a good time. Sorry to hit a sensitive spot. Thought you were beyond that worry. My mistake.

Ummm, nice way of putting it back in my court. I guess I am not beyond that worry. I'm certain that at this very moment he is "getting it on" with some lovely island girl. Good for him!

"I'm certain that at this very moment he is "getting it on" with some lovely island girl."

Don't worry. It will not last. She has thick ankles and giggles too much.

I'm not worried at all. In fact, I'm already beginning to fantasize about a nice young Italian lover for myself when I am there for a whole month in Rome by myself. (The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone). Actually, I'm hoping that all of the verile young aides in the Italian nursing homes are getting ready for me! I've already told my children to keep this in mind when they are ready to send me away.

Here's a recent thread re behavior of Italian men towards American women.

fodors.com/forums/threadselect.jsp?fid=2&tid=34891336

Just curious - have any of you actually ever met? I've been scouring this site for the past week or so looking for ideas on my Italy trip, and it's just amazing how well you guys all get along.. even bicker like family a little. It's pretty interesting, from a "newbie" standpoint. You all are quite the support group... I think it's great.

Just thought I'd post that

Dear Ant, I don't know any of these crazy people at all, and I myself only got on this forum in October. But you are so right, the kind of "anonymous" bonding that takes place here is really a wonder and a joy. After a while, amazingly, it does start to feel like another family--one that you can't fight with in person, so you do it through these notes for a little spice and variety. You find yourself getting to know regular posters, their styles, and their special areas of expertise. Before you know it, you are part of some inside jokes and jabs toward each other. There are people, like Theresa for instance, that you just want to go meet in Detroit and help her out in her restaurant or decorating cookies. Then you start finding you are missing people that aren't posting for a while, and worrying about them and wondering if they are OK. Can't explain how it happens, but you do get caught up in it all, and it is a wonderful thing!

Hang around here for a few minutes everyday, and you won't be a "newbie" for long. Welcome to the family! jg

Thanks..since I joined (like, last week) I've already found myself on here quite a bit for my "Fodor's Fix" as I'm calling it. And I've already been unnecessarily slammed in my last thread so I will consider my initiation to this fun house complete. I'm almost glad it happened, since the best thing about it were other people completely having my back. Very cool. Very cool indeed.

Regardless of all that, I applaud you and your husband for having the courage to shake things up a little bit. Sometimes it's worth suffering a temporary discomfort if it's going to help things out in the long term. All couples should be so brave as to want to put forth this type of effort.

Hi JG and Ant,

When you start thinking of anonymous posters to a travel forum as family you are in need of counseling.

Ira, not if your hubby is on a boat in the Caribbean and both of your children are in Rome at the same time. Like it or not, you are my brotha' and sista'! Some of you are the mamas and poppas. You know who you are.

Ant, getting slammed is part of the initiation process. Sometimes you just have to take it on the chin and say thank you. Looks like you can handle it. Also--thanks for the nice comments about my DH and I working on this ever-challenging institution called "marriage." At least it keeps it from getting boring and can create new respect and appreciation for each others' differences. I do think we are also both beginning to realize how much we miss each other, and this can be "a very good thing." Maybe we will have to go somewhere for a new "honeymoon" when he returns--IF we can travel there together! Maybe the honeymoon will just be at home. jg

Well Ira, it's likely that I need therapy anyway for lots of reasons, so I suppose I'll just tack this right onto my list

JG, I like the idea of having a 2nd honeymoon at home! That's cute! For no other reason than it is the one place you can both agree you want to be in....