Loving spouses, but can't travel together?
Dec 29th, 2006, 07:50 PM
#42
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Hi jgarvey, our Trojam was a 28 foot double engine motorboat, 12 foot beam. Very comfy. Great deck on the stern. A fantastic flying bridge with the pilot and co-pilot chairs plus a sofa type seating for 3 people. A good gallery, 3 burner stove, under the counter fridge, I had a toaster oven, electric fying pan and a crock pot. My husband had a marine grill on the stern. We had a 4 person dinghy also. The head even had a shower plus a long counter where the sink was. Quite lovely unlike the sailing boats we would go on, most were stripped down racing boats.
Although I am not sorry we did it the most uncomfortable sailing trip was on a stripped down 26 foot sail racing boat up the Inland Passage from Vancouver, BC. Three adults, two teens, and two 12 year olds. A two burner stove..that was it for the galley. No shower. Over a weeks trip..I was the cook. I remember browning pork chops one at a time and then stacking them in a tall pot and pouring beer over them and cooking them. Quite good actually but the captain had a fit about the amount of beer I used, lol. Oh, only a 20 gallon water tank.
I am truly sorry that your husband doesn't enjoy Europe but I have known many couples that have that problem..even couples where one doesn't enjoy large cities at all even here in the US including SF.
My opinion, I wish the spouses that have a spouse that doesn't enjoy their idea of a vacation would go on their own. Much better than not going and than feeling resentful and angry. That is not a good thing.
Do let us know how your beautiful month in Rome with your daughter is..it will be a very special time I am sure. And if your husband misses you while he is on his vacation..well that is good! But I hope he has a wonderful time also.
BTW, is this your first time to Italy and/or Rome?
Although I am not sorry we did it the most uncomfortable sailing trip was on a stripped down 26 foot sail racing boat up the Inland Passage from Vancouver, BC. Three adults, two teens, and two 12 year olds. A two burner stove..that was it for the galley. No shower. Over a weeks trip..I was the cook. I remember browning pork chops one at a time and then stacking them in a tall pot and pouring beer over them and cooking them. Quite good actually but the captain had a fit about the amount of beer I used, lol. Oh, only a 20 gallon water tank.
I am truly sorry that your husband doesn't enjoy Europe but I have known many couples that have that problem..even couples where one doesn't enjoy large cities at all even here in the US including SF.
My opinion, I wish the spouses that have a spouse that doesn't enjoy their idea of a vacation would go on their own. Much better than not going and than feeling resentful and angry. That is not a good thing.
Do let us know how your beautiful month in Rome with your daughter is..it will be a very special time I am sure. And if your husband misses you while he is on his vacation..well that is good! But I hope he has a wonderful time also.
BTW, is this your first time to Italy and/or Rome?
Dec 29th, 2006, 07:57 PM
#43
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Just spent a long afternoon on a 56 ft. sloop...the owners (Husband and wife)both were spectacular host(esses) but the guy was enjoying it much more than the wife, who was running about the galley, hair in her eyes, washing dishes, mopping up spills as we juggled back and forth, etc., while he was at the helm looking every inch the 'Captain", and I wondered if there was a little hostility there about 'Our' boat???? I think all of us should get some of the things we want out of life, and you can not always get them together. Go, by all means go, and remember the soft and warm place you have waiting for you at home.
Dec 29th, 2006, 08:08 PM
#44
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Hi jgarvey,
I think people have distinctive
"travel personalities" and interests that may not always mesh, even if they get along beautifully at home. I am a compulsive planner who wants to see all the tourist sights, while my DH likes to wander, browse the shops, and be spontaneous. So for our next trip I am going to schedule for half the days and leave half the days as "free days" where we can be spontaneous or even go our separate ways.
Just a thought... Have you and your husband ever considered renting a canal boat for a vacation in Europe? It wouldn't exactly be sailing in the Caribbean, but he could be the captain and you could be the tour guide for pubs and gardens along the way.
I think people have distinctive
"travel personalities" and interests that may not always mesh, even if they get along beautifully at home. I am a compulsive planner who wants to see all the tourist sights, while my DH likes to wander, browse the shops, and be spontaneous. So for our next trip I am going to schedule for half the days and leave half the days as "free days" where we can be spontaneous or even go our separate ways.
Just a thought... Have you and your husband ever considered renting a canal boat for a vacation in Europe? It wouldn't exactly be sailing in the Caribbean, but he could be the captain and you could be the tour guide for pubs and gardens along the way.
Dec 29th, 2006, 08:12 PM
#45
god, if there were a law that husbands and wives have to enjoy everything that the other one enjoys, my husband and I would both have been incarcerated long ago.
And as much as travelling happens to be one thing we both enjoy, I can't say that we've enjoyed every single minute of every single trip we've ever taken. We've had some enormous fights while travelling, but thanks to the Magic of Denial, we manage to remember our travels -- as well as our marriage -- with enormous fondness!
Every trip is different, every marriage is different. Do whatcha gotta do, jgarvey, and try not to feel like you have to fit some bs Madison Avenue definition of the perfect marriage.
And as much as travelling happens to be one thing we both enjoy, I can't say that we've enjoyed every single minute of every single trip we've ever taken. We've had some enormous fights while travelling, but thanks to the Magic of Denial, we manage to remember our travels -- as well as our marriage -- with enormous fondness!
Every trip is different, every marriage is different. Do whatcha gotta do, jgarvey, and try not to feel like you have to fit some bs Madison Avenue definition of the perfect marriage.
Dec 29th, 2006, 08:41 PM
#47
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All of you are so great to contribute these genuine and candid responses about your own many and varied experiences with "spouse travel." It is clear from the number of responses to this thread that there is (and has been) a genuine need for people to address this delicate subject and compare their experiences. Of all the problems that can challenge us as travelers, "where to sleep, where to eat, what to pack, and what sights to see" are not always our primary concerns. It is often the compatibility of fellow travelers (or lack thereof) that can determine the outcome and entire tone of a trip, its success or failure, what we will remember, or what we would rather forget.
I am relieved to discover that many of you have encountered this same situation, have found your own individual and unique styles of coping, and have still maintained a solid and viable relationship with your partner-companion-traveler. I want to travel with enjoyment and without stress. And--I want to stay married to my DH. Thanks for showing me that there is really a way to make this happen, with no guilt or regrets.
Bless us all who keep working on making it work.
I am relieved to discover that many of you have encountered this same situation, have found your own individual and unique styles of coping, and have still maintained a solid and viable relationship with your partner-companion-traveler. I want to travel with enjoyment and without stress. And--I want to stay married to my DH. Thanks for showing me that there is really a way to make this happen, with no guilt or regrets.
Bless us all who keep working on making it work.
Dec 29th, 2006, 08:51 PM
#48
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SeaUrchin, strange that you should mention that. DH and I have actually talked about scenarios where he and a skillful crew would sail to some exotic port. I would fly there and settle into some luxurious spa/resort, wrap myself in a silky tropical pareo, and await the arrival of my Old Spice sailor man. Then we would then enjoy a romantic rendezvous on land--the captain and his island girl. For sure, this really is the ultimate perfect solution! Now, if we could just win the lottery!
Dec 30th, 2006, 01:59 PM
#50
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To all recent responders, I really did enjoy your suggestions and your reassurances that all is well with this arrangement. You have to have a lot of security in your marriage to work out this kind of problem in a creative way, and I think we do have that--plus a great deal of trust! I just wish that as a middle-age hobby the DH had chosen some land-based activity. Why not bowling, gardening, golf, photography, painting, collecting something? It could be worse though. I have an old college friend whose DH now has her on a Harley driving around in the Smokey Mountains! Good for her, but glad it isn't me. Chacque a son gout, right? Sorry if my French is misspelled.
LoveItaly--no, this is not my first trip to Italy. We went for only one-week a few years ago (one-day side trip to Florence) when our daughter was attending Loyola in Rome, but the in-laws were also along on that trip. Whew!--that's a whole other thread!
Please continue to post. I feel certain that this topic has interested many people besides me and brought up another valuable aspect of travel to consider along with your other plans.
LoveItaly--no, this is not my first trip to Italy. We went for only one-week a few years ago (one-day side trip to Florence) when our daughter was attending Loyola in Rome, but the in-laws were also along on that trip. Whew!--that's a whole other thread!
Please continue to post. I feel certain that this topic has interested many people besides me and brought up another valuable aspect of travel to consider along with your other plans.
Dec 31st, 2006, 07:14 AM
#52
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I keep meaning to reply to this post, but have so many thoughts that I can't get them in order, lol! Don't worry though, it is all in support
First of all, being apart for 7 weeks can be a very good thing. My husband is retired military, so we were apart often, and for long and short stints. Each time he returned, we were much more appreciative of each other. You realize not to take each other for granted, etc. So the 7 week thing, IMO, isn't an issue and will probably just reinforce your good marriage
My husband is a sailor also. He loves it, I like it on occassion. It definitely would not be my first choice for a vacation. My husband would be very envious of yours to take this trip, lol! And I would be like you and want to do something else.
Each year I take at least one girls trip. He encourages it. I go away with either my best girlfriend, or a group of us. He is 100% supportive of it, and gets excited for me.
Just a few nights ago, we were talking about our summer family vacation (we have two teens). We have had reservations in place since July for this coming July in the Canadian Rockies. Long story short, he has an offer to go to Alaska on a guy trip, and it might interfere. I told him we could cancel our trip, and that he should go. Our son would go with him.
Then he said that our daughter and I should take our own trip at the same time. So again, long story short...DD and I invited my mom to go to Europe with us. So just us 3 "girls" are headed to Paris for almost 2 weeks!
We are all excited for each of the trips, but none of us are bothered that we will not all be together. Sometimes doing something different just works.
I hope I have not bored you with all of this, but I just wanted to add my encouragement for you. Definitely let us know how it goes!
BTW, our daughter is very excited to use her new Canon 540, lol!
First of all, being apart for 7 weeks can be a very good thing. My husband is retired military, so we were apart often, and for long and short stints. Each time he returned, we were much more appreciative of each other. You realize not to take each other for granted, etc. So the 7 week thing, IMO, isn't an issue and will probably just reinforce your good marriage
My husband is a sailor also. He loves it, I like it on occassion. It definitely would not be my first choice for a vacation. My husband would be very envious of yours to take this trip, lol! And I would be like you and want to do something else.
Each year I take at least one girls trip. He encourages it. I go away with either my best girlfriend, or a group of us. He is 100% supportive of it, and gets excited for me.
Just a few nights ago, we were talking about our summer family vacation (we have two teens). We have had reservations in place since July for this coming July in the Canadian Rockies. Long story short, he has an offer to go to Alaska on a guy trip, and it might interfere. I told him we could cancel our trip, and that he should go. Our son would go with him.
Then he said that our daughter and I should take our own trip at the same time. So again, long story short...DD and I invited my mom to go to Europe with us. So just us 3 "girls" are headed to Paris for almost 2 weeks!
We are all excited for each of the trips, but none of us are bothered that we will not all be together. Sometimes doing something different just works.
I hope I have not bored you with all of this, but I just wanted to add my encouragement for you. Definitely let us know how it goes!
BTW, our daughter is very excited to use her new Canon 540, lol!
Dec 31st, 2006, 07:52 AM
#53
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Hi MMS,
I really did not want to get involved in this thread, but one part of MMS's comments caught my attention.
Your military husband was gone for weeks doing his job and serving our country. The DH here is away for 7 weeks cruising the Caribbean. I would doubt that the two are comparable as far as "reinforcing their good marriage".
I really did not want to get involved in this thread, but one part of MMS's comments caught my attention.
Your military husband was gone for weeks doing his job and serving our country. The DH here is away for 7 weeks cruising the Caribbean. I would doubt that the two are comparable as far as "reinforcing their good marriage".
Dec 31st, 2006, 03:32 PM
#55
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Ira, thanks for the French spelling. It's been too many years, although I do remember entire poems I learned by heart in my many many years of conversational French and French Lit. "Use it or lose it." How about instead of, "Je pense, donc je suis" we make our new slogan, "Je (travel?), donc je suis?" I'm sure you know the French word for travel?
mms, thanks for finally jumping in! I can't tell you how happy I was to read your post, especially since your DH is also a sailor. Also, thanks for the truism you shot out to "barbmike." About the Canada trip solution--brilliant! People like your family really do give me hope. Another winning idea for all of us is the girls' trips (or guys' trips)--whether it be friends or relatives, a terrific bonding experience, especially if we have each others' trust and blessings.
barbmike, my DH is not presently serving his country, but I do think he is serving his time in a worthy cause--getting to know himself and appreciating his generous and loving wife.
mms, again: our children are both enjoying their Canon Powershot 540s. Maybe we can share their pictures together when they return. I will share my Elph picture too, thanks to all of the "elfs" who contributed to my decision in this forum.
Happy New Year to all! Good luck, good health, and great travel adventures! This is a wonderful forum.
Ira, my friend, "La vie est breve."
jg
mms, thanks for finally jumping in! I can't tell you how happy I was to read your post, especially since your DH is also a sailor. Also, thanks for the truism you shot out to "barbmike." About the Canada trip solution--brilliant! People like your family really do give me hope. Another winning idea for all of us is the girls' trips (or guys' trips)--whether it be friends or relatives, a terrific bonding experience, especially if we have each others' trust and blessings.
barbmike, my DH is not presently serving his country, but I do think he is serving his time in a worthy cause--getting to know himself and appreciating his generous and loving wife.
mms, again: our children are both enjoying their Canon Powershot 540s. Maybe we can share their pictures together when they return. I will share my Elph picture too, thanks to all of the "elfs" who contributed to my decision in this forum.
Happy New Year to all! Good luck, good health, and great travel adventures! This is a wonderful forum.
Ira, my friend, "La vie est breve."
jg
Jan 1st, 2007, 11:45 AM
#56
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jgarvey--This morning my husband and I were talking about this. I told him about this thread and all the opinions. He said exactly what I wrote the other day, that it didn't matter why we were apart, just that we were. We also talked about when he retires. He wants to be a Park Ranger during the summers. I love to hike and backpack, but would not want to do it for an entire summer. So we were already figuring out that he would do his thing, I would travel somewhere else, and we would meet up on various trails for a week at a time. So see, you are not alone at all And yes, I would love to see your pics! Thankfully my DD will be taking a photography class spring trimester, just before our trip...so hopefully her pictures turn out better than mine ever do, lol!
And yes, I would love to see your pics! Thankfully my DD will be taking a photography class spring trimester, just before our trip...so hopefully her pictures turn out better than mine ever do, lol!
Jan 1st, 2007, 12:08 PM
#57
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jgarvey, you're doing the right thing! You'll have a fantastic time. As for him joining you for a week, he probably wouldn't react favourably if you suggested joining him and his buddies on the boat. Why is it that "man time" seems much more sacred than a women's "girlfriend time" or "alone time"?
Jan 1st, 2007, 07:39 PM
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Hey you know what, my hubby and I have taken separate trips for years.....I just returned from 8 days in Vienna with my son, and my hubby could have cared less. There are specific places and things we LOVE to do together, but also appreciate the chance to see the things we wouldn't enjoy together with other friends or family. I've been married for almost 30 years and we have ALWAYS done this!
