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Irritable Travel Syndrome-Do you have it, too?

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Irritable Travel Syndrome-Do you have it, too?

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Old Aug 11th, 2008, 11:04 AM
  #81  
 
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weadles, I loved your post. My late DH and I did not travel well together. I ended up taking one week vacation with him at home and the other weeks with my sister or two other girlfriends with whom I travel well. It's the people who can roll with the punches and can look at the absurdities and laugh (even while it is happening to you!) who are the people I want to travel with.

tegdale, you missed the point of the post. Perhaps reading glasses are in order?
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Old Aug 11th, 2008, 02:14 PM
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<i>I sure hope that we don't start acting like children after another 8 years of marriage.</i>

Tedgale, Lori and the others with perfect marriages and perfect traveling demeanor at all times - do share your secrets with the rest of us!

IME I have noticed that many of my friends who over the years have sworn they &quot;never argue&quot; and &quot;get along perfectly&quot; with their spouses have ended up divorced.

At least those of us acting like children are still together after 20 years. Maybe it's the secret to our success!

gruezi
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Old Aug 11th, 2008, 03:00 PM
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One scenerio that always seems to happen in our rental car is that I'll persue the map, finally figure out where we are, and then say, oh we just passed the exit.

Then, my husband will announce that he CANNOT read a map and drive at the same time (duh).
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Old Aug 11th, 2008, 03:20 PM
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Hey SHeila (way up there)the VISA
peage port 'incident' was at the
Mont Blanc tunnel - DH got in the
truck lane and he had to get out of
the car and stand on tippy-toe to
reach the cashpoint - and then it
refused his card! After quite a
long delay many people got involved
- some of them truck drivers! He is
able to smile about it now that a
few months have gone by and his
red face has faded back to normal.
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Old Aug 11th, 2008, 05:15 PM
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Great name for the Syndrome. Most of the time, DH and I travel together just fine (though adding both kids increases DH's stress level by very measureable levels).

Driving is not too stressful; our comfortable pattern is that I drive almost all of the time (I love those European roads), and he's the navigator. Once in a while, I miss a direction, but we get there eventually.

Language is our biggest area of crankiness. I like learning languages, and remember far more of my high school French than he does of his high school Spanish, so I generally look forward on working on the local languages. But DH, who gets terrible attacks of shyness (or something) and having to ask questions of strangers (you should see him in the grocery store), uses the language thing as an excuse to make me ALWAYS talk. At some point, I reach my saturation point. On our last trip, to the Czech Republic, Slovakia and Hungary, I had to point out that he knew the same five words of Hungarian (Magyar) that I did, and I would be speaking in English ANYWAY!
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Old Aug 11th, 2008, 05:21 PM
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dh and I travel well - sometimes. what I have noticed is we travel well when going to a relaxing place- Hawaii, Mexico, Bahamas. Everything is fabulous.

Some place like Europe - the wheels fell off last year. We were indeed like children. My daughter said to me &quot;You kept telling sister and I not to fight but YOU and DAD are the ones fighting.&quot;

Of course starting out being re-routed from DWF to Santiago Chile in route to Paris did not assist in the crankiness - we never quite recovered. It was odd. We have traveled well together for almost 14 years and then our first trip like that..did not go well.

Funny thing is? Dh was on a different trip then me..he remains certain we got on fabulous and had a great time.
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Old Aug 11th, 2008, 11:52 PM
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llamalady- LOL!

I can see it; and half of theem would be trying to help and the other half furious at the hold up.

I'm sorry,worldina bag, but I don't see what's funny with your story )). You will often hear my husband saying to me in a grumpy voice, as we wend our way round another switchback &quot;I thought you said this was a RED road&quot;
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Old Aug 12th, 2008, 12:21 AM
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<i>Dh was on a different trip then me..he remains certain we got on fabulous and had a great time.</i>

Mine has the same short memory. He insists he loved Ireland even though he made us come home 2 days early. He also loved Spain even though he pretty much ruined Spain for the rest of us.

I also have learned, he does best at a nice resort with not a lot of driving around or logistics, and definitely he needs his exercise or sports.

That's what we do now for &quot;family&quot; vacations. It just works a lot better.

And, my kids have often told the two of us to &quot;please behave.&quot;

gruezi
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Old Aug 12th, 2008, 06:01 AM
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I loved the red road comment.

My smart, movie star gorgeous wife has many talents but reading a map is not one of them. A couple of years ago we were driving in the Austria/Italy area and she said to get off here. Which didn't sound right to me. There was no exit. I asked her if there was a circle on the map, indicating that there was an exit/intersection where the Autostrada and roads crossed to which she replied “I didn't see a circle anywhere on the road.”

I just had to bust out laughing and so did she. We went to the next exit and drove back the 15km on a secondary road to get to the underpass we crossed over on the Autostrada that we needed to get on the road to the ski area.

Lucky for our team/marriage I can read a map while driving, upside down or not, regardless of orientation. Not so funny in France which does not print maps with the North Orientation at the top of the map. Local city or town maps often have a South or even East or West orientation at the top of the page. Nor do they note the orientation, you just have to figure it out.

It helps to have a built in GPS sense. But this is a gift that not everyone has. The folks that have it should not be hard on those that don't. It is like having perfect pitch. You either have it or you don't and no amount of arguing or yelling is going to make someone sing on key, read a map, or have a sense of direction.

On the other hand my wife always tells me to ignore the road signs if I don't think they are right, frequent in Europe where they often direct people to periphery roads to reduce traffic through towns or areas. Same for GPS systems in cars, we call ours 'The Butler'.

After 19 years together of traveling around the world we still have a great time and don't argue. It would never occur to us to yell in public or in a car if we did. What is the point of yelling at your wife?? They are the one person who has your best interests closer to their hearts than any one else.

My wife loves the beach. She loves to sit on it and enjoy the view, the sand, the breeze, the heat and the umbrella drinks. But she doesn't like to go in the water past her knees. I see the beach as a gateway to the sea. On one of our very first trips to Hawaii I said as I waded in that I would be gone for a couple of hours. My wife was distraught by the time I got back. She said you were gone for two hours and I couldn't see you. I said that was how long I said I would be gone. She said I thought you were kidding!! No worries now. I swim, snorkel, scuba, wind surf, body surf, etc. She enjoys her drinks and books.

We both love art history and any other culture we can find. She can always spot a great restaurant. I can stumble out questions in most languages and she can understand the replies if I can't. We have periods of time when we are both in the house for a long time together, the entire past year, but we still love to travel together. If we go with someone else we usually are calling within a couple of days saying we wished we were traveling with each other instead.

I am happy to be the last person on the plane/train. Waste of time otherwise. She wants to be hours early. We compromise now on an hour since the Swiss have no sense of humor about when they say a flight closes. But I am lucky to have an internal clock/calculator that predicts travel/drive time to nearly the minute. So I think we have only missed one flight in nearly twenty years.

Oh and a word to the wise if your wife is uncomfortable you should be too. So if she whispers in your ear that something is not right regardless of the situation listen to her.

No secret, we not only love each other, we respect the others opinions and enjoy the differences.
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Old Aug 12th, 2008, 05:25 PM
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gruezi-

It's easy - don't sweat the small stuff.

If you miss a museum, there's another one down the road.
If you take a wrong turn, you find another way of getting there.
If you order something you don't like, order something else.
If you don't see something this trip, plan a return.

Life's too short.
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Old Aug 13th, 2008, 01:14 AM
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Lori,

wise thoughts on travel...

gruezi
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Old Aug 13th, 2008, 01:18 AM
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We usually do very well on trips, but navigation continues to be a challenge.

DH drives and I navigate. When he asks a question and I say I don't know and then take too long looking at the map, he's been known to yell, &quot;ANSWER ME&quot;. It's become a family joke.
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Old Aug 13th, 2008, 01:25 AM
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France doesn't have north orientation on its maps? Who knew?

In all my years of traveling and living here, I've never seen a map that didn't have north orientation, like every other country map. And I have a house full of French maps.
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Old Aug 13th, 2008, 07:01 PM
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Good topic!

We travel fairly well together - he plans obsessively and I just go along.

I've travelled much more than he has, especially in Europe, and usually totally without planning. I spent 2 months by myself in Europe a while back, and couldn't even tell him what country I'd be in, let alone what hotel, in what town. He could never cope with that. Each night has to be planned.

This came a bit unstuck when I got quite sick in France a couple of years ago. I actually volunteered to sit with the laundry in a laundromat, rather than going off to see a list of things.

Navigation was a problem. I'm fine (in fact pretty good) in the southern hemisphere, but the northern hemisphere is a total mystery to me. Even with a map, I can't believe what I'm seeing. The sun moves a different way, the cars are on the other side of the road (I think this may be the main problem - I don't have too many problems in Ireland!). GPS made a real difference to our trip through Italy last year.

We seldom argue, but both recognise irritation build-up in the other, and are very aware of falling blood sugar, and other infirmities.

Wouldn't stop travelling, though.

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Old Aug 14th, 2008, 06:34 AM
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I start my trip with a travel present for my wife (43 yrs). It is usually something stylish but not expensive that she can add to her carry-on. She pretends to forget that I had bought something for several previous trip beginnings. It starts our trips with both of us in loving moods rather than with the stress that comes from all the decisions and hectic action of getting away.

bleason
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Old Aug 15th, 2008, 01:41 PM
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Have I told you all about the Battle of Versailles?

This was the infamous travel incident when DD, DH and I did not speak to one another from somewhere deep in the grounds of Versailles, to the Versailles train station, on the train back to Paris, or on the walk from the train back to the hotel room. I do believe that DH said a few words when he stopped at a bank machine near the hotel... I think it was &quot;here's money for you, and money for you; I don't care what either of you do or when you leave.&quot;

We had a triple room and all sat on our beds in silence for about 30 minutes. Finally Good Old Mom (me) said let's all forget about this and enjoy the rest of the trip. Which we did.

DH and I travel a good bit. Sometimes we have arguments. Sometimes we don't. I think we are blissfully married with a wonderful relationship, but I can't say that we've never argued on a trip. I can't imagine such perfect harmony.

If there is an argument it is often over navigation or the nightmare of modern air travel. DH succumbs to airline abuse and can get cranky. I sometimes resent his crankiness.

I had lovely revenge in Italy in May: he had us just about arrested and our rental car was confiscated for his speeding. We also had to pay a huge fine. And I never said a single word of complaint or remonstrance to him. It got to be like a game. The less I said, the nicer he became. After a couple of days, he was begging to buy me jewelery. I finally had to confess that I had started off by being tolerant out of concern for the trip, but eventually was just playing it for amusement.

He was still over the top nice! Who knew that not b*tching could get me that far?
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Old Aug 15th, 2008, 08:15 PM
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Omigosh Tuscanlife, that is classic. Something to keep in mind next time things go awry!

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Old Aug 16th, 2008, 08:50 AM
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Tuscan,

Thanks for your very honest post. We have been there too...

In fact usually one of the teenagers needs a double-parent lecture at some point along the way in order to get the attitudes in proper travel order.

My husband and I are learning (or maybe I am) a few things too.

I realized he likes to think he is in charge even though he has no sense of direction and is not a real &quot;take charge&quot; or organized kind of person - although otherwise a great guy.

Sometimes this means I have to go along, get lost with him, waste some time and smile, smile, smile.

Other times it means I need to say, &quot;Honey, step away from the map...&quot;

For some reason, we argued a lot less in the early years than we do now. So, I conclude it's the addition of teenagers that created some stressful trips from which we had to regroup and learn new strategies. I also realize my husband has a pretty stressful job and may need more time to get into vacation mode than the rest of us. And, at least my teenagers are very cranky before 10 am and rarely too keen on exclaiming over gorgeous scenery.

We were away the past 2 days with the teenagers and did pretty well. I kept thinking about Lori's comment about behaving like children. I found it a bit harsh at the time, but I tried to observe if we fit the category. Kept me aware at any rate

gruezi
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Old Aug 16th, 2008, 06:14 PM
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Toucan2: don't I hope I can keep it together like that again!

I am truly not good at keeping quiet, but I'm getting better. I kept thinking how this (my not criticizing DH after his serious encounter with the police, even though I had told him several times before we were stopped that he was driving much too fast) was a miracle.

I have a spiritual practice and a big part of it for years has been asking for help with keeping quiet and not always having to be right or have the final word. Now this was such a horrible scene (they took the car away, on a highway, in a strange country, and a huge pile of money) and it was completely due to his testosterone induced stupidity, that I normally would have wanted to murder him, and would certainly have told him so. I think there was divine intervention in my keeping quiet and being nice.

And it all really paid off for me, because if I would have berated or fought with DH, his focus would instantly have been what a youknowwhat I was, and he would have been in total denial about it all being his fault. And I would have been even more furious, and on and on and on.

Instead, I was the darling wife! Hooray! But I'll probably forget next time he screws up on vacation, and give him hell anyway. I'm a slow learner and a fast forgetter.

Gruezi: You have to put those teenagers into the equation on vacation. I had a friend that used to wear a button that said &quot;Be nice to me; I have a teenager.&quot; And you know, mine was the World's Worst Teenager. So no wonder we had this clash in Paris.

And the trip was a reward of sorts for her. She had just gone to college in New York when 9/11 happened, and we were proud of her for sticking and staying and doing OK after such a scare the first time away on her own. We got along pretty well on that trip, except for the Battle of Versailles. And she hates it when I talk about the Battle of Versailles.
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