Funniest Thing Heard Someone Say While Traveling Anywhere
Mar 11th, 2003, 04:36 AM
#21
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Not funny as in "ha-ha", but funny as in "mighty peculiar":<BR><BR>Upon hearing that my wife is an actor, a German woman asked, "So. Zer are lots of Chews in zee see-a-tre?"<BR><BR>This was in 1994, not 1934.
Mar 11th, 2003, 06:21 AM
#22
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Not necessarily true, but,<BR><BR> Two couples sharing a table (one couple not native English speakers) and the conversation got onto the topic of children.<BR> English speaker: "Do you have children"?<BR> "Alas, no. My wife is impregnable".<BR> Puzzled look.<BR> "I mean, my wife is inconcievable".
Mar 11th, 2003, 06:42 AM
#23
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Last June while staying in Beilstein on the Mosel, we made acquaintance with a couple from Hannover. One evening it happened to come up that my wife and I had lived in El Paso, Texas for a while. They had two questions: First, did our cars have to have special tires to drive on the "dirt tracks" in El Paso? Second, how many oil wells did we have and did the pumping noise keep us awake at night?<BR><BR>I wish I had oil wells making such noise.
Mar 11th, 2003, 09:49 AM
#25
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I did not hear this I said it.<BR><BR>On an early trip to Europe, just getting used to speaking French, we were in Strasbourg. Hotels were in very short supply because the European Parliament was meeting in town. Turned down in a number of hotels I was led by one of the rejecting proprietors to our "last shot".He was kind enough to call ahead to this hotel.<BR><BR>When we arrived the reception desk was surrounded by clamoring young people seeking a room. The proprietor, who resembled a bearded Maurice Chevalier, looked up, saw that we were older folks and beamed you must be the people who I was called about. He gave us his last room, provided invaluable information on where to eat, park, shop, etc.<BR><BR>After dining at a great restaurant he recommended, and having a glass of wine or two, I wanted to thank him in French. When my wife and I returned to the hotel I looked him in the eye and opined: "Monsieur, vous etes tres jolie!" With some aplomb he stepped back allowing me to quickly correct to "Monsieur, vous est tres gentil!"
Mar 11th, 2003, 10:16 AM
#26
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An American Gentlman at a castle in Germany to the tour guide:<BR>" Now are we in Germany or Austria?"...*sigh*<BR>British B & B owner at breakfast to an elderly American Lady "Madame, would you prefer coffee or tea?"<BR>American Lady: "coke"<BR>B & B Lady(somewhat put out) "I will see if we have any"<BR>American Lady
quot;And DON'T forget the ice! What DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE AGAINST ICE?"
quot;And DON'T forget the ice! What DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE AGAINST ICE?"
Mar 11th, 2003, 10:53 AM
#27
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A while ago, in Toledo, on a tour that took us into El Greco's house where a few of his paintings still hung. Man with wide flowered shorts pseudo-whispering at loud volume to his wife: "Where are the originals? Where are the real paintings?" She kept saying, "shush, Harry, that's the beyooteeful paht of this, that's them!" But he was unconvinced and finally asked the patient tour leader, "Where are the real paintings?" She was confused, so he added, "do you have them in the basement or what?" Pause. "You wouldn't just put them out here for anyone to swipe, would you?" She gave him a short statement about the ability of the Spanish to trust people, and we moved on, while his wife chattered, "see I TOLD you, Harry, that's the beautiful part of it......"<BR>I don't believe the paintings are still hanging in that house, perhaps because of Harry's dire warnings.
Mar 11th, 2003, 10:54 AM
#28
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Hi<BR> This one is true.<BR>Viennese waiter to American (me).<BR> Would you like coffee?<BR> Yes, danke.<BR> Viennese or American?<BR> What is the difference?<BR> For American coffee, we take 1/2 cup of coffee and add hot water.
Mar 11th, 2003, 10:56 AM
#29
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Ok, it was ME who said this. I was in Holland and the weather should have been warm but it was cold and windy. I made the comment of "it sure is windy here." In the land of windmills. I gave myself a D'oh for that one.<BR><BR>Powell, could you translate your French statement for the non-French speaking people like me. I'm sure your comments were wonderful.
Mar 11th, 2003, 11:19 AM
#32
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The most stupid thing I heard is what I personaly said. In a beer tent at Oktoberfest I bumped into a very big German man who had about 4 full steins of beer in his hands, and beer spilled all over him. In German I told him what I thought was "I am sorry". He got mad and started threatening me. When I got back to the table with my German friends they told me that what I really said was "that's too bad" and could be taken as an insult. The whole table was laughing at me!
Mar 11th, 2003, 11:33 AM
#33
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I was filling water bottles up at the spring down the lane from our house in St-Cirq, and a van with several Americans drove up the hill and screeched to a halt. Down came the front windows and out popped a huge head with a cowboy hat. "Look y'all!!! It's a French peasant woman! Hand me the camera!!" And a large guy in Hawaiian shirt, shorts, socks, and sandals jumped out of the car and started filming me with a videocam. The others jumped out and huddled around in a semi-circle watching me pump water and talking about how the kids back home were sure going to be thrilled to see real French peasants on film, and wondering out loud if I had indoor plumbing. I was SO tempted to start talking in English to them, but decided it was better to maintain the charade. My kids still refer to me as a French peasant.
Mar 11th, 2003, 12:10 PM
#35
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some of my favorite inflight announcements from southwest airlines:<BR><BR>"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position."<BR><BR> "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out<BR>of this airplane."<BR><BR>"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and, in the event of an<BR>emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."<BR> <BR>"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend<BR>from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face."<BR> <BR>"If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before<BR>assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."<BR>
Mar 11th, 2003, 01:43 PM
#36
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At the Citadel in Halifax, Nova Scotia, last summer, the guide was telling us that it was originally built as a defense against the French in the French and Indian War and then was reinforced twice, once in 1774 against the American colonists and again in 1812 against the Americans. An older American man behind me said, "Why in the world would they want to defend themselves against us?"
Mar 11th, 2003, 01:45 PM
#37
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Not any one thing, per se, but I crack up over the fact that when we're in France, my husband gradually acquires a French accent (when he's speaking English, that is!). <BR><BR>I love "shooty-darn"!! May I borrow it?<BR><BR>
Mar 11th, 2003, 02:49 PM
#38
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I was told that my grandfather who immigrated here from Italy got a construction type job when he first got here...long before he spoke English. One day he was sick and wanted to leave so he said to the foreman, "I'm sick, you go home." <BR><BR>Not the funniest story, but one that has been told many times in my family!
Mar 11th, 2003, 03:16 PM
#39
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While in Egypt at the oldest Christian church in Cairo, our guide said the church was built in the year 240. Someone asked, "Was that B.C. or A.D.?"<BR>Our guide replied, "It's a Christian church. Think about it."
Mar 11th, 2003, 03:26 PM
#40
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A conversation I overheard in a cafe in Florence between passengers on a cruise ship in town for the day "The waiter said I was a 3 star passenger on a 5 star ship!"<BR><BR>My daughter got a good laugh over a woman at the Tower of London yesterday who said "Excuse me, Mr. Beefeater!"
