A Joke
Sep 26th, 2005, 09:21 AM
#143
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Who would have imagined that the Blond Unification League (BUL) would rise so quickly in solidarity and stand so proudly for their right to known as "dumb"? I concede any further debate on the subject. BUL has forced me to consider that all humor really does have it's roots, no matter how sparse, in reality.
Thank you for the enlightenment.
Thank you for the enlightenment.
Sep 26th, 2005, 11:32 AM
#145
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Fiona...this ones for you...lol
In a primary school classroom, the teacher notices a little puddle underneath Mary's chair.
"Oh Mary!" says the teacher, "you should have put your hand up."
"I did," Mary replied. "But it still trickled through my fingers."
;-)
Muck
In a primary school classroom, the teacher notices a little puddle underneath Mary's chair.
"Oh Mary!" says the teacher, "you should have put your hand up."
"I did," Mary replied. "But it still trickled through my fingers."
;-)
Muck
Sep 26th, 2005, 12:58 PM
#147
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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her
nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says
his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay,
he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some
collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain
elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the
bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger
out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000 and he
wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is
this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's
a
Rolling Stone."
nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says
his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay,
he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some
collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain
elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the
bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger
out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000 and he
wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is
this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's
a
Rolling Stone."
Sep 26th, 2005, 04:11 PM
#149
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L84SKY
<i>"Date: 09/26/2005, 01:21 pm
Who would have imagined that the Blond Unification League (BUL) would rise so quickly in solidarity and stand so proudly for their right to known as "dumb"? I concede any further debate on the subject. BUL has forced me to consider that all humor really does have it's roots, no matter how sparse, in reality.
Thank you for the enlightenment. "</i>
You can think of it that way.
I see you are more willing to insult blondes this way than in a joke.
In my experience, people who are confident in their intelligence, looks, skills whatever, feel no need to look for insults or feel insecure..I am blonde, it is the color of my hair. It has nothing to do with my intelligence or how I think of brunettes or stupid people..
Which could cause a person to wonder what do stupid brunettes do for an excuse? lol
You are welcome.
<i>"Date: 09/26/2005, 01:21 pm
Who would have imagined that the Blond Unification League (BUL) would rise so quickly in solidarity and stand so proudly for their right to known as "dumb"? I concede any further debate on the subject. BUL has forced me to consider that all humor really does have it's roots, no matter how sparse, in reality.
Thank you for the enlightenment. "</i>
You can think of it that way.
I see you are more willing to insult blondes this way than in a joke.
In my experience, people who are confident in their intelligence, looks, skills whatever, feel no need to look for insults or feel insecure..I am blonde, it is the color of my hair. It has nothing to do with my intelligence or how I think of brunettes or stupid people..
Which could cause a person to wonder what do stupid brunettes do for an excuse? lol
You are welcome.
Sep 26th, 2005, 07:55 PM
#151
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Please don't flame me.
I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. Short line ... just one guy in front of me.
The guy in front of me was an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little agitated ... He asked the teller, "why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dolla fo yen - today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller says, "fluctuations"
The Asian guy says, "fluc you white guys too!"
I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. Short line ... just one guy in front of me.
The guy in front of me was an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little agitated ... He asked the teller, "why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dolla fo yen - today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller says, "fluctuations"
The Asian guy says, "fluc you white guys too!"
Sep 27th, 2005, 09:31 AM
#153
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After sharing a night of passion and other things with a beautiful young woman, the guy leans towards her and gently asks 'am I the first man you ever made love to?" The beautiful young girl studies his face and says....you could be, your face is familiar!
Dec 16th, 2005, 07:38 PM
#154
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Time to resurrect this thread. This one was told to me by a colleague, himself a former Australian Army major. Any errors of terminology are mine.
In the closing years of the 19th century young Carruthers receives his commission and sets sail to join his regiment as a subaltern at a hill fort on the North West Frontier. On arrival he reports to the OC, who jerks awake to glower at the raw recruit.
“Carruthers, is it? Well, jolly good. Welcome, and all that. Pretty quiet here, of course, since we put down the hill tribes. Not a place for the ladies either, but we try to have an active social life anyway, something different every night of the week. What’s today? Tuesday? Jolly good night to arrive, actually – drinks in the mess, a few mess games, everybody gets thoroughly blotto. Good show.”
Carruthers looks uncomfortable. “If you’ll excuse me, sir, I should tell you that my father is a country vicar – rather Low Church, actually - and I’ve promised him that I won’t touch strong drink while I’m out here…”
The Major recoils in shock. “Good Lord. No drink at all? Well, if you must, Carruthers, if you must. Never mind, there’s always Wednesday night. Card night. Chaps have a few drinks in the mess, get a bit blotto – you can pass on that if you must – then settle down to a few games and a few wagers.”
Carruthers begins to look distressed. “Sir, I don’t wish to be thought a wet blanket, but I promised…” The Major snorts. “Don’t tell me, Carruthers, don’t tell me. No gambling either? Well, surely the old man couldn’t object to a healthy lad indulging in a bit of hanky-panky, could he?” The OC leers horribly. “Thursday night’s the ticket, lad – chaps ride have a few drinks, then down to a certain establishment in the native village where the young gels will show you some tricks you won’t learn back in Blighty, what!”
Carruthers looks downcast. “Sir, I’m sorry, but really, I’d rather not.” By now the Major has run out of patience. “Oh, don’t tell me – no playing footsie with loose women either. Good Lord, lad, is there ANY bloody thing you can do?” Suddenly he looks thoughtfully at the wretched boy and says “I say, Carruthers - you’re not by any chance one of thos... homosexual ... chappies, are you?”
Startled, Carruthers exclaims in horror “Good Lord, no, sir, absolutely not – it’s nothing like that! I have no such inclinations, none whatever!!!”
The Major grunts. “H'm. I see. Well, you won’t enjoy Friday night, then.”
In the closing years of the 19th century young Carruthers receives his commission and sets sail to join his regiment as a subaltern at a hill fort on the North West Frontier. On arrival he reports to the OC, who jerks awake to glower at the raw recruit.
“Carruthers, is it? Well, jolly good. Welcome, and all that. Pretty quiet here, of course, since we put down the hill tribes. Not a place for the ladies either, but we try to have an active social life anyway, something different every night of the week. What’s today? Tuesday? Jolly good night to arrive, actually – drinks in the mess, a few mess games, everybody gets thoroughly blotto. Good show.”
Carruthers looks uncomfortable. “If you’ll excuse me, sir, I should tell you that my father is a country vicar – rather Low Church, actually - and I’ve promised him that I won’t touch strong drink while I’m out here…”
The Major recoils in shock. “Good Lord. No drink at all? Well, if you must, Carruthers, if you must. Never mind, there’s always Wednesday night. Card night. Chaps have a few drinks in the mess, get a bit blotto – you can pass on that if you must – then settle down to a few games and a few wagers.”
Carruthers begins to look distressed. “Sir, I don’t wish to be thought a wet blanket, but I promised…” The Major snorts. “Don’t tell me, Carruthers, don’t tell me. No gambling either? Well, surely the old man couldn’t object to a healthy lad indulging in a bit of hanky-panky, could he?” The OC leers horribly. “Thursday night’s the ticket, lad – chaps ride have a few drinks, then down to a certain establishment in the native village where the young gels will show you some tricks you won’t learn back in Blighty, what!”
Carruthers looks downcast. “Sir, I’m sorry, but really, I’d rather not.” By now the Major has run out of patience. “Oh, don’t tell me – no playing footsie with loose women either. Good Lord, lad, is there ANY bloody thing you can do?” Suddenly he looks thoughtfully at the wretched boy and says “I say, Carruthers - you’re not by any chance one of thos... homosexual ... chappies, are you?”
Startled, Carruthers exclaims in horror “Good Lord, no, sir, absolutely not – it’s nothing like that! I have no such inclinations, none whatever!!!”
The Major grunts. “H'm. I see. Well, you won’t enjoy Friday night, then.”
Dec 16th, 2005, 11:06 PM
#156
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The world's shortest fairy tale.
Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?" The guy said,
"No" and the girl lived happily ever after and traveled extensively, went shopping, dancing, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook and farted whenever she wanted.
The end.
Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?" The guy said,
"No" and the girl lived happily ever after and traveled extensively, went shopping, dancing, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook and farted whenever she wanted.
The end.
Dec 17th, 2005, 07:26 AM
#157
That reminds me of the princess sitting by her pond when a frog jumped up on her lap. He told her he was a handsome prince enchanted by a wicket witch and if she'd kiss him he would be restored to his gorgeous self. He went on, I'll take you as my wife and we will live in my huge castle with my mother. You can cook my favorite dishes and do my wash.
That night this beautiful princess sat down to dine and as she took the first bite of her frog's legs, she chuckled to herself, "No F*****way!
That night this beautiful princess sat down to dine and as she took the first bite of her frog's legs, she chuckled to herself, "No F*****way!
Dec 17th, 2005, 01:04 PM
#159
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Frog and prince? And that reminds me of the old man who found a frog by the road. He picked it up and was startled when it spoke to him: "If you will kiss me I will turn into a beautiful princess and make love to you." The man put the frog into his pocket and the frog shouted, "Didn't you hear what I said?" "Sure," said the man, "but at my age I'd rather have a talking frog!"
ozarksbill
ozarksbill
