we would love Tahitian amenities without Tahiti prices! surfing would be great too any lodging reccomendations?

Caribbean prices are just as much as Tahitian ones, maybe even more-especially for what you're looking for.

You may want to check out Bali or Phucket for non Tahitian prices.

Check Bocas del Toro on the Caribbean coast of Panama and an
overwater bungalow resort called
Playa Caracol.

Spice Island Beach Resort on Grenada has totally private plunge pool suites, and the resort is right on the lovely Grand Anse Beach.

thanks everyone - have looked up all these....still haven't found our match. would love Jamaica, but all the resorts with the amenities we want seem so formal?

I just posted this long response to someone wanting to honeymoon in Jamaica so will post parts of it here too.

I will admit right up front that I am biased in that we own a home in Jamaica. But that also gives me more insight into the island, I think. Our home is at the Tryall Club (which has about 60 villas) and the club offers much luxury. Villas have their own staff and pool (there are one and two bedroom condos that share a large pool and you can choose to have staff or not). Tryall has a gorgeous golf course and tennis courts and a beach. The web site is www.tryallclub.com and you can get plenty of info there about prices etc. Oh and they have some gorgeous weddings there!

Nearby is Round Hill which has hotel rooms and some "cottages" or villas and some with private pools. No golf there, but they have a lovely beach, spa, and tennis.

There are tons of hotels in Negril in various price ranges but I don't think you will find luxury and privacy there. You WILL find loads of sun worshippers and partiers there.

A few miles to the east of Montego Bay is a lovely lovely Ritz Carlton with golf, tennis, the fabulous service Ritz is known for. I don't think you will find a private pool there though.

Near the Ritz is Half Moon which has hotel rooms and some villas/cottages. It has loads of activities from horseback riding, a new spa, croquet, tennis, golf etc.

As for safety, the resorts I've mentioned by name have their own security. We have never had one problem with safety in Jamaica