ah really scary move

Nov 30th, 2004, 01:39 AM
Original Poster
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 445
ah really scary move

Well I am moving from Sydney back to Melbourne (my old home town) but I've been away ten years can anyone make me more comfortable in my decision....
Daneille is offline  
Nov 30th, 2004, 06:05 AM
Join Date: Dec 2003
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Daneille, moving back to a place in which one has lived in the past does present some challenges.

I know because I returned to Calgary after an absence of 4 years (18 months in Houston and 2-1/2 years in Melbourne).

Luckily the City of Boroondara (where I lived in Melbourne) held a series of workshops on relocating around the time that we were getting ready to return to Calgary. That was where I was warned that moving back often presents greater challenges than moving on.

I think the biggest thing people need when they're moving back is simply an acknowledgement that it's every bit as big to move back as it is to move on. Most people recognise that total newcomers face challenges, and many people are helpful towards total newcomers, or at the very least they make warm fuzzy noises. But most people do not recognise that people who are returning also face challenges. They just assume that the returning person already is familiar with the environment and doesn't need any special help. I think it probably is the lack of acknowledgement on the part of other people that makes it harder.

The workshops taught me that, when one moves back, one cannot expect one's old friends to welcome one back with open arms, invite one over to dinner, etc. A few old friends may do that. If they do, one is lucky. But one should not EXPECT it to happen. What one should expect is that it will be up to oneself to make the greater effort to rev up the old friendships again (invite people around for a barbeque or whatever). Some of the old friendships will resume, and some of them will not.

That was indeed what we found when we returned to Calgary. It certainly helped me that I was forewarned. At least my expectations were somewhat more realistic than they otherwise might have been.

We have resumed some of our old Calgary friendships, but some of our old friendships have fizzled out. In the 4 years that we've been back in Calgary, we've made several new friends.

There are some considerations about relocating that pertain to kids. If you have kids, I could share a couple of strategies that helped our kids to cope with our moves.

Hope that has helped.
Judy_in_Calgary is offline  
Nov 30th, 2004, 02:09 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 445
Gosh Judy, thank you so much for that. Your comments were really, really helpful. I am very nervous, but the best thing is that my family are there are they are very supportive and caring.

I also have some friends in Melbourne that I have stayed in contact with over the years I have been away so at least some of those will continue.

Fortunately there are no children involved, just a very old and grouchy Siamese cat (who won't like the colder weather I think!!)

I think the most daunting aspect of having been away so long is returning to the job market, but I'm hoping that six years in a pretty dynamic Sydney market will stand me in good stead, that's my theory anyway.

It's a long time to be away, and Sydney is a very beautiful city which Melbourne just can't match in that respect but I'm trying to stay focussed on the cultural aspect and the fact that Melbourne has fabulous food and that the cost of living is so much lower.

Still scary though!
Daneille is offline  
Nov 30th, 2004, 04:42 PM
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 2,077
You're moving back to Melbourne voluntarily?


Me tinkit 'mazing?

Good luck!
margo_oz is offline  
Nov 30th, 2004, 06:15 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 445
Hi Margo - yes I know your feelings about Melbourne - LOL.

I'm returning more out of necessity than really wanting to, but I have to make the best out of it for the time being.

Anyway I'm not a tree and if I really hate it that much then I can always leave.
Daneille is offline  
Nov 30th, 2004, 10:48 PM
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 424
Hi Daneille,
Judy has given you some great advice. It is really scary. Our daughter returned in October after living in London for 5 years. While here in Wellington she couldn't wait to catch up with her best friend whose wedding she came home for 3 years ago. She was very upset when she came home because she realised her girlfriend had stayed where the girls were before our daughter left, while our daughter has grown in confidence and experiences. They had nothing in common and conversation was very stilted and difficult. This is what we used to advise our exchange students before they returned home - remember that many of your friends will not have grown with you, it will sadden you but you will make new friends who are at your level.
Good luck with your move back to Melbourne - a city I love to visit. As you said, if you find it difficult you can move on.
dotty is offline  

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