jweis

I thought I might lighten things up here with a bit of safari humor. Some may have seen this one, but it's still worth a laugh another time around...

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away in to the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.

So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story....
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

James

afrigalah

There's probably a safari version of this one about age versus youth:

This old Aboriginal bloke is doing a spot of crabbing in a tidal stream in the Northern Territory. He's just caught a nice big, tasty mudcrab (they're almost as big as tanks) and put it in the boot of his old car when a young Fisheries officer comes out of hiding and grabs him by the shoulder. "Gotcha. Caught red-handed!"

The old man shrugs the officer's hand off and protests vigorously. "I didn't catch 'im! That's Morton, me pet mudcrab."

"What?" cries the Fisheries bloke, with a sarcastic laugh. "A pet mudcrab?! Pull the other one! I'm taking you in."

"No," says the old bloke. "That's really Morton, me pet mudcrab. I bring 'im down here every day for a swim."

"Rubbish! You must think I was born yesterday."

"I'll prove it," says the old Aborigine. "I'll put 'im in the water, and he'll come back. You'll see."

As the officer, still half-disbelieving, hesitates, the old bloke bends and puts the crab into the shallows. It promptly does the breaststroke and disappears into the deep.

The pair watch for 15 seconds, and the young officer cries in despair: "It's gone! Where is it?"

"Where's what?"

(Sounds a lot funnier spoken in Aboriginal Australian).

John

sundowner

Noah was making a list of the animals he needed to take in the Ark. He listed 2 lions, 2 elephants, 2 cheetahs, 2 giraffes, 2 leopards and so on. When he got to the mongoose, he wasn't sure of the plural. He wrote 2 mongooses and that didn't look right so he crossed it out. Then he wrote 2 mongeese and that didn't look right either. He crossed that out. He thought for a few minutes and had the perfect solution. Here is the list:

2 lions
2 elephants
2 cheetahs
2 giraffes
2 leopards
<s>2 mongooses</s>
<s>2 mongeese</s>
1 mongoose (go ahead and make that 2)

matnikstym

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! What are you doing?”
The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and have some.”
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’ and is going to get a drink from the river.The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A Crocodile sees the lizard in the water and swims over to him and helps the lizard to the side, then asks the lizard, “What’s the matter with you?”
The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says “Hey you!”

The Monkey looks down and says “whoa dude……. how much water did you drink?!!”

santharamhari

Too funny, Dennis.......

Hari

cybor

All funny. Nice way to enjoy my morning tea.
Thanks;
Sherry

cooncat3

atravelynn

Good ones!

thit_cho

James, when after reading the first few paragraphs, I thought the story was going to end much more poorly for the poodle ;-)

Cute story -- I need to figure out how to turn it into a usable work parable.

LyndaS

Loved all of these! Thanks, guys for an evening chuckle....