Anna1013

Just wanted to clarify something about ordering a coffee in Paris. It seems that if you are in a restaurant, and you order a coffee with dessert, you won't be brought the coffee until you are finished with the dessert - is this right?

But, since it is frowned upon to have coffee and dessert at the same time, what would be the etiquette of doing this at a cafe? Would ordering a coffee and a dessert at a cafe be proper etiquette?

I saw a post that said this, but I'm not sure what is the difference between having coffee with dessert in a restaurant compared to a cafe?

RufusTFirefly

I don't see why you couldn't have coffee with your dessert if you wanted it. Just let the waitindividual know. After all, it's your money, your dessert, your coffee--I would think that in Paris most people would have had enough contact with foreigners to realize that not everyone likes to do things the way they do.

At least most of the Parisians I've met have been fairly knowledgable and sophisticated about such things.

kappa

> since it is frowned upon to have coffee and dessert at the same time..

I think you got a wrong information. The norm is coffee is served after the dessert but among my French friends, a couple of them ask all the time to bring coffee at the same time with dessert. No problem. I do that too some times when I'm sort of in a hurry but still want both dessert and coffee (or coffee and the check). No problem.

kappa

And you are asking whether you can order coffee and dessert at the same time at a cafe. Of course you can.

ira

Hi anna,

If you want a coffee and a pastry, just ask for it.

If you are having dinner and want coffee with your dessert, just ask for it.

What coffee do you want: espresso, cappucino, cafe creme, cafe American, decaf?

ira

>...waitindividual...<

Well, that's a new one.

Is it because "waitperson" is sexist in that it has "son" in it?

RufusTFirefly

ira--yes, as you know, I always strive to be pc.

Christina

Right -- you can actually order and have whatever you want, whenever you want it, in a cafe. Waiters really do not care when a customer chooses to drink coffee in comparison to dessert. They do not frown if you decide you like it with dessert, instead of after. Well, if anyone did, why would you care? I sometimes have it with dessert as I like it to cut the sweetness and no waiter has refused or frowned at me for that.

You are worrying too much about little things.

Anna1013

Thanks everyone for your replies - I don't know how I should take them. I've would never have thought drinking coffee with dessert was a "no-no" until I began to frequent these boards for a couple of years.

All of you who have replied indicated that it's no problem, in a restaurant, to ask for the coffee to come with your dessert - but from looking up all the threads on this board, many have indicated that you shouldn't do so because it's frowned upon.

Don't get me wrong - I'm glad I got the replies I did, but I'm just confused since some of the info on this board can often contradict itself.

Christina - yes, this may seem like a small thing to worry about to you, but since I'm not familar with the culture, this is just more information that I would like to have.

degas

Take your own super large coffee cup and have them fill it up so you don't have to yell for a re-fill! And if the dessert looks too darn puny, send it back and tell them to slap on some more.

Scarlett

Where is a thread saying that? Who has been misleading poor unsuspecting tourists all this time??

Anna, most of the time, Paris is just like NYC or somewhere in the US. They do all the same things we do. It just tastes better
And the fun thing is, you can do whatever you want, if you want eggs for dinner, ask for them.
There are rarely set in stone rules when it comes to ordering in the cafes, etc. Everywhere I have been, they ask you if you want dessert, and un cafe~
Enjoy~

Anna1013

Scarlett,

Thanks for the info - I know you've been a regular for a while, and I enjoy reading your posts.

To answer your question, just type in anything regarding "etiquette" and you will recieve a bunch of posts, from people claiming they know french culture, that it is highly improper to ask for a coffee with your dessert.

All the posts I researched, they said that if you are in a restaurant, they will not bring you your coffee until after you had dessert, and not to ask for your coffee w/dessert as it is impolite.

Now that this question has met with such a strong reaction, I'm thinking that the same people who tell you that you shouldn't ask for coffee with dessert are probably the same people who tell you not to wear blue jeans or sneakers in Europe.

I had just seen a post of someone saying how happy they were that the board has finally re-gained some sanity compared to a couple of years ago when about 80% of posters told everyone not to wear sneakers, since no one in Europe would!

Seamus

Never had a problem in Paris, but did run into this exact issue once in Amsterdam. We had dinner at an upper-moderate restaurant, after finishing the main dish asked for coffee, then after sitting and sipping asked for dessert. The waitperson (so there, Rufus!) openly expressed shock, of course did not refuse us our dessert but kept repeatig the phrase "But you've already had coffee".
Never had it happen again anywhere else.

Scarlett

Hi anna
I looked but did not find the post. It would have been interesting as to who was giving out the "advice" LOL
I did though have a good laugh at some of those old etiquette threads! Thanks~
I am sure that as I have gone here and there, I have made plenty of faux pas and never knew. As someone here said recently, Take a deep breath, smile and enjoy yourself~
And please tell us about it when you return?

Anna1013

Scarlett,

If you search for "coffee with dessert" you will get a thread called "Dining Habits...". A few posters mention that you will receive your coffee after you have finished dessert.

I know there were more threads on this subject, but I can't remember exactly where they are.

Scarlett

OK, thanks, I will go look again. I got bogged down reading some of the funny ones..

Scarlett

OK, back again. Now- one of the ladies that posted that is very helpful, I am surprised she mentioned that.
But then I saw a couple of posters not known for being pleasant or polite and I take what they say with a very tiny grain of salt.
One gentleman said that he thought that the coffee with cake or after was because Americans are not used to drinking wine with dessert. That might be so, cheese and wine then dessert and wine followed by coffee to get you out the door.
But, people drink coffee with dessert everywhere and it will not be noticed if you order them together..I promise.

Anna1013

Thanks scarlett for your help! I'm always wary when dealing with the "unknown", so your posts have been very helpful!

toulousaine

We lived in Toulouse, France and although I repeatedly asked (in French) for my coffee to come WITH my dessert, it never did. I tried and tried...they smiled and said yes...but it never happened.
They didn't look down upon it, they just weren't used to it. It may be different in Paris since they are so used to American tourists.

Kate

I'm not sure this is a question of etiquette so much as just common custom. I've read frequently on this board that Americans tend to speed through their meals compared with most Europeans, who see dining out as an all night affair. So with this in mind, then it's not so strange to have coffee AFTER dessert - it does extend your dining experience.

But you are perfectly entitled to do as you wish. You won't offend anyone just because your practice differs slightly from theirs. And if you ask and they still don't bring your coffee with your dessert, then I wouldn't be in the least bit nervous about reminding them.

And as for coffee and cake in cafes, well cafes are clearly a more informal situation, and EVERYONE has coffee with their cake!