Where did you send your son/daughter to college?
Sep 18th, 2005, 11:15 AM
#41
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Little by little, there are threads here on the US forum that cross my radar screen, and interest me (since I am here recently with my Hawaii questions)... and I am getting drawn in, even though I have long thought of myself as addicted "purely" to the Europe forum.
I actually don't think of this as a very "travel-related" question... your son/daughter ought to be encouraged to look at the school(s) that: 1) offer the program(s) most likely to be a best fit for his/her interests, and then, 2) offer a well-rounded spectrum of other programs if/when he/she finds that the original plan is not as appealing as first thought.
That said... and being on semester 13 out of 14 with our own three daughters... our college hunting trips have been some of the best family travel I could have ever dreamed up. Between the three of them (and trips made, lookig at graduate schools on her own, in the case of our oldest daughter, I think we must have made close to 12-15 trips to 25-30 schools, and loved all the travel immensely.
I went "far" away to college (Rice, in
Houston, coming from southern Indiana), and encouraged all three of our girls to consider the same. Boy did they ever! Only one went to even look at one school in our own state of Ohio (where they went to high school; I now live back in southern Indiana), and she made that trip on her own. I think we also went to one informational meeting for an Ohio school with our first.
So, if you just want the list...
With out first daughter, we went to Pratt Institute (Brooklyn) - - and then she decided that graphic design was not for her; still it was fun to see what a really good art school is like. After she settled on thinking that she was instead interested in cognitive science (she did graduate in this), we went to Penn, and MIT/Wellesley in one trip; Northwestern in another; Wash U in another, Rice on another, and the Univ of Rochester (where she ultimately went).
With daughter number two, interested in film - - we went to Brown, BU, Dartmouth and Middlebury all in one trip. Her mother took her separately to NYU, and I took her to USC (where she ultimately went), UCLA and UC Santa Cruz (amazing campus).
And daughter number three, secondary education/English - - went to Ohio University (Athens) on her own, then in one family trip to Washington and Lee, Wake Forest, UNC and Clemson (where she is currently a senior). We also did a "day trip", added on to a family trip to Europe, to the University of Stirling, in Scotland, because she wanted to study abroad there, and it was fun to see it as a family. She went there junior year last fall.
Our oldest daughter went on her own grad school trips, to Houston, Johns Hopkins and UNC (where she completed her MPH last year). She is now staff at Duke University.
So... sad? no way! If you're an education-loving family, you are likely to look at this as one of the best adventures in your life as a parent. "College life" is not better than, worse than, nor an alternative to "real" life - - we see it as an integral part of all of life's stages - - and touching base with it again, these past many semesters has been a highlight of our middle years.
And I agree with numerous other posters, that visiting them at school has been yet one more nefarious way to scratch our travel itch over these several years.
Best wishes,
Rex
I actually don't think of this as a very "travel-related" question... your son/daughter ought to be encouraged to look at the school(s) that: 1) offer the program(s) most likely to be a best fit for his/her interests, and then, 2) offer a well-rounded spectrum of other programs if/when he/she finds that the original plan is not as appealing as first thought.
That said... and being on semester 13 out of 14 with our own three daughters... our college hunting trips have been some of the best family travel I could have ever dreamed up. Between the three of them (and trips made, lookig at graduate schools on her own, in the case of our oldest daughter, I think we must have made close to 12-15 trips to 25-30 schools, and loved all the travel immensely.
I went "far" away to college (Rice, in
Houston, coming from southern Indiana), and encouraged all three of our girls to consider the same. Boy did they ever! Only one went to even look at one school in our own state of Ohio (where they went to high school; I now live back in southern Indiana), and she made that trip on her own. I think we also went to one informational meeting for an Ohio school with our first.
So, if you just want the list...
With out first daughter, we went to Pratt Institute (Brooklyn) - - and then she decided that graphic design was not for her; still it was fun to see what a really good art school is like. After she settled on thinking that she was instead interested in cognitive science (she did graduate in this), we went to Penn, and MIT/Wellesley in one trip; Northwestern in another; Wash U in another, Rice on another, and the Univ of Rochester (where she ultimately went).
With daughter number two, interested in film - - we went to Brown, BU, Dartmouth and Middlebury all in one trip. Her mother took her separately to NYU, and I took her to USC (where she ultimately went), UCLA and UC Santa Cruz (amazing campus).
And daughter number three, secondary education/English - - went to Ohio University (Athens) on her own, then in one family trip to Washington and Lee, Wake Forest, UNC and Clemson (where she is currently a senior). We also did a "day trip", added on to a family trip to Europe, to the University of Stirling, in Scotland, because she wanted to study abroad there, and it was fun to see it as a family. She went there junior year last fall.
Our oldest daughter went on her own grad school trips, to Houston, Johns Hopkins and UNC (where she completed her MPH last year). She is now staff at Duke University.
So... sad? no way! If you're an education-loving family, you are likely to look at this as one of the best adventures in your life as a parent. "College life" is not better than, worse than, nor an alternative to "real" life - - we see it as an integral part of all of life's stages - - and touching base with it again, these past many semesters has been a highlight of our middle years.
And I agree with numerous other posters, that visiting them at school has been yet one more nefarious way to scratch our travel itch over these several years.
Best wishes,
Rex
Sep 18th, 2005, 12:52 PM
#42
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Daughter is a sophomore at Muhlenberg College in PA. It's about an hour from home and she loves it! Majoring in Communications. She had looked at Ithaca, The College of NJ, and Univ. of Delaware as well, but applied Early Decision to Muhlenberg. I expected to be devastated dropping her off Freshman year, but she looked so happy and comfortable at the school that it made it easier. She did call home after about day 2, crying that she was homesick and didn't feel well. That was hard to hear, but as we quickly learned, that passed rapidly and all was well. We IM several times a week and talk on the phone occasionally.
Now we're starting the search process over with my son, a HS Senior who is looking at Lafayette, Lehigh, Bucknell, University of Delaware, TCNJ, and Muhlenberg. The two kids are very different, but I'm hoping he'll be just as happy with his choice.
Now we're starting the search process over with my son, a HS Senior who is looking at Lafayette, Lehigh, Bucknell, University of Delaware, TCNJ, and Muhlenberg. The two kids are very different, but I'm hoping he'll be just as happy with his choice.
Sep 18th, 2005, 01:04 PM
#43
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amwosu:
One of our sons took a year or so 'off' without ever leaving school! That's NOT the way you want it to happen, let me tell you!
It finally took him taking some responsibility...getting a job, paying some rent (at home)upon his return home from an away college, to get him to start turning around. Now, he's recently been on the President's list at an even harder school!
Our other son was somewhat more committed, but still required some let's get this thing finished motiviation! That came when, having exhausted his Pact Progam, we had him take out a loan in HIS name. Funny how quick things can happen when the right motivation comes along!
Belle
One of our sons took a year or so 'off' without ever leaving school! That's NOT the way you want it to happen, let me tell you!
It finally took him taking some responsibility...getting a job, paying some rent (at home)upon his return home from an away college, to get him to start turning around. Now, he's recently been on the President's list at an even harder school!
Our other son was somewhat more committed, but still required some let's get this thing finished motiviation! That came when, having exhausted his Pact Progam, we had him take out a loan in HIS name. Funny how quick things can happen when the right motivation comes along!
Belle
Sep 18th, 2005, 01:41 PM
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OWRP:
Muhlenberg College Allentown Pa??
They had one of the greatest football coaches ever Coach Merino!! What a great person!!
As to our kids - they went to schools in Maryland. State schools cause there were three of them in three years. We made an agreement with each one that their father would provide 1/3, I would provide 1/3 if they would pay the balance. It wasn't much of a problem to them as they worked as RA's and other jobs they could get on campus.
Two have since talked their employers into paying for their masters so they're pretty pleased with what they've accomplished. And I guess I am too.
Muhlenberg College Allentown Pa??
They had one of the greatest football coaches ever Coach Merino!! What a great person!!
As to our kids - they went to schools in Maryland. State schools cause there were three of them in three years. We made an agreement with each one that their father would provide 1/3, I would provide 1/3 if they would pay the balance. It wasn't much of a problem to them as they worked as RA's and other jobs they could get on campus.
Two have since talked their employers into paying for their masters so they're pretty pleased with what they've accomplished. And I guess I am too.
Sep 18th, 2005, 01:54 PM
#46
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My OD just left for college this morning. She drove herself to UCSB (Santa Barbara) to move in a few things in her car, and then we will drive the Suburbon up next weekend with the rest of the stuff. She was one of the last to go from her class. UCSB is on the quarter system so they start later than the CA state schools. She was so ready to leave.
She is there now and seems to love it so far. I have no doubt this will work out for her. She researched it and chose the campus after spending a few days there one summer for a leadership seminar.
I think it makes a big difference for them to have input as to where they go, if you can afford it, and that they do some research. She wanted it, did the work in high school (top 4%) to get in, and seems ready to do the work to stay in.
She is there now and seems to love it so far. I have no doubt this will work out for her. She researched it and chose the campus after spending a few days there one summer for a leadership seminar.
I think it makes a big difference for them to have input as to where they go, if you can afford it, and that they do some research. She wanted it, did the work in high school (top 4%) to get in, and seems ready to do the work to stay in.
Sep 18th, 2005, 02:07 PM
#47
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amwosu: Upon deeper reflection, I recall that actually, both sons had to have some attitude adjustment fine tuning, but have turned out pretty well since!
So you see, the saddest part to me was not in the leaving! Although that WAS an adjustment!
I, myself had a clear career vision early on. That, combined with parents who made it VERY clear to me that I would find myself back home at the 1st inkling of anything less than best efforts, kept me on track!
I almost think we get ourselves as parents placed at a disadvantage with our children when we start early on telling them we WANT them to go to college!
I think if they think they might not have the OPPORTUNITY to do so, they may try harder to convince us they are worthy of such!
I definitely think it helps if the child has an idea of what they want to do in life. If not, and they still want to go to college, then, it helps if they have some sort of job and responsiblity to paying their way...it helps them realize how life really works!
Belle
So you see, the saddest part to me was not in the leaving! Although that WAS an adjustment!
I, myself had a clear career vision early on. That, combined with parents who made it VERY clear to me that I would find myself back home at the 1st inkling of anything less than best efforts, kept me on track!
I almost think we get ourselves as parents placed at a disadvantage with our children when we start early on telling them we WANT them to go to college!
I think if they think they might not have the OPPORTUNITY to do so, they may try harder to convince us they are worthy of such!
I definitely think it helps if the child has an idea of what they want to do in life. If not, and they still want to go to college, then, it helps if they have some sort of job and responsiblity to paying their way...it helps them realize how life really works!
Belle
Sep 18th, 2005, 02:18 PM
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How I wish I had encouraged my son to do a gap year! Same story--underachiever at school, high achiever at his job. But if I were doing it again, I would have him take an ordinary job at home--nothing glamorous, so he could see what life was like without an education. The only exception would be if he did a language training abroad. I'm a retired college professor, and I would LOVE to see the gap year become as common here as in Europe.
Sep 18th, 2005, 02:25 PM
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**But if I were doing it again, I would have him take an ordinary job at home--nothing glamorous, so he could see what life was like without an education.**
You know, that might be the very best thing for him. Working a less than glamorous job in a less than glamorous location, living in a less than glamorous apt. Hmmmm...
You know, that might be the very best thing for him. Working a less than glamorous job in a less than glamorous location, living in a less than glamorous apt. Hmmmm...
Sep 18th, 2005, 02:42 PM
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Left our daughter in Ashland, OR three Septembers ago and cried from Ashland to Eugene as I drove through those southern Oregon passes back home - don't recommend driving like that! 
She is now studying for a semester in Melbourne, Australia, which I am glad she is doing now rather than the first quarter! I would've been a mess.
Of course, have adjusted to it quite well now, but about to send last son off to another state 1,300 miles away and that might be the toughest yet as he's the baby.
Daughter did the "gap" year at Americorps. Gained the scholarship, lifelong friends, and a totally different job than she'll probably ever have in her life again (restoring salmon habitat - she is a technical theatre major!).
She is now studying for a semester in Melbourne, Australia, which I am glad she is doing now rather than the first quarter! I would've been a mess.
Of course, have adjusted to it quite well now, but about to send last son off to another state 1,300 miles away and that might be the toughest yet as he's the baby.
Daughter did the "gap" year at Americorps. Gained the scholarship, lifelong friends, and a totally different job than she'll probably ever have in her life again (restoring salmon habitat - she is a technical theatre major!).
Sep 18th, 2005, 02:54 PM
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Hi amwosu, that grandson of mine that is like your son. That is his fate in life right now. Lives at home but has to pay room & board. Praying he gets the job (it looks like he will) that he would have turned his nose up at a few months ago. And will no doubt have to work Saturdays so that will take time away from his sweetie as she is in school studing to be a nurse and works 20 hours a week M through F.
Real life can offer them more of an education then all the advice ever can if they are not motivated to listen. Now I still have nothing to offer about the messy bedroom etc. LOL.
Real life can offer them more of an education then all the advice ever can if they are not motivated to listen. Now I still have nothing to offer about the messy bedroom etc. LOL.
Sep 18th, 2005, 02:56 PM
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As an aside, I could not relate to my friends who insisted on going to private colleges far from home on their parents' dime. To me, expecting their parents to pay for private tuition if there are satisfactory public colleges in the area is just plain selfish and inmature.
I just can't relate to the out-of-state "college visitation trips" so many parents plan with their kids. Just so the children can find the right atmosphere??? Most states offer at least two public universities that are already primarily funded by our taxes. Why not take advantage of that rather than expect a parent to sacrifice their own future just to satisfy some inmature expectation of finding the perfect college setting. Give me a break.
I just can't relate to the out-of-state "college visitation trips" so many parents plan with their kids. Just so the children can find the right atmosphere??? Most states offer at least two public universities that are already primarily funded by our taxes. Why not take advantage of that rather than expect a parent to sacrifice their own future just to satisfy some inmature expectation of finding the perfect college setting. Give me a break.
Sep 18th, 2005, 03:24 PM
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LN: DH and I also went to Muhlenberg and Coach Merino was there back then. DH knew him but I only got to know him recently at alumni events. He's so committed to the college and a fantastic ambassador for them. A great guy, indeed!
Sep 18th, 2005, 03:31 PM
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OWRP
Yes, he is truly a great ambassador for the school. We met him on the west coast of Florida and thoroughly enjoyed him and his wife as well.
We should be so blessed in Maryland to have someone as dedicated as "Coach".
Yes, he is truly a great ambassador for the school. We met him on the west coast of Florida and thoroughly enjoyed him and his wife as well.
We should be so blessed in Maryland to have someone as dedicated as "Coach".
Sep 18th, 2005, 03:46 PM
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Actually, it worked out to be LESS for our daughter to go to school one state over (Western Undergraduate Exchange, a wonderful thing!). She has three scholarships that made it that way, AND the school she is attending has the theatre emphasis she wanted. There are some theatre classes in our local university, but she was going for a specific degree that wasn't available here.
Sep 18th, 2005, 04:31 PM
#57
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<<...if there are satisfactory public colleges in the area...>>
Some of us think that there was no better reason for us to work than to be able to aim a little higher than "satisfactory"...
It's all about the programs(s).
I don't aim for satisfactory when I travel, nor in any other aspect of the life I plan to have, post-tuition.
Some of us think that there was no better reason for us to work than to be able to aim a little higher than "satisfactory"...
It's all about the programs(s).
I don't aim for satisfactory when I travel, nor in any other aspect of the life I plan to have, post-tuition.
Sep 18th, 2005, 05:00 PM
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Some of us think that there was no better reason for us to work than to be able to aim a little higher than "satisfactory"...
True, but should parents be encouraged to wipe out their savings, 401Ks and add additional mortgage debt to pay for little Susie's dream college? I think ChristieP gave an excellent example.
True, but should parents be encouraged to wipe out their savings, 401Ks and add additional mortgage debt to pay for little Susie's dream college? I think ChristieP gave an excellent example.
Sep 18th, 2005, 05:56 PM
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Well this isn't an opinion it is a fact from observing various family members and their children.
One son was sent to a prestigious university. Straight A student and insisted he had to go to this particular university. The parents struggled every year to pay for it. And he did graduate with honors. However this wonderful young man is still living in a house with three other roommates, doing a "fun travel" job and working parttime in retail to make ends meet. He doesn't even have enough money to fly home on Southwest unless his parents pays for it.
And his younger brother sort of drove his parents crazy in HS, went to a state university in a state out of his home state and spent the year having to much fun and consequently ended up not returning to the university. His parent said "you are on your own". He worked for a year or so and saved every penny and went back to university in his own home state. Today he has a great job he loves, owns his own home, pays his credit card bill in full every month, does not have a car payment and gives the rest of the family investment advice.
Another young man was "pushed to go to university". It was obvious he did not want to go. And told everyone that but his parents insisted he go. He did and dropped out in the middle of his 2nd year. Today he is working in a occupation that he loves, he takes great pride in what he does and is so happy. He is not wealthy but he rents his own place and to my knowledge is not in debt. And the joy he has for his life radiates from his face and smile 24/7.
Three brothers, all different personalities. All different ways of looking at life. And all made different decisions regarding their lives.
The first one I mentioned was considered the "star" of the family. The second one was considered the "loser" so to speak.
The last one, the baby of the family, was suppose to be their "lost hope".
All three young men are happy with their lifestyles. They all radiate joy. They are all fine gentlemen.
But they are all so different.
And that IMHO is what we all have to realize with our children. We can guide them, we can push them, we can nag them etc. but eventually they will make their own decisions and live their life the way they want to.
We did and they will. And IMO that is the way it should be.
One son was sent to a prestigious university. Straight A student and insisted he had to go to this particular university. The parents struggled every year to pay for it. And he did graduate with honors. However this wonderful young man is still living in a house with three other roommates, doing a "fun travel" job and working parttime in retail to make ends meet. He doesn't even have enough money to fly home on Southwest unless his parents pays for it.
And his younger brother sort of drove his parents crazy in HS, went to a state university in a state out of his home state and spent the year having to much fun and consequently ended up not returning to the university. His parent said "you are on your own". He worked for a year or so and saved every penny and went back to university in his own home state. Today he has a great job he loves, owns his own home, pays his credit card bill in full every month, does not have a car payment and gives the rest of the family investment advice.
Another young man was "pushed to go to university". It was obvious he did not want to go. And told everyone that but his parents insisted he go. He did and dropped out in the middle of his 2nd year. Today he is working in a occupation that he loves, he takes great pride in what he does and is so happy. He is not wealthy but he rents his own place and to my knowledge is not in debt. And the joy he has for his life radiates from his face and smile 24/7.
Three brothers, all different personalities. All different ways of looking at life. And all made different decisions regarding their lives.
The first one I mentioned was considered the "star" of the family. The second one was considered the "loser" so to speak.
The last one, the baby of the family, was suppose to be their "lost hope".
All three young men are happy with their lifestyles. They all radiate joy. They are all fine gentlemen.
But they are all so different.
And that IMHO is what we all have to realize with our children. We can guide them, we can push them, we can nag them etc. but eventually they will make their own decisions and live their life the way they want to.
We did and they will. And IMO that is the way it should be.
