LHG

I remember a thread like this last fall, but I can't find it. My high school junior is beginning his search. So where did you send your son or daughter and how sad was it?

Mary2Go

Son going to Columbia College in Chicago for the last three years. He has grown to love Chicago, involved in the art scene and now wants to stay after graduation...we live in So. Calif! When we took him there we had one week to find a roomate/apt because he didn't want to stay in the dorms. He had several people he was in contact with to meet etc, but they all fell though so we were panicking, but we found a place and a roomate and the day I drove off I cried all the way to the airport! It has been very good for him, we told him we had the $ for tuition but if his choice was to not live at home he had to pay for living expenses. I think it has made him appreciate school more and take it more seriously. Good luck and stock up on tissue!

Postal

My daughter moved to Gainesville, FL in 2002 to go to the University of Florida - about 100 miles away from our Orlando home - but we fell in love with Gainesville during visits and moved there (here) one year later!

amwosu

I'm considering encouraging my son to "play" for a year and work before going to college. A bit of a "gap" year as they do in the UK.

I don't want him to live at hom and go to college and I don't want to pay for him to go off to college and sit in his room playing computer games. I was thinking that he could live in a Colorado ski town and work the slopes or in a restaurant (or likely both) like my brother did when he was young and stupid.

My son has a big, big brain and is a classic underachiever. A's on tests, doesn't do homework, puts off projects to the last second. On the plus side he has had a job for a year and is always on time and always volunteering to work as much as possible so he can keep building his computer component by component and buying fancy paintball guns.

He's also lead trumpet in his h.s. marching band that has won the state championships 4 yrs in a row and places well nationally. So I know he has it in him to work hard. He just isn't doing it with school work!

Has anyone else tried this approach?

LoveItaly

Hi amsowu, you are making me smile as this is what I suggested to my daughter regarding her son. Is my grandson and your son clones, LOL?

But serously I truly believe the "gap year" that the UK has is a good thing for young people. And btw, my husband did this. And then went to Stanford and enjoyed his years there and of course received his diploma.

Bokhara

My nephew (Australian) did a variation of this and joined the Army Reserves for a year. Same story - brainy, intellectually lazy & didn't get what he thought he should have at HSC (Final exams here before going to University.) Best thing he could ever have done. Got all the "Adventures", physical & mental and the following year chose to repeat the HSC & got 98.5/100. BTW, he said that after the mental/physical rigours of the first month or so of Army "rookie busting", he figured he could easily withstand anything Corporate life would later throw at him.

amwosu

Hey LoveItaly, can you imagine if MY son and YOUR grandson ended up as roommates somewhere? How old is your GS now? Did he end up in college right away or is he still in h.s.?

The Mountain Dew bottles are all over DS's floor along with clean clothes, dirty clothes and Cheeto wrappers. We keep him from parties and take the car away to no avail. I pity the poor soul who actually does end up sharing a dorm or apt. with him. My younger son's room is as neat as a pin and the boy works hard to get straight A's. Not sure how that happens.

amwosu

Hey Bokhara, we'd push DS toward the military in some form if we weren't at war with no end in sight. Like my husband says, "We're making more enemies than we can kill."

Little_Man

amwosu -- your son sounds like mine -- the classic underachiever. He spent the summer in europe and is now enrolled in a Ca. junior college. I just hope he someday gets the ambition to move out!!!
I know a lot of people think "playing" for a year is a bad idea, but I think it can be a smart idea...

Mary2Go

amwosu, Isn't odd how 2 kids in the same family can be so different. My oldest, the one in Chicago was home to visit and my youngest son took great glee in pointing out two books on the shelf, oldest's SAT prep book and youngest GED prep book. Youngest is now starting what will probably be a lifelong gap year!

wliwl

LHG: Have you been to the collegeconfidential.com forum? It's quite good. Among other things, there's a Parent Forum and a Parent Cafe (to just chat about any 'ole thing). There's a fair amount of annoying bragging - but there is also some great information and some really nice, helpful parents. (Think about your kid's privacy a bit before posting too much personal stuff on there - I can't believe some of the information parents post!)

My son is a freshman 350 miles from home and I MISS HIM TERRIBLY!!! Parent weekend can't come soon enough!!!

Catbert

amwosu, Before you take that approach, you might want to check and see how many of the people who live up there (and have for many years) started out that same way.

Anonymous

Acceptance of the "gap year" concept is certainly growing in the US as people realize its advantages. But it still isn't institutionalized. I would encourage your son to go through the whole college selection and application process in step with the others in his class. Most colleges will gladly defer matriculation for a year after a kid is accepted. If he puts off the application process for a year, he will be out of touch with his past teachers and other references and won't have the same support and momentum that he'd have if doing it as a senior. As most kids learn during their gap year, it's a Good Thing to keep all your options open.

amwosu

LHG- I apologize for hijacking your thread. I'll try to stop but I'm not a very disciplined person. Hmmmm.... wonder where my son got his personality.

DS is taking the SAT and applying to three state colleges. So far I've only mentioned the idea of not going to college next year to him once. I'm afraid he'll slack off even more in his work habits at school if he thinks he isn't going to college right away.

I had the thought of a Colorado ski town because most of the workers on the mountain in Aspen/Snowmass are college kids. Many are from Australia and Peru as they are on their summer break from school during our winters. But I've also met lots of kids from places like Cincinnati who wanted to ski as much as possible and knew they'd never do it if they waited until after college graduation.

My brother went to college for two years and had a lackluster career in school although he was quite a good little drug dealer. Went to Aspen for a year and found out he had to have three menial jobs just to live in a doublewide trailer outside of town with two other people. Went back to college and did fine after that. I was hoping for that kind of experience for my son.

Catbert

Of course, you know your son best. Living in Summit County, I'm just passing on what I see. Another thought, my daughter studied abroad for a "gap" year. She got to become fluent in another language, immersed herself in a new culture, had a lot of fun, and didn't have the preassure of studying in another language things that would actually go on her permanent record.

milkeway4

I was going to take a year off after high school and then go to college but never ended up going. On the other hand, why pay $30,000 p/yr if they are not motivated. Tough question.
I have a daughter that had a terrible time in school. Very difficult for her, minimal friends but for whatever reason, never thougth of not going to college. She had no choice but to go to a local community college which didn't seem to bother her. She went, she loved it, made deans list and after her sophmore year, has just transferred to out west and is loving it. You just never know I guess. Good luck!

amwosu

Catbert- I agree there seem to be alot of Summit County ski employees that don't take the college route. I was thinking of a little town more removed like Aspen where I see less evidence of locals and more kids from all over the world. I want him far enough away from me (midwest) that he knows he has to rely on himself.

Tell me how your daughter's year abroad happened. Never thought of that possibility. Where to start with that idea?

nytraveler

We didn't send them anywhere - they aren't parcels.

One chose a school near home - but lives in a dorm. The other chose a school in Boston.

We see both of them less than we would prefer - but how can you be sad (except momentarily) that your children are creating their own successsful lives? Isn;t that the point of raising them?

(That would be like being sad about their first step, their first day at pre-school, their first sleep-over. These are things to be happy about - not sad - save sad for the problems that will - almost inevitably - arrive at some point.)

CAPH52

Just wanted to emphasize that the school obviously has to be your son's choice. Don't want to get bogged down in semantics. And I'm sorry if I'm making too much of a word choice. But you said "where did *you send* your son or daughter". Just want to be sure that what you meant was "where did your son or daughter choose". Although I realize that sometimes finances, etc. wind up dictating the choice.

Having said all of that, there are a lot of factors that go into making that choice. Certainly not the least of which is what the student wants to study. I know many kids change their minds, some several times, during their time at college. But if they start out thinking they'd like to be an architect, obviously, it's important to choose a school with an architecture program!

Much to the horror of her guidance counselor, our daughter applied to only one college, Hampshire College. I certainly wouldn't recommend that course of action. Had she not gotten in, she would've been screwed. But, fortunately, it all worked out. She got in and she loves it (this is her second year).

She's 900 miles from home. I miss her terribly. But thank God for instant messaging and nationwide no roaming phone plans! Although there is the occaisional day when I don't talk to her at all, it's more common for me to talk to her or IM with her 2 or 3 times a day. And the important thing is that I really believe she's found her niche. There's just no doubt in my mind that Hampshire College is where she belongs at this point in her life. That makes the separation a lot easier!

Good luck to your son and to you! It's a big choice. But, remember, a bad choice isn't irreparable either. Several of my daughter's high school classmates transferred after their first year. And, so far, all of them seem to be happy with their second choice!

BetsyG

LHG,
My daughter is also a junior & we are thinking a little about colleges. There was a thread about the most beautiful college campuses - food for thought. My daughter is motivated, a good student etc. but hasn't a clue what she wants to do. I think a gap year during college would be a good idea, get her on her own for a while the take a break to explore the world a little. I, too, am interested in what Catbert's daughter did. I took, 30 years ago, a gap year between college & graduate school & worked at Beaver's Lodge in Winter Park, Colorado. I wouldn't be okay with my daughter doing that right after high school, having never been on her own before. Just depends on your kid.