What to give sister for watching son...
May 6th, 2004, 11:16 AM
#41
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Gotribe:
Very interesting thread.
Everybody's family styles are so different.
I laugh because I would have two different answers as I have two VERY different sisters...and bother-in-laws.
Common threads with both sisters are that I would not be allowed to give either sister a thing.
We do that "pampering" (required maintenance)thing regularly and they have "everything". They eat out lots like us and they travel lots like us and they are thankfully just fine and they are in need of no trinkets or dust catchers their husbands report.
Both would be quite insulted and hurt that I "implied" that they were a babysiter or nanny by even offering groceries, money or gifts...I speak from old experience. They would actually curse me completly out and suggest I "see" someone as I would have to be CRAZY to fix my mouth to ask them something foul like that!
(That was my exact experience...)
That said my mom is usually at the home of one sister or the other. She would do the grocery shopping with either sister for her grandchild...she is just helpful like that. She of course knows his favorite dishes that ony she can make at my sister's places.
Our son has always had his own money and his aunts, uncles and grand parents make sure that does not change.
In short there is nothing that I could do besides have a good time which is what they insist.
We have left him for weekends and once for 2.5 months when we went to Spain, France etc.
I worried at first because our son has a busy schedule...well my sisters remind me that we as kids were just as busy because of our mom and all the things she and dad had us doing(true).
My mom is a children/teen schedule pro. so, all she did was give me the don't be stupid look.
I did worry about the long distance phone calls from him to us and with a strong voice clearing from my dad that worry was gone.
All in all I think it is family up-bringing, attitude and structure.
We are TIGHT and would "take" any niece or nephew, cousin in a heartbeat for any given time or reason.
We are also blessed to not be financially stressed and my sisters "work" from their homes with the help of mom and their other "helpers" who are also just like family.
Enjoy your vacation and sounds like you have a great family!
My Best,
Oaktown Traveler
Very interesting thread.
Everybody's family styles are so different.
I laugh because I would have two different answers as I have two VERY different sisters...and bother-in-laws.
Common threads with both sisters are that I would not be allowed to give either sister a thing.
We do that "pampering" (required maintenance)thing regularly and they have "everything". They eat out lots like us and they travel lots like us and they are thankfully just fine and they are in need of no trinkets or dust catchers their husbands report.
Both would be quite insulted and hurt that I "implied" that they were a babysiter or nanny by even offering groceries, money or gifts...I speak from old experience. They would actually curse me completly out and suggest I "see" someone as I would have to be CRAZY to fix my mouth to ask them something foul like that!
(That was my exact experience...)
That said my mom is usually at the home of one sister or the other. She would do the grocery shopping with either sister for her grandchild...she is just helpful like that. She of course knows his favorite dishes that ony she can make at my sister's places.
Our son has always had his own money and his aunts, uncles and grand parents make sure that does not change.
In short there is nothing that I could do besides have a good time which is what they insist.
We have left him for weekends and once for 2.5 months when we went to Spain, France etc.
I worried at first because our son has a busy schedule...well my sisters remind me that we as kids were just as busy because of our mom and all the things she and dad had us doing(true).
My mom is a children/teen schedule pro. so, all she did was give me the don't be stupid look.
I did worry about the long distance phone calls from him to us and with a strong voice clearing from my dad that worry was gone.
All in all I think it is family up-bringing, attitude and structure.
We are TIGHT and would "take" any niece or nephew, cousin in a heartbeat for any given time or reason.
We are also blessed to not be financially stressed and my sisters "work" from their homes with the help of mom and their other "helpers" who are also just like family.
Enjoy your vacation and sounds like you have a great family!
My Best,
Oaktown Traveler
May 6th, 2004, 11:34 AM
#42
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In my family you never show up at someone's house without food. Not groceries but a salad, or a casserole or dessert etc. Funny how everyone's different. I know what to do in my family But I have to say that I'm a little surprised that gotribe doesn't know how her family operates.
May 6th, 2004, 11:38 AM
#43
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bennnie, we're talking specifically here about the situation where someone is going to be staying there for several days. In my family, if we visit for dinner, we do take something that we know will complement what the host is making, or something special that you know they like, but that's different than giving someone food to use while a family member is staying there.
May 6th, 2004, 11:40 AM
#44
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I'm enjoying reading your responses. My son is not a fussy eater. When I mentioned bringing groceries, I had in mind a gallon of milk, a loaf of bread, poptarts, maybe eggs (because grandma likes to cook him eggs), regular pop (they only have diet), things like that.
I know my sister wouldn't be offended.
I could send money with him, but he would not need it or use it. He won't be taking them out to lunch because my BIL works, and auntie and grandma sit and eat lunch while they watch their soap opera. He will only be there weekdays and they probably won't go anywhere. IF they did, it might be to Walmart or something, and he still won't need money. He never asks for stuff. I know my mom...she WILL ask him if he wants something. She likes doing it, and she actually has to coax him to accept.
I have a nice family.
I know my sister wouldn't be offended.
I could send money with him, but he would not need it or use it. He won't be taking them out to lunch because my BIL works, and auntie and grandma sit and eat lunch while they watch their soap opera. He will only be there weekdays and they probably won't go anywhere. IF they did, it might be to Walmart or something, and he still won't need money. He never asks for stuff. I know my mom...she WILL ask him if he wants something. She likes doing it, and she actually has to coax him to accept.
I have a nice family.
May 6th, 2004, 11:45 AM
#45
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Reading through this thread, I came up with the same idea as Dreamer. Give them a gift certificate or enough $$$ to cover taking everyone out for dinner and/or an activity for the evening (i.e., pizza and a movie.) They should have fun while you are on vacation. I'm sure your son would enjoy going out, too. Tell her it's your treat. If she declines the offer, then bring them a gift when you return.
I also think the idea of sending snacks with your son would be good for both him and your relatives. I'm sure they wouldn't mind getting him whatever he wants, but it would save special trips to the store. I remember how much time my nephew spent rummaging in the kitchen of my Mom's house years ago. Teenage boys love to eat and eat and eat. If he has his own snacks, he won't feel odd getting whatever he wants from the kitchen, because he knows it' not being impolite to his aunt & uncle. It will also keep him from accidentally eating something that your sis is planning on using for a meal. My brothers come for visits (53-65 yrs old) and I have to tell them what NOT to eat so I'll have the makings for my casserole or whatever I might be planning for dinner. I guess because it's their little sister's house, they feel they can eat whatever they want. I've learned to just put out whatever they can have on the countertop in tupperware so they know it's "safe"...LOL
I also think the idea of sending snacks with your son would be good for both him and your relatives. I'm sure they wouldn't mind getting him whatever he wants, but it would save special trips to the store. I remember how much time my nephew spent rummaging in the kitchen of my Mom's house years ago. Teenage boys love to eat and eat and eat. If he has his own snacks, he won't feel odd getting whatever he wants from the kitchen, because he knows it' not being impolite to his aunt & uncle. It will also keep him from accidentally eating something that your sis is planning on using for a meal. My brothers come for visits (53-65 yrs old) and I have to tell them what NOT to eat so I'll have the makings for my casserole or whatever I might be planning for dinner. I guess because it's their little sister's house, they feel they can eat whatever they want. I've learned to just put out whatever they can have on the countertop in tupperware so they know it's "safe"...LOL
May 7th, 2004, 04:15 AM
#46
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I wouldn't send along a package of pork chops, but I see nothing wrong with sending his favorite cereal, soft drink, etc.
I would give your sister and hubby a gift certificate for their favorite restaurant so the two of them can go out alone, after your son is gone.
Perhaps with mom living there, the two of them don't go out that often alone(?)
You're lucky to have a well behaved boy and a helpful family. I see nothing wrong with grandma treating her youngest grandchild.
I would give your sister and hubby a gift certificate for their favorite restaurant so the two of them can go out alone, after your son is gone.
Perhaps with mom living there, the two of them don't go out that often alone(?)
You're lucky to have a well behaved boy and a helpful family. I see nothing wrong with grandma treating her youngest grandchild.
