I just realized that I attend more funerals than weddings these days. Thank goodness I am not "covering the plate" at these events.

kathryn t--i think it depends on how close you are to the person. if you are close, i'd send a gift now. if not, you can send a card now and then a gift if you go to the reception.

my cousin got married in maui and had a reception about 8 months later. she didn't put a registry together until a few months before the reception so we didn't her a gift until then.

Well, I hate to open another can of worms, but I was taught....

An announcement does not require a gift
An invitation does.

Where's my Emily Post etiquette book when I need it!?!?!?

What a great thread! Wouldn't it be great if we could use the differences in regional/ethnic/religious differences in wedding customs as a model for appreciating this country's political differences and recognizing that just because someone thinks/acts differently doesn't make him/her wrong?

But back to the subject at hand: I'm curious about all the comments with respect to guests who don't really know the bride/groom/parents well at all. I just can't help wondering, if that's the case, why on earth are they being invited in the first place, and why would they accept the invitation??????

You got me, why do they invite them???

It wouldn't be me. And they wouldn't get invited if I had control and it was a wedding I was hosting.

But I have observed that at some level it becomes a social or "Society" event and it is used for Business/ Political contacts and cementing those associations/alliances.

First, to answer the original question: $25-$50 for a neighbor's daughter is more than adequate. A picture frame is always a nice gift. Personally, I cherish the vases I received and every time I use one of them, I think of our wedding and the person who gave it to us.

Now, for the other points. I was born and raised in the south, and agree that traditionally, money is not given as a wedding gift. I believe in the past, it gave the impression that you did not care enough to take the time to pick out a gift (and if you didn't know what to give, there was always the registry.) These days, I cannot see anyone being offended by a cash gift (especially with a note to use it to buy something special.)

The unfortunate thing is that some posters feel pressure to give more than than they are comfortable giving.

Lastly, as a southern woman, I guess I should feel flattered by NYJet's comments, but I can't help but feel that the women of Smith College are breathing a collective sigh of relief that she was snatched up by an Auburn grad.

Just to let everyone know, I purchased a gift off the registry! I decided to go with the tradition of the land. I am sure she will like her gift since she picked it originally and if not, she can return it.
I spent 65.00 dollars if anyone cares to know.
Thank you for all of your advice. It has been interesting to hear all of your different opinions. All of them were correct, none of them wrong.

Thanks for letting us know.

Last sentence - how nicely said!

Are you amazed at the interest and comments your question generated? I know I learned a lot!

I am shocked by the amount of responses! I was hoping for a couple of responses!
Being raised in different parts of the country, primarily the north and south eastern part of the US, really makes a difference in the types of weddings and their gifts.
I do think that today traditions are not as strong as they used to be. I am sure a check would be greatly appreciated in any circles as would a gift off of a registry.
I did enjoy reading all of the posts and the vast differences!!!
Have a great day all.

First, advertising is not allowed on this forum, so I've "flagged" your post.

Second, if I gave a caricature of the wedding couple as a gift, I think I'd be laughed out of the room.

I always give a gift, not cash. We received a wide variety of gifts for our own wedding, and I enjoy looking at them and remembering from whom they came.

We give cash, usually around $200. I avoid the showers whenever possible and if I can't get out of them, I give a nominal gift, nothing over $20.00.

At our wedding 31 years ago, we had a mixture of guests - immediate family, friends, office mates, schoolmates, relatives and friends of hubby's parents. Hubby and I went against our cultural practice of having the groom's family pay for all the expenses as we didn't want to be dictated to re the wedding arrangements. In any case his parents gave us a nice check, as did my parents, since they knew we were saving up for a house. But I digress. We didn't register for anything and we certainly did not expect anyone to give us a gift that would cover the cocktail hour/sit down lunch that we had at a popular catering hall in Long Island. Some people gave us checks but we mostly got gifts which were, in general, appropriate for a couple setting up their first home (although I did have the basics since I had my own apartment). These gifts have moved four times since we first received them even I have not used most of them. I will probably box them all up in about ten years time and make a donation to either Goodwill or a local humane society gift shop as a lot of the gift-givers have since passed away and I won't feel guilty. By the way, one of the best things we received was a complete set of bed linen which didn't fit our bed. Luckily, my niece, who was setting up house, became the lucky recipient of this gift along with all the stuff you tend to buy for the house but never get around to using. Her mother, said to me that she heard that I had a department store at home as I was giving my niece a lot of stuff from furniture to bedding to china, etc. But that's another topic for another day.

This was a fun thread to re-read.

wow an 11 year old post? topped by advertising??

i knew it was an oldie because of one prominent screen name that caught my eye.

Well, 11 years ago I asked about wedding gifts and this past summer, I asked about wedding gifts once again! LOL
I was rather cheap with that girl 11 years ago, but I never received a thank you and they moved away. I was invited 8 years later to the wedding of the other daughter in Utah. I sent a check and never received a thank you.

Nice to see LoveItaly on here and OneWanderingJew (who I see on facebook now).
Miss some of the old names. JJ5? Haven't seen a post in awhile.

Just clicked on JJ5 and saw comments on recent posts!

Fascinating thread. Possibly the most fun zombie post I've read!

I was taught no cash, something either off the registry or something they could use as a hostess (China, silver, etc.), always RSPV and write a thank you.

I don't send anything except a congratulations card if I receive an invite but don't go- but usually that's because if I don't go, it means it was usually someone like a former neighbor I haven't talked to since 6th grade. (Seriously, why?)

I personally don't give cash because I feel like any amount that I give is going to seem stingy to some people. Usually I try to give a neat kitchen object, especially if it's a local craft. Starrsville, I absolutely love your Tiffany vase idea. Classy, easy, inexpensive and thoughtful- my grandmother would approve! I often don't buy stuff off the registry because most registries seem to have listed Tupperware or a very expensive kitchen electronic- nothing in between. I don't know...if I had a few grand for an espresso maker from Italy, that baby would be on my counter!

I am a bit astonished by some of these responses. I've heard of being charged for the dinner, but not the cover the plate rule. I'm wondering how many weddings the big gift folks get invited to- I've had a few years that a 250-500 dollar gift per wedding would set me back considerably lol. I do know a few people who have thought $100 dollars was cheap- but it's amazing how they change their tune when "life happens" to them a few years down the road