Cyanna

UPDATE:

They've found a very lovely house on a beach south of Plymouth, MA, which is within 1-2 hr. driving distance of most of the New England friends and relatives. It has a nice garden, pool, plantings, and view. The owners have been very accommodating, and the couple have reduced their expectations about the size of the wedding down to 70 people plus the 2 dogs (don't think other dogs will be invited). The house has enough beds for the couple, us two, the bride's parents, and her 2 siblings.

I don't yet know whether they still plan to have a private ceremony before the Sat. wedding, but when that comes up, I can mention that they will have plenty to do in the 2-3 days before the wedding (her parents will arrive from the West Coast about then) without dealing with a second set of logistics. But if it's their plan, then that's their plan.

Anyone who knows either one of them will not be the least surprised if this doesn't look much like any other wedding they've been to. The couple themselves have been "subjected to" four weddings of relatives already this year, 2 extremely conventional and very well funded; one more modest but still pretty "normal"; and one rather unconventional: on the top of the cake they had 2 gremlins instead of a bride and groom.

There may be some hurt feelings among extended family who don't get invitations; but as it is, the couple aren't going to be able to invite some friends because the families on both sides are so large (in numbers, not size - well, for the most part).

I'm impressed that they seem to have grabbed hold of some of the realities - e.g., they've actually looked into parking issues - and think it's going to work out -- if not perfectly, then well enough.

stbois

I just read the stream of this conversation becasue I am in a very similar situation. My husband and I eloped last year and are trying to plan a family party for this spring. We are non-traditional as your son and his fiancee seem to be. We have very similar price and size ideas without having the dogs to complicate things. I like the idea of renting a barn or having it at a farm, so I will check out those links.

One question I had about their final choise is how they got into the rentals. Did they have to go through a realator? Searchigng on-line has been kind of a nightmare. I'd hate to find a place I love and then they not allow parties. ANy advice would be great.

Cyanna

stbois! So sorry I didn't get back to this sooner - hope you pick this up.

They went through one of those rental-by-owner or vacation-rent-by-owner sites to find a place that looked likely within a certain radius around their home. Then they called the owner and set up an appointment. When they looked at the place and talked to the owner in person, they approached him about a limited-time (less than a week) rental and were honest about wanting to have the wedding there. The owner and they negotiated the size of the party and the days -- it helped that in NEng., June is a "shoulder" month for summer rental.

I think it probably helped that it was a wedding - not just a party - they wanted to do, and the owner is a little sentimental.

bgebhardt

This is not in your allocated destinations, but Mystic, CT provides a beautiful and breathtaking environment for a wedding. And if you look closely, there are deals to be found for the financially conscious!

portiaperu

stbois, If you wish to rent a home it's imperative that you communicate openly with the owner.

There are a number of issues to consider, based on my experience as a rental owner who receives many inquires about holding weddings, receptions, family reunions, etc at my home.

Does the home have adequate interior and exterior space and seating, kitchen facilities, parking, etc. Most larger private homes have accommodations for 8 - 12 people and you need to think about how you would provide all of the details required for a wedding party, unless of course your guests are small in number. I'm thinking about seating, prep and serving of refreshments, bathrooms, etc.

Most private homes are not set up for large parties and you would be faced with rental of all sorts of equipment.

Is the home on a roadway that would allow parking? Does the town need to be informed that there will be an event (depending on size of your gathering)? My home has parking for a maximum of four cars in the driveway and it's located on a narrow lane that barely allows two cars to pass. You need to consider transportation and parking for your guests.

I would recommend writing out your requirements and questions to send off to potential rental home owners.

When I've been asked about my home I usually end up advising the caller about the details they would need to figure out when renting a private home. I think owners would be open to considering your request if you are knowledgeable about the process. I do tend to discourage callers that have not thought through the process. I start to imagine all of the problems they could encounter attempting to entertain 40 people in my 2300 sq ft home. Yikes.

When I get calls and have to explain that my house isn't set up for entertaining that number of people (i.e., I stock 12 place settings in my kitchen, have 10 dining room chairs, have outdoor seating for 10-12, one outdoor gas grill (someone wanted to barbecue for the wedding party - it would have been a very long wait for those ribs!) - I'm often met with silence on the other end of the phone.

I think, again depending on the number of guests, people don't realize it can be a great deal of work to have a "casual" get together at a private home.

It's not my intention to discourage you from pursuing a private home for your wedding. I think it's a wonderful option but it may take much research to find a suitable home. Then again, you could get lucky and call three people and find your site!

I do love the idea of a barn or a farm - either will certainly have held events and have the experience to handle your needs.

Wishing you good luck!

Cyanna

Added info in response to portiaperu's post:

The landlord and the couple worked out a set of variations on the basic lease (based on the landlord's experience with a previous wedding). These included: requirement of having 2 rented porta-potties located by the garage with request that guests use them instead of inside bathrooms; limitation to 70 guests (and yes, I've seen the inside, and they WILL fit with furniture pushed to walls if weather is hopeless, but obviously much better to have everyone outside); restriction of parking to 6 cars (for those actually sleeping there) and the rest to a church parking lot 1 1/2 block away - with church's permission - and NO street parking. There are other, more customary items about cleaning up, etc.

As for the food, it's become clear to the couple that "potluck" has serious drawbacks or limitations; and they've accepted some contributions so that they can get some basic food catering plus plastic/paper tableware.

If you, stbois, have the money for a barn or other similar party venus, it would probably be much easier for you. My son lucked out with finding a truly helpful, congenial, sentimental landlord.

portiaperu

Cyanna,

It sounds like your son did luck out. Having an owner available to meet with him (many are not nearby) AND with the experience to assist/advise in their planning - that's great! And, they seem to have addressed all the planning necessary for their celebration to work out smoothly and allow them to truly enjoy the day.

I'm glad to hear it's going so well. Hope to hear more of the occasion.

Wishing you the very best!

ngrg

hi cyanna, its really helpful to read this blog. I am in a similar situation. I live in a small 1bdr apt in boston and planning to do a wedding 1-1.5hrs away from the city. if possible can you please send me an info on the house where your son decided to do the wedding? i have found couple of private houses where they allow to have a wedding but they are way too expensive. and the historic sites are beautiful but too many house rules. i'd really appreciate if you could help me.

thanks.
ngrg