I don't have a problem or any complaints against people who choose not to have children. Nor would I try to convince someone they have children if they don't want to, for whatever reasons. I just think it is difficult for me to comprehend why some people choose not to. I can't imagine my life without my son, and I'm sure almost all other parents agree. Choosing not to have this life doesn't make any sense to me. I realize it isn't for everyone, it's just difficult to see how.

I do believe to live and let live. Have a great weekend all!

J Correa and I seem to share a lot of the same views on this subject. Don't even get me started on the tax issue!

I am always amazed that so many people truly "want" children. I suspect that many grew up, got married, and just had kids because it was the next step....the "normal" course of life. It's as if we're all programmed to believe life is not fully complete unless we replace ourselves in society. Luckily my husband and I agree that raising children is not the life style for us. Many people like to argue with me, telling me it's not natural, and try to convince to live my life their way. I've actually had to come up with pat lie just to shut them up!

Just for the record, I grew up in a "brady bunch" type family in the mid-west. We ate dinner together every night at 6pm and visited our grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins regularly throughout the year. I consider mine to be a normal happy childhood.

Back to Hals original comment... some parents do plan vacations around their children, and have a great time doing so. IF you have children, and IF you are a good parent, why wouldn't you want to show your child the joys of travel? Have you ever planned a trip to surprise your significant other and gotten pleasure out of their happiness? It is the same thing if you're dealing with children.
We have taken family trips all over the world with our kids. Everyone's interests were taken into account- no one person is catered to; but we balance activities...The sign of good planning is when all of the family comes home from an adventure happy! My husband and I also take trips as a couple, and trips as individuals. Each type of travel has its own special pleasures.

My wife and I were childless for 13 years. I remember a work colleague during that time telling me it was our "duty" as a "responsible" couple to have a family. His logic was simple. Irresponsible people will continue to have children. If responsible people choose not to, then the ratio of irresponsible people/children to responsible people/childred grows. Where does that end up? One might argue that that those choices are contributing to an apparent erosion in society today (maybe one of Perpetuator's points).

But it wasn't because of my colleague that my wife and I decided to have/adopt children. We reflected on on our own parents, and other couples their age. There may have been a built in bias, but it seemed to us that those who had the most joy in their lives were those who had family around them (another of Perpetuator's points?).

So one might argue that our decision to have a family was just as selfishly motivated as one who chooses not to for obviously self-indulgent reasons. And I don't necessarily disagree. We are all selfish. And we all want to experience joy in our lives. Having lived both sides of the coin, I have to agree with Perpetuator on this one too.

I'm a happy devoted parent and I couldn't imagine my life without my child. However I have the upmost respect for people who realize that children won't fit into their lifestyle and choose not to have children. Too many people look at having children as another accessory to their pre-packaged lives. It's just something they're supposed to do. Why have kids that are going to be stuck in day care while you add to your net worth? It's usually the kids who spend little time with their parents are the ones running around like little "lords of the flys." People who never see their kids don't want to spend "quality time" disciplining their kids.

Good to hear you and your spouse have chosen not to procreate.

No one cares about your opinion of the US tax code though it's probably not as tedious as the tale of what sort of litter you were raised in.

I want to provide enrichment and culture to my child's life. And when you love someone, you like to also do what they enjoy doing. Having a child is really reliving your childhood. I still take time for fancy foods and spas. I could never leave my child with a stranger on vacation. Here you are with this life that is completely shaped by what you do each day. So we seek out museums, animals, nature, science, arts and lots of fun.

I'm surprised by how many people responding to this are really into their children. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Most of the people my husband work with tell him they wish they were in our shoes. Not to be sexist in any way but some of the men complain that things are never the same after a child is born. The wives often gain weight, everything revolves around the kids, can't go out and have carefree fun, etc. I love the freedom to go wherevever we want when we want and have much more $ to spend on ourselves without feeling guilty. And when I'm on vacation I don't want to be bothered by other people's children. Not that I don't like kids but I do enjoy peace and quiet. It appears that too many parents don't have manners concerning their childrens behavior these days.

J Correa could you please get a divorce already. I and many other singles don't like you taking that marriage tax credit and depleting the surplus.

As noted by Darwin the future of mankind will only be determined by those whose genes are passed on by procreation. Child-free by choice is natural selection at work. If we all were child-free by choice we could wipe out the human species in about 100 years or so. It is very interesting to note historical and current data. The third world is currently the most procreative. My recent ancestors had five to eight children on average. They did not vacation in Europe, or for that matter at all. The social security Ponzi scheme would seemingly have made sense given this human proliferation, collapsing only in a Malthusian nightmare. My family tree is pruning itself with dead limbs. My current generation will not replace itself by choice. There is a variety of literature on this subject, but the impact of cultural, sociologic, and personal choices is most definitely affecting the future course of mankind. This is not a matter of good or bad. It just is.

Childfreebychoice: Many of my married friends wish they were single too, and single friends are desparate to experience wedlock. Grass is always greener. Guess what? Those of us with children have been childfree and will be again. For most people, having children at home on a daily basis involves about 18 years or so of an increasingly long life. It is a temporary state.

NCFBC: You say parenthood only takes up 18 years of your life- are you for real? It is a lifelong commitment. Most parents these days have to save money for their childrens college (est. 240k for a child born this year) and maybe even grad school per child. If you're lucky the child will be healthy & independant. If not, they can drain you of everything you have both emotionally and finantially. One of my closest friends has a drug addict son. They have done everything possible to help him and were excellent parents. They are so unhappy - it's very sad to see. I am not saying that we will never have children but it isn't likely. Right now we're putting our marriage first and are very happy.

Um..just curious carefree, how long have you been married?

8 1/2 yrs ; )

Message: Carefree: You say marriage only takes up 81/2 years of your life so far- are you for real? It is a lifelong commitment. Most husbands these days have to save money for their wife's shopping sprees (est. 2.4 million for a wife wed this year) and maybe even cooking school per wife. If you're lucky the wife will be healthy & independant. If not, they can drain you of everything you have both emotionally and financially. One of my closest friends has a shopping-addict wife. He has done everything possible to help her and was an excellent husband. He is so unhappy - it's very sad to see. I am not saying that I will never have another wife but it isn't likely. Right now we're putting our children first and are very happy.

Why would anyone care if another person chooses to have children or not. If you choose not to great, if you choose to you owe to the universe to spend time with your kids. Children need to learn to respect other people, themselves and their enviorment. I bring my child on most vacations with us and 9 times out of 10 she has better manners than the adults that are around.

Now that's just getting way off the subject. Yes, that's correct. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. A commitment we made with wedding vows in a church 8 years ago. It is a commitment I chose and love. My spouse is my number one commitment in life. Have you read all the above posts? I'm not sure what point you're getting at. My married union does not get is anyone's way just as I expect other people's screaming kids to not get in my way when I'm trying to relax on vacation. I love having curves and looking good with men ogling me when I walk along the beach. I love to have the freedom to be myself without having any kids to worry about. Get it?

We didn't plan on it either- sometimes it happens. Some days I hate the work. But, I heard a good description- Before children you life is black and white after children you see color. And I gained weight before the child -LOL! Who are most men to talk!!! I soooo wanted to go to Europe before having a family, now I'll just have to throw her in a backpack. I'll try to keep her manners in check, but when she's tired and off her routine, please don't hate us for wanting to enjoy life. We don't want to sit home on the sofa.

Look, if you want kids, great, if you don't, that's great too. Just don't try and convince anyone that your way is better.

And to the people who think having kids will ruin your figure or your freedom, you're very wrong. I can still wear my size 6 jeans from college (I'm 5'7"), after 2 kids and more years than I care to think about. Nearly all of my friends are the same. We just care about what we look like, and work out like nuts. Gaining weight has NOTHING to do with having kids, it just provides a convenient excuse for those who don't care. If it did, why are there so many overweight husbands with beer bellies around? I don't suppose they can blame childbirth.

And if you have grandparents and reliable sitters, it is possible to get away for couples only vacations, dinners, etc. Now my oldest is old enough to babysit, we don't even need a sitter to go out for impromptu dinners. Trust me, the time flies. And I wanted my children desperately, never, ever have regretted having them, enjoy them every day and on all of our family trips.

Trust me, before kids you think you couldn't possibly love a person more than your spouse, but when you have children, it takes the word to a whole other level. It's just a greater love that only a parent understands, so the posters here that say they are glad they had children, I believe them.

As for the kids bugging others on vacation, I agree. Can't stand it. Maybe people should seek out resorts with KID'S PROGRAMS so they won't disturb anyone!