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Anyone else feel guilty about leaving your kids while you go on vacation?

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Jul 28th, 2003, 07:27 AM
  #1
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Anyone else feel guilty about leaving your kids while you go on vacation?

Hubby and I are planning a trip to Playa del Carmen this winter. We are staying at an adult all inclusive resort. This will be the 1st time we will not be taking our daughter. This is really hard on me. Anyone else feel this way? Any advice?
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Jul 28th, 2003, 07:30 AM
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It's a rare event where I can take a vacation without the kid since the travel budget it tight, but on the very few instances that I have, I've felt a tiny bit of guilt, but it passed. I didn't take a vacation away from her until she was 11 years old, and she was at camp, so I felt pretty comfortable with the whole set up.
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Jul 28th, 2003, 07:42 AM
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Buckeyemom, don't feel bad about it! Your daughter will be just fine--I'm sure you've made sure she's in good hands while you're away. You'd be an unusual mother if you didn't feel guilty (I think we're all programmed that way) but you will come back from a wonderful holiday refreshed, relaxed, and rejuvenated. That alone can only enhance your parenting skills! You don't say how old your daughter is, but if she's old enough to read, why not send her e-mails? When we had to go to the UK two years ago for emergency family matters, we sent e-mails daily to our kids. They loved getting our messages (kids are so computer savvy these days) and we loved knowing about their days, too.
 
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Jul 28th, 2003, 08:54 AM
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Your daughter will be fine. When I was a kid, I used to vacation without may parents - trips with family members or spending time with relatives at their houses - and my parents would "vacation" at home without me. I loved spending time with relatives without my parents. I think it's important for kids to develop their own identies rather than being an addendum to their parents and this is an excellent way to do that.
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Jul 28th, 2003, 09:12 AM
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For me it would depend on what the children feel about it. Mine sometimes loved to stay with their grandparents for some time. Of course they new: the reward (in candy and toys) will be great
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Jul 28th, 2003, 09:45 AM
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Terribly gulity! But sometimes I am unable to travel with him due to the type of trip I'm taking. He has a wonderful time at Grandma's - hardly misses me a bit! I send postcards, email or call if possible and just try to have the most fun I possibly can and do those things I couldn't normally do if I was with him. I discovered on my last trip (10 days long) that 7 days is my absolute max to be away from.
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Jul 28th, 2003, 09:48 AM
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I don't feel guilty leaving them if they have good people to take care of them (i.e. grandparents). What I feel a little guilty about is that I don't miss them until a week has passed.

I always enjoyed it when my parents dropped me off to spend time with friends or family; it was a nice change of pace. What I didn't like was when my grandparents took care of us at our house. It seems to be the same way with my kids, too.
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Jul 28th, 2003, 09:54 AM
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travellyn..that was the most "human" of responses I have ever seen. And I really mean that as a great compliment.

Wasnt it once said that absence makes the heart grow stronger? I'm sure when my children are older and we can sneak away for a week,I will feel the same as you do.;-)
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Jul 28th, 2003, 10:33 AM
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No, i don't feel guilty, although i usually miss them! We spend most of our vacation time with our kids, our annual 3 week summer road trips) so i love to get away with clark for the weekend other times of the year. This also means time spent with grandma and grandpa which is good for everyone, and we always bring back surprises that they enjoy, too.

Plus, i think its been proven that when mom and dad get their R & R, they're actually better parents. So go away with hubby and have a wonderful time! You'll all benefit from it!
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Jul 28th, 2003, 11:21 AM
  #10
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Hi Buckeyemom
I once had a conversation with my grown son and said I felt bad that he never had some of the things money could buy like his friends and his comment was "I never noticed". Trust me on this, your daughter will never notice. What she does notice is that she's loved and feels secure all the time. Enjoy being romantic again.
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Jul 28th, 2003, 12:39 PM
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I wouldn't worry about it. I don't have any children, but I do remember my parents used to go to Vegas a couple of times a year with friends - and I LOVED it! I'm sure my parents missed me, and I even missed them, for all of 30 minutes. But I knew they would be back, I'd have a good time, and there would be a surprise or two for me. (Hey, even a plastic swizzle stick can be exciting to a kid, you know?)

Go and enjoy. As long as she is well taken of you have nothing to feel guilty about.
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Jul 28th, 2003, 01:34 PM
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Thanks, Doc.

Buckeyemom, have a great time on your trip! I forgot to add to my post that first vacations without child #1 are notorious for starting child #2.
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Jul 28th, 2003, 02:07 PM
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o O (Hmmmm....That travellyn has a point, if the nine months between the trip to Jamaica and the arrival our daughter are any indication. I still can't believe we forgot the.... )
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Jul 28th, 2003, 02:15 PM
  #14
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Buckeyemom... I get the feeling you have an only child. I know it is very hard to travel with an only child because all activities also involve the child and there is no time for you and hubby. If I am wrong, I apologize.

I think one week vacations are good because at sometime,she will leave. Maybe when she goes to OSU. It will be good for her to gain indepenence slowly.
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Jul 28th, 2003, 02:29 PM
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If I had a 17 year old, no way would I leave that child. Some parents in our city left their 17 year old with an Aunt when they went on vacation, she ended up sneaking back in their house and having a huge party. A fight broke out and one of the kid's was stabbed. Instead of calling 911, they dumped the kid off at a grocery store nearby. The kid ended up bleeding to death. To this day no one at that party has come forward and identified the kid who stabbed him. And there were over 100 kids at that party.

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Jul 28th, 2003, 03:18 PM
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Hey buckeyemom,
I know just how you feel. My husband and I own a resaurant, and it can be very demanding. A couple of times we had the opportunity to sneak away for a few days, and I felt so guilty about having a great time without them. but it seems, they had a great time too, being spoiled by the grandparents. Something that might help: we made a videotape for them. We just talked to them, and told them how much they were missed. It helped them for those lonely times. And I hope you enjoy your time away with your husband.
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Jul 28th, 2003, 04:39 PM
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Do you do at least some of your vacationing with the kids? If not, there could be a lot of resentment. We never took any family trips except to the grandparents; my parents always went on real vacations alone. My father died when I was a teenager and my brother several years younger. Needless to say I don't have many memories, fond or otherwise, but do harbor some resentment. We take all of our vacations with the children, but it is not unreasonable to have some time alone. Just make sure some of your vacations are family vacations.
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Jul 28th, 2003, 04:53 PM
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I think that having time away from your kids is healthy and normal, and it's good for both kids and parents alike. We all need a break from one another some of the time, and it doesn't mean you're a bad parent! On the contrary! My husband and I went to San Diego last Sept for a wedding. We were gone a week without our then 2 year old. I missed him, and my husband did too, as I think any parent would, but I knew he was in good hands with my MIL and my husband and I needed the time to ourselves. It was great for everyone and our son did FINE!! We just got back from a 10 day vacation in Florida as a family, and that too was wonderful and relaxing; the time together as a family was priceless. I personally feel you need time away from your kids to rejuvenate your marriage, because in my mind, that's what came first to begin with. I do have some guilt initially, but then I realize it's good for everyone. Curious, how Kobe's entries were deleted.....
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Jul 29th, 2003, 06:55 AM
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I'm curious as to the age of the child, but it's not necessary to know, nor is it something I'd ask. All buckeyemom wanted to know is if we felt guilt. Most of us have to varying degrees, doesn't matter how old the kid is.

Of course, if she said "Anyone feel guilty about leaving your infant/toddler kids while you go on vacation?" I'm sure the responses would have been a little different. But since she said "this is the first time we will not be taking our daughter", I got the impression the child may be older and has had the pleasure of family outings already.
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Jul 29th, 2003, 07:03 AM
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My husband and I just got back from a week on St John and left our two kids (2 and 11 months) with their grandparents. I did feel guilty at times, however, here is what a few older and wiser folks told me that made me feel better: The best thing you can do for your kids is to keep the relationship between you and your husband strong. If the two of you are happy this will be reflected in the atmosphere you provide for your family. So even though you are leaving the kids home, you are actually doing them a service by taking some time to work on your relationship.

I'm sure your kids would prefer a happy mom and dad who leave them home every once and a while to take time for themselves than parents who are always at their wits end, bicker, and split up. So take heart, don't feel guilty - making yourself feel good will reflect on your family life in a positive way!

Lisa
Cincinnati
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