THEY felt blown off - who do they think they are the king and queen of the world. They take advantage of this woman's hospitality - don't lift a hand to help - are so inconsiderate they don;t plan a dinner on a night agreeable to her - and they're aggravated.

I've never heard of people so self-centered. They should have made a point of taking her out to dinner at least twice- at HER convenience - and helped around the house - as well brought some nice wine and flowers - at a minimum.

What inconsiderate boobs.

House guests are a pain. I am tired of having house guests.

If the circumstances occurred exactly as your friend describes, then her guests were high maintenance boobs.

She apparently values their company enough that she's willing to overlook their boobness and invite them back again.

obxgirl, "boobness" LOL

I love the customs of other countries when it comes to house guests. Much more fun than ours

Agreed, alya. Cheers to all.

of course the guests should have graciously let it go and not made a fuss.

however, i'm sure they were somewhat hurt by a "gift" rebuffed. there were countless times where a houseguest offers to take me out to a place (with much excitement and enthusiasm for the place). often they have read about the restaurant from afar and are excited to "treat" me to it. but the truth is that i may have been eating out every night for the last several nights whilst away on business and the restaurant may have received much press in foreign travel magazines or guides but in reality it is not held in very high esteem by londoners (not that it is bad...but just wouldn't be my first choice). of course i go anyway and enjoy myself because the guest chose this "gift" for me and it is rude to rebuff it.

likewise, i was visiting friends in the US recently and they were very excited about a review they just read for an indian restaurant. Knowing my fondness for an indian curry and remembering how i took them out for a curry or two when they were visiting me in london, they were very excited to take me there. This was not in a major city and needless to say, a ho-hum curry in the burbs is not very exciting to me. Of course, I went and enjoyed myself ...it was thoughtful of them to think of this "gift" for me.

i think both sides could have behaved with more grace.

Unless the "friends" who were so happy to accept the hostess' hospitality made it quite CLEAR that the reason they wanted to go to the particular restaurant was to thank the hostess then there certainly wasn't any rudeness..in fact there couldn't have been any rudeness.

there is nothing "rude" about not wanting to go somewhere nor is there necessarily anything rude about declining a gift.

When you accept someone's hospitality you accept it and them without qualifications..otherwise don't accept in the first place.

" i'm sure they were somewhat hurt by a "gift" rebuffed."

But the hostest didnt know it was supposed to be a gift, until after the fact!

I didn't read all the responses but this is my take.

Mary sounds like she is fairly new to the resort area of Hilton Head. What happens is all your freinds from your hometown decide to come visit you on their vacation time and expect you to also vacation with them.

It may be their vacation but you still have to get up and go to work (or maybe in Mary's case her normal routine).

It is exhausting playing tour guide.

Also living in a resort town, I long since took the Holiday Inn sign off my home and when friends call to tell me they are coming for a visit the first thing out of my mouth is, "Great! Let me know where you are staying so we can make plans to get together!".

Except for my parents and my husband's parents, we make it a point not to stay in anyone's home.

I know it sounds a little harsh but I don't have the time and energy to dick around with sheets, towels, entertaining, and throwing off my schedule because it exhausts me.

We could probably have company 365 days a year but we had to put our foot down.

Anyway, I suggest Mary start to limit her guests. If you don't the next thing you know you are running a bed and breakfast.

I'm sure those of you living in resort areas can empathize.

GoTravel
I so agree with you. We owned a boat for 8 seasons and lived on her every weekend. The first year we extended welcomes to friends and family for weekend visits. We soon learned it is a lot of work and you're no longer enjoying your boat so much. We were always washing sheets and towels. Shopping for food and the bar bill went thru the roof so we also took down our B&B sign. You start with good intentions because you want to share and have fun with your friends but the work load is really heavy.

First off, like just about everyone else I don't think Mary, the long suffering hostess, was rude in anyway. Her guests should have made it clear they wanted to treat her to a thank-you dinner and they had no reason to feel offended when Nancy didn't go out with them. After all she's not a mind reader.

Long ago, and well before we built our beach house, we learned from listening to others that relatives and friends come out of the woodwork if you have a home in a vacation or resort area. Like GoTravel pointed out, everyone assumes you'll welcome them with open arms and that they can stay at your place and their only out of pocket expense will be a "thank-you" dinner. We always follow the same approach as GoTravel whenever someone calls to tell us they are thinking of coming to our area regardless if they are relatives or friends. We tell them we be happy to meet them at their hotel for lunch or dinner one time during their stay. You'd be surprised at how many of those people never actually make the trip. The only people who stay in our house are guests we specifically invite (our adult children and a very few select friends).

As for when we visit others, we very rarely stay at anyone's home but rather choose to stay at a nearby hotel. It's much easier on the host/hostess and besides we don't feel obligated to spend every waking hour with them. On those rare occasions when we do stay at someone's house we do it only for a couple of days, we always pick-up after ourselves, help with household chores, buy some groceries and make it clear that we want to treat our host/hostest to a couple of meals.

The best way to ruin a friendship is to overstay your welcome.

Exactly Sunnyboy and cd! I don't know why we would feel obligated to pick up the check but we did anyway.

So true that when you ask people where they are staying, most don't come visit.