No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.

If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.

If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.

Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.

If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.

If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.

Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.

The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.

The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.

The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.

"Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world. "

Sure they do, but only if you arrive very early and have plenty of time to get to your gate. It's the exact opposite of #2.

If everything goes smoothly after landing, and you're able to disembark and get to baggage claim quickly, your bag will be the last one down (but only after the carousel stops and starts several times).

On the other hand, if you check no luggage and manage to get by with just a carry-on to save time, you will always have to wait to disembark at least 15 minutes, you'll miss the tram/shuttle to get to ground transportation, and when you finally do get there, the shuttle for your rental car will have just left.

When you think you can wait until you land to use the restroom, the plane will inevitably have to circle the airport or sit on the tarmac.

If there is one person on board in need of a bath, he will always sit near you. And he will raise his arms repeatedly as he lifts his baby into the air.

I'm not making this up, ask OWJ.

"Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world."

Faina darling, have you forgotten about Southwest's Gate 1 at Terminal 1 at LAX? I also think JetBlue has Gate 1 at Long Beach Airport....

A corollary to Faina'a Law: If by chance, the best looking woman on the flight is sitting close to you, it will be on the only flight that year when your underage children were travelling with you (really!) BTW, no need for comments about morality-I was divorced and single at the time.

OMG Faina, you just described my husbands flights last night! But you forgot one...your luggage will be lost.

What ever happened to the thread that was along the lines of "You Know You Are A Frequent Traveler When....."?

Another Murphy Law.

When you are flying for Work, all the people flying because they are on vacation are inconsiderate @#$%^&'s with too much carryon luggage.

When you are flying because you are on vacation, all the business travelers are inconsiderate @#$%^&'s with too much carryon luggage.

Dwooddon, it could've been worse: they could've been your adult children, to show your real age

And don't flame me, I just copied somebody's joke.

Why is it that as soon as the plane takes off everyone has to eat and everyone has to go to the bathroom? (not at the same time of course).

Aren't there plenty of restaurants and bathrooms in the airport?

If there are three children whose parents have decided they can sit together in one row, they will be sitting behind you kicking the back of your seat every 30 seconds.

If you get to the airport early the security line is real short and the security people are real efficient.

If you get to the airport sort of at the last minute the security line is extremely long and the security people are the most disorganized people you have ever seen.

If you don't need to buy anything at the gift shops at the airport you find all kinds of great merchandise.

If you really and truly need to pick up a couple of last minute gifts to take on your flight the gifts shops are full of nothing but junk.

When you're wearing slip on shoes and you're on time, security never asks you to remove your shoes.

When you're wearing laced-up shoes and a little short on time, they do. Never fails.