Disney's Evil Empire of Happy Endings
Sep 29th, 2009 | 12:58 PM
#1
Original Poster
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 391
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Disney's Evil Empire of Happy Endings
Our first trip with the kids (4 year old girl and 2 year old boy) to Disney, Orlando.
Let the Report Begin (keep in mind it's Tongue-in-cheek ):
The Germans have a word which has no equivalent in the English dictionary…Schadenfreude… which means to be happy at others misfortune.
We don’t practice that … because we’re not like that … but we took a cue from the leaders of industry and policy around the world and decided that this is the time to change our course … because we’re like that.
We decided that if we wanted to take advantage of other people's misfortunes and have a great vacation that we normally couldn't afford - this is the time.
Taking advantage of people is wrong...but they are practically begging us to do so...so why shouldn't we?
We knew our kids must have the right-of-passage and go to Disney's Evil Empire of Happy Endings otherwise their childhood will simply not be complete (at least this is what we were subliminally told by the Mouse Overlord) and the daunting bills of psychiatrists trying to justify the kids’ misery loomed over our heads like a magicians cap and animated brooms.
Because we’re good parents we wanted to take our four (AND A HALF!!!) year-old daughter to visit the Empire before the magic disappeared…because she still believes in princesses...and because we're good that way…and because she has us wrapped around her little finger (but don’t tell her that).
An added bonus is that our son (2) will be able to run around, play and see his favorite characters in bigger than life customs reigning terror and autographs wherever they may wish…
Scaring little kids into submission, who would do such a thing?
When we usually go on vacations we go in the style of "planned spontaneity"…because we like to plan...yet be spontaneous at the same time.
Some say planned-spontaneity doesn’t work, but it has worked wonders in all our vacations…except the ones that didn’t…which are most of them.
This vacation had to be planned…because of all the stuff to do…because the Evil Empire doesn’t want you to leave once you are in their grasp. Becoming an Imperial slave seemed like a daunting the mission the more we looked into it…because there is so much stuff to do... which is why this time we had to plan.
Let the research begin….
We scoured websites(Disboards.com, allEars.net, MouseSavers.com, etc.) bought a book (Fodor's Disney with Kids 2009), asked friends, co-workers and family.
We got lots of great tips.
First, we needed a time frame.
We figured on beginning or mid September...because most kids are at school...and we don't like kids...that's not true we like kids...just not 80,000 kids in a square mile.
We also might get a deal and we like deals...because we're cheap that way.
Hurdle number one has been passed – we got a time frame (in your face Evil Empire), now we needed to figure out where to stay…because we like a roof over our heads…because even Imperial slaves are human beings...not animals.
Thanks to Uncle Sam’s generous tax refund...
-----
"we took more money than we should have.
Here it is without the interest.
What?
No thank you?"
-----
...we settled on the Animal Kingdom Lodge...because we're not human beings, we're animals...because we are Imperial slaves.
You can say whatever you want about the Mouse Overlord, but he sure knows how to make you smile while willingly handing over a stack of dead presidents...damn him and his wonderful magician's cap...not to mention his broom-wiseguys.
The lodge seemed extremely expensive, which bulked us…because there are certain things we refuse to pay for...like parking, clothes, food and shelter.
But the Grand Puba Pumbaa had a benevolent moment and has earned our eternal gratitude by throwing in free dining plan as well as park tickets (more then $2K worth of "not spending")…because he’s an animal too...and maybe a slave to King Simba...who recently overthrew his uncle from the throne...they even made a movie about it.
The hilarity began when we checked Tripadvisor for reviews of the lodge... because we wanted to make sure we're getting a bang for our buck...because we're cheap that way.
Needless to say we read the bad reviews first...because that's the kind of people we are. As it turned out, some Imperial slaves managed to get away from the grasps of Goofy the Guard Dog and had nasty words to say about the Empire which ranged from the valid (cleanliness) to the absurd (too many children screaming).
What?
You are going to a Disney resort and complaining about...children?
No one ever brought it to your attention that maybe...just maybe... a Disney resort is more then likely to have a ton of kids running around (luxury or not)?
What's next - Florida's too hot in the summer?
We take our parental responsibility seriously…because we’re good parents…and our kids expect us to…we filtered between the all-too-valid reviews and the "I paid a ton of money and didn't feel I got pampered enough" reviews to the "we've had better".
After finishing our exercise in futility we felt as if we mined diamonds the whole day... we started in a screeching rendition of "Hi ho, hi ho" until we got angry looks from Mrs. DeVil across the street...who was saying "hi" back…you make the connection…because you’re smart that way.
Finally we were satisfied that this hotel, at least for us..the humble Imperial slaves..the Animal Kingdom Lodge would be the height of luxury …because this is our only chance to stay at a luxury lodge for the near future and the kids can complain all they want...not that they will...because they don’t know the difference anyway.
If the room is clean, has a hot shower, AC and a bed we're happy...just like the dwarf...because we also like to whistle while we work in a hot, dark, claustrophobic diamond mine the whole day…because the Empire insists on all it’s slaves being happy
As first rate Disney amateurs we contacted Small World Vacations where we were guided into the trusted hands of the Fairy Travel Agent Deanna..who is a real person...because she exists.
She assured us she would take care of everything - all we needed was to tell her where we want to be and on what day.
This is where the real fun began....
Next...Planning Ahead....
Let the Report Begin (keep in mind it's Tongue-in-cheek ):
The Germans have a word which has no equivalent in the English dictionary…Schadenfreude… which means to be happy at others misfortune.
We don’t practice that … because we’re not like that … but we took a cue from the leaders of industry and policy around the world and decided that this is the time to change our course … because we’re like that.
We decided that if we wanted to take advantage of other people's misfortunes and have a great vacation that we normally couldn't afford - this is the time.
Taking advantage of people is wrong...but they are practically begging us to do so...so why shouldn't we?
We knew our kids must have the right-of-passage and go to Disney's Evil Empire of Happy Endings otherwise their childhood will simply not be complete (at least this is what we were subliminally told by the Mouse Overlord) and the daunting bills of psychiatrists trying to justify the kids’ misery loomed over our heads like a magicians cap and animated brooms.
Because we’re good parents we wanted to take our four (AND A HALF!!!) year-old daughter to visit the Empire before the magic disappeared…because she still believes in princesses...and because we're good that way…and because she has us wrapped around her little finger (but don’t tell her that).
An added bonus is that our son (2) will be able to run around, play and see his favorite characters in bigger than life customs reigning terror and autographs wherever they may wish…
Scaring little kids into submission, who would do such a thing?
When we usually go on vacations we go in the style of "planned spontaneity"…because we like to plan...yet be spontaneous at the same time.
Some say planned-spontaneity doesn’t work, but it has worked wonders in all our vacations…except the ones that didn’t…which are most of them.
This vacation had to be planned…because of all the stuff to do…because the Evil Empire doesn’t want you to leave once you are in their grasp. Becoming an Imperial slave seemed like a daunting the mission the more we looked into it…because there is so much stuff to do... which is why this time we had to plan.
Let the research begin….
We scoured websites(Disboards.com, allEars.net, MouseSavers.com, etc.) bought a book (Fodor's Disney with Kids 2009), asked friends, co-workers and family.
We got lots of great tips.
First, we needed a time frame.
We figured on beginning or mid September...because most kids are at school...and we don't like kids...that's not true we like kids...just not 80,000 kids in a square mile.
We also might get a deal and we like deals...because we're cheap that way.
Hurdle number one has been passed – we got a time frame (in your face Evil Empire), now we needed to figure out where to stay…because we like a roof over our heads…because even Imperial slaves are human beings...not animals.
Thanks to Uncle Sam’s generous tax refund...
-----
"we took more money than we should have.
Here it is without the interest.
What?
No thank you?"
-----
...we settled on the Animal Kingdom Lodge...because we're not human beings, we're animals...because we are Imperial slaves.
You can say whatever you want about the Mouse Overlord, but he sure knows how to make you smile while willingly handing over a stack of dead presidents...damn him and his wonderful magician's cap...not to mention his broom-wiseguys.
The lodge seemed extremely expensive, which bulked us…because there are certain things we refuse to pay for...like parking, clothes, food and shelter.
But the Grand Puba Pumbaa had a benevolent moment and has earned our eternal gratitude by throwing in free dining plan as well as park tickets (more then $2K worth of "not spending")…because he’s an animal too...and maybe a slave to King Simba...who recently overthrew his uncle from the throne...they even made a movie about it.
The hilarity began when we checked Tripadvisor for reviews of the lodge... because we wanted to make sure we're getting a bang for our buck...because we're cheap that way.
Needless to say we read the bad reviews first...because that's the kind of people we are. As it turned out, some Imperial slaves managed to get away from the grasps of Goofy the Guard Dog and had nasty words to say about the Empire which ranged from the valid (cleanliness) to the absurd (too many children screaming).
What?
You are going to a Disney resort and complaining about...children?
No one ever brought it to your attention that maybe...just maybe... a Disney resort is more then likely to have a ton of kids running around (luxury or not)?
What's next - Florida's too hot in the summer?
We take our parental responsibility seriously…because we’re good parents…and our kids expect us to…we filtered between the all-too-valid reviews and the "I paid a ton of money and didn't feel I got pampered enough" reviews to the "we've had better".
After finishing our exercise in futility we felt as if we mined diamonds the whole day... we started in a screeching rendition of "Hi ho, hi ho" until we got angry looks from Mrs. DeVil across the street...who was saying "hi" back…you make the connection…because you’re smart that way.
Finally we were satisfied that this hotel, at least for us..the humble Imperial slaves..the Animal Kingdom Lodge would be the height of luxury …because this is our only chance to stay at a luxury lodge for the near future and the kids can complain all they want...not that they will...because they don’t know the difference anyway.
If the room is clean, has a hot shower, AC and a bed we're happy...just like the dwarf...because we also like to whistle while we work in a hot, dark, claustrophobic diamond mine the whole day…because the Empire insists on all it’s slaves being happy
As first rate Disney amateurs we contacted Small World Vacations where we were guided into the trusted hands of the Fairy Travel Agent Deanna..who is a real person...because she exists.
She assured us she would take care of everything - all we needed was to tell her where we want to be and on what day.
This is where the real fun began....
Next...Planning Ahead....
Sep 29th, 2009 | 05:27 PM
#4
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 9,754
Likes: 0
zalor,
I grew up 10 minutes from Disneyland and up until the age of 25 went at least once a year. I used to love it, but then somewhere along the time that Michael Eisner took over and Disney stores appeared in all the malls, I started hating it.
Love your title!
I grew up 10 minutes from Disneyland and up until the age of 25 went at least once a year. I used to love it, but then somewhere along the time that Michael Eisner took over and Disney stores appeared in all the malls, I started hating it.
Love your title!
Sep 30th, 2009 | 06:13 AM
#6
Original Poster
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 391
Likes: 0
Thank you all 
========================
Planning Ahead - Who plans ahead anyway?
As it turned out, the Grand Puba Pumbaa had set a trap for us by giving us the free Disney Dining Plan…because he works for the Empire…if you call singing & dancing to the delight of snot nosed little kids "work"...without compensation...because he's an Imperial slave...or because he's a cartoon and they don't need much...I'm not sure which one.
The basic dining plan consists of one snack, one quick serve meal (meal not at a sit-down place) and one sit down meal...a day for...each of us...except our son who is 2... and you don’t become an official Imperial slave until you are 3...because so has the Mouse Overlord decreed.
The trap is that we had to know where we were eating three months in advance...who knows that...maybe The Beast...because he has a magical mirror...and magical servants...and Mrs. Potts is a heck of a cook…especially the gray stuff (it’s delicious)...and he lives in France...and a dinner there is never second best
Being amateurs we decided on getting as many character meals as we can...because we wouldn’t pay for those each and everyday...because we’re cheap that way...and we can’t afford it.
A little more planning was involved because our complimentary tickets didn’t not include the "park hopper" option…because Grand Puba Pumbaa was too busy eating slimy warms…but that’s just fine with us (take that you big ol’ warthog!).
The first thing we did is check the hours... because we were staying at an official Imperial Disney resort...because we're special that way.
As lodge guests... or workers...we'll see...we will be able to attend the “extra magic hours” ...where, we could only assume, lots of shenanigans take place to the point where mere mortals who didn’t bother to hand over there hard earned money to the Empire are simply not welcomed.
Suckers!
From talking to friends and message boards we figured that there is a debate on the “extra magic hours”.
Some say that they are fun.
Others say they are exhausting with kids.
Some more say that the best time to go to the parks is the morning after because the park will have less people.
We decided on being pro “extra magic hours”...because the Empire has already brainwashed us...and because we could always go back to the lodge and rest.
We only knew of one character meal that we must go to, Cinderella’s Royal Table ...because our daughter loves her...and she has us wrapped around her little finger (but don't tell her).
The restaurant is inside of the famous Imperial fortress, costs two dining credits and is hosted by the filthy one herself ...because it's her castle and she can do whatever she wants...because she's a princess...and probably spoiled...no wonder her sisters can't stand her.
However during our research we discovered the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique, a hair salon for little girls inside the Magic Kingdom which will make your little girl look like a princess – for the price of a kingdom...or your first born.
We didn't want to take our daughter to a "magical salon"...we have lots of those in Jersey... but we also didn't want our daughter to be grief stricken and the whole trip would be for naught ...so we made reservations...because she has us wrapped around her little finger (but don't tell her).
Man, they are evil...playing our daughter against us like that.
However we succeeded in avoiding the $180 plan (which comes with a dress) for the $50 plan, heck we’ll buy a Cinderella dress for $20 instead of paying an arm and a leg for it at the park...or your first born.
Take that you Royal Pumpkin!!!
At first we were debating about the time, but the Fairy Travel Agent Deanna...who really exists...because she's a real person... from Small World Vacations has given us her input and we were more then happy to take her advice.
By the way, one of the best things we love about Fairy Travel Agent Deanna...who really exists...because she's a real person... is that she wasn’t afraid to make suggestions.
The rest of the meals we centered around character breakfasts...because we hope our kids would love them...and because they come with the free dining plan...because we'll never pay for those each and everyday...because we’re cheap that way...and we can’t afford it.
In a slap directed at Chef Tony...from Tony’s...who served spaghetti to Lady & Tramp while serenading them…, we made breakfast reservations the last time available - this way we also got lunch out of the way...because we're cheap that way and will never pay for extra food (or shelter, or parking, etc.).
We forwarded our itinerary to the Fairy Travel Agent Deanna...who really exists...because she's a real person... for her opinion and posted it on Fodor’s website for critique.
That evening we bought tickets on Continental...because we didn't want to drive from New Jersey...because we're not that cheap (how dare you call us "cheap"?).
We are leaving home early so we can arrive in Orlando before noon. We scheduled the flight back in the afternoon so we could have a last character breakfast (hosted by Chairman Duck).
========================
Planning Ahead - Who plans ahead anyway?
As it turned out, the Grand Puba Pumbaa had set a trap for us by giving us the free Disney Dining Plan…because he works for the Empire…if you call singing & dancing to the delight of snot nosed little kids "work"...without compensation...because he's an Imperial slave...or because he's a cartoon and they don't need much...I'm not sure which one.
The basic dining plan consists of one snack, one quick serve meal (meal not at a sit-down place) and one sit down meal...a day for...each of us...except our son who is 2... and you don’t become an official Imperial slave until you are 3...because so has the Mouse Overlord decreed.
The trap is that we had to know where we were eating three months in advance...who knows that...maybe The Beast...because he has a magical mirror...and magical servants...and Mrs. Potts is a heck of a cook…especially the gray stuff (it’s delicious)...and he lives in France...and a dinner there is never second best
Being amateurs we decided on getting as many character meals as we can...because we wouldn’t pay for those each and everyday...because we’re cheap that way...and we can’t afford it.
A little more planning was involved because our complimentary tickets didn’t not include the "park hopper" option…because Grand Puba Pumbaa was too busy eating slimy warms…but that’s just fine with us (take that you big ol’ warthog!).
The first thing we did is check the hours... because we were staying at an official Imperial Disney resort...because we're special that way.
As lodge guests... or workers...we'll see...we will be able to attend the “extra magic hours” ...where, we could only assume, lots of shenanigans take place to the point where mere mortals who didn’t bother to hand over there hard earned money to the Empire are simply not welcomed.
Suckers!
From talking to friends and message boards we figured that there is a debate on the “extra magic hours”.
Some say that they are fun.
Others say they are exhausting with kids.
Some more say that the best time to go to the parks is the morning after because the park will have less people.
We decided on being pro “extra magic hours”...because the Empire has already brainwashed us...and because we could always go back to the lodge and rest.
We only knew of one character meal that we must go to, Cinderella’s Royal Table ...because our daughter loves her...and she has us wrapped around her little finger (but don't tell her).
The restaurant is inside of the famous Imperial fortress, costs two dining credits and is hosted by the filthy one herself ...because it's her castle and she can do whatever she wants...because she's a princess...and probably spoiled...no wonder her sisters can't stand her.
However during our research we discovered the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique, a hair salon for little girls inside the Magic Kingdom which will make your little girl look like a princess – for the price of a kingdom...or your first born.
We didn't want to take our daughter to a "magical salon"...we have lots of those in Jersey... but we also didn't want our daughter to be grief stricken and the whole trip would be for naught ...so we made reservations...because she has us wrapped around her little finger (but don't tell her).
Man, they are evil...playing our daughter against us like that.
However we succeeded in avoiding the $180 plan (which comes with a dress) for the $50 plan, heck we’ll buy a Cinderella dress for $20 instead of paying an arm and a leg for it at the park...or your first born.
Take that you Royal Pumpkin!!!
At first we were debating about the time, but the Fairy Travel Agent Deanna...who really exists...because she's a real person... from Small World Vacations has given us her input and we were more then happy to take her advice.
By the way, one of the best things we love about Fairy Travel Agent Deanna...who really exists...because she's a real person... is that she wasn’t afraid to make suggestions.
The rest of the meals we centered around character breakfasts...because we hope our kids would love them...and because they come with the free dining plan...because we'll never pay for those each and everyday...because we’re cheap that way...and we can’t afford it.
In a slap directed at Chef Tony...from Tony’s...who served spaghetti to Lady & Tramp while serenading them…, we made breakfast reservations the last time available - this way we also got lunch out of the way...because we're cheap that way and will never pay for extra food (or shelter, or parking, etc.).
We forwarded our itinerary to the Fairy Travel Agent Deanna...who really exists...because she's a real person... for her opinion and posted it on Fodor’s website for critique.
That evening we bought tickets on Continental...because we didn't want to drive from New Jersey...because we're not that cheap (how dare you call us "cheap"?).
We are leaving home early so we can arrive in Orlando before noon. We scheduled the flight back in the afternoon so we could have a last character breakfast (hosted by Chairman Duck).
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Oct 1st, 2009 | 05:35 AM
#11
Original Poster
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 391
Likes: 0
Now almost everything in the pre-planning stage is done..because we're good that way...and that's the way we are.
The reservations were made by our trusty Fairy Travel Agent Deanna...who really exists...because she's a real person... , the airfare is paid for, our itinerary is almost complete…and we have three whole months to wait.
However, as a last slap to the Empire…aimed squarely at Scrooge McDuck…because he's a miser… and he's cheap…we paid for our vacation on our "Disney Card". The Empire has decided to finance our vacation for six months…that way we'll still be beholden to them…even though the Florida tan will be worn off in favor of the Jersey snow.
The Empire will also give us one (1) Disney Dollar for every $100 US dollars we spend.
Where can you spend those precious Disney dollars?
Why…at Empire's Expensive stores of course.
So what’s the point?
We’re going to spend money anyway…because that’s the way we are…so why not have the Empire finance some of our purchases…because we’re cheap that way.
Meanwhile we have a lot to think about…because we’re thinking people…not a bunch magical dishes living in a cupboard…in a magical castle…waiting for some chick to kiss a hideous beast against all odds.
We're going to spend a week in a place where 60,000 – 80,000 people per day is considered "low attendance"...because the Evil Empire loves visitors...to make them Imperial slaves...to purchase their products.
Will we be able to keep our kids by our sides?
Because we love our kids...and we want them with us...even though we could save some serious money on the air-fare back...but we're not that cheap (how dare you call us "cheap"?).
After all, Disney is virtually a cornucopia of childhood dreams, every ride, gate, character and even flower just calls your name...to make you an Imperial slave...to purchase their products.
We had some ideas…because we’re thinking people…not a bunch of French people living in a provincial town…singing happily about their bread baskets and slinging mud at pigs.
Shockingly colorful hats with matching, specialty printed t-shirts (both ruled out for price and ugliness – you got to have nice pictures), child leash (we hate those and from the message boards we understood they don’t work in Disney) and other bright ideas which didn’t pass the storyboard stage.
We do know we are doing at least six things:
1) Getting temporary tattoos from printed with our cell phone number on it (http://www.safetytat.com/)... because if they'll get lost we'll get a phone call...maybe we won't answer it...depends on the day...because we could save serious money on the air-fare back...but we're not that cheap (how dare you call us "cheap"?).
2) Taking a hard-core line about behavior in public places. They have to hold someone’s hand (or the stroller) at all times...not like Belle who took her horse to the middle of the forest...in the darkness of night...in the middle of winter...only to be attacked by wolves...what kind of parents did she have anyway?
3) Our four (AND A HALF!!!) year old daughter will get quizzed several times each day (when out and about) about what mommy & daddy are wearing...not Belle's daddy... Maurice the inventor...who is a danger to society and quite mad we hear.
4) When arriving at Disney we intend to pull one of the Empire's henchman (or henchwoman...we must be politically correct...the Empire requires it) aside and tell our kids that if they ever get lost, look for someone with a badge and tell them they are lost.
5) Drill into the kids that they are not allowed to go anywhere with anyone, no matter if they promise them ice-cream or even have a cute talking teacup named "Chip"...even though we could save serious money on the air-fare back...but we're not that cheap (how dare you call us "cheap"?).
6) Tell the kids that if they do get lost, they can always approach another mommy with children...unless she's Mrs. Potts...because she locks her kids in a cupboard...and because she's a teapot.
Meanwhile we’re pumping the kids with propaganda from the Evil Empire (disguised as fairytale cartoons)...because the Empire says it's a must...otherwise they won't enjoy the trip...so they say.
Soon we will get the Disney maps we ordered (the Empire provides them for free) as well as luggage tag for the Magic Express so, heaven forbid, we won’t have to lag our suitcases to our luxury lodge and start our indentured servitude prematurely.
The kids are excited (almost as much as we are)...because we are pumping them with Disney propaganda which is being played non-stop on our TV... as well as a CD in the car...because we like to drive places...because we're interesting people...not some forest animals that help a teenage princess clean the prison seven angry men keep her locked up in..really, who thinks up this stuff and then says "I think the kids will love it".
**** Jump to several weeks later…
Because we like to plan...sometimes...we browsed the Internet boards and got some great tips...but we said that before - please pay attention.
One of the tips we got...because we're cheap...is to make you own autograph books because the Evil Empire charges you a handsome amount if you want to buy their books (decorated with rats & explosives).
We also thought that creating such books would get our beloved children some more quality time with the evil puppet masters who will sign their autographs in, no doubt, a mind altering ink.
The books are ready...we think they came out great...but that's the kind of people we are - positive!
See pictures of how the autograph books came out here: http://www.travelpod.com/travelblogp.../YES/tpod.html
We have the luggage tags, the maps, the itinerary, the reservations, the fireworks schedule, etc. etc. etc...because that's the way we are...planning trips is the way we do it...unless we don't...which is most of the time.
The brainwashing has begun to work...without any fairy dust...or lovely old ladies giving a delicious apple to a lonely princess...so she'll feel good about herself...only later to be killed by the princess' seven angry jailers...who thinks up such stories for kids anyway?
Ten days before we go we'll do the on-line check in the Evil Ones offer at the resort. No doubt to keep tabs on us...so they'll know we're coming...to get the slave quarters ready...the Empire said that maybe we'll get to feed the animals...or be fed to the animals...or get to see lots of animals running around...I'm not really sure...maybe "mousekeeping" really is a bunch of talking mice cleaning your room...it's a running theme in all the Empire's propaganda...I can't wait to find out.
Now we are thinking about packing, the plane trip – basically the first day...so we can go into the pool...because our daughter loves the pool...and she has us wrapped around her little finger (but don't tell her).
Since we are using the "magical express" to pick up our luggage we can safely assume we won’t have them for several hours...but that's luxury for you...before we start picking up animal poop to stay warm at night...even though I'm pretty sure it's hot in Florida...but I haven't been there in several years.
Hence, we need to pack everything for the first day on the carry-on bags change of clothes, bathing suites, snacks, toiletries...because we like to stay clean...because we don't like to itch...even though we love "Itchey & Scratchy"...oh wait, wrong Empire.
All those plus the on-flight entertainment items (games, crayons, paper, toys, snacks, etc.)...because we know that being stuck in a metal tube with kids isn't fun...because we've done that before...and it isn't fun!
We are dreading the flights, but as the Empire says in a non-threatening booming voice heard through a mirror: "we survived the tyrannical rule of Head Dwarf "Boss Doc" - we’ll survive this as well".
Next: Finally...The Incredible(s) trip is here
The reservations were made by our trusty Fairy Travel Agent Deanna...who really exists...because she's a real person... , the airfare is paid for, our itinerary is almost complete…and we have three whole months to wait.
However, as a last slap to the Empire…aimed squarely at Scrooge McDuck…because he's a miser… and he's cheap…we paid for our vacation on our "Disney Card". The Empire has decided to finance our vacation for six months…that way we'll still be beholden to them…even though the Florida tan will be worn off in favor of the Jersey snow.
The Empire will also give us one (1) Disney Dollar for every $100 US dollars we spend.
Where can you spend those precious Disney dollars?
Why…at Empire's Expensive stores of course.
So what’s the point?
We’re going to spend money anyway…because that’s the way we are…so why not have the Empire finance some of our purchases…because we’re cheap that way.
Meanwhile we have a lot to think about…because we’re thinking people…not a bunch magical dishes living in a cupboard…in a magical castle…waiting for some chick to kiss a hideous beast against all odds.
We're going to spend a week in a place where 60,000 – 80,000 people per day is considered "low attendance"...because the Evil Empire loves visitors...to make them Imperial slaves...to purchase their products.
Will we be able to keep our kids by our sides?
Because we love our kids...and we want them with us...even though we could save some serious money on the air-fare back...but we're not that cheap (how dare you call us "cheap"?).
After all, Disney is virtually a cornucopia of childhood dreams, every ride, gate, character and even flower just calls your name...to make you an Imperial slave...to purchase their products.
We had some ideas…because we’re thinking people…not a bunch of French people living in a provincial town…singing happily about their bread baskets and slinging mud at pigs.
Shockingly colorful hats with matching, specialty printed t-shirts (both ruled out for price and ugliness – you got to have nice pictures), child leash (we hate those and from the message boards we understood they don’t work in Disney) and other bright ideas which didn’t pass the storyboard stage.
We do know we are doing at least six things:
1) Getting temporary tattoos from printed with our cell phone number on it (http://www.safetytat.com/)... because if they'll get lost we'll get a phone call...maybe we won't answer it...depends on the day...because we could save serious money on the air-fare back...but we're not that cheap (how dare you call us "cheap"?).
2) Taking a hard-core line about behavior in public places. They have to hold someone’s hand (or the stroller) at all times...not like Belle who took her horse to the middle of the forest...in the darkness of night...in the middle of winter...only to be attacked by wolves...what kind of parents did she have anyway?
3) Our four (AND A HALF!!!) year old daughter will get quizzed several times each day (when out and about) about what mommy & daddy are wearing...not Belle's daddy... Maurice the inventor...who is a danger to society and quite mad we hear.
4) When arriving at Disney we intend to pull one of the Empire's henchman (or henchwoman...we must be politically correct...the Empire requires it) aside and tell our kids that if they ever get lost, look for someone with a badge and tell them they are lost.
5) Drill into the kids that they are not allowed to go anywhere with anyone, no matter if they promise them ice-cream or even have a cute talking teacup named "Chip"...even though we could save serious money on the air-fare back...but we're not that cheap (how dare you call us "cheap"?).
6) Tell the kids that if they do get lost, they can always approach another mommy with children...unless she's Mrs. Potts...because she locks her kids in a cupboard...and because she's a teapot.
Meanwhile we’re pumping the kids with propaganda from the Evil Empire (disguised as fairytale cartoons)...because the Empire says it's a must...otherwise they won't enjoy the trip...so they say.
Soon we will get the Disney maps we ordered (the Empire provides them for free) as well as luggage tag for the Magic Express so, heaven forbid, we won’t have to lag our suitcases to our luxury lodge and start our indentured servitude prematurely.
The kids are excited (almost as much as we are)...because we are pumping them with Disney propaganda which is being played non-stop on our TV... as well as a CD in the car...because we like to drive places...because we're interesting people...not some forest animals that help a teenage princess clean the prison seven angry men keep her locked up in..really, who thinks up this stuff and then says "I think the kids will love it".
**** Jump to several weeks later…
Because we like to plan...sometimes...we browsed the Internet boards and got some great tips...but we said that before - please pay attention.
One of the tips we got...because we're cheap...is to make you own autograph books because the Evil Empire charges you a handsome amount if you want to buy their books (decorated with rats & explosives).
We also thought that creating such books would get our beloved children some more quality time with the evil puppet masters who will sign their autographs in, no doubt, a mind altering ink.
The books are ready...we think they came out great...but that's the kind of people we are - positive!
See pictures of how the autograph books came out here: http://www.travelpod.com/travelblogp.../YES/tpod.html
We have the luggage tags, the maps, the itinerary, the reservations, the fireworks schedule, etc. etc. etc...because that's the way we are...planning trips is the way we do it...unless we don't...which is most of the time.
The brainwashing has begun to work...without any fairy dust...or lovely old ladies giving a delicious apple to a lonely princess...so she'll feel good about herself...only later to be killed by the princess' seven angry jailers...who thinks up such stories for kids anyway?
Ten days before we go we'll do the on-line check in the Evil Ones offer at the resort. No doubt to keep tabs on us...so they'll know we're coming...to get the slave quarters ready...the Empire said that maybe we'll get to feed the animals...or be fed to the animals...or get to see lots of animals running around...I'm not really sure...maybe "mousekeeping" really is a bunch of talking mice cleaning your room...it's a running theme in all the Empire's propaganda...I can't wait to find out.
Now we are thinking about packing, the plane trip – basically the first day...so we can go into the pool...because our daughter loves the pool...and she has us wrapped around her little finger (but don't tell her).
Since we are using the "magical express" to pick up our luggage we can safely assume we won’t have them for several hours...but that's luxury for you...before we start picking up animal poop to stay warm at night...even though I'm pretty sure it's hot in Florida...but I haven't been there in several years.
Hence, we need to pack everything for the first day on the carry-on bags change of clothes, bathing suites, snacks, toiletries...because we like to stay clean...because we don't like to itch...even though we love "Itchey & Scratchy"...oh wait, wrong Empire.
All those plus the on-flight entertainment items (games, crayons, paper, toys, snacks, etc.)...because we know that being stuck in a metal tube with kids isn't fun...because we've done that before...and it isn't fun!
We are dreading the flights, but as the Empire says in a non-threatening booming voice heard through a mirror: "we survived the tyrannical rule of Head Dwarf "Boss Doc" - we’ll survive this as well".
Next: Finally...The Incredible(s) trip is here
Oct 1st, 2009 | 12:20 PM
#16
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,935
Likes: 0
I have mentioned this story before but I do think it is appropriate & supportive of your love of all things Disney - A few years ago one of my co-workers was aghast that we traveled to Europe so much (@ that point in time it was just the wife & I + our daughter, same family make-up as my co-worker). I said, "but you go on vacation all the time also, where do you go ?" "Well we go to Disney every year." (Ugh, rolling of eyes, trying not to puke) I said, "so, when is your next trip ?" It was coming up as was our trip to Vienna/Prague/Munich. I said, "I'll bet you my 16 days in Europe (airfare & all & they were driving) will be cheaper than your week in the mouse kingdom "....Guess who won ?
Oct 1st, 2009 | 12:31 PM
#17
Original Poster
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 391
Likes: 0
azzure - thanks for the correction. The sad thing is that I looked it up.
SAnParis2 - to be honest we had a wonderful time at Disney, we all enjoyed it, but I'd rather would have gone to two weeks in "Vienna/Prague/Munich".
It's a bit tough with a 2 year old though.
SAnParis2 - to be honest we had a wonderful time at Disney, we all enjoyed it, but I'd rather would have gone to two weeks in "Vienna/Prague/Munich".
It's a bit tough with a 2 year old though.
