zlaor

Finally...The Incredible(s) trip is here

After months of planning...because we like to plan...unless we don't, it's time for us to go. In an unusual display of responsibility, we packed the night before... because unlike Mrs. Incredible, it doesn't take us three whole years to unpack our belongings after moving.

Isabella...who is only four (AND A HALF!!!) didn't go to sleep until 23:30...due to the excitement...we minded but didn't press her because she might sleep on the plane...and she has us wrapped around her little finger (but don't tell her).

We woke up at 04:30 and 05:00 to take a shower...since we weren't out listening to police scanners and knocking down buildings... because we don't know when will be the next time the Empire will allow us to bath.

Care to guess who got up first?

Some last minute packing and before you know it our friend was at the door to take us to the airport.

Is she such a good friend or is she trying to get rid of us?
She could simply build a KONOS robot.

To make a short story longer, we finally managed to get to the airport after a dramatic drive in the non-existent New Jersey early morning traffic. Isabella is still very excited and doesn't show any signs of fatigue…unlike her parents who just want to close their eyes regardless of the villainy which is sure to ensue in the next few hours.

The flight was uneventful; even though both kids were excited…we thank the benevolent Buddy…who probably invented the portable DVD and swore our eternal gratitude to him.

Since we consider every flight a wonderful experience if we land safely, this one was no exception.

Once we got off the plane we went to pick up our luggage…ooops…we are honored guests of the Empire and not only have our luggage taken care of, but also a complementary ride to the Lodge itself.

It remains to be seen whether said ride will be a happy-go-lucky bus, a supermobile or a pumpkin coach. Isabella is hoping for the pumpkin coach…Jakey for a supermobile...we're not…because it’s not air-conditioned…but it would be thrill if it were a pumpkin or a supermobile.


The transportation happens to be a happy-go-luck bus with the Empire’s propaganda plastered all over the ceiling. To keep you from escaping the Empire produced a first rate movie of what is "supposedly" expected of you while you are in their grasp.

We don’t believe the propaganda which shows happy children playing in the sun while being guarded by large and menacing sentries dressed as rodents and dogs.

While this propaganda took the mind of the kids of the ensuing horrors which I’m sure are to come, I keep my eyes and ears open for super powered domestic beings wearing red tights … and keep praying for the merciful Bomb Voyage to come save us using Buddy’s incredible brain power and wonderful gadgets.

Alas – no such luck and we arrived safely at the Animal Kingdom Lodge where we were greeted with a "welcome home" cheer from every Imperial guard. Since we checked in on-line before we arrived, our package was safely waiting for us and we were quickly ushered to our slave quarters – or as the Empire refers to them “guest rooms”.

I must admit that the Empire’s slave quarters are not bad…for slave quarters that is. The décor is nice, even though simple with an African theme…I can only imagine that the quarters which belong to the Empire’s elite must be gilded with gold.

Since our Imperial guard left us alone, we decided to take a quick dip in the Imperial slaves’ watering hole…or as the Empire refers to it – “pool”. We were smart enough to pack our swimsuits in our carry-on bags…because we plan…unless we don’t…and because the Empire will have possession our luggage for the next several hours.

We changed quickly and modestly…because the Empire has cameras outside our balcony (supposedly to protect the animals – but we know the real reason, don’t we?)…and because we had a feeling that some super heroine teenager with an attitude and the uncanny ability to become invisible might be spying on us.

We ate some lunch at the Mara, a restaurant near the Imperial slaves’ watering hole and wandered to the watering hole itself. As far as watering holes go…OK, I’ll use the Imperial term just once…pool…it was one of the best ones we’ve been to.

We also bought the official Imperial mugs…to show our allegiance. Those mugs are carried by all Imperial slaves and can be refilled with the Empire’s drinks of choice (soda, water, tea or coffee) as many times as possible.

Now we felt as official Imperial slaves – we nodded to other Imperial cup holders…they nodded back…we sipped…they sipped back…you get the picture.

The Empire is very careful not to lose any of its slaves and supplies several Imperial sentries (cleverly disguised as “lifeguards”) to watch over their property…making sure no-one drowns or jumps the fence to Sunset savannah and mixes impure blood with flamingos, impalas, or wildebeest. The Empire also dishes out complimentary life vests for future Imperial slaves, and also supplies them with much needed exercise by making them climb a deceivingly beautiful trail to the top of the water slide.

Jakey fell in the Empire’s trap immediately and began sliding, however it took Isabella 5 tries of going up the trail before daring to go down the Imperial slide. This slide must have been designed by the famed Imperial fashionista Edna “E” Mode and its alluring aura has taken many young’uns in her grasp.

After about 50 turns on the Imperial “E” slide we finally noticed something amiss and put an end to the foolishness. Hoping the Empire has delivered our luggage we went up to our slave quarters. Our luggage were waiting for us in our room, with no sign of “breaking and entering” – however upon feeling the lock I felt a cold chill going through my spine.

That could only means one thing – Frozone!

We quickly changed and went to eat at Boma restaurant where slave and non-slave alike share meals – a great honor for the like of our ilk. The food was delicious and we ate heartily because tomorrow we dine in hell…OK, not hell...just the Florida hot and humid weather.

Isabella has already informed us that she loves Disney!

What?

She hasn’t been to Disney yet…the Evil Empire at work again!

Pictures: http://www.travelpod.com/travelblogp.../YES/tpod.html

Dayenu

I cannot stop smiling... our children were saying the same about their age: four AND A HALF!! LOL

ElendilPickle

>>We don’t believe the propaganda which shows happy children playing in the sun while being guarded by large and menacing sentries dressed as rodents and dogs.>The Empire is very careful not to lose any of its slaves and supplies several Imperial sentries (cleverly disguised as “lifeguards”) to watch over their property…making sure no-one drowns or jumps the fence to Sunset savannah and mixes impure blood with flamingos, impalas, or wildebeest.

zlaor

Thank you all for the kind words, they are very much appreciated.
==================
Magic Kingdom…A Cinderella Story

Woke up early in the morning, and went to fill our Imperial mugs with deliciously hot Imperial coffee. As what to become my official Imperial morning routine, I went on the Lodge's patio and drank my coffee while watching the wildlife (giraffes, ankole, antelopes, zebras etc.) in front of me…wandering what the day will bring and when will my servitude will start.

We already knew that we had dish washing duty at Cinderella's castle today, so we went ahead and took the bus to the Magic Kingdom.

After a relatively short ride…but the longest ride out of all the Empire's slave houses (which they call "hotels", "resorts" or "lodges"…but we know the truth) we finally arrived at the Magic Kingdom. Uniformed Imperial guards were there to greet us and check our bags…could it be that the Princess Cinderella has instructed them to search all Imperial peasants coming to slave over a hot stove in her castle?

Once we passed the uniformed guard, an overly cheerful and friendly Imperial henchwoman instructed us to put our tickets into their machine and scan our finger…all except the youngest…because you can’t be an Imperial slave before the age of 3…so has the Mouse Overlord decreed.

Now that the Empire has officially welcomed us as Imperial slaves by taking our fingerprints we made our way to our first assignment – washing Princess Cinderella’s dishes…or was it peeling royal potatoes…I can’t remember.

As we made our way to the royal castle we stumbled upon hordes of Imperial slaves standing in-line to pay their respects to Chairman Duck in front of City Hall, we wanted to as well but were satisfied with sending the kids to put a tribute next to a wonderfully colorful statue of Goofy the Guard dog across the plaza.

We took as many photos as we can not knowing when, or even if, we will see each other again. As we approached the castle we noticed statues of all the Imperial gods in a glorified tribute to a ghoulish ritual they love to celebrate known as “Hallow Ween” – whatever that means. We stopped to say a short blessing by a statue of the Mouse Overlord holding the hand of what must have been the first Imperial slave, ironically titled "Partners", and continued on to our castle assignments.

As we approached the castle we saw that we they were preparing for a mighty battle (more on that later) so we walked around when we were suddenly blinded by a bright light and a booming voice commending us to stand in line and pay our respects to the Fairy Godmother – which we promptly did.

As we were standing in line, shaking from fear of retribution by the witch, our children, blissfully unaware of the danger, played at the Cinderella fountain. A magical fountain of Princess Cinderella decorated with talking rodents and forest animals slaving away in what seemed to us as a sweat shop making Imperial gowns.

In an extremely arrogant, yet expected move, the Empire has installed water fountains around the statue, so one has to kneel before the princess when drinking the precious liquid, only to look up and see a crown on her head (the crown is painted on the wall behind her).

We finally got to the front of the line, the Vile Vamp commanded our children to come forth, and in a sweet voice...which chilled the bones once spoken...asked them gingerly about their day while writing her mysterious and magical spells in their autograph books.

Barely escaping with our lives, we thanked the Fairy Godmother profusely and quickly went our merry way. At this time, we still didn’t tell the children they will be working as potato peelers…or any other menial kitchen duty…so in an evil scheme which would make the Empire proud, I stayed behind to “take some pictures” while Cheri continued on with the children.

After a few moments I returned, and announced that the Princess Cinderella herself came down and commanded us to report for kitchen duty…only I couldn’t…what I said was “invited us for lunch”, and in another magnificent lie which should make me an honorary Imperial Slave of the Month, I blurted out “and the Fairy Godmother gave me a dress for Isabella".
A dress we brazenly brought from home.

I hang my head in shame thinking about it now.

Isabella was happy as a dressmaker mouse...but she's only four (AND A HALF!!!)...her happiness only grew as we approached the grotto of the sea monster Ariel – who has put a magical spell on many men, among them a weak minded prince...and some say is the last evil sea siren mentioned in Homer’s Odyssey, which almost brought brave Ulysses to a bitter end.

However the wait was 20 minutes – we said we’ll come back while we went to pay homage to a magical talking bear and his friends, as well as the good hearted Queen who, through much effort, disguised herself as a sweet elderly and maternal merchant so she could bring her beloved step daughter some apples.

Only to meet her bitter end.

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh ride was a great success and brought many words of praise to the Empire, who diverted us to the store as we approached the end, however Snow White’s Scary Adventures lived up to it’s name. The ride glorified the Imperial apple taster, a witch which cast spells on innocent forest animals, while belittling her beloved and worrisome step-mother.

Who would take a beloved children’s character and scare the daylights of the kids who adore the Imperial apple taster and her loving step-mother?

Each rider is forced to sit in one of the dwarf's mine carts...an insult directed squarly at the beloved step-mother Queen.

As I was thinking that I suddenly noticed Cheri was taken into the Empire's grap ...or was it the bathroom…I can’t remember.

While waiting for my beloved wife (may she live a long life), the children tried to get out the Sword from the Stone...a display around Cinderella's Carousel.

Of course they couldn’t budge the Sword...from the Stone…because it’s impossible…because it’s a trick the Evil Empire plays on innocent little kids by promising them riches and glory only to be disappointed again and again.

As we made our way to the front of the palace in order to witness the spectacle of the Imperial celebration of its heroes, we encountered the highlight of our day. Princess Cinderella’s beloved step mother and step sisters – the three women who are celebrated for their beauty, talent and kindness. Those beloved figures are mainly known for taking an innocent small orphan into their collective bosoms and raising her to be a mighty princess. The children, as well as us, were delighted in meeting them at last – to counter the Fairy Godmother who commanded her presence to be known. They were generous, funny and an overall delight.

As we approached the show in front of the castle we were charmed to see the Benevolent Malcifent trying to save the Magic Kingdom from the Imperial gods – only to suffer a heart wrenching defeat (we understand that this mighty battle happens several times a day).

As a consolation prize we went on the Dumbo ride, a mind bending ride, which even though lacks pizzazz, sophistication & technological feats - still rated very high among all of soon-to-be Imperial slaves.

Now, I’m no rocket scientist but even I know those ears will have to be much bigger in order for the little butterball to fly.

We also tried to bare closeness in order to hear the sea siren sing – but the line got longer and the wait went from 20 minutes, to 40, then 60 and finally 90 minutes.

Never mind, we let the children loose in the Pooh’s Playful Spot - a tree house playground – where all the would be Imperial slave master such tasks as cleaning, opening doors, delivering messages and running.

At this time it started raining, but Isabella had her appointment at the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique, so the two ladies went off under protection of the Empire while the two men were left to fend for themselves in the stormy weather.

As it were, we entered the Imperial self promotion propaganda known as “Mickey's PhilharMagic”, a 4D movie which challenges your senses, as well as lets you cool down for 20 minutes in an air-conditioned theater which lets you appreciate the magnificent work the Empire has done over the years.
We will stop and pay homage this movie several more times in the next few days.

By that time it stopped raining, while Isabella was still in the process of being turned into an Imperial Princess, we ventured over to pay our respects to the Imperial enforcer – Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin.

Jakey and I went on the ride (which was OK) and were lucky enought to see the Enforcer himself – even though we didn’t get to go and pay our respects (we tried, but he had better things to do and an Imperial cast member told us to come back in 20 minutes – but we didn’t come back).
Some thanks for helping the Enforcer get his supplies of batteries back from Zurg: Friend to Children Everywhere (we have a theory that Zurg might be the Easter Bunny...but we're not sure).

We came back to the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique only to find out that Isabella’s transformation has finished and that we don’t know where the ladies are. I called Cheri and since there was no answer we decided to go on Cinderella’s Golden Carousel. A grand circle of majestic horses which Cinderella have seemingly turned into enchanted Imperial slaves and let innocent children get to take advantage of the horses day after day, hour after hour.

As we were on the carousel my phone rang…which I didn’t answer…because I was on the carousel. Turned out it was Cheri…who didn’t answer my call…because she was on the carousel.

What has the Empire done to my little girl?

She was barely recognizable with her hair slicked back, tons of makeup on and a whole bunch of “fairy dust” on her head (I still think they are small microchips which let the Empire keep track of their slaves).

Alas, she seemed happy…and if she’s happy so are we…because she has us wrapped around he little finger (but don’t tell her).

Finally, it was time to go into the castle and meet the filthy princess who has put many mice and men under her spell (not to mention scores of little girls), and see who gets to dine at her Royal Table. We were ushered in immediately, surrounded by magnificent mosaics depicting the life of the Princess, but to our surprise not to the kitchen but to meet the princess herself – we only assumed to get our orders.

The princess Cinderella...who is not nearly as filthy as her name suggests... rejoiced at meeting her new slaves, she immediately put Isabella under her charm, and to our horror even enchanted our beloved Jakey. After some mandatory pictures we were ushered into the dining room and served our measly lunch which consisted of appetizers (brochette, some cheeses and a salad for all four) , entrees (pork loin and the Majordomo beef entrée). For desserts we got the cheesecake and the chocolate buckle. As a surprise to Cheri I also got the Slipper dessert (which the Empire requires you to order 48 hours ahead of time).

As an added bonus, four more Imperial Princesses came out to check out the merchandise…and I do mean the new Imperial slaves. However, they cleverly disguised their evaluation as if they were interested in our children.

The princesses were:

Snow White – sorceress of forest animals and enemy to all senior citizens.
Sleeping Beauty – who cast her spell over our son by giving him an enchanted kiss of which he still talks about to this day.
Princess Jasmine – Accomplice of thieves and criminals
Belle – tamer of beasts and enchanted dishes (we understand that she might be our kitchen-boss).

Snow White even told Isabella that the diamonds on her new hair pins were from the dwarf's mine...Isabella had tears in her eyes...because she's a consciousness little girl...and knows about the evils of the "Dwarf Blood Biamonds"...or was she just excited....there is no way of knowing...because she's only four (AND A HALF!!!).

The desserts were excellent, but if we’ll be serving in the kitchen, we will have to do something about the quality of the entrees…maybe the mice also cook and as well as sew?

In order to let our food digest properly we took the ladies to another showing of Mickey's PhilharMagic – a show which has rotted our brains into believing the Imperial propaganda. Since we still didn’t get our assignments, we decided to go back to the Animal Kingdom Lodge for a rest – but the Empire must have had a strong hold on our kids – they will be no nap today, only fun at the pool.

Towards the evening it started to rain.
Should we chance it and go view the fireworks?
We don't know so we're doing the only sensible thing two responsible adults who are charged with the welfare of two lovely children could possibly do.

We ask a four (AND A HALF!!!!) year old if we should go.
She says “yes”.
We went and what do you know, even though it was raining giraffes and zebras at the Animal Kingdom Lodge, the Magic Kingdom is dry as a glass slipper.

After the fireworks we stuck around the park to help clean…as is our duty as Imperial slaves…but as it happened, the park was not busy and we were still in awe by the beautiful fireworks show. After which our little princess decided she must do the ride featuring the Imperial enforcer, Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin, as so her little brother won’t up do her one bit. We put our foot down and said “No!”, after all we have a whole park to clean, no time to waste and tomorrow is another busy day.

After the princess and her mother finished with the Buzz Lightyear ride…because she has us wrapped around her little finger (but don’t tell her)…we went to eat at Pescos Bill’s and to Peter Pan's Flight - which we got FastPass earlier (and quickly became a family favorite)

Maybe we would volunteer our servitude at Pescos Bill’s, to help raise their quality of food as well.

Today we triumphed…I’m sure our Imperial servitude will start tomorrow…

Pictures at: http://www.travelpod.com/travelblogp.../YES/tpod.html

surfmom

love the report... can't wait to hear if you drank around the worlds at Epcot. : )

zlaor

surfmom - thank you. We actually missed the EPCOT festival by a week or so. I would have liked to taste a few of the exotic beers they have there but not too much.
Heat + humidity + 2 kids + alcohol = impatient dad

surfmom

maybe we have simpler tastes, but we're usually happy with the Harp and the Peroni. And the countries in-between.

beer = expensive trip

(ie. "You want to pick a pearl from the oysters at Japan ? Great!" "Dad, can we do two, mine is smaller ?" "Ah.... sure")

your ds would probably love to do the masks at each country, I would imagine even the four (AND A HALF!!!) year old would like it too... next time, right ?

you get the cost thing... and people wonder how we can take our 3 kids to London and France next year ? Its cheaper than Disney!!!

BKP

zlaor -- Two questions: Your autograph books were amazing! Were those hand drawn or copied? Were you able to get the characters to sign on their pages? Loved it!

Did you really use the safetytats? Those are really funny! Did they wear off like regular temporary tattoos?

Dayenu

What is the difference between 3D and 4D?

surfmom

Dayenu, I've been there, so I'll share my perspective.

You wear 3D glasses... hence the 3D.

The 4D is when elements of the movie happen to your other senses... for example, if you remember the movie Fantasia, there is the clip about Mickey and the brooms that multiply while he is trying to mop the floor. In the middle of that, in an appropriate spot, they might have a quick burst of water so everyone feels a few drops.

Or, the wind is blowing in the movie... and they turn on high powered fans for a few minutes. (The best example I can think of would be if there were high powered fans during the tornado scene in 'Wizard of Oz' - altho that isn't part of this experience.)

oh evil zlaor (isn't that from the Buzz ride ?!?), praytell I am correct.

zlaor

surfmom - We did half a day in EPCOT, more on that later this week (and I'm happy with my Sam Adams ). That day wasn't a good day for DS so we cut it short.

BKP - Thank you very much, I wokred very hard on the autograph books. The covers are made from some scrap wood I had in the shop (next time I'll use cherry or some other nice wood).

The drawings were somewhat complex to make, they are a combination of hand drawing with colored pencils & PhotoShop.

We handed the autograph books to the characters opened to the page where we wanted them to sign, it's not uncommon. On the other side we put a picture of the kids with the character (after we came back).

An added bonus was that many of the characters wanted to look through the books (there are about 40 pages) so the kids got some extra time & attention. The wooden covers got a lot of attention, especially from the animators at Hollywood Studios.

Believe me I could write a book about how I made the books. They got very high marks on the wood working forms I'm on.

Yes, we used safetytats. They are regular temporary tatoos but printed with my wife's cell phone number on them. They come off with some water & soap.

Dayenu - 4D is Disney's term. Basically a 3D movie where, for example, some water gets spilled in the movie, they splash you with water, or they pump smell into the theatre etc.

zlaor

surfmom - you are correct about the 4D.

Righteous Dude...long live Crush...eh, he lived long enough.
Who's up for some soup?

surfmom

have you seen this video ?

http://www.gadling.com/2009/10/02/ti...ife-of-disney/

Dayenu

Thank you both, I've experienced this, only didn't realize... in the original D-land they showed some movie where mice escaped their cages, and they blew warm air close to the floor - people were screaming thinking the mice are running around

lindsyb

This is a fabulous report and I am looking forward to more.

zlaor

surfmom - that's a really cool video. Of course on such busy days I'm staying away from Disney, or any other resort / theme park for that matter.

zlaor

Again, I appreciate the kind words, comments and questions more then you realize.

------------------------------
Disney’s Animal Kingdom…Hakuna Matata

Getting anxious about our Imperial assignments has played its toll on us – and we woke up early the next morning. After the morning ritual of drinking the Imperial coffee... in the Imperial mug... while watching Imperial zebras, giraffes, antelopes, ankoles, etc. we quickly made our way to the bus.

Disney's Animal Kingdom is only opened until 17:00 – as to not disturb the animals…our wishes don’t count…because we are Imperial slaves, a life form lower than the most lowliest grub to grace the land of the Animal Kingdom...or the throats of Timon & Grand Puba Pumbaa...I'm not sure who we are lower then..most likely both.

We took advantage of the extra magic hours…which only happen in the morning at the Animal Kingdom…as to not to disturb the animals…because we are Imperial slaves…lower than a groveling hyena.

One thing was clear – there will be no mid-day rest today.

As we approached the Animal Kingdom we had to go through the same search by the Uniformed Imperial guards who from some reason did not ignore such creatures as us…maybe the word hasn’t gotten to them…or maybe it’s another grand conspiracy…or maybe, just maybe they’re not looking for us?

Nah….

Entering the park, we again had to compare our fingerprints to our entry tickets…except Jakey…because you don’t become an Imperial slave until the ripe old age of 3…so has the Mouse overlord decreed.

Mistakenly Cheri & I scanned the wrong tickets yesterday so now we have to switch tickets all the time…suckers…we finally fooled the Empire.

We walked gingerly towards the safari…because we heard it’s best in the morning…or after it rains…and it wasn’t raining.

We stopped for photo ops here and there, but after a gentle, yet wildly vocal, reminder from all members of the family that they don’t want to stop anymore we headed straight for the Kilmanjaro safari at the Harambe Wildlife Reserve.

The line wasn’t bad and the kids were very excited. The Empire promises you a two week excursion into the wild, and even supplies a bus with suitcases. The safari is a wonderful show of the Empire’s strength in handling even the most defiant of its subjects – like lions and tigers and rhinos and elephants and hippos (oh my!).

Suddenly, in the middle of our enjoyment... of what possibly could be the last family adventure before or Imperial servitude officially begins...the guide announces that a bunch of "poachers" (probably PETA members from a near by African village who came to rescue the Empire’s enslaved animals) were on the loose and it is up to us, the Imperial slaves, to capture them.

Capture them we did, but our safari had to be cut from two weeks to 20 minutes.

On our way to pick up our stroller (the one we brought from home, not the Imperial stroller) we stopped to see the Siverback gorillas which convinced us at the falsehood of the Imperial propaganda known as “Tarzan”. There is no way any man would stand toe to toe with these huge apes and walk away.

We made our way to pay the obligatory tribute to the Imperial gods in Camp Minnie-Mickey…where we understand the lines are short. The ruthless beings are dressed in safari outfits…no doubt hunting runaway Imperial slaves. We paid homage to Goofy the Guard Dog, the Mouse Overlord and his beloved wife.

We all fell in their trap and were enamored by their presence…except Jakey…who was smart enough to stay away from those majestic beings…or maybe teenagers in costumes freak him out…I’m not sure.

After finishing our tributes to the Imperial gods…and counting our blessings as we were not chosen for sacrifice…we made our way to catch the Imperial show of “Finding Nemo, the Musical” – a short version of the Imperial theatrical propaganda of self grandeur and importance.

Even though the show was in a cool, dark theatre we didn’t enjoy it as much as we thought and afterwards made our way to DinoLand where, seemingly, the Imperial has managed to bring to life the extinct creatures – and enslave them.

Isabella was brave enough to go with me on the Dinosaur ride…which scared the daylights out of her…and the Empire, in a typical move, took a picture of her face, filled with horror, only to try and sell it to us.

We didn’t buy …becase we're cheap that way...and we’re Imperial slaves…and don’t get paid.

From there we started feeling pains of hunger…because we are Imperial slaves…not just lions’ food…even though being eaten by the great King Simba might be a great honor.

Before our arduous tasks would be given to us we headed over to the Asia section (who knew the Empire owns Africa and Asia) for the famously delicious “Yak & Yeti”. Yes, the food there was better than several of the restaurants at the Imperial theme parks, but for us poor slaves, $100 for two adults and once child (our kids split the portion) for what seemed to us as Chinese food was a bit much…because we’re cheap that way (great decor though).

Luckily we’re on the dining plan and hence will never pay for food…but future Imperial slaves - beware.

Maybe, after we brought Cinderella’s Royal Table & Pecos Bill’s to the quality of such fabled eateries as “Wendy’s”, we can bring to the “Yak & Yeti” up to the standards of the “Happy Dragon Takeout Kitchen”.

As we left the “Yak & Yeti”, we headed over to Rafiki’s Planet Watch on the Imperial Train of the Monkey Advisor…or was it the Wildlife Express…I can’t remember – a stroller-less excursion into the heart..or the edge… of the Animal Kingdom.

We walked a few hundred feet after we got off the Imperial Train of the Monkey Advisor…the children started to get upset... because they thought their servitude has begun with a forced march…but the calmed down as we entered the cool relief of the Conservation Station.

Once at the Conservation Station we started, what we believe, our initiation into the Imperial slave force – we saw the working veterinary clinic, introduced to poop samples and even get to meet the Monkey Advisor – Rafiki himself – we expected to hear some words of wisdom only to be disappointed as he only patted Isabella on the head.

Again – Jakey showed us who has the brains in the family by staying away from the Imperial Monkey as well as the Imperial Cricket – Jiminy.

Yet he was again taken hostage by the beauty of Pocahontas and her magical tree grandmother – who put their Imperial spells on him. However they did not get Isabella who told Pocahontas she visited her home last year in Virginia – which threw them a loop and we got booted out the door straight to the Affection Section – a petting zoo.

We quickly left the Affection Section afraid that we won’t be let out…being Imperial slaves, and got on the Wildlife Express...I mean the Imperial Train of the Monkey Advisor.

Getting off the Imperial Train of the Monkey Advisor it started to rain so we headed over to the protection of King Simba and his minions at “The Festival of the Lion King” where Imperial slaves Pumbaa, Timon and other forest animals danced and sang in order to entertain King Simba and his court.

In a moment which every Imperial slave-parent would cherish for the rest of their short lives, our Isabella was picked out of the crowd to help the forest animals entertain the King of Beasts – we bid her a teary but proud farewell, wished her well in her new life and prayed to the Mouse Overlord that she won’t be used as a sacrifice.

At that moment, the Imperial deity known as "The Genie" decided to have a laugh at my expense... the batteries in my camera ran out.

A disappointment which was multiplied because it was brought on by a former Imperial slave. How soon we forget, oh Master of Gags…


However, on a much happier front, the Empire returned our soon-to-be-Imperial-slave daughter to us…maybe she was too skinny for King Simba….or not hairy enough…or because she's only four (AND A HALF!!!)...or King Simba found out she can’t hunt.

We are happy but cannot think what an insult it is for our family...not to mention extra air-fare...but we're not cheap that way (how dare you call us "cheap"?).

As the show ended, we left proudly proclaiming our new found celebrity – until we reached the edge of the theater and were slowly allured by the delicious smell of a freshly oiled funnel cake. We debated whether we should buy it or not, after all we are on the Empire’s dining plan and we don’t like spending money on such frivolous, extravagant entitlements like food, shelter, parking, etc….because we’re cheap that way.

By the time we finished devouring the delicious treat (later we found out it was “slave food”) it was around 16:30 and the Animal Kingdom was closing soon – and we have yet to receive our assignments from the Empire.

Scared that we might have missed our assignments we hurried over to the Maharaja Jungle Trek walking trail with animals in Asian-themed. We felt as if we were taking part of the live “Jungle Book” shoot, which of course we weren’t…but the trail looks like it…so we just imagined we were.

We tried to clean the tiger’s poop, but couldn’t get in the cage…and the tigers looked hungry…maybe we should get them a funnel cake?

Disappointed yet again – we headed for the hotel because tomorrow is another day...

Pictures at: http://www.travelpod.com/travelblogp.../YES/tpod.html

zlaor

Ooops, mis-spelled Poobah again.
D'OH!

zlaor

This entry is dedicated to surfmom
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EPCOT – Attempting to Catch a Turtle

We believe that this was the day that the kids finally realized their Imperial slave role…because that's the only way we can explain their behavior…or maybe it's because they’re just kids.

After the morning ritual of getting Imperial coffee in the Imperial mug and watching the Imperial animals I took the kids to the Imperial store at the lodge to find a magnet…just in case we make it back home…which we didn’t think would be the case…but you never know.

Both of them were wild…as if we there isn't a mall five minutes in every direction from our house.

We left for EPCOT because we had kitchen duty at Norway Pavillion's Akershus restaurant…we had to go through the same search by the Uniformed Imperial guards who just took a quick look…maybe they thought we were bringing water for Nemo.

We stopped at the Innovations center where the kids played and we got some time to cool down and plan how to tell them about our Imperial assignments…we chickened out and let them play their little hearts out…hoping they will find as much joy serving the Empire.

As we walked along to the Akershus restaurant, we practiced a slicing motion to mimic the Norwegian Potato Slicer 2000…the newest and most advanced slicer in the Empire. It seems that servitude was very popular since there were many Imperial slaves at the pavilion standing in-line to let the Imperial Norwegian worker know that they have arrived…on time…only to stand at another line to meet the beautiful and delightful Princess Belle …enchantress of beasts and dishes...in her bewitching yellow dress.

We fully expected Princess Belle to give us our daily assignments…finally…since other royalty has dutifully forgotten to give us our assignments…yet after finally being received 40 minutes after our appointed time…as to be expected from royalty but a black mark on the Empire’s record…we only took some pictures and were led into the kitchen.

Or so we thought…we were led into the dining room full of Imperial slaves…which was a bit tight and were fed breakfast. In a true Imperial slave treatment we were expected to get the “cold” portion of the food from a slave cart but the hot portion was served to us.

How can we be good Imperial kitchen-slaves if we aren’t trusted with hot food?

While we were eating a bunch of princesses were roaming the room…no doubt evaluating our performance at bringing food from the “slave cart” to the table…or making sure we weren’t “Eating Nemo”.

After some (no so) gentle hints, this Cinderella “remembered” Isabella & Jakey from our previous attempt at servitude at her castle (a nice touch to and touché to the princess for getting the hint).

The princesses who came to evaluate us were:
Cinderella – mistress of mice and men
Snow White – enchantress of dwarves
Sleeping Beauty – Enemy to mythical creatures
Ariel – Friend to dentists’ nieces and the one rumored to have “lost Nemo”

After finishing to eat we made our way to the kitchen…only to be turned around and find ourselves outside. Feeling we narrowly cheated a lifetime of servitude we made our way to the "The Seas with Nemo and Friends" attraction hoping to catch some fish to bring back to Princess Belle who might look upon us with a favorable eye in the future.

We climbed into our "clamobile" and got ready to catch some slippery fish. Once the tour started we realized we are in for a lost cause. The real fish were behind thick glass while the animated Finding Nemo characters were frolicking among them, teasing us to no end.

As we got out we made our way to "Turtle Talk with Crush", hoping to bring some turtles to Princess Belle for the evening’s festivities…again only to be met with failure for our objective (yet enjoyment from the show). Before the show I ran to get some "Soarin'" faspass – not knowing if any of the Princesses would like a ride …or maybe just the benevolent dentist from "Finding Nemo" – savior of fish and sea life.

After we left, Jakey realized that there will be no turtle soup tonight and voiced his disappointment...loudly... as only a two year old can.

To calm him down...because we're good parents...or had couldn't stand it anymore...it's hard to remember…we went to the "Circle of Life", a movie staring King Simba, Grand Poobah Pumbaa and Timon about the importance of protecting our planet…to show him how being an Imperial slave can benefit men kind…or so we’re told.

After the relaxing movie we made our way to the Spaceship Earth ride since Isabella wanted to go “inside the ball”…and she has us wrapped around her little finger (but don’t tell her). The ride was great, both kids enjoyed it and so did we. Jakey recognized the astronaut mural as “Buzz” which made his old man proud and hopeful that he will have a bright Imperial future.

We finished our tour at the Spaceship Eath Pavillion where we played some games, sent some e-postcards and dreaded the outside heat. However, we quickly managed to avoid the heat by going into an Imperial animation store – we quickly got out due to the overexcited kids, but not before an Imperial artists who was sketching at the store proclaimed his exhilaration about the hand made autograph books.

As we made our way to take advantage of the "Soarin’" FasPasses afforded to us by the Empire, Jackey – again – decided he wanted turtle soup – at this point we just hurried in doors (again) to cool down (again) and go on a ride (again). Since Jackey not only does not meet the Empire’s demand for slavery, but also doesn’t meet their height requirements Cheri was left to attend the tike while Daddy & Bella pretended they are Superman and Supergirl “Soarin’” above California.

Once we got out, Jackey was all smiles but Cheri was not. It was then decided to forego the “tour around the world” in EPCOT...even though Daddy had his heart set on some delicious pastries from the French pavilion…but there is nothing I’m not willing to do for my beloved wife…and that includes giving up delicious French pastries.

We returned to the lodge…maybe they’ll let us clean the pool.

As it turned out we confused the lodge by returning so early and we got some “free time” to enjoy the pool...an unheard of and unprecedented event in the life of an Imperial slave.

Jakey and I kicked a ball with an idol image of Nemo...we tried to get them interested in dentistry...but worshiping evil is much more fun...or is it kicking evil...I get confused.

After dinner we took the kids to story time & participate in a short parade where they were taught how to play African drums to the glory of the Empire.

Cheri took Jakey to sleep while Isabella and I went to view the animals with night vision goggles.

First flying, now night vision – a truly superhero of a day.

Alas tomorrow....we forgo royalty in favor an early wake up call to go and serve Plutocrat Pooh & Tycoon Tigger...

Pictures at: http://www.travelpod.com/travelblogp.../YES/tpod.html

zlaor

Magic Kingdom–The Kids Save the Day


If we only knew the day ahead we would have rejoiced at our lucky stars - however we didn't...so we won't.

We had early kitchen duty at the Empire's Crystal Palace. We woke up early to do the customary morning ritual: Imperial coffee in the Imperial mug and watching the Imperial animals.

Then we had to wake up the poor kids and dragged their behinds to the Magic Kingdom…because that is what to be expected from an Imperial slave…no days off…no vacations…ever!

We took some pictures in an empty park…in case we don't see each other again…which is very likely because today we are going to serve Pooh, Protector of the Empire, and his court…an assignment which will surely end in one or more of us…perhaps all…mauled to death.

As we stood in line at the Crystal Palace…shaking in fear…Jackey suddenly noticed Tigger the Terrible inside…his excitement grew as he proclaimed "Tigger, Tigger".

Oh, the innocence of childhood…we couldn't bear...or is it bare...I'll go with bear, just to be safe...anyway...we couldn't bear to tell him what horrors await.

As we were escorted…to what we expected to be the kitchen…we were diverted to a table with full view of the castle.

Could it be the Princess Cinderella is keeping a grudge?
After all we did manage to get out of the royal kitchen duty from under her nose not once, but twice!
Did Cinderella ordered the Protector to maul us to death in front of a full view of the castle…so she cold enjoy the scene of carnage?

It could…I wouldn't put anything past a woman who treats her beloved step-family the way she did.

But the Quarrelsome Quartet of Pooh, Protector of the Empire, Tigger the Terrible, Piglet the Procrastinator and "Eagle Eye" Eeyore took their time. We got served our drinks quickly…must be because the Quartet like their food juicy... and were directed to fatten ourselves with a bunch of delicious delicacies afforded to us via a fattening table … or as the Empire refers to it…a buffet.

At first to visit our table was "Eagle Eye" Eeyore, who must have lost his appetite when Jakey insisted he was a "horse" and led the kids in a parade – obviously to gain his appetite back.

As fans of classic literature... visions of the Pied Piper of Hamlin ran through our heads... and we breathed a sigh of relief when our kids were returned. However, not true to his nickname “Eagle Eye” proceeded to the next table.
We were spared the horror which is known as Eeyore and were allowed to live a few more moments.

Next came Piglet the Procrastinator – sharp fangs and a corkscrew tail which could puncture a battleship. True to form Jakey saved us again by brazenly and bravely chewing on pieces of bacon one after the other until the pig couldn’t stand it anymore (which pig I’m talking about remains to be seen) and left us alone.

Good job brave Sir Jacob.

However what happened next no-one could predicted, our table was visited by Tigger the Terrible – Terror of the Monorail. Our sweet Jakey was immediately enamored by the beast and gladly entered its claws.

The beast must have been as surprised as us…or maybe impressed by Jakey's past and present acts of bravery…and let him go.

We were shocked as we already started to mourn the tike.

But they left the worst for last –The Lord Protector of the Empire, Minister of Conquest and all around cuddly bear – Pooh!

We, again, looked at Jakey to save us all.

Using the tactics he perfected meeting Tigger the Terrible, Jakey attacked the gruesome bear with his charm and cuteness. Pooh was caught off guard and in his confusion and amazement led the kids, again, in a cheerful parade around the room to entice their appetites…so they’ll be tasty.

We didn’t wait to see what would happen; we grabbed our kids and left the Crystal Palace relieved and singing praise of Brave Sir Jacob to the tune made famous by an entrepreneurial and beloved young lady of years ago – Cruella DeVill.

As we left we, thought we heard an anguish scream of frustration and disappointment coming from the top floors of the infamous Imperial fortress.

Learning our lesson from days of yore we headed straight to Ariel’s grotto in order to pay our respects to the siren before she devour us whole. We were disappointed to find the line measured a mere 10 minutes to our imminent deaths.

We let the kids blissfully play in the splash ground while we stood in line trying to figure out a plan – alas no plan was formed in we were called in to the cave of the enchantress.

We expected a vile smell of human carcasses and dead fish, but to our surprise the cave was clean with the Ariel sitting on a rock, her fins intact and eyes glowing of maternal warm…to soften the flesh of little children.

What is now seen as a blessing from heaven, Bella & Jakey must have worked up a plan in the splash-ground because they turned up the charm and the one who has sunk many massive ships before has seemingly forgotten her devious plans and simply let us walk away.

Next we went to pay our respects to newest Imperial royalty – the Ferocious Fairies. Many Imperial slaves must have had the same thought because we stood in line for an hour, happily I might add, watching Imperial propaganda on a huge screen.

We had to check our calendars to make sure we didn’t go back in time to 1984...because of the propaganda...on the huge screen.

As we entered the room, we were told by an Imperial Donald Doctor...or is it Quack Doctor...I'm not sure...anyway, we were told that we will now be deformed to the size of a mere 5 inches as to not overshadow the Ferocious Fairies. Expecting excruciating pain we clung to each other proclaiming our love and ready to be transformed to these vile creatures.

However, this Frankensteinian process went through relatively painless, and only deformed myself…but I have lived a full life and G-d was gracious enough to give me a spare foot and nine spare fingers.

We paid our homage to the mighty fairies and fearlessly walked through the transformation hallway to regain our original size... even though I would have liked another inch or two...for the glory of the Empire.

To celebrate a joyful return to our proper size we honored the Empire by buying Isabella princess Minnie ears, Jakey a Buzz Lightyear hat, a picture frame and a magnet.

Simple joy as we felt today cannot be measured or described – the sweet smell of flowers at Mickey’s Country House or the cake baking in the oven at Minnie Mouse’s Country House were enticing as ever as we headed to Toontown Fair. The kids enjoyed the Imperial Summer Palaces and we enjoyed the “puns” which the Mouse Overlord has inserted into them…who knew such a serious rodent has a sense of humor…maybe he’s not that bad after all.

Bella and I have decided to pay our offer ourselves to Goofy the Guard dog by testing his newest torture device known as the “barnstormer”. A death trap car which tries to destroy one’s soul by throwing them into dangerous curves and hills – for a whole 30 seconds.

While we were risking our lives, Cheri & Jakey were getting fitted in sailor outfits to be a part of the crew of the “Miss Daisy”, Chairman Duck’s boat – only to be booted out due to Jakey’s love of bacon and inappropriate remarks about “Eagle Eye” Eeyore previously.

Narrowly escaping with our lives…again…we quickly ducked into the Imperial train to the main gate and made our escape (with almost all fingers and toes accounted for) to the lodge.

After a refreshing dip in the Imperial watering hole and a restful afternoon…for which thank the Empire to this day– we quickly got back to the Magic Kingdom for a sweet surprise.

As it happened, I arranged with the “powers that be” to be slaving away at the Wishes Dessert Party – and maybe even hope to view the fireworks from the terrace – however I could not divulge the surprise yet.

We ate dinner at Casey’s Corner - hot dogs & fries for all, while an Imperial Pianist played a magical piano that forced our children to dance like monkeys for others to be entertained...because that is what to be expected from an Imperial slave…no days off…no vacations…ever!

We made our way over to Tomorrowland’s Terrace were we checked in and got our Imperial bracelets. We were escorted over to the dessert buffet where a whole bunch of delectable delights were in reach…yet ...so far.

The torture the Empire puts us through has no bounds!

There were chocolate covered strawberries, canoles, various cheesecakes, tarts, brownies, cookies, truffles and the all enticing…Pistachio Crème Brulee; as well as coffee, tea, milk, various juices and, of course, chocolate milk.

And…to enhance our torturous servitude this was a buffet.

Yes, you read right…A DESSERT BUFFET…all desserts, none of that “good for you” stuff which ruined so many delicious meals.

We were escorted in and immediately went to see which trays need to be replaced only to see the Imperial staff whispering and cowering in horror. The were looking at our direction but they couldn’t be talking about us…the harmless soon-to-be-Imperial-slaves.

Could they?

Not at all of us…they have heard of Bella & Jakey’s acts of bravery and valor throughout the day – the way they defeated Pooh's Quarrelsome Quartet, outwitted the Sea Witch Ariel and survived the Fairies Hallway of Horrors.

Of course they chalked it out to the Imperial rumor mill and thought those stories were pure fiction such the legends about a Benevolent Dentist - Savior of Sea Life, or Brave Gaston - Protector of Villages, or Santa Sid - Fixer of Toys, or ...an African American President.

We were escorted to a honorary table and told to eat as our heart desires.
Boy did we eat... and then we ate some more.

At last the fireworks started and we got a celebratory and congratulatory prime spot right next to the railway...the party was also pretty empty so that might have been the cause as well.

However, we had one more hurdle to pass - at the beginning of the fireworks the Imperial forces sent an Imperial scout in the form of Tinkerbell to smoke out the new Imperial enemies.

We nervously watched the beautiful fireworks and breathed a sigh of relief when they were over without incident.

As we were leaving, I heard an Imperial Henchman whispering “PSSSTTTT”, and was suddenly thrust into a dark corner on the side of the bridge connection TomorrowLand and the main plaza.

What I heard put darkness upon me as if I was lost in the killing fields known as the “Hundred Acres Woods”.

“Beware the 17th of September” said the Imperial soothsayer, “where you will do battle with some of the Empire’s most sinister forces in a land named after a city of sin”.

He must have been talking about Hollywood Studios – a park renamed to forget the grandeur of yesteryear.

“Who should we prepare for?” - I asked.

“The Freighting Five” – he said has he backed away into the darkness.

The Freighting Five, as we all know consist of:

Commander Lightyear – General of the Imperial Clone Army
Sheriff Sinister - A law enforcer gone astray (legend has it he is Pinocchio reincarnated as he is supposedly made out of “wood”),
The “I”s - Two red elastic wearing domestic super powered beings whose name invokes such fear that they are never mentioned.
And the most sinister of the Freighting Five – the Imperial Janitor

At this point I was covered with cold chills; when Cheri asked me what was wrong, I told her about the conversation with the Imperial soothsayer when I noticed that she is slowly backing away.

“All I heard was 'fresh hot popcorn’” - she said.

Pictures at: http://www.travelpod.com/travelblogp.../YES/tpod.html