I, myself, would never fret over having to decline a destination celebration of any type. IMO, if someone wants to ensure that anyone specific is going to be at a destination event, then they need to contact said person(s) about the plans beforehand to see if they can attend. Otherwise, whether the one inviting or the invitee, my theory is "if you can't make it, you can't make it." I certainly could never see ending a relationship over it. Everyone has different circumstances whether it be finances, children, vacation time allotted, family issues, etc.

As a matter of fact, I had to decline an invitiation to attend a friend's week-long, chartered 40th birthday catamaran cruise out of the Bahamas later this year. I would love to participate, but it just doesn't work with our vacation schedules at that time, not to mention we already have travel funds allotted elsewhere for the year. And, she certainly understood.

As a recent bride (we're celebrating our one-year anniversary in a few weeks!), I understand all too well the pressures that can come with planning a wedding.

One thought that hasn't yet been mentioned (I don't think) is that a couple may choose a destination wedding to escape the pressures and massive guest list that often accompany a "hometown wedding." Many brides or grooms have parents who have lived in a town for years, and as such would have a difficult time NOT inviting all of those people when the wedding is right down the road. Though that may sound selfish, not every couple or family wants to have a huge wedding (or can afford to do so).

I'm not suggesting that all destination weddings are for this purpose, but by nature they do tend to be smaller, more intimate affairs. There's something wonderful about spending several days away with your nearest & dearest. Of course, they do so with the understanding that some won't be able to make it.

For my own wedding, I did get married in my hometown in NJ. However, my husband's family, my extended family, and many of our college friends live in NC and other states. As a result, 75% of my guests had to travel to attend. This could have been avoided if we were married in NC, but I have always dreamed of a wedding in my church, and our home is here in NYC now. We are grateful for those who made the trip to celebrate with us, and we did all we could (short of paying for flights, etc.) to accommodate and entertain those that were here. My in-laws also threw a party in their hometown to invite many of those extended family members and distant friends who could not make the trip. This allowed them to feel hospitable and inclusive, but also allowed us to have the small-ish wedding of our dreams.

This is just one bride's story, of course, but perhaps it will help shed some light on a very sensitive topic!

Curious, rncheryl, did the couple have grandparents and did they come? My parents couldn't see their great-grandchild get married and they just don't understand why. I don't think they are being judgmental either, just amazed at the lack of thought for them, their elders. They just couldn't get it.

I do, it's all about the couple now. But some from a different social structure don't understand entitlement in that sense. I think it takes more than being open-minded if your entire life was within another "thought-set" and tradition. It was all about "we" for them, and now it is much more about "me".

I'm glad for any great success, as you had. It just hasn't happened in cases by me.

Like most things, I think it depends a lot on the circumstances and no one rule fits everything. If people are already far flung and likely to have to fly no matter where the wedding is, then picking a central site that is also a nice destination can be a great choice. People may not be able to make it, but that would be true no matter where they picked the location. And picking a place that may have a variety of hotel options and/or easy transportation choices (direct flights etc) can help make it more feasible for a lot of people.

However, if there is a lot of family in one region and you know they won't be able to make it for health or financial reasons, then the couple should decide what's more important to them - having it at a special place, or having it where "special friends" can be present. Maybe the answer is to have a small wedding and then do a local reception, but there are a lot of factors to consider.

I'd want a reception where the people closest to me can be there, whether that's a destination wedding or not. However when the two families are far apart, this may not always be possible. While I feel no obligation to have a party for everyone I ever met and make sure they can attend, I would want to make the people I care about feel included and welcomed, and any arrangement that accomplishes that as much as possible is a good one to me.

it seems that this sentence has most impressed me in the entire thread because i suspect it is probably true

"As a matter of fact, many couples choose to have a destination wedding because they want something more intimate and are hoping less people could make it".

i certainly would not like to be invited to any wedding,or party, for that matter, that my declination of the invitation brought some type of joy/relief. quite sad.

I've only been to one destination wedding -- Hawaii for my BIL's wedding.

My new SIL's parents are divorced and don't get along. My new SIL is also very shy, has lost a lot of her hair due to an illness, and really did not want the pressure of a large, hometown wedding with feuding parents and lots of people staring at her.

A destination wedding was one way to keep the wedding small but still special for her and my BIL.

Was it an inconvenience and expensive for the guests? Yes. But I'm not sure I can fault my SIL and BIL for their choice given their circumstances.

Here is a Destination Wedding fer Ya'll, Go to Los Vegas, get married where they have an Internet Cam, make the appointment, call everyone and tell them the appointment time/date and all can show up via the Internet and watch Ya'll get hitched. Problem Solved! Ha. Just Kiddin.
I never dreamed to see such response. Tis an emotional issue. REally, LooSing A Friend This Way!!! Wow... A lot of self centered and selfish, thoughtless people out there!! Maybe there should be specialized Destination Wedding Counseling Services for those expecting everyone to drop everything and show up regardless of the expense, time from work, baby sitting issues...etc... Really?
Examine priorities, cherish a true friend, and marry to love, not impress! And, hold that love near and dear. Have a wedding to bond before your higher being/self/God!
I have watched a few weddings on the Net..no one that I knew. But, hey, looks fun!
I'm still lovin my 20 immediate family wedding! And, even more when I read all of this!!!

As I live in San Francisco, and my relatives in Boston, I could've gone to a Hawaiian wedding for about the same amount

If they buy me a round-trip plane ticket and pay for hotel, I wouldn't say a word. If they expect me to pay for everything, I would not be shy to decline politely.

The wedding day is "their" day. All you can do is to RSVP with either yes or no, and do you really need a reason?

We have been to a number of destination weddings due to the fact that our nieces and nephews live all over the world. In most cases they have chosen a place that is kind of central for everyone (if that is possible) and we have all had a wonderful time. We try to attend other friend's weddings when they are not in our local area but sometimes it is not possible and I don't feel bad and so far haven't had one bridal couple who were upset with us. We always tell them how much we would have loved to have been there and of course send them a gift and they have all sent us pictures from the wedding and a nice description of everything and we have enjoyed and appreciated that. I think people have to do what works for them and that includes the bride and groom who decide on a destination wedding (they often have their reasons that are very valid) and also the guests who find they cannot attend. Sometimes we can't do everything we'd like to do. Best wishes to all who have destination weddings and to those who have hometown weddings.

My daughter had a destination wedding in Barbados several years ago. Neither my daughter nor her fiance was living in their hometowns, and our family and her fiance's family are from different parts of the country. In addition, many of their friends live in scattered locations as well. Travel was going to be involved regardless of where they decided to have the ceremony.The guest list was limited to family and close friends of the bride and groom. A number of people were not able to attend, and this caused no hurt feelings. An invitation to a wedding is not a royal command.

The groom's family hosted the rehearsal dinner and everyone was invited to the dinner (not just the wedding party). Of course, the next evening the reception dinner was hosted by us.

In addition, the two families had never met, and it was lovely to meet on "neutral" territory, where we could all relax and get to know one another. I honestly think everyone had a wonderful time, and enjoyed the exotic location.

<I believe it you want to have a destination wedding - have it. For yourself (as Terrence did). Don't invite anyone and then you've not created any hurt feelings or guilt.>

Destination weddings without guests have been going on for a really long time. Another term for them is ELOPEMENT.

Boo hoo, a destination wedding in Hawaii? How I pity you, such a terrible place.

I'm not sure what I find funnier- that someone registered for a bathroom pail or that someone actually gave it as a gift!!

Bugswife1: Don't let a few people get to you. Although I shouldn't talk, I have taken a break from this board as I found some people to be judgmental and more (God forbid if you have one thing you don't like about their favorite cities). But there are lots of posters who are nice and truly give and need information. So take a break if you need to, but come back.

Bugswife, don't let the turkeys get you down. We all know who they are - it's best to ignore. I view posting on forums kind of like driving. People act in ways they wouldn't if they weren't anonymous. I just blow it off. I have enjoyed reading your posts, most recently your amusing post on the "Drowsy Chaperone" thread.

I wonder if weddings that take place in prisons are considered "destination weddings" :-?

I'm with Jolie--I never feel bad if I cannot make it! I have even missed weddings here at home because I already booked my vacation. I have been lucky enough to attend 3 destination weddings, and had a lot of fun....the omly one I didn't attend was my cousin's, where the air fare was outrageous for some reason. And we were fine with it...I think my mom even went without me!

The two very best have been in Hambleton, Rutland, England (www.hambletonhall.com) and here in San Miguel de Allende (www.casachorro.com)
Seriously amazing and world class.
M

I've got to say, this was the first topic at Fodor's that I felt compelled to respond to. I'm really amazed at the intensity of some of the responses and am a bit perplexed as to some of the seemingly "highly" emotional responses; aren't forums a place to express opinions and perhaps even learn from the experiences of others without being judgemental? Everyone is entitled to their opinion, however, I may have gotten more out of this thread had there not been so many negative, judgemental replies (and I'm not only talking about the responses to the person who asked the question; it seems people are even judgemental towards each other). I honestly only looked at this thread because I noticed that there were over a 100 responses, but I didn't imagine people would be hostile in their responses.

I think many of you have valid points for consideration; as they say, "you can please some of the people some of the time". I've found that there isn't a specific reason why people make certain decisions...everyone has to determine for themselves (in this case 1. destination vs. home wedding, 2. to go vs. not going) what is the best decision based on what best suites them. Will people be hurt? Perhaps. That is what we call life...by now we should all know that at times it can be very unfair. Good luck to everyone in whatever decision they make.

egem, Welcome to the Forums.
There are all sorts of posts here and all sorts of responses. Don't take away too much from just one example.