Destination weddings ruining your own travel plans?
May 6th, 2006, 05:53 PM
#1
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Destination weddings ruining your own travel plans?
I hope this is okay to post on this forum-I'd didn't see another in which it would really fit.
Destination weddings seem all the rage these days, but most of us have a finite amount of vacation time and money. One of my friends has decided to get married in Hawaii, and thank god we'd just booked our own vacation to Europe at the same time, because we couldn't have done both. We would have had to sacrifice our vacation. I've heard co-workers grumble about this, too, and it seems to be getting worse. Has anyone had to sacrifice their own plans to attend a wedding in a far flung locale? Did you consider it a nice vacation in it's own right, or did you resent the cost and vacation time? Is there a polite way to decline these invites so you can keep your own travel plans? Or, maybe I shouldn't even worry about being polite, because asking your guests to spend $600+ on a plane ticket, plus the cost of the resort, rental car, etc, is quite rude, in my opinion.
Destination weddings seem all the rage these days, but most of us have a finite amount of vacation time and money. One of my friends has decided to get married in Hawaii, and thank god we'd just booked our own vacation to Europe at the same time, because we couldn't have done both. We would have had to sacrifice our vacation. I've heard co-workers grumble about this, too, and it seems to be getting worse. Has anyone had to sacrifice their own plans to attend a wedding in a far flung locale? Did you consider it a nice vacation in it's own right, or did you resent the cost and vacation time? Is there a polite way to decline these invites so you can keep your own travel plans? Or, maybe I shouldn't even worry about being polite, because asking your guests to spend $600+ on a plane ticket, plus the cost of the resort, rental car, etc, is quite rude, in my opinion.
May 6th, 2006, 06:36 PM
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I recently returned from a wedding in Portugal and had a blast. But I do agree that nobody should be expected to make a trip like that if they really don't want to or if they have other ideas for vacationing. When a couple plans a destination wedding, they should do it with the understanding that even their closest friends abd family might not be able to attend, and that s/b OK.
BTW, my friends who were just married in Portugal will be hosting a reception in their home city in order to celebrate with those who couldn't make the trip.
BTW, my friends who were just married in Portugal will be hosting a reception in their home city in order to celebrate with those who couldn't make the trip.
May 6th, 2006, 06:44 PM
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I don't get why you seem to be ticked off.
I would never ever sacrifice my own plans for someone's wedding.
Either you can go or you can't go. It's that simple.
When couples decide to have a destination wedding, they understand that many people including family will not be able to make the trip.
I'm going to a destination wedding in Tortola in July and if it interfered in any other travel plans, I would not attend.
Instead, my best friend and I are using it as a girls only weekend.
I would never ever sacrifice my own plans for someone's wedding.
Either you can go or you can't go. It's that simple.
When couples decide to have a destination wedding, they understand that many people including family will not be able to make the trip.
I'm going to a destination wedding in Tortola in July and if it interfered in any other travel plans, I would not attend.
Instead, my best friend and I are using it as a girls only weekend.
May 6th, 2006, 06:47 PM
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What exactly is the point of a destination wedding? To give the couple a head start on arriving at their honeymoon vacation? To impose their choise of vacation dates and locale on everyone close to them? Not only are budgets (of both time and money) imposed upon, but many potential invitees might also not have the necessary stamina or interest in undertaking extensive travel. So I obviously come down on the side of considering this to be blind rudeness and selfishiness on the part of the bride and groom. IMHO, they should choose a wedding venue with at least some consideration for the convenience and preferences of the attendees.
Therefore, there's no reason to accommodate them, and you may feel free to decline the invitation without apologies or explanations even if you haven't already made other plans.
Therefore, there's no reason to accommodate them, and you may feel free to decline the invitation without apologies or explanations even if you haven't already made other plans.
May 6th, 2006, 06:50 PM
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Anonymous, couples are getting married later and later in life and a couple in their mid 30s getting married probably hasn't lived in their hometown for close to 20 years.
Considering people have to travel anyway, destination weddings have become big business.
Would you rather travel to Roanoke Virginia in February or Miami? Since people usually have to travel anyway, destination weddings have grown considerably in popularity.
Can't believe you think it is selfish.
If you have a problem, don't attend.
Considering people have to travel anyway, destination weddings have become big business.
Would you rather travel to Roanoke Virginia in February or Miami? Since people usually have to travel anyway, destination weddings have grown considerably in popularity.
Can't believe you think it is selfish.
If you have a problem, don't attend.
May 6th, 2006, 06:54 PM
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It's the couple's perogative to get married anywhere in the world they choose. It is their very special day, after all. Their decision making process would surely have included the probability that many of their close friends and/or family will not be joining them. I wouldn't feel "obligated" to spend money or time if I didn't really want to.
That said, I did attend such a wedding in Sweden (a location I would not have otherwise chosen) and we had the time of our lives.
Honesty is the best policy. There's no shame in saying "I can't afford it" or "I don't have enough vacation time", and let it go at that.
That said, I did attend such a wedding in Sweden (a location I would not have otherwise chosen) and we had the time of our lives.
Honesty is the best policy. There's no shame in saying "I can't afford it" or "I don't have enough vacation time", and let it go at that.
May 6th, 2006, 06:56 PM
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Here's a new twist. I have friends who were sort of complaining because they've had several destination weddings to attend. The last one was in Hawaii and cost them a small fortune to go. They didn't really want to go to Hawaii again and had other travel plans, but felt "obligated" to do so as they really do like their friends. But a month later the wedding couple had a huge reception back home for all the people who couldn't go to Hawaii. This couple was more than a little hurt that they had to pay a lot of money to attend the wedding,etc., but then they weren't invited to the big "free" sit down dinner, dance, and reception at home. In other words they now wish they had stuck with their other travel plans and joined the others at the big reception at home.
May 6th, 2006, 07:06 PM
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I'm one of 'those' couples having a destination wedding in Hawaii and guess what? It's because my Fiance and I love Hawaii so much that it is where we choose to have our special day and start our new life together. Personally, In my opinion "rude" that anyone would expect us to have a wedding at a location we wouldn't be happy with, just to accommodate them. Christy1 & Anonymous, by sending you an invitation no one is forcing you to go to the wedding. As PM and GoTravel said, it's completely understood, if not expected that some will not be able to attend a DW. As a matter of fact, many couples choose to have a destination wedding because they want something more intimate and are hoping less people could make it.
That being said, we spread the word ahead of time and only ended up sending invitations to our closest friends and family who had expressed that they would like to attend. We also let it known to those that are coming, that they're "presence" is our present and we're hosting several events besides the wedding to show our appreciation. Everyone that is coming is happy to make a vacation out of it. We're also hosting a reception at home for those who can & can't make it to our wedding.
That's why they send an RSVP card, so you can feel free to check 'decline'.
That being said, we spread the word ahead of time and only ended up sending invitations to our closest friends and family who had expressed that they would like to attend. We also let it known to those that are coming, that they're "presence" is our present and we're hosting several events besides the wedding to show our appreciation. Everyone that is coming is happy to make a vacation out of it. We're also hosting a reception at home for those who can & can't make it to our wedding.
That's why they send an RSVP card, so you can feel free to check 'decline'.
May 6th, 2006, 07:30 PM
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In a perfect world, you guys are right-I'd love to be able to decline and know that no one's feelings are hurt, that no one thinks we're being rude, etc. But you do forget all the pressure people feel from family and friends to attend the wedding. For close friends and family, it's not really considered optional to attend.
I definitely disagree with the "people have to travel anyway"-I go to a wedding or two a year among family and friends in my city, and if I do travel, I can fly and find lodging within the continental US fairly inexpensively. Not so with Hawaii.
But, from what you guys are saying, I guess I'll just take the view that the couple won't care if we're not there, or, like ggrtist is saying, the couple is trying to keep the party small by having it at an expensive destination.
Good point, MrsKiss.
I didn't know there was another thread-I'll check that out.
I definitely disagree with the "people have to travel anyway"-I go to a wedding or two a year among family and friends in my city, and if I do travel, I can fly and find lodging within the continental US fairly inexpensively. Not so with Hawaii.
But, from what you guys are saying, I guess I'll just take the view that the couple won't care if we're not there, or, like ggrtist is saying, the couple is trying to keep the party small by having it at an expensive destination.
Good point, MrsKiss.
I didn't know there was another thread-I'll check that out.
May 6th, 2006, 07:36 PM
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Hi Christy1, I wouldn't say that the couple doesn't care...but just that for the most part, they really understand that many won't, can't, or maybe don't want to attend a destination wedding. I can understand how an immediate family member would feel obligated to go and would worry about hurting feelings if they can't make it, but as MrsKiss said, someone who cares would understand.
May 6th, 2006, 07:51 PM
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It is a lot to ask of a friend or a family member..the expense as well as the time. And, for me, that would involve time from my job, as well as my husband's job. That is a huge consideration. Along with that: boarding the pets, taking the children or not...finding a babysitter perhaps...yikes...for overnight...or nights.... If the wedding couple doesn't get it if you can't go...then come on?? The expense alone is a lot to ask. Picking up and going away is not a small undertaking. If you would find yourself swallowing guilt you should examine that...wouldn't you feel guilt for spending the family vacation money on a wedding trip instead of for your own vacation on your own time, and importance, or for that matter, using the money for your own family life expenses. That would be guilt that I would harbor if I went to a wedding to just please the wedding couple.
May 6th, 2006, 07:59 PM
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I think weddings alone are ruining travel plans. Weddings now aren't just the wedding day itself, but all of the associated jazz that has become the norm. The sheer number of parties that people have for weddings (and thereby requiring a gift) is getting out of control.
I think too many brides are buying into this "a wedding is my day and I will do what I want regardless of others" bit that is furthered by shows like "Bridezilla." It is important to realize that most people cannot take off 3 days off work to travel cross-country or to another country, rent a car, pay for hotel, etc... It's just getting out of control.
And as for the idea that you can just not go if you can't afford it, as other posters noted that it pretty impractical if you are a close friend or family member. We were put in a bad position when one of our good friends got married in another state about 11 hours away. My husband was starting a new job the Monday after the wedding, and we weren't in a good place financially to go. Us not going was definitely an "issue" that made relations awkward, despite the fact that we explained the logistics. And while I know that we weren't rude, that still doesn't change the fact that these types of things can lead to hard feelings.
I think too many brides are buying into this "a wedding is my day and I will do what I want regardless of others" bit that is furthered by shows like "Bridezilla." It is important to realize that most people cannot take off 3 days off work to travel cross-country or to another country, rent a car, pay for hotel, etc... It's just getting out of control.
And as for the idea that you can just not go if you can't afford it, as other posters noted that it pretty impractical if you are a close friend or family member. We were put in a bad position when one of our good friends got married in another state about 11 hours away. My husband was starting a new job the Monday after the wedding, and we weren't in a good place financially to go. Us not going was definitely an "issue" that made relations awkward, despite the fact that we explained the logistics. And while I know that we weren't rude, that still doesn't change the fact that these types of things can lead to hard feelings.
May 6th, 2006, 08:23 PM
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Mah1980 makes some great points! Weddings are out of control. Here's an example: At the end of May we are attending a wedding where 250 people are invited to the wedding/dinner & an additional 250 to the "evening reception"! Since the end of February there has been a pre-wedding party every single weekend...showers, dessert parties, dinners, etc....it is crazy! And, each time we bring a present!
I think that I wld rather go to a "destination wedding" than to go through all of this again....or, do they still have all of these pre-wedding events prior to the destination wedding??
I think that I wld rather go to a "destination wedding" than to go through all of this again....or, do they still have all of these pre-wedding events prior to the destination wedding??
May 6th, 2006, 08:48 PM
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We have never felt the need or obligation to spend a couple/few thousand dollars to attend a wedding.
I don't think anyone throwing one of these weddings needs any more of an excuse or explanation than it is not possible for you to travel to this place at this time. And send a nice big present.
Even with family, (who should be most aware of the inconvenience/expense) if one has to say Sorry, I can't make it, they should be understanding.
The best destination wedding I can remember was when a doctor friends daughter was married, at their home in Jamaica one winter...yes, we did attend LOL...
I don't think anyone throwing one of these weddings needs any more of an excuse or explanation than it is not possible for you to travel to this place at this time. And send a nice big present.
Even with family, (who should be most aware of the inconvenience/expense) if one has to say Sorry, I can't make it, they should be understanding.
The best destination wedding I can remember was when a doctor friends daughter was married, at their home in Jamaica one winter...yes, we did attend LOL...
May 6th, 2006, 08:57 PM
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Just say no. It worked for Nancy Reagan and it'll work for you.
Seriously, if your "close friends" refuse to understand why you can't afford to attend a destination wedding, or why you can't or don't want to give them a present every weekend for 3 months straight, they're not really much of a friend. Why not figure that out now, instead of after you've spent all that money on them?
And yes, it is that simple.
Seriously, if your "close friends" refuse to understand why you can't afford to attend a destination wedding, or why you can't or don't want to give them a present every weekend for 3 months straight, they're not really much of a friend. Why not figure that out now, instead of after you've spent all that money on them?
And yes, it is that simple.
May 7th, 2006, 03:28 AM
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I am not sure I would go so far as to call it selfish, but I have a problem when the couple seems hurt or surprised that even close family and friends do not attend. It is not always strictly that we can not afford time or money, it is sometimes that we choose to spend our time and money elsewhere. I really prefer to travel on my own terms, not as a group experience. (Maybe I would feel differently if I had a big family, don't know)
Hard to explain to a couple that you will not be attending for financial or time factors when you then take off on an obviously expensive family vacation 4 weeks later. So when I decline, I just decline with a pleasant note saying I am sorry I won't be able to be there - no excuses offered, because they might seem quite lame to the couple. If they probe for a specific reason, I consider that incredibly tacky and just smile and change the subject.
Hard to explain to a couple that you will not be attending for financial or time factors when you then take off on an obviously expensive family vacation 4 weeks later. So when I decline, I just decline with a pleasant note saying I am sorry I won't be able to be there - no excuses offered, because they might seem quite lame to the couple. If they probe for a specific reason, I consider that incredibly tacky and just smile and change the subject.
