I would contact him and ask him how he'd like to proceed on this. Tell him that you would like to take the trip and will refund his portion. However, if he states an intention to go, let him be the one to use the trip, provided he offer the same financial deal. To me, that is the honorable solution.

If he refunds the money and goes, you can still find alternative travel arrangements.

Do this right thing and take the guy who would've been his best man.

WEll, Gee, I think it would be clear to the fellow that she DOESN'T care (that much) about his feelings if she cancelled the wedding! Hello????
Funny how many replies were polite and helpful unil those who take these things personally took over.

Karen, you are a class act. It must have been hard to write those notes. Best of luck in whatever you do.

couldn't resist adding my 2 cents. it was the right thing to do to call the whole thing off. better that (for both of you) than to be where you don't want to be. in time he'll see that too. only getting away to get perspective will help. take that trip! refund his money should he choose, or maybe he can do the trip later on his own time. i would find out some answers from the companies, etc...you booked with. then suck it up and contact him with the options or whatever. no use in calling now to see what he wants to do. seems to me he wouldn't be in the kind of state to think rationally. but perhaps if you lay it out for him and say 'this is what you can do, let me know what you decide' that seems to be fair. best of luck to you both.

I think the first thing you need to do is contact the travel places where all of these have been scheduled and find out what you can do. Then proceed. You will have to pay more for a single supplement anyway. If x-fiance doesn't want to go, then maybe you can go with a friend, and give back his money. At any rate, it will still end up costing more if you go alone I would think.

The one thing I've always told friends getting married is that if they decide that it's the wrong thing to do (even with the church full), DON'T DO IT! I will stand behind them. As hard as it is now, Congratulations on making your decision BEFORE the wedding!

That said, I think you do need to attempt to contact him about the trip. If he's not interested in going, see if you can get a friend to go, otherwise go by yourself. Obviously if anything can be refunded, he should get the money. It would make life truly interesting if he decides to go ahead and utilize his part of that vacation. In that case, give him the first choice of half the plans. And go, avoid him, and have a great time.

Just want to say thank you to everyone who has posted. I must admit that a few of the postings made me want to "fire back," so to speak, but I don't think that would do much good for anybody.
I will be calling my ex-fiance today to ask him how he would like to handle the honeymoon plans. If he does not want to go, I will pay him his 50% and take the trip myself. If he does want to go, I'll let him decide if he wants to take the trip alone and repay my 50% (and I'll book a different trip) or have us both use the plane tickets, then figure out different hotels and itineraries from there (and work out costs accordingly).
Thank you again for the good thoughts. I read this board often and I am amazed at how many sincere and kind postings I received.

I broke up with a b-friend of four years just 2 weeks before a big vacation. I was seriously considering going myself, but he, the "dumpee" announced that HE was taking the trip...so he could get away from things, and have sometime alone to think. First I was mad/disappointed because *I* wanted to go...but then thought, since I dumped him out of the blue, I owed him *something*. Karen, don't be surprised if your ex wants to take the vacation, either to "get away", or to spite you since you dumped him.

Maybe he will go and you can rekindle the romance under the stars of the outback.

Good luck Karen -- I was the "dumpee" in a similar situation. My fiance cancelled our wedding three months before the day. I was devastated but I see now that it was for the best. That was almost two years ago and both he and I are in new relationships. Your ex will get over this and so will you. God bless.

You should take the trip, and tell him you're taking the trip. If he goes too, spring for the extra room. If he doesn't go, reimburse him for 50%.

But it's very sad that you guys aren't still talking. My advice to you for future relationships is to talk more. Talk talk talk talk talk. Share your feelings more often. The fact that he's "not saying much" now is probably because he was so misleaded and uninformed by how you felt. Now he's in protection mode.

Just think: If you had been more open about your feelings before, this relationship might have ended peacefully and you two could have remained friends - and gone on the trip together!

-darvy

Just posting a final update for those who were so kind and helpful (earlier today) --
I spoke to my ex on the phone and asked what he would like to do about the honeymoon plans. He is not interested in taking the trip; he's going to spend a few weeks in California with his brother instead. I am sending him a check for 50% of the honeymoon costs and will take the trip alone. I'm so glad I spoke to him about it, I think this will work out okay for both of us. Thank you for the advice.