CAPH, I am sending many good thoughts to you and your husband as you talk with the doctor and make your decision. Others have said it all so well ... that I will not try to add anything except that I'm thinking of you two so much and wishing you well!

Caph-I can't say anything else that you haven't heard. I'll echo that if the dr. gives you the go ahead and your husband is up to it then---GO!! Carpe diem!

Please keep us updated.

Just got that call from the doctor. He thinks we should go! As we got in to the conversation, he did temper it by saying "If he can stand it psychologically". But he said that, physically, there's absolutely no reason not to go. And that, requardless (regardless? I'm not on aol, don't have my spell check!) of the results of this next p.e.t. scan, he feels he's going to want to wait 6 weeks and do another one.

As I posted on FF R&R, he has the referral and is tentatively scheduled for Wednesday afternoon. The doctor said we'd talk again at the end of the week so he must feel he'll have the results by then.

So it all hinges on whether my husband feels he'd be able to relax and enjoy it. And I'm certainly fine with whatever he decides. The only thing I'm slightly nervous about is the car rental. If we decide at the last minute that we do want to go, are we going to have a hard time with that? I've read that you shouldn't wait until you get to Ireland. But I certainly don't want to go ahead with it as long as we're this unsure. However, I'm sure it will all work out.

May the wind be at your back! Enjoy!

Hi Caph! Don't worry about the car rental right now...you've dealt with much more challenging stuff. My feeling is that the car rental will be a breeze, comparatively speaking.

Good advice, STW! And thanks, JJ5!

Wonderful. I'd agree about not worrying about a car rental, but if you are the type that would worry, see what the cancellation policy is and book one anyway perhaps. Whatever you and your hubby decide, will be the right decision for you. One step at a time.

Hi Caph:

First let me say I wish you and your husband all the best. Hugs and prayers to you both!

Like nessundorma and enzian, I too, have "been there, done that." Funny, I felt exactly the same way as they did. I had WAY too much worry to enjoy something like an overseas trip until I knew where I stood with things. Plus physically it would have been much too demanding. Your husband will know if he feels comfortable going and if he could enjoy it. I'm sure lots of well intentioned folks thought it would be good for me to get my mind off of things, but sometimes with something like this its just not possible. Just ask him and let him guide (make)the decision.

In my case, AFTER I got some good news at the end of treatment, I physically & mentally felt up to a long weekend getaway (a car trip), but then really celebrated about 3 months later when I had gotten more energy back and was more stable(actually hiked the south rim of the Grand Canyon). It was the best vacation of my life.

Whatever hubby decides will be the right thing to do. If you don't go now, just think that you WILL go soon.

Lots of prayers and well wishes to you both. I know how difficult it is to be the caregiver so I do hope you can getaway soon!!!

Zoom

Hi CAPH, just came back to see if you had any more news..and you do, good news!! I have never been to Ireland but I would think that at this time of year it would not be as difficult to get a rental car as it would be in summer. But checking out what the cancellation policy would be is certainly the thing to do.

You sound relaxed and ready to roll with the punches regarding this trip. May the decision your dear husband you make be the right one. I along with everyone else sure wish you a beautiful trip if you two decide to visit Ireland.

There's absolutely no reason to go into all of this. But it's sort of been bothering me...

Nessundorma, one of the things you mentioned was the family aspect of this trip. Believe me, if the trip were with my husband's family, I would've cancelled without giving it a second thought! He went down to visit his mother last weekend and I was worried the whole time that they were going to make him feel like he could keel over at any second. Sure enough, when he came back he said he felt as if he'd been to his own wake. So I certainly know what you mean!

But this trip is with my family. As much as my brothers like and respect my husband, he's their brother-in-law, not their brother. It does make a difference. And they're men. My husband has seven sisters! I hate to generalize about these things. But I do think men tend to be less emotional in situations like this. They're extremely understanding about my husband's situation. And will have no problem whatsoever with any adjustments that have to be made. Including our cancelling. But, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that, should we decide to go, they WILL NOT treat my husband like a "sick person".

And, of course, our kids are our kids. They're gonna be with their dad whether we take the trip or not! Although going would give my daughter an extra week with us. Her spring break is the week before the trip. But all of her professors have said they have no problem with her missing that week for an opportunity like this.

Okay, I got that off my chest! Thanks.

Do I know what you mean, CAPH52! This last weekend I spent with my parents both days and we had all young people with short visits and none of the tearful crepe hangers. The moaning hand holders all had colds and nearly everyone over 30 stayed home.

We (Mom,sister, I) were cooking and everything was practically like NORMAL. It SO much matters who is in the "audience" for activities away or AT home when there is "sickness".

I loved having my teenage nephews, they don't cart any emotional baggage to lay on anyone, nor do they cut you any slack in normal conversation either.

It does matter GREATLY the context of the participants.

Hi, Caph52,

That's great that you called the airlines and got that off your mind. As for a car rental: I find it next to impossible to believe that Irish car rentals agencies are overwhelmed with demand in March. I wouldn't worry about it. Like you said, it will all work out.

I haven't a doubt in the world that you know all the players and their pesonalities better than any of us do, and it's certainly good to hear your family knows how to behave.

Hope you've been able to find some moments of calm.

best
n.

CAPH, I'm so glad this is working out for you to make the trip.

The only thing I can add is that I know both of you would hate to look back and regret not going.

Godspeed and have a wonderful trip!

Thanks, everyone. You're not going to believe this, but now we're leaning back the other way!

My husband and I had a great one of our little mini-adventures into the city yesterday. It'd been a long time since he'd felt up to it. We found a quiet little bar/restaurant in Bucktown/Ukranian Village. Had some really good beer, a great appetizer and a good, long conversation about the trip (among other things!).

My husband feels that as long as things stay this up in the air, he's not going to be able to relax and enjoy the trip. Possibly more to the point, he feels it would be a waste of the weeks vacation. I'd forgotten that he took off a week at the very beginning of the year so that we could spend some good family time together and spend a few days with his mother while our kids were off school. He wants to save another week for taking our daughter back to school in September (a trip that, this year, will include college visits for our son). And he wants to save a third week to break up to make some long weekends for other college trips for our son. If he uses the remaining week now, when things are so unsettled, he won't have any time left for a celebratory trip when this is all behind us. That argument makes a lot of sense to me.

We're really in a very good position right now in terms of being able to be flexible. Whether we go or don't go, there's nothing that has to be done right this moment. And I don't want to burn any bridges just yet. As I think I mentioned earlier, the doctor seems to think he may have the test results by the end of the week. I really don't think he's expecting anything conclusive from this. But, on the off chance that by some miracle it does turn out to be good news and we feel like celebrating, we can still go. If not, I think it's a very good idea to hang on to that week of vacation!

I'll keep you posted. And, again, thanks for all the responses!

Oh CAPH, sometimes getting out of the house and away from minute to minute distractions does help, doesn't it? I know that often my husband and I would "escape" to SF for the day, just so we could have some down time. Often being away for just the day resulted in casual chats that led to some serious conversations and problems got resolved. So hard sometime in the house with children, phones, chores etc.

I would imagine you are all relaxed now regarding Ireland. And again my prayers that all future news will be nothing but wonderful news.

I was trying to hold out for FF R&R. But it looks like jorr's not going to start it early this week.

We got the most wonderful news in the world today. My husband is in complete remission! He had the PET/CT scan late yesterday afternoon. His dr. called a little less than 24 hours later to give us the good news.

So it looks like our trip just may be back on! My husband still seems a little reluctant. But, damn it, I'm going to push. He needs this trip. As my daughter said, we all need this trip!And we have so much to celebrate!

Oh CAPH, a huge hug of celebration for you and your DH, your entire family.
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What very good news this is indeed. We have all been pulling for you and this news warms my heart.
How relieved you must be. My very best to all of you, this trip will mean so much more now, won't it!?!

Tiff

Oh CAPH, a chill went up my spine when I read your absolutely wonderful news!! Our prayers were answered.

Dear one, your husband is no doubt just total exhausted from all he has been through. Give him a few days to absorb this fantastic news and he will probably be raring to go! You all have been through so much. Thank you for letting us know. It certainly puts a smile on my face.

Thanks so much, Tiff and LoveItaly! Can't tell you how much your prayers and good wishes have meant through all of this.

YA-HOO!!!