Claro, buen viaje!
M

No, you didn't imagine the trip report. I saw it too. It was alos in another thread. I reported it to Fodor's. DOn't know if that had anything to do with it's disappearance, but I'm glad that straightened out.

Now that I've read your most recent post and have all that info, I think could well be the trip of a lifetime. I do hope you go.

FF

Hi Caph, as usual you're received some excellent advice from the fodor family. And i echo their thoughts; if you get the ok from the doc, by all means GO. It could be the best 'therapy' yet!

The week will go by so quickly and remember, you'll have so many of us thinking of you each day and praying. You'll likely have the time of your life! Hugs to you both.

I hope you're able to go and have a wonderful time.

Surely, Guinness and whiskey will only do you both good!

Caph, I think your 4th post on this thread answers your own question - GO!

Thank you all for sharing your wisdom and support! You've brightened my day immensely! How would I ever have gotten through these past few months without Fodor's?!!

CAPH2,

Speaking as a cancer survivor, and married to a cancer survivor, I know if I were the patient, I would want to make the decision, and without pressure to go one way or the other. When I was facing pathology reports, sometimes I just couldn't focus on anything else and actually didn't want to. It would be pretty hard to describe to anybody how much noise was going on in my head. I certainly never wanted to feel like I was running out of time, and that I couldn't postpone things or that if I didn't do something right away, I might not be able to do it a few months later.

Also, I often found dealing with relatives the most difficult thing about both my own and my husband's cancer. The relatives would sometimes be inappropriately emotional. It's great if your husband would get a lot out of seeing everybody, but he's entitled to skip this event if he suspects it just wouldn't work for him.

It's great that you are so open about what's going on in your head, because I'm sure your husband doesn't want to make this decision without your input. You can share with him what the travel mavens here on Fodo's say -- but that's who we are: people who love travel so much they are always are looking forward to the next trip. But that's just one point of view. A lot of people love and need the reassurance of the familar and their work and routines when they are dealing with illness. Travel is less important to them.

When my father had cancer, my mother had planned a big anniversary trip for them to take, which he ultimately asked to cancel. My mother, who had never been sick a day in her life, really had a hard time understanding why he didn't at least make the effort. He couldn't explain it, but I understood how he felt. His body was asking him to take it easy, and as much as he loved anniversary celebrations (and my mother) he felt it was everybody's best interests to sit that one out. My mom finally got it and it all turned out OK.

My own husband has a rule that he lives by that I really appreciate. It's that he never makes a decision because of an externally imposed deadline. We were once tempted to buy a beautiful house we weren't totally sure was the right one but we knew it would go to anotther buyer is we didn't make up our mind within 48 hours. We told ourselves that was no basis for a wise decision. We ended up in a great house in a totally different town (close to the airport! Yay!) and we're glad we didn't rush into that other house.

So having air tickets and car rental with "fixed" dates isn't a reason to jump for taking a trip your husband hasn't told you he wants to take. You should go if your husband wants to go. I don't think that's oversimplifying the situation.

Best wishes!

Nessundorma, thank you so very much for taking the time to give me another perspective on this whole thing. What you say makes a lot of sense and gives me a lot to think about.

There's the inclination to think that a break from a bad situation has to be a good thing. But I certainly understand your point that sometimes it just isn't possible to take a "mental break". After all, there's no running away from it.

I guess I still feel that he needs a break. But you've made me realize that even if *he* feels he needs one, that doesn't mean he's going to be able to do it. However, I also keep remembering how often lately he's told me that he's having so much trouble staying focused at work.

Speaking only of my own feelings, not his, I guess that after reading your post I'm torn between thinking that this is something we need to do now, while he's feeling good and our kids are still "home" or thinking that we need to postpone it in the hopes that, a few months or a year from now, we'll be able to do it under better circumstances. (Which I guess is just another way of phrasing what I said in my original post!)

I certainly understand your point about making decisions because of deadlines. And I think that it's probably very often a good rule. But there are also times when not jumping on an opportunity leads to regret.

I called the oncologist's office a few minutes ago and left a message for him. Maybe I shouldn't have. But, after all, if he says the timing is wrong, then that's our answer. So we may as well deal with that first.

And, nessundorma, I do very much understand your point that this has to be his decision. Thank you for reminding me of that.

Good thoughts and prayers are with you both. Hope the decision becomes clearer. Whatever you decide together will be the right decision.

Hello, CAPH52,

I am new here and hesitated before saying anything, but as (yet another) survivor I would have said exactly what Nessundorma so eloquently expressed. It really is his decision, and depends a lot upon his mental state. I know when I was facing tests and diagnosis, there was a black curtain in front of me, blocking my way toward anything like a trip. It would not have cheered me up or distracted me from the worry. In my experience, the "seize the monent" inclination comes after the diagnosis, when you know what you have to deal with. Before that, the uncertainty just tears you up. Even if you believe you are doing what might be best for him, only your husband can say. I apologize if this makes it more difficult for you.

Hello dear CAHPH. Just read your thread and all the good thinking posts. I am glad you called the Dr's office and no doubt, however the conversation goes when the Dr calls you back, it will help you and your husband make the proper decision.

As much as I love to travel there have been a few times that it has not been right for me and people trying to push me to travel, all with good intentions of course, only caused me more stress. I didn't take the trips and was so glad I didn't.

And there have been a few times I "pushed" myself and was so glad I did get away even though various events beforehand had me thinking it was not the right time to travel.

I do know that a family member by marriage would travel inbetween chemo treatments and did get so much out of her trips. She did take it easier of course (a midday nap) while her spouse did some sightseeing on his own.

I am sure between you and your dear husband you will make the right decision after you receive the Dr's opinions. My very best to you and your husband.

Hi CAPH

I'm glad you called the doctor.

It's a decision that you will both need to make together. I will pray for clarity and that you will both feel in your hearts what is best the best thing to do.

Thanks again. I really appreciate everyone sharing their experiences and their good wishes.

For right now, I'm just gonna sit tight and wait for the doctor to call.

Clarity is definitely what I need!

I think this trip has become the new cell phone. And so as not to be rude, I'll explain that remark -- a couple of weeks ago I was obsessing about my lost cell phone because it was easier than worrying about my husband's test results.

Hello dear CAPH ~ The wisdom of the advice that you have received is bountiful and heartfelt. I will add that you all as always are in my thoughts and I send you strength!

You and your DH, along with his physician will know in your hearts what is best. You are amazing.

Tiff

CAPH52,

I'm glad to see I didn't inadvertantly say something that was just the wrong thing.

I certainly appreciate the complexity of all your feelings and the conflicting, unresolved thoughts. Just don't let the thought of "losing" money trick you into thinking everything has to be decided today or tomorrow or even by March 24.

Have you looked at it this way:

If you don't get on the plane, it won't cost a dime more than if you do get the plane. You've already spent that money. The tickets are bought, and all you ever really wanted from spending that money was an enjoyable time with your husband. Maybe now you'd rather spend that enjoyable time at home rather than in Ireland, where your husband may not be having a good time. No point is insisting on "using" the tickets just to use them if they aren't going to get you want you really want.

The airlines can't take away your reservations. You don't owe it to the rest of the world to free up the seats on the plane. Those are your tickets, so take as long as you and your husband need to think it over.

I hope March brings you and your husband many moments of mutual joy with each other, whether it's at home or abroad!

I can't add anything. Like Tiff said, everyone has spoken from their hearts. Just know whatever you both decide, it will be the right decision.


Many Hugs,
OWJ

PS Caph,

What I was really trying to say is that you once before almost cancelled this trip and decided not to, even though you knew that maybe you might end up not going at the last minute. So take the chance again. Hold on to the tickets as long as you need for things to get clear. They may get clear tomorrow. Even fi tomorrow you decide to go, you could sprain YOUR ankle and have to cancel!

If you end up not going, you're not any further behind than if you'd cancelled months ago. In both cases you were right to not let the ups and downs of the medical situation cause you to make a decision prematurely.

Nessundorma's posts got me thinking that maybe I should call American and find out just exactly what our situation was in regard to cancellation. I'd assumed that it would be a situation where we'd pay a fee and keep the "account" at American to be used later. Turns out that, with our particular tickets and fare, with a doctor's letter, we're eligible for a full medical refund! She said that as long as we cancel before the flight actually takes off, we'll have up to a year after to apply for the refund. And that would apply to all four of the tickets.

So that eases my mind about making the decision within the next few days. And, although I was fine with losing the fee for canceling, it's certainly better not to have to pay it!

CAPH, the information you received from American has to take some pressure off of you..that is good news!!

Caph--I don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said, but just wanted to let you know that I am still thinking about you and your family. I hope you get to speak to the doctor today and can make a decision. You know that whenever you take this trip, we are all going to be so excited to hear about it!