travelingmum

I frequently travel with my two kids, without my husband. My son will be turning 10 in June, but he's small for his age, looks more like 7. He is refusing to use the women's restroom anymore, which is making me very uneasy in airports. Usually when he uses the men's room I stand right outside and say very loudly as he's walking in "I am right here if you need me!" But when it's my daughter's and my turn, I have him stand right outside the women's room, alone. And I am just scared leaving him alone like that. How do others handle this? Should I just force him to use the women's restroom? I never see any other "big boys" in the women's room, so am I just being way overprotective?

LoveItaly

Hello travelingmum, as someone who has travelled with grandsons and stepgrandsons (I only had a daughter) somewhere around age eight years of age or so none of them wanted to use the ladies room so like you I stood outside. I also was aware of how long they were in the mens room. There never was a problem. And yes, I had them stand outside the ladies room when I had to use it. I would give them my carryon bag to hold for me. And of course when in stores it was the same situation, well except for no carryon bag.

I don't think your son's size matters but instead it is his age. If your son is good about following instructions and hopefully he is he should be just fine. And I assume you don't spend a long time in the ladies room.

So no, I wouldn't force him to go into the ladies room. From all of my experiences with boys that would be very uncomfortable for him as he has expressed his opinion on the subject. I know it is hard to make decisions regarding children at times but unless your child is a "problem", such as wandering off while you use the ladies room for example I would respect his wishes. Best regards.

Iowa_Redhead

At 10 he's old enough to be fine standing right outside the door for the short amount of time you're in there. In an airport, there are tons of cameras and tons of security people so that if he yells he'll have quite a few people to help him immediately. There usually isn't a crowd gathered outside of the women's bathroom so it's not likely that someone could sneak up on him and quietly grab him.

Personally, at 10 I do think that he's fine and you're being a smidge overprotective (you're a Mom, overprotective usually comes in the job description). I think saying "I'm right here" into the men's room is overprotective, doesn't do anything and is likely embarrassing for a 10 year old boy. However, I don't have kids so my opinion has little value on this one.

travelingmum

Thanks LoveItaly and IowaRedhead for your responses. I guess I just needed to hear I wasn't being irresponsible by leaving him out there alone and hopefully I will stop panicking in time. It's hard letting go!

LoveItaly

"It's hard letting go!", oh I so understand travelingmum. The first time I let my oldest stepgrandson go into the men's room at a store in San Francisco I was so worried. He was in and out in no time at all, so fast I don't think he washed his hands, lol, and I heaved a big sigh of relief. But when we went to a restaurant for lunch I insisted he go to the men's room to wash his hands, he was quite annoyed, and although I stood outside I was more relaxed. I than had him sit at the table while I used the ladies room and when I returned I found that he and a waiter were having a great conversation about the various dishes on the menu. He was quite the "grown up" young man even if he was around 8 years of age. It is difficult I know and quite a challenge so I sure understand. P.S. This same stepgrandson will be getting married sometime in the near future..where did the years go to I keep wondering.

suze

He needs to be using the men's room. 10 years old is too old imo to be using the ladies. I agree with each just waiting outside for the other, and of course you keep track of the time and could march yourself into the men's room if something doesn't seem right or takes too long.

travelingmum

Thanks for the input!

djkbooks

I'd send him into the men's room alone. But, can't you and your daughter take turns and one wait outside the ladies' room with him?

Lynnaustin

I went through this with two boys and often took them both right inside with me when they were younger.
One thing that I always did tell them when they were old enough (10 is old enough) was to go into a "stall" in the men's room so they could close the door. It's tough for boys to "go" when there are others standing around doing the same thing.
Some airports have family bathrooms. Every once in a while I see a "big boy" in the ladies room and that's okay with me. Sometimes you also see a male attendant with a lady who needs wheelchair assistance, some airports even have signage noting this.

huskermom

I don't think you're being over protective--better safe than sorry. Several years ago, we had a young boy attacked in a restroom in our small city. I took my boys (now 11 and 14) into the women's room with me when they were much younger. I still send my older son into the men's room with the 11 year old when we're traveling together. If it's just my younger son and me, I have him wait for me outside the door, but within ear shot if he would yell. I think the big thing is preparing them for what to do if someone would approach them--the whole "stranger danger" thing. If they know to yell for help and make a ton of noise if something is really wrong, it makes all the difference in the world.

huskermom

Forgot to add--when just the two of us are traveling, I send the 11 year old into the men's room alone, and tell him to use a stall. I stand by the restroom door and wait for him. Again, he knows to yell like crazy in the million to one chance that anything inappropriate would happen, and I'd be in that men's room in a second if it did I've had men walking into the restroom smile, and comment to me that their wives do the same thing with their sons...not a big deal.

travelingmum

Thanks for the replies. It's the idea of someone walking off with him while he's waiting for me that frightens me, but you're right, it's not as if he's a three year old that would go along willingly and I've told him that if anyone scares him to just come inside the ladies room and wait for me there. I appreciate hearing how others have handled this!

djkbooks

I just do not understand why you can't wait outside the mens room for him, then one or the other of you stay with him outside the ladies room?

huskermom

Maybe her daughter is younger than her son?

huskermom

I think the big thing is preparing him so he knows what to do. Unfortunately, we live in a world where someone could grab him while he's waiting for the school bus..it happens. I'm American, and stories like that are on our news all the time . You might feel more comfortable if you look up "stranger danger" tactics to use with your kids. I've always had a code word with my boys--if someone would come up to them saying that I've been hurt or I couldn't make it to pick them up, the person should know the special code word before the boys go with them. If they don't, the kids should run, yell, and find another adult as quickly as possible, like a store clerk or another adult with children, etc. I practiced it with them so they knew what to do. Both of you are going to feel more relaxed and safer if everyone knows what to do. You don't want to frighten him--just make sure he feels more in control. Another tip--we always try to find restrooms, etc. where there's lots of traffic outside. Someone is pretty unlikely to try to take a child if there are people milling all around, and the child is screaming like crazy .

huskermom

Forgot to add--I've told my 11 year old to do the same thing as well--head into the ladies room if there's a problem--no one there is going to care. Anyone who's been a parent understands. I've had other moms come up to me and ask if I could keep an eye on a child while the mom's been in a restroom--not a biggie.

huskermom

At 11, he'd rather die than go into the women's restroom (that's why we have the yell and find someone plan) but if he was frightened enough he'd do it.

travellingdad

I have a daughter and 2 sons so we've been through this as well. I agree his age is key here, not his size. I feel airports are relatively safe places - because you can't take anyone anywjhere without some kind of ID. If you're terribly concerned, just tell him to yell really loud if someone does anything untoward. I've found young boys are very good at yelling loud !

TC

Most airports have "family rest rooms" that can be used for either sex. Have you looked for that option?