Bokhara2

Question for the Parents/Grandparents changing their plans/moving to be with their children/grandchildren.
No Agenda here, just curious:

What if your children moved overseas / to the other side of your country? Would you up stumps & go, too?

LucieV

While our grandchildren are young, my husband and I both want to be able to be with them as much as possible. If our son and DIL were to move overseas (which is a real possibility, in light of the fact that our DIL is European-born and all of her family remains in Europe), I doubt we would move overseas. But as long as they are in the USA, and as long as our grandchildren are young, we would not even consider leaving the country for more than a month or two.

(Fwiw, had you asked me the same question before I became a grandparent, I am quite sure I would not have had the same response -- I had no idea that I would feel this way!)

nelsonian

Our grand-children live about 35 mins away by plane. About five hours by car and ferry!!! We try to see them every two or three months just so they know we are in their lives. I remember what fun my two children had with their grandparents when they were growing up, we lived about 10 minutes away by car. We visited their other grandparents every school holidays, (a five hour car trip). We eventually shifted to be closer to them. My parents then shifted to be close to us and their grand-children. Grandparents are very important in my opinion!!!

Cathinjoetown

Our life in France is much happier with the grandkids a short flight or 12-hour drive away in the south of England.

Being in the US when they were born and very little was tough but now at ages 4, 5 and 6 (two families) they love coming down here and we get over to them 2-3 times a year. They are not lacking for loving grandparents right at their door so all goes well. We try to keep our visits low-key and not swoop in with too many material things. Nothing is better than reading a book with a little sweetheart on your lap.

Sarge, all the best. I know your future trips to Italy will be wonderful and one day you can share them with your grandkids.

flygirl

Oh Sarge! I'm so proud of you for doing this but I'm also bummed for you that it's going to come to an end so soon. You worked so hard for so long to make this dream a reality. I know this is a very emotional and tough decision for you and you're doing what's best for you and your family. You also had a rough go of it the first few weeks with your illness.

I wonder, though - now that you've made the tough decision, and that burden of a decision is behind you - you know there's an end date and you know you're going home... not to mention the stressful administrative nightmare with your cats hasn't happened yet... do you think that you could take this summer one month at a time and see what happens if you stay until August 1, or even September 1? It sounds like your lodging is month to month?

Maybe if you mentally see this as nothing more than an extended vacation, with a finite end date (a little later than a few weeks away) that you might end up enjoying the summer, or even part of it, in Italy?

You've done so much more than many do; so many talk of "someday" but never take concrete steps to make it happen - you did all that and more! Thank you for sharing that all with us. Including your decision; I know it was a tough one.

sarge56

flygirl, I'll be back in the fall. Already planning a return trip then, and very possibly for Christmas or early spring.

However, I've made the decision to go now- and go I will, on Wednesday this week.

Thanks for all your support, Fodor friends. Your input has been rewarding, humbling, straight-forward and I really appreciate it!

sassy27

I am so sorry so see your dream is coming to an end so soon but as my great grandmother would say "If you don't poke your nose, you'll never know" and poke your nose you did. It's better you tried and found out it wasn't right instead of never knowing and always wondering. What you experienced is priceless and don't let anyone ever tell you differently.

Celiaanne2

So sorry to read this, Sarge, but happy to see that you are making a choice that seems better for you. I wish you happiness where ever you are.

Grandchildren - IMHO, you just can't understand the connection until you have them. When I would hear that so and so wanted to move to a warmer climate but wouldn't because of the grandchildren, I though she was CRAZY. However, eight years ago tomorrow, I realized what they were talking about.

Wishing you the best.

kybourbon

>>>But I know my grandkids do (especially the two who were recently abandoned by their mother [another story, another day]). This is right for all of us.<<<

I don't have grandchildren, but it seems in this case at this time in their lives, they need you more than you need Italy. Italy will always be there and you can try again when they are older (maybe during summer when they are out of school and can have an extended visit with you in Italy).

flygirl

Frequent trips to Italy are a fantastic idea! Cin-cin.

tuscanlifeedit

Bokhara, if my grandchildren moved overseas, I would be devastated.

Since birth, they were a 7+ hour drive away, and I wore grooves in those roads, driving back and forth. After my granddaughter was born last year, I told my husband that if the kids didn't move here, I was moving there. He could come or not, but I was going.

Luckily, my son-in-law found a job here. I had made up my mind that I needed to live near those kids, no matter what.

Grandchildren totally changed my priorities. I feel that I was born to be a grandmother. It is the role that suits me best, more than any other role I've carried in my life.

But it sounds like a lot of others here feel the same way.

Welcome home, Sarge. Safe journeys.

Bokhara2

You'd have had lots of new residences if you'd been my friend's kids' grandmother, Tuscan.

He's a geologist and they've lived in 3 states in Australia and in Germany, Italy, Turkey and Japan. So far. Their eldest is 23 now and all 4 kids are multilingual & seem pretty rounded, nice people. My friend's parents live in Australia and his wife's in the UK.

They used to come back to Australia for Christmas and saw a reasonable amount of the UK parents when they lived in Europe.

Interesting comment about moving to be with your grandchildren, even if your husband didn't go. Would you have done it?

Momddtravel2

(Fwiw, had you asked me the same question before I became a grandparent, I am quite sure I would not have had the same response -- I had no idea that I would feel this way!)>

So so true! I was missing a piece of my heart when we moved to Texas and left our granddaughter in California ... Soon our grandson was born & thankfully I was back in ca every 4-6 weeks... And then they moved here

Now we have 3 & I would not move by choice... I love seeing them often and getting to be a part of their dailies..

Sarge welcome home!!!

tuscanlifeedit

Bokhara, would I have done it? Well, luckily I didn't have to, but yes, I think if he had refused to come, I would have.

Once I decided that I had to live near them, my husband agreed that we would find a way to do it together if it came to that. I just wasn't sure that he would want to give up everything here.

Long before grandchildren, I had always wanted to leave our area, and he was never open to it. So I stayed, but once I got to the point that I needed to be with those kids, staying without them just seemed impossible.

I babysat Tuesday and Friday and had dinner with them tonight. Momdd loves being a part of their daily routines and that is how I feel. I think it's actually the way things were meant to be.

jill_h

Sarge - any updates?

Kitties okay?

Kiddos okay?

Sarge okay?

jill_h

Oh NEVER MIND -- I see you started a newer thread!