i am in disagreement with my wife over travel budgets.we have gone quite a few times to europe which were successes. when i suggested our next trip she did not look very enthusiastic and said the reason is that travelling with me means we cant use cabs/nice hotels/nice dinners etc.

my reasoning is that i thought we prefered to get away to europe cheaply every few months,than have to save for years to go on a all expenses included vacation.i also reason that we should do as much *travelling* as possible now as we wont be young forever.*relaxing* can be done at any age.

additionally:

using under $100 a night hotels means we can stay 11 days instead of 9,
not using a taxi to/from airport means we can stay 12 days instead of 11,
buying food from the grocer instead of eating out means we can stay 15 days instead of 12
however i dont skimp on paying entrance fees/museums/using tour guides etc

when you are in disagreement over what budget hotel/use of taxi etc how do you usually end up deciding? do you compromise?

PS I am not that new here, just wearing a paper bag

This seems like an easy compromise to me, paperbag. Since you say you are "getting away to Europe every few months," let's say that makes 4 trips a year.

All you have to do is make one less trip per year and use that money to make one of your other trips a bit more luxurious. Wouldn't your wife go for that?

Also, you state "I thought we preferred..." Obviously you two need to do a bit more honest talking about what you each prefer!

How funny!

Your wife and my husband would love travelling together.

We compromise in a couple of different ways. Over the long haul it probably evens out. If we are going where I want to go, we do it his way. If he chooses the destination, we do it my way. We always manage to enjoy ourselves.

The paper bag reminds me of the Pina Colada song . . .

Sorry, but I'm with your wife. I'd rather stay 5 days and enjoy myself than 10 days living like a hobo. A vacation is a VACATION. Nice hotels, lovely meals, not schlepping like a refugee from a war-torn country. My husband has learned that we won't go if we have to stay in a junky hotel. I already did that in college. And food from the grocery store? How is that a vacation?

Your rationale and logic really is similar to mine.

Until I can have "it all" I consider myself blessed to have any at all!

Mess with her mind, tell her you'll go by yourself.

She's right! You can't even pop for a few uppercase letters!

I avidly take cabs in NYC, where I live even though the subway is very convenient.

When I'm in Europe though, I tend to walk or use public transportation, not necessarily because I'm cheap, but because I don't feel very comfortable with cabs overseas when I don't speak the language. And I'm always paranoid that I'll be ripped off or taken for a ride.

Perhaps you could try taking cabs more on the next trip? Have your wife communicate to the driver and see how she likes it. After a couple of times, she might feel more comfortable with walking and/or public transportation.

I'd handle the situation the same way with dinners and hotels. If you can show her that the extra $50 or $100 may not mean much in terms of comfort and enjoyment, then she is probably more likely to travel your way.

I don't think that you can just talk about it. I think you need to experience it and decide for yourself whether the money spent is indeed worthwhile.

Grasshopper, that was VERY funny! But I agree with paperbags wife, I am too old;-) to be uncomfortable and unhappy....if I can't afford the type of getaway that I can truly enjoy, then I won't go. But I know LOTS of other people feel differantly....m it's a vanilla/chocolate thing IMO.

Your wife has to be happy with the standard of the trip, and it sounds like she is clear that she prefers a shorter trip to a longer trip if she gets more luxury. So postpone the next trip to save more money, and let her decide how much to spend.

paperbag,

Perhaps it's time to let your wife have a turn in planning vacations.

paperbag, I'm with your wife. I don't know how young you are, but in my youth, I traveled a bit and stayed in enough dungeons to appreciate the difference between them and a fairly decent hotel. At this point, staying for 10 days in a really cheap hotel just so I can be there for the 10 days, doesn't make it a good experience. And after all, it IS about the experience, isn't it? Not just the length of time you're somewhere.

There are compromises you can make, you know. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing. You can take cabs sometimes, eat at a nice restaurant a few nights, and picnic other times. You could upgrade to a moderate hotel and stay a few days less.

And compromise is essential, because after all, it's her vacation too.

Paperbag -

IMHO your wife is absolutely correct!

Perhaps if you are under 30 and really scrimping to buy a house - or really trying to survive on a shoestring - then go el cheap - but at a certain point in life you have to grow up - and enjoy things! Otherwise it's not really a vacation!

(Aren't there any other ways to save this money - that she might be more comfortable with - so you don;t have to cut down on the # of trips?)

It sounds like you have been able to do quite a few economy trips and your wife is now ready to step it up a notch. How about a compromise? Some ecomony hotels and some nicer ones? Some inexpensive meals and a few splurges? Taxi from the airport to the hotel (when you're jet lagged) and public transportation back, etc.

I don't believe, however, on too much cooking on vacation -- that's not a vacation. However, deli sandwiches for lunch or similar such foods for easy breakfasts and lunches and then going out for dinner can work well.

My husband and I have found that we have done the economy trips (and enjoyed them), but are now ready for (and appreciate) a few splurges. When our budget is tight we simplify, but, when we can comfortably afford to upgrade, we do so. Of course, sometimes what is important to me isn't so important to him, etc. and then we have to compromise.

I think you can find a happy medium and enjoy many trips to come. What you don't want is a travel partner that is complaining or unhappy much of the trip. Good luck!

paperbag:

Getting away to Europe every few months is certainly a luxury most people can't afford on any budget. It seems to me if you cut back and go just a couple of times a year your problems are solved.

That said, we stay in hotels in Europe that are under $100 a night that are what I consider "nice," so your wife would need to be specific about what kind of hotel/services she expects. I've never felt like I was slumming it at my favorite hotel in Paris, and it's under $100 a night (though just barely with the current exchange rate).

Taking cabs I just don't get. The only times I take cabs in Europe is to and from airports and if I have a late-night get-together with friends at a place that's distant from my hotel. I would never just use cabs to get around a city. I think that's wasteful on most people's budgets.

Nice dinners - well, I do cringe at the thought of going to Europe for 10 days and eating all my food from a grocery store - that does smack of real cheapness, even if you're not foodies. I can see the occasional picnic or snack in the hotel room, but for me to go to Europe and eat all my food from a grocery store would have me climbing the walls. I think that's way off base, even for the student backpacker crowd.

Your statement "I thought we preferred....." is enlightening. Obviously, one of the "we" didn't, and we can't help you sort that out.

It appears that you don't skimp on the items that you find important. It is probably poetic justice that many hotels in Europe have single beds, because I don't think you need a double very often.
I used to agree with the cheap route but found out that our vacations were much more enjoyable when I stopped worrying about the bottom line.
"When mamma ain't happy, nobody's happy"-misquoted from Dr. Phil

Well, as a budget traveller I'd just like to question the received wisdom that the more you spend, the more you'll enjoy the trip. It depends upon why you're travelling and what you want to do. Of course, you don't want to stay in a dump or starve, but beyond that, I really do think that people's needs and expectations differ. Too bad that paperbag's and his wife's do...

St. Cirq,
Can you give me a list of your under $100 per night hotels in Europe? We are going in June and they are costing way more than that for something quite standard. A couple of years ago, we had no trouble finding under $100 per night in Paris, but Rome and London were and are quite a bit more. And our favorites in Paris, which again are quite standard, are now above $100. Please share your hotel names! Thanks.

I can't believe that with all these responses, I'm the first to ask WHO will be cooking all those meals from the grocery store??

My compromise? Staying in an apartment for the longer trip. You would be the one getting fresh breakfast and making the bed!!

I think you can stay in a nice hotel and save money in different ways. Have a big late lunch and a smaller dinner. Go to a less expensive city- or out in the country.

My husband and I are in our late 50s and have made 15 trips to Europe in so many years(mostly to Italy, a couple to Croatia). We travel very simply (usually 2 star hotels, sometimes 1 star) because we really like to. We could afford to upgrade but we have had such wonderful trips and enjoyed the idiosycracies of our little hotels so much, we are reluctant to change. We also only travel on public transportation. Basically we just like the change from our normal life and this works for us. I book well in advance so we really have our choice of cheaper hotels in great locations and we have been very lucky so far. We do take taxis when we have luggage and we'll travel first class on the train if it is crowded or we are making last minute plans and want seats for a longer trip. Anyway, these are my two bits. Some people just prefer a simple style and of course it helps if both people have the same style.
One other comment. We seem to enjoy our trips more than a lot of other people we know who travel more expensively - they are not always dreaming of the next trip and don't go as often.

I think this is more a spousal communication/compromise problem than it is a travel problem that anyone can solve for you.

I would be very surprised if the 'how to spend the money' issue hasn't come up before--how do you usually solve it?

There is no right answer here, it is a personal issue. It's the same reason one person has an expensive car and another doesn't, one person would rather splurge on a great restaurant, another happily eats bread and cheese but wants to spend money on clothes.
Someone else is putting kids through college and can't splurge at all for now.

When I plan my own trips my budget and my preferences differ. Sometimes I'm squeezing out an extra 4 day trip and am okay with a 2-star hotel and very simple meals. Other times I am really tired of skimping with the thin towels and the tiny room, and want to pamper myself a little, so I stay in a nicer place and go for less time, or cut back on something else at home.
Unless you are a zillionaire, there are always budget compromises of one kind or another.

I will say that if you save up for a longer, nicer, vacation taken less often, at least you're not paying for airfare as often.