Patrick: That’s pretty much it in a nutshell.

(And for info: Toms – Thomas Moores – whores

septic – septic tank – yank;

hedge fund – the dot com bubble de nos jours;

Chancers – people who believe in the tooth fairy or that the laws of economics can be suspended if you wear a shiny enough suit;

Poodlefakers: The sort of chap who wears co-respondent shoes

Bint – an old Doris

Air-dog – one of those yappy mutts that never touches the ground as it’s carried everywhere and put on a cushion when it gets to its destination)

David West, I really enjoyed the words and definitions. Is some of that Cockney rhyming slang?

We stayed in Faversham for a few days this summer where we met an old man who was a retired Beefeater and was being a guide for the open church/garden festival that we went to. He said he was born a Cockney and demonstrated his rhyming slang. It was very interesting to talk to him.

A young American couple that we know moved to London this summer. He was complaining that people at work called him "septic tank." Now I get the connection- Yank!

Yes some of it is rhyming slang – the bits that rhyme!

Rhyming slang isn’t a static thing; it changes all the time. Some is very obsolete now, whereas recent additions include things like Brittney Spears – beers (as in “fancy some Brittneys?” Dave? Don’t mind if I do, I’ll have a nelson” (nelson Mandela - stella). When I was younger the slang for this was either pig’s ears or Don Revies (bevvies. Don Revie was a football manager in the 70s)

Also as the substances of choice change so does the slang. Gianluca is cocaine (Gianluca vialli – charlie), Gary Abletts – tablets (or Mick Mills – pills) (they’re both footballers), also things like “bumbles” (bumblebees – “E”s).

Cobblers.

No true Londoner's ever even heard of septic tanks. They don't have them down the Mile End Road, they don't have them in Romford and they don't have them on Footballers' Wives.

They DO have them, though, in the wilder bits of Gloucestershire. Where all those Eton-educated Mockney chums of Big Ears hang out.

So "septic" is entirely an invention of merchant bankers. In both senses of the word.

Complete orchestras Flanneur old chap, complete orchestras.

Everyone in Romford would know what a “septic” was, as well as a captain, a bubble, a jam roll a sweatty and so on.

London slang , as that’s what it is, forget all that bow-bells pony, is a living dialect (or sub dialect at least) and it is informed by all strata in society.

So there (and no returns)!

Hmm...no septic tanks in 'Footballer's Wives'..? I think flanner just might have suggested a whole new plot line for the next series. Or indeed two. There are now American owners of a Premiership club, so there's one plotline to pretend to keep some contact with reality; the second plotline could involve a lot of explosives and embarrassment for one character or another. I don't suppose US viewers will ever get to see Footballers' Wives (which may be just as well) - just imagine Dynasty without the profound meta-intellectual moral analysis, and with all the women in charge, when they're not in court, prison, rehab or Versace.

But this is turning into far too much of a Friday afternoon thread.

Merchant bankers inventing rhyming slang? How declassé. Do they also affect the appropriate accent?

<i>p.s.</i> I <u>do</u> think there are numerous better ways to select a hotel than by what tube stop it's near. Look at a bus map and you'll see it's possible to get from anywhere to anywhere else on the surface.

<b>http://www.tfl.gov.uk/buses/pdfdocs/centlond.pdf
</b>

&quot;Merchant bankers&quot; IS rhyming slang.

And yes, they DO speak Mockney (aka &quot;Estuary&quot

Oh. <i>B</i>ankers! quot;&gt;

A merchant banker is someone who regularly enjoys a J. Arthur.